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AsexualERA |OT| Have Our Cake And Eat It
- Thread starter purseowner
- Start date
Oh, today is the first one ever. That's why I wasn't aware of it.
internationalasexualityday.org
International Asexuality Day
The video Happy International Asexuality Day! is embedded by YouTube. Google’s privacy policy applies. International Asexuality Day (IAD) will take place on April …
internationalasexualityday.org
Pretty much made my day when I saw that it was trending on twitter yesterday. Lots of the typical ignorance unfortunately, but also countless of wholesome posts. :D <3
Also just realized I haven't even posted in this thread before: Hellou, I'm 23 he/him they/them and a homoromantic ace. Still questioning where exactly on the ace spectrum I am since I've never been in a relationship before but oh well, maybe one day I'll figure it out, I'm in no rush. XD
Also just realized I haven't even posted in this thread before: Hellou, I'm 23 he/him they/them and a homoromantic ace. Still questioning where exactly on the ace spectrum I am since I've never been in a relationship before but oh well, maybe one day I'll figure it out, I'm in no rush. XD
Hello AsexualEra!
I guess I'd call myself grey-asexual - kinda in the middle of the spectrum scale.
It's just kinda tough on my wife is all. Also, feels like the older I get, the more my scale moves toward the asexual side - less and less interest in sex as I get older - though that may be chemical as well - who knows!
(I did get my testosterone checked, and it's okay)
I guess I'd call myself grey-asexual - kinda in the middle of the spectrum scale.
It's just kinda tough on my wife is all. Also, feels like the older I get, the more my scale moves toward the asexual side - less and less interest in sex as I get older - though that may be chemical as well - who knows!
(I did get my testosterone checked, and it's okay)
Greetings :>
I feel like I started out thinking I was ace in HS but as I got older I realized yeah this is me forever now alone with cats.
I'm going through this right now. It's confusing as hell.
I've been asexual my whole life. Growing up with friends that were going through puberty obsessed with girls was definitely awkward, but eventually I just got used to it and learnt to deal with it by just never bringing relationships into conversation and brushing off any comments from people who bring it up themselves with a general "nah, not interested right now" (without bringing up the asexual part as that ALWAYS leads to shit I simply don't want to hear, I'm sure you all know what I mean).
Asexuality can mean all kinds of things, and I never really put that much research into it as I'm not really one for wanting to put myself in a category for things, but I have zero interest in sexual acts, no desire for a relationship, I'm completely content with spending my life on my own, but still find other people attractive.
Lately though I've been feeling things for someone that I don't know for sure will be reciprocated and I don't know if I'll even do anything about yet and instead just try to ignore it like it's a phase. I've never felt this way before and I'm in my 30s, so it's like someone flicked a switch or made me drink a love potion or something. Like have I really not been asexual this whole time and it just took this long for this one person to appear? Or have I actually changed and is that even really possible?
Whatever it is is wild.
Hi, I read your post and I think it's fine because people change and their experiences are flexible too. I feel that I do like "fall in love" as in I obsessed over my parasocial relationships with VA, fictional characters, and even with internet people. We're about the same age I feel that a huge aspect of it is accepting how I change over time and then learning how to cope with it.
FWIW: I do plan to be on my own eventually and live with 2 cats but I don't mind talking about romance as long as it doesn't involve me irl.
I'm cool with change, but what's confusing is that I don't know if I have or not. I finally found peace with knowing why I was the way that I was, and now I'm back to 'well was I genuinely asexual and now I'm not, was I just in a bizarrely prolonged period of ennui, or is this just a phase that will pass?'
I struggled for ages growing up just thinking I'm some kind of weirdo, or a loser as Plum put it. In my twenties I just stopped giving a shit and accepted that I was not like the societal norm, and stopped trying to force relationships that were never going to work. After that a few years ago I became more aware through communities like this that asexuality is a real thing and that I probably fall somewhere along that spectrum, which helped my mental health a lot knowing I wasn't on my own.
