AsexualERA |OT| Have Our Cake And Eat It

[purseowner]

This thread welcomes all that identify under the Ace banners and spectrums, as well as allies who wish to better understand what asexuality and aromanticism are.

What is Asexuality?

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.

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There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it's just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.

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- from AVEN (The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network)

Useful Resources:
AVEN http://www.asexuality.org
What is Asexuality? http://www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/
Factual Wiki page https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
TVTropes (demonstrating how underrepresented Aces are in media) http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Asexuality

What's with the cake?
It's better than sex.

Would also like to thank the ResetEra team for making the site colour scheme perfectly fitting for this community.

 

[Deleted member 5865]

Will this be like a chat thread?

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Also, listened to some Moses Sumney songs recently, off of his album Aromanticism. Some of these speak to me

 

[purseowner]

Will this be like a chat thread?

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Also, listened to some Moses Sumney songs recently, off of his album Aromanticism. Some of these speak to me

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The thread will be whatever people want it to be.

It can be a discussion thread around ace identity, just a general off-topic ace space, or both.

Some members of that past forum had expressed to me that they agreed Ace spectrum folk should have their own space on the forum, so here we are. I do hope those people have or will find their way to Era.

(Also have to note that it always makes my day to see an avatar from one of the greatest cartoons ever made)

 

[Scarlet Death]

I'm glad this thread exists. I find it somewhat frustrating talking about dating, cuddle parties, etc in other threads because nobody can fathom that the end result isn't sex. Allosexuals confuse me.

I'm gray asexual/lesbian and aromantic. All I'm trying to convey is that I never feel sexual or romantic attraction, but sometimes I may choose to engage in sexual stuff- and if I do I prefer women.

I tried to find other aces to talk to but eventually just kind settled for the various ace discord servers that exist. I went to an ace meetup IRL and it was really not my scene. lol

 

[HyperFerret]

I'm sure I fall on the asexual spectrum. I don't experience sexual attraction to others and if I ever have sexual dreams or fantasizes it never involves me. It's always other people. I used to know the word for this but I lost it.

I don't think I would be opposed to having sex with someone else but I don't seek it out.

 

[hurroocane]

Nice to have an ace community thread around. I'm not entirely sure where I stand in the spectrum but gray ace is probably the most fitting term for me.

 

[HyperFerret]

Do you guys wear the black rings? I was thinking of getting one but I feel like most people wouldn't understand it anyway.

 

[Cream]

Do you guys wear the black rings? I was thinking of getting one but I feel like most people wouldn't understand it anyway.

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My best friend is an asexual lesbian who always wears her black ring. I think she likes that most people don't get it because it's her own fun little thing to show pride for.

 

[EarthBound64]

Oh wow. There's an asexual thread on here. Maybe I'll actually have a place where I feel somewhat normal for a change...
...Maybe. I've tried posting on asexual websites before, and I don't quite seem to fit in there either... :/

 

[Aiustis]

Hello people!
Didn't realize this was a thing. I used to hangout on Aven was fairly active.

 

[Redhead On Moped]

I want to belong somewhere, I've been burned before, but in the spirit of new beginnings, I am excited to have found this thread. We'll see how it goes, so let's start off right. Happy tail-end of Asexual Awareness Week everyone! Been tweeting about it this week, but I thinkthisis the "truest" one I've posted yet. How many of you have been there?

And OP, I'm glad I wasn't alone in thinking these colors are ace. :P

Do you guys wear the black rings? I was thinking of getting one but I feel like most people wouldn't understand it anyway.

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I have several. I have 2 stone ones, a hematite one, and stainless steel one, all pure black. I like the stone ones the best though. I only wear them on queer events, or when I feel like I should be more "out", basically on my terms. I do have some ace pride flag things on my bag though, so there's that.

But yeah, for rings, I recommend stone onyx rings. They can be found at like crystal and mystic (for lack of better term) type stores.

 

[Xe4]

Hey guys. I don't think I'd call myself asexual (more like a low libido). If I had to call myself something, I guess it would be a grey-ace. Regardless, it's cool seeing you all here.
Even if I did identify as an ace, I don't think I'd get the black rings. Not a fan of jewelry, even if it is a statement.
Hugs (if you want them) <3

Oh wow. There's an asexual thread on here. Maybe I'll actually have a place where I feel somewhat normal for a change...
...Maybe. I've tried posting on asexual websites before, and I don't quite seem to fit in there either... :/

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People on ERA don't fit in anywhere! That's why we're here : )

 

[Kae]

I just finished posting in lgbtqera when I saw you guys! I have a black ring and I'm panromantic asexual. Hugs to everyone who is not touch averse <3 I also totally saw this forum's colours and thought LOOKS LIKE AVEN haha

 

[EarthBound64]

People on ERA don't fit in anywhere! That's why we're here : )

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I know, but I mean, like, I posted on an asexual website a few different times, and, as a (as best as I can tell) demisexual, I basically got the impression that I "didn't count" as asexual.

 

[Xe4]

I know, but I mean, like, I posted on an asexual website a few different times, and, as a (as best as I can tell) demisexual, I basically got the impression that I "didn't count" as asexual.

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Yeah, people try to make competitions out of these things, and asexuality is no different. Hopefully we can maintain a proper discourse that accepts people all across the sexuality spectrum so we can all work to feel welcome and included, and work out issues that we have given our circumstances.

That's what I aim to strive for with my posts at least.

 

[Cross]

Nice! A place where I fit!

It always felt like I was a freak cuz I never had interest in sex, but all my friends had. I'm also aromantic.

We also need more Asexual representation in fiction.

 

[Redhead On Moped]

For mainstream, we have Jughead Jones and Todd Chavez. It's a start at least.

 

[hurroocane]

For mainstream, we have Jughead Jones and Todd Chavez. It's a start at least.

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Wait Todd Chavez?! I should watch more Bojack

 

[Redhead On Moped]

Yeah, quite a few aces on BoJack. Don't want to spoil what you haven't seen, but the way he comes out, not even by using the word, hit home. He nailed what he says with what lots of aces feel when they admit how they feel.

 

[Xe4]

I really need to watch Bojack. I heard it's too damn real at times with regards to a whole bunch of stuff.

 

[Fulminator]

i feel like i might fall somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, but i'm not entirely sure...might pop in here from time to time to chat

 

[Robin]

I'm not ace but I have to admit I was a little put off by the LGBTQA topic suddenly missing it's A. I'm sure it was a mistake but it feels like you guys get thrown to the side too often.

 

[Redhead On Moped]

Made a banner for the OT if you wanna use it. Anywho, since today is the last weekday of AseuxalAwarenessWeek, I wanted to bring up the kind of a downer, but real fact for those in the USA.

Two words: New York.

As in, the ONLY state in the union that has asexuality specifically listed as a protected class, prohibiting discrimination. That is sad, dangerous, and pathetic. As time goes on, more people will be aware of us, and I just hope that time is sooner, rather than later. I think the ace community as a whole could benefit from being more integral with the rest of the orientations as a start, because if we don't stop misunderstandings amongst other queer people, how can we expect to be understood by everyone else?

 

[DanceToTheRadio]

What if you find yourself attracted to people, but don't want physical contact of any kind? I don't like to be touched at all, and I don't want any relationship beyond mutual/friends. I still find some people damn beautiful/hot and can swoon/crush over them, but I wouldn't want to actually be with them physically, not in a sexual way at least. I don't know if that makes sense. It's like one part of me wishes it wanted those things the way others do, but the other part wants nothing to do with it.

Not to get explicit, but there's arousal from porn/others intimate, yet if it involves myself? That's where the disconnect is, hell no, get away from me. I'm not sure what that makes me (besides a loser, ha), it's confusing. I don't know where to categorize myself. It makes me feel a bit alone in that regard and is difficult to explain to others, so I usually try to avoid the subject.

 

[Deleted member 2210]

What if you find yourself attracted to people, but don't want physical contact of any kind? I don't like to be touched at all, and I don't want any relationship beyond mutual/friends. I still find some people damn beautiful/hot and can swoon/crush over them, but I wouldn't want to actually be with them physically, not in a sexual way at least. I don't know if that makes sense. It's like one part of me wishes it wanted those things the way others do, but the other part wants nothing to do with it.