I don't mind talking about other people's relationships, I feel as happy for others as anyone else and enjoy romantic subplots in media. It's not a sore point for me as I am far happier being alone, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. It's more that I am wary about bringing the subject up in conversation because the inevitability is always "what about you?", and my experience here in the UK is that people are absolutely not asexual aware and generally start to pick you apart if you mention it like it's a mental disorder. I just get tired of lying or brushing the subject away as I don't want to have to deal with that.
What's weird about my current status is that I've never felt anything for anyone, not real life, or a fictional character or anything. Like, I love my family and have friends I care about a lot, but when it comes to romantic feelings this is brand new to me. Here I am finding myself questioning everything.
I need some advice.
Last night my partner came out to me as Aromantic with a slice of Ace thrown in as well. The topic has kind of been in the air since we met. We both felt we were on some level Demi, with him later feeling that sex is fine but he has no feeling of sexual attraction. We spend most of our free time together, for the most part either playing games together or atleast doing similar activities in the same room.
This relationship has given me a lot of self reflection on how I view love/my wants and needs even prior to last night. We have what feels like very solid communication. I err on the side of anxious attachment so when I need closeness/affirmation I talk to him about it rather than waiting on him to do something and we work through it. We've never had what I consider grand romantic gestures or even dates, for the last year we've mainly hung out. We do cuddle, kiss in moderation, have sex. Those things plus flat out just being in his company and experiencing life with him gives me a lot of love and fulfillment.
I've always seen myself as Alloromantic. There are a lot of things I would like in terms of romance but I think due to previous relationship trauma and therapy I've just grown with the thought that romance is just a possible facet of love. But love and partnership may mean something different to other people.
When he came out to me he was afraid that he would drive me away due to romance not being something he could feel or give to me/reciprocate. The smaller gestures - cuddling/kissing/pda up to sex - are things that at this time he is indifferent to BUT he's always done them because it fulfills me. And he draws happiness from seeing me happy. And at the same time the things we've always done platonically (even if its him playing PC while i'm on the bed) mean so much to him and give him fulfillment as well. At this time he's told me that while he may be indifferent/feel alien to those romantic gestures he is not repulsed by them.
I've been thinking about it all night. My perspective currently is that while him doing these gestures has no romantic attachment or attraction for himself, the reason he may do those things and that he's consciously doing them comes from a place of deep love. And I appreciate that and feel fulfillment. I also want to do more things together that make us happy that come more natural to him. And atleast from the conversation we had last night we still feel like we can be partners and work on building something together.
I've no idea what tomorrow brings.
Last night my partner came out to me as Aromantic with a slice of Ace thrown in as well. The topic has kind of been in the air since we met. We both felt we were on some level Demi, with him later feeling that sex is fine but he has no feeling of sexual attraction. We spend most of our free time together, for the most part either playing games together or atleast doing similar activities in the same room.
This relationship has given me a lot of self reflection on how I view love/my wants and needs even prior to last night. We have what feels like very solid communication. I err on the side of anxious attachment so when I need closeness/affirmation I talk to him about it rather than waiting on him to do something and we work through it. We've never had what I consider grand romantic gestures or even dates, for the last year we've mainly hung out. We do cuddle, kiss in moderation, have sex. Those things plus flat out just being in his company and experiencing life with him gives me a lot of love and fulfillment.
I've always seen myself as Alloromantic. There are a lot of things I would like in terms of romance but I think due to previous relationship trauma and therapy I've just grown with the thought that romance is just a possible facet of love. But love and partnership may mean something different to other people.
When he came out to me he was afraid that he would drive me away due to romance not being something he could feel or give to me/reciprocate. The smaller gestures - cuddling/kissing/pda up to sex - are things that at this time he is indifferent to BUT he's always done them because it fulfills me. And he draws happiness from seeing me happy. And at the same time the things we've always done platonically (even if its him playing PC while i'm on the bed) mean so much to him and give him fulfillment as well. At this time he's told me that while he may be indifferent/feel alien to those romantic gestures he is not repulsed by them.
I've been thinking about it all night. My perspective currently is that while him doing these gestures has no romantic attachment or attraction for himself, the reason he may do those things and that he's consciously doing them comes from a place of deep love. And I appreciate that and feel fulfillment. I also want to do more things together that make us happy that come more natural to him. And