Not to get explicit, but there's arousal from porn/others intimate, yet if it involves myself? That's where the disconnect is, hell no, get away from me. I'm not sure what that makes me (besides a loser, ha), it's confusing. I don't know where to categorize myself. It makes me feel a bit alone in that regard and is difficult to explain to others, so I usually try to avoid the subject.

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I would consider that sex-repulsed.

 

[Deleted member 5865]

For mainstream, we have Jughead Jones and Todd Chavez. It's a start at least.

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What about Goku?

 

[HyperFerret]

What if you find yourself attracted to people, but don't want physical contact of any kind? I don't like to be touched at all, and I don't want any relationship beyond mutual/friends. I still find some people damn beautiful/hot and can swoon/crush over them, but I wouldn't want to actually be with them physically, not in a sexual way at least. I don't know if that makes sense. It's like one part of me wishes it wanted those things the way others do, but the other part wants nothing to do with it.

Not to get explicit, but there's arousal from porn/others intimate, yet if it involves myself? That's where the disconnect is, hell no, get away from me. I'm not sure what that makes me (besides a loser, ha), it's confusing. I don't know where to categorize myself. It makes me feel a bit alone in that regard and is difficult to explain to others, so I usually try to avoid the subject.

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This is touch averse. No need to be down on yourself, I've seen other aces talk about not wanting to have physical contact. At the end of the day, your body is your own, and if that means that you enjoy people from a distance with no sex, then they should respect that.

Don't let others force you into doing something you are uncomfortable with to try to "fix" your aversion either. Everyone is wired differently.

 

[storaføtter]

Honestly I feel asexuality can be confusing. When looking at the definitions I tick many boxes, but then the demisexual thing sounds like me too. I am here mostly to read and learn from your experiences. I definitely find sex the least satisfying thing in life. More cake for me. I remember when I first had sex I had a personally struggle between buying condoms or soy cheese. Wish I bought soy cheese :p.

I struggle with pleasure with the acts, too much trouble for me. However i find the topics super fascinating even if I dont relate to the experiences others get "normally", I also tend to masterbate to get rid of urge, and only get into a habit of it if I am bored and depressed. Feeling also less curious about my own sexuality. However I know I gotta find preferences so life is mor tolerable for me and my partner.

In my last relationship I was afraid of sex to a point, but that wasnt healthy.

It could be that my lack of enjoyment is mostly due to how my sexual organs are wired and not the brain. However that doesn't help me get more interested or hopeful about my own sex life.

 

[DanceToTheRadio]

This is touch averse. No need to be down on yourself, I've seen other aces talk about not wanting to have physical contact. At the end of the day, your body is your own, and if that means that you enjoy people from a distance with no sex, then they should respect that.

Don't let others force you into doing something you are uncomfortable with to try to "fix" your aversion either. Everyone is wired differently.

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Thanks, it feels nice to put a name to it. I always try to keep an open mind for everything, so maybe someday I might feel differently or more receptive towards contact and intimacy. If not, then it's just who I am. I don't want to put myself into situations that's awkward or uncomfortable just to force myself to change because that's just not me.

And I try not to think of it as "abnormal" or "wrong" because at the end of the day like you said everyone is wired differently.

 

[Xe4]

Yeah, asexuality is complicated (like all sexuality). It covers a whole bunch of different stuff under one banner. You have people that have no sex drive whatsoever, no romantic interests, don't like touch, have low sex drive/don't like sex much at all (yo), different combinations of those four and more.

Made a banner for the OT if you wanna use it. Anywho, since today is the last weekday of AseuxalAwarenessWeek, I wanted to bring up the kind of a downer, but real fact for those in the USA.

Two words: New York.

As in, the ONLY state in the union that has asexuality specifically listed as a protected class, prohibiting discrimination. That is sad, dangerous, and pathetic. As time goes on, more people will be aware of us, and I just hope that time is sooner, rather than later. I think the ace community as a whole could benefit from being more integral with the rest of the orientations as a start, because if we don't stop misunderstandings amongst other queer people, how can we expect to be understood by everyone else?

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Yeah, there's a lot of work that needs to be done, obviously. Therapists are also not ethically disallowed from trying to "fix" people who identify as ace, which is gross and wrong, and also needs changing. Not to mention people who come out as asexual sometimes face harassment and grosser shit like "corrective" rape.

As for working with other LGBTQ..., I'm of mixed feelings. Obviously I want to support the LGBTQ... community as much as possible. I also feel that working with them could help push for asexual rights. But at the same time, as someone who is (mostly) heteromantic and cisgender, I don't feel queer, and not sure if I should be framing any problems as an ace person also as a LGBTQ... person, if that makes any sense. It doesn't help that I'm a grey-ace either. Its definitely a hard obstacle for me to overcome in terms of being represented by the community.

Cool banner BTW!

 

[HyperFerret]

As for working with other LGBTQ..., I'm of mixed feelings. Obviously I want to support the LGBTQ... community as much as possible. I also feel that working with them could help push for asexual rights. But at the same time, as someone who is (mostly) heteromantic and cisgender, I don't feel queer, and not sure if I should be framing any problems as an ace person also as a LGBTQ... person, if that makes any sense. It doesn't help that I'm a grey-ace either. Its definitely a hard obstacle for me to overcome in terms of being represented by the community.

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I do feel that sometimes other people of LGBTQ+ do not think we are on the same level. Whether or not it is because people don't believe asexuality is a legitimate thing (aka "You just haven't had a good enough partner yet") or think that we do not confront the same amount of ostracization I don't know. I don't let it bother me too much to get caught up in some sort competition of who has it worse or whose rights are more important to push protections for. The way I see it, if other groups get protections it helps pave the ways for us to get similar rights and for us to be normalized.

Asexuality is much newer in the public mindset than say, homosexuality. I think over time people will start to realize that some of us don't feel sexual attraction and/or romantic attraction, and that's okay. Until then though, I'm fine with us having our own space. It saves us from having arguments on whether or not we "belong" to the LGBTQ+ label.

 

[Arcia]

I'm grey-ace. Only 'figured out' I was like this recently. I was talking to my sister and the conversation at some point turned to us talking about terrible fanfics we have read over the years, especially really explicit ones. I made some comment about how I hadn't read a lot of the nastier ones and that I didn't usually look at porn or anything. She responded "really? Like not at all?" And that was the moment where I kind if thought to myself, yeah it is kind of strange how I never seek out anything pornographic, ever. Or never had crushes growing up. Or never felt anything and couldn't relate when people talked about how hot some celebrity was.

Cut to me looking online to see if this was a common thing and I started to find various tumblr blogs and other resources explaining what asexuality is and I kind of figured out how to finally explain the way I have felt all my life.

I think its nice that I now have a label for myself and not just confusion, though my life is pretty much unchanged. The only person I have come out to since is my sister though. I don't feel confident that anyone else I know would understand what me being asexual even means, let alone accept it.

 

[Aiustis]

I do feel that sometimes other people of LGBTQ+ do not think we are on the same level. Whether or not it is because people don't believe asexuality is a legitimate thing (aka "You just haven't had a good enough partner yet") or think that we do not confront the same amount of ostracization I don't know. I don't let it bother me too much to get caught up in some sort competition of who has it worse or whose rights are more important to push protections for. The way I see it, if other groups get protections it helps pave the ways for us to get similar rights and for us to be normalized.

Asexuality is much newer in the public mindset than say, homosexuality. I think over time people will start to realize that some of us don't feel sexual attraction and/or romantic attraction, and that's okay. Until then though, I'm fine with us having our own space. It saves us from having arguments on whether or not we "belong" to the LGBTQ+ label.

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Pretty much. My best explanation for myself is: it's like a food I never crave or think about, when I have it, it still tastes good, but I still don't ever crave or think about it after that. It's my spaghetti and marinara.

 

[hurroocane]

Asexuality is much newer in the public mindset than say, homosexuality.

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I think that's pretty much the primary reason. Unless they are very well informed about the smaller / newer LGBT+ communities there's a good chance that people never even heard of asexuality.

Coming out as asexual in the gay community was a bit rough for me. I got wonderful replies like

• "You should see a doctor he can probably fix you"

That one really pissed me off. It's only a few steps away from "pray the gay away"

• "Asexual? Like a plant?"
• "So you're saying I'm bad at sex?!"

That third quote - dude was seriously pissed for a while just because having sex with him really didn't do anything for me even though it totally wasn't his fault.

And then there's the flood of "oh you just didn't have sex with the right people".

My point is all of those were from people in the LGBT community - people who totally should have known better but didn't. We're just not there yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[HyperFerret]

hurroocane
It's just something that people have a hard time grasping, the lack of something that--to them--seems as natural as eating and breathing. I like to explain to people using metaphors as best I can. For instance, like so:

Me: Do you love your dog?
Them: Of course I do.
Me: But not in THAT way, of course.
Them: Oh, gross, no!
Me: Yeah, that's me with people. All I like are cuddles and emotional support.

It might be a bit on the nose, but sometimes it's the only way they can understand. I mean, I'm pretty indifferent to sex rather than completely repulsed by it, but I can't think of a single person I've known personally or otherwise where I've entertained the thought of being the one to initiate having sex with them. If I trust someone I might be more comfortable doing it with them rather than others, but why have sex when we can have fun doing something else? My mom was joking that I was traveling across the country just to have a romantic relationship with a long time internet friend a few years ago when I went to visit him for 10 days as a birthday gift to him. But little did she know that we were both asexual and we spent everyday playing video game and hanging out hahaha the ultimate slumberparty to be sure. :P She still doesn't totally believe me I think but whatevs.

 

[Xe4]

I don't think I've ever explicitly came out as asexual, for a few reasons. One, I'm not sure if I'm even ready to call myself that. Grey ace more or less is a good label, but I have just thought of myself as having a low libido for a long time. Two, it's just me not being a fan of sex, I really don't understand why it should be anyone's business. Still, if you boil all sexual/gender orientations down to something simple like that none of it sounds like it'd be very controversial yet it still is.

I've had people ask if I was asexual (my best friend, as well as my ex girlfriend) but I responded both times with "I don't consider myself asexual, I just have a low libido." Both were really chill about it. A lot of people think I'm gay for how little interest I show in women sexually, lol.

The one thing that makes me hesitate about not "coming out" is how shitty some do have it when coming out. I want to normalize it, I just don't want to complicate my life for something that I don't feel should be anyone business.

I dunno, it's complicated, and my feelings on the issue are complicated.

 

[Deleted member 2507]

Debated a bit whether to post here or the LGBTQ thread but figured this thread could use a bit attention.

What's allosexuality? Saw it mentioned above. Not asexuality?
And what specifically is gray-asexuality?
Yes yes, i could just google either one but figure asking makes things more interesting.

As for myself, i'm aromantic asexual. Probably. As far as i can remember, i've never had a crush on anyone and i'm not really interest in other people, so... eh.
Could be i'm demisexual and/or demiromantic but how does one figure that out? Seems like it would be difficult to figure it out, unless you live with someone for long enough or meet them often otherwise or something.

As for whether asexuality belongs under LGBTQ+, i figure that it fits there in the sense of promoting awareness of all kinds of sexuality people can have. I'd expect people who are confused might be relieved or comforted to know if there are others who are like them.
Maybe, not sure if that's how people feel. Personally i never gave a shit about seemingly lacking interest in sex and other people. Once i found out about asexuality, i figure that's what i am and promptly moved on the next thing i was reading about (was probably a wiki-walk...).

And finally, asexuality in fiction. I've wondered about that at times but not sure how it would be presented really, assuming sexuality is not really a theme in a book. Sure, it could be a throwaway line or a sub-plot but... I don't know, sounds like it would end up being seemingly filler. If sexuality is a theme, then things become different, of course.

 

[Xe4]

Debated a bit whether to post here or the LGBTQ thread but figured this thread could use a bit attention.

What's allosexuality? Saw it mentioned above. Not asexuality?

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Allosexuality is the opposite of asexuality. It means you like and enjoy sex. It's the exact same thing as describing someone as "not asexual". To be honest, there's quite a bit of disagreement within the asexual community as to whether you want to use the word as a descriptor. I'm personally fine with either using allosexual or "not asexual" as a descriptor. They're both accurate and not offensive (to me).

And what specifically is gray-asexuality?
Yes yes, i could just google either one but figure asking makes things more interesting.

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All sexuality falls on a sliding scale. Libido and sexual attraction is no different. People who use the word "grey" asexual are saying that they are asexual, but there's some grey area.

It's the description I use. I do like sex to some extent, just far, far less than the general population. It's not something I seek out, and something that's more or less rare in a relationship. Thus I use the label "grey asexual" to describe myself. This is opposed to someone who is just asexual and doesn't like sex at all, or is even repulsed by it.

 

[Deleted member 2507]

Allosexuality is the opposite of asexuality. It means you like and enjoy sex. It's the exact same thing as describing someone as "not asexual". To be honest, there's quite a bit of disagreement within the asexual community as to whether you want to use the word as a descriptor. I'm personally fine with either using allosexual or "not asexual" as a descriptor. They're both accurate and not offensive (to me).

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Sometimes i really don't get how some words might be bad.
I'm probably missing some background info. Some reading to do probably.

Are other "grades" of asexuality labeled too? After the flag or is the flag colored based on these grades if there are others?

 

[Cats]

It's a really complex subject for me, and I have a hard time talking about it.

I'm usually open and uncaring on the topic, but the most challenging part for me is that I get upset if sexual interaction involves me. If I'm supposed to be investing time in a character, it will upset me then too.

Games are common medium this happens in, the Witcher 2/3 being good examples. The moment they introduce the love interest and don't give the player agency with choice in not having that relationship, it really killed my interest in the game's story, especially when it became a big story beat. I'm very glad that when developers want to include it in games, they will often give you an option, like in Bioware games or Bethesda games. I played femshep as an ace, and it made the game a lot better for me. It's funny, if I remember correctly, I think the only trophy I was missing in ME2 was the relationship one.

I really do not like being touched at all, and I don't like being shown affection.

 

[Deleted member 2507]

Not pursuing a relationship does not indicate asexuality though. Circumstances, personality, etc. all can be part of that. I was thinking like specifically mentioning someone is asexual. What kind of context does that require so it doesn't look weird or out of place, etc. Of course, for depth, characters need to have interests and life that is not related to plot, but portraying that may not be simple.

Weirdly, at least i see it as somewhat weird, i opt nearly always for a romance in RPGs despite not being interested in that IRL. This stems partially from that i do not see RPG characters as reflection of me at all, and usually i see an RPG character a pre-made character who can be influenced at best rather than being my character ('cause, were it my character, i'd be doing things usually very differently than allowed, even in very freeform games). And other part may be that i am curious, maybe, even if i don't feel any interest (unfortunately games tend to make relationships of any kind kinda... larger than life, rather than life-like).

 

[xania]

And finally, asexuality in fiction. I've wondered about that at times but not sure how it would be presented really, assuming sexuality is not really a theme in a book. Sure, it could be a throwaway line or a sub-plot but... I don't know, sounds like it would end up being seemingly filler. If sexuality is a theme, then things become different, of course.

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Funnily enough, I'd've thought it the opposite of filler, aka removing the Obligatory Romance Subplot. You can simply ignore it altogether, but it feels like only stuff for kids does. Romantic subplots are obviously ubiquitous, but even in stuff without a romantic subplot there's almost always a scene where the MC sees someone and thinks 'oh hot, too bad I'm busy saving the world' or thinks about past relationships. You don't really need to go into the nitty gritty of 'no this person has no interest in it, no really' (or at least, I personally don't think it necessary.) Just simply not having it be a consideration at all is very rare, and almost always tied to some sort of repression.

 

[HyperFerret]

I'm pretty sure Luffy from One Piece is asexual. I don't recall a single time he reacted to anything remotely sexual other than "okay" or ignored it. If he was like Naruto or something, he'd probably have some infatuation with Nami, but he didn't. Then again I've only watched like, the first 100 or so episodes, maybe he changes. *shrug*

 

[Deleted member 2507]

Didn't really think of removing romantic subplots on the account of them being so commonplace, indeed love and/or sex are basically ingrained in storytelling.
Writing quality is a thing though. Some romances are really... weird, tacked on, whatever. A good romance contributes to characters and stories, though naturally rejection of one can work as well. There are probably more badly or weakly written romances than good ones...
Also, not pursuing romantic (and/or sexual) relationship does not necessarily indicate asexuality even if reasons are left unspecified. At least personally i don't personally see never expressing interest as reason enough to assume asexuality.

This said, i do wish more stories, regardless of format and media, had more purely platonic relationships. Often it feels like characters do not have friends or they are pushed into background. One of the greatest moments in Mass Effect 3 is the shooting competition with Garrus. That kind of stuff should be visible more, friends having fun. Alternatively something where friends just talk about something non-essential (while Tarantino's films' characters talks not necessarily between friends, i like them a lot because they tell a lot about the characters despite being completely irrelevant to the films' plots).

 

[WaffleTaco]

I'm not ace but I have to admit I was a little put off by the LGBTQA topic suddenly missing it's A. I'm sure it was a mistake but it feels like you guys get thrown to the side too often.

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It's why I personally prefer GSM (Gender and Sexual Minorities).

 

[Deleted member 2507]

GSM makes me think of a GSM mobile phone...

Seriously, the term does sound more practical and inclusive than LGBT* (how many variations are there of that anyway). But there's probably so much inertia behind that nowadays changing it will take just as much time.

 

[Xe4]

Sometimes i really don't get how some words might be bad.
I'm probably missing some background info. Some reading to do probably.

Are other "grades" of asexuality labeled too? After the flag or is the flag colored based on these grades if there are others?

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It's not so much that certain words are bad as it is to avoid doing something like calling non-asexual people "normal" or something. It casts asexual people as not normal and makes work trying to fight for awareness that much harder.

It's kind of like how cisgender has been accepted as nomenclature for "not transgender". It could just as easily not be the case, but that's what was decided. Since I'm neither a transgender person or a gender researcher, I just accepted the nomenclature. It makes no difference to me one way or another.

As for other grades? Nope. Not that I know of at least. not every notch on the slide rule of human sexuality needs labeling, but it's nice to acknowledge there's some grey area. Simmilar to how some people are neither heterosexual or homosexual, but bisexual. It's just kind of a self selection thing. I could probably drop the "grey" and most people who knew me wouldn't really know or care. It's just there as an additional label if you need it.

GSM makes me think of a GSM mobile phone...

Seriously, the term does sound more practical and inclusive than LGBT* (how many variations are there of that anyway). But there's probably so much inertia behind that nowadays changing it will take just as much time.

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L Lesbian
G Gay
B Bisexual
T Transgender
Q Queer/Questioning (Queer is just kind of a catch all group).
I Intersex
A Asexual/Aromantic/Agender

The I & A are usually dropped, which is a little messed up for asexual, aromantic, agender, and intersex people, but especially for intersex people. Society constantly ignore intersex individuals, which sucks given how totally fucked they have it. Like, intersex babies are frequently force sterilized or even killed because of their chromosomal or genitalial makeup.

 

[storaføtter]

I agree that it gets tiring to hear that you need a better partner. Quite condenscending as fuck. I have had that experience on "the forum that should not be named" I also tried to see if I could "fix" myself by getting a surgery done for my phymosis problem. It did help as not making sex as uncomfortable, painful and having to pull my foreskin everytime as it got stuck (every freaking time the penis head was out). However sex is still the same regardless (not very comfortable and pleasurable!) :P.

I also agree that films and media portrays romance too narrow mindedly, tacked on and leads to sex regardless. I am not touch aversed thankfully when I am romantic with someone but I hate eye contact and touch with people I do not find platonically interesting. I do hug people I dont love even if it feels akward :P.

 

[HyperFerret]

The I & A are usually dropped, which is a little messed up for asexual, aromantic, agender and intersex people, but especially for intersex people. Society constantly ignore intersex individuals, which sucks given how totally fucked they have it. Like, intersex babies are frequently force sterilized or even killed because of their chromosomal or genitalial makeup.

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Sometimes people will argue that the A stands for Ally, which is also pretty stupid and furthers the idea that Asexuals/Aromantics/Agenders don't have a place on the label. That's awful to hear about intersex babies being euthanized. :( To be born differently is a hard enough hurdle in life, but to even sterilize them so they cannot have children of their own, that's pretty messed up. It sounds completely like a human rights violation.

 

[EarthBound64]

Sorry I missed this earlier, but:

I'm not ace but I have to admit I was a little put off by the LGBTQA topic suddenly missing it's A. I'm sure it was a mistake but it feels like you guys get thrown to the side too often.

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I wasn't really too surprised by it, since it mirrors my experiences with trying to be involved. It's probably more honest to leave it off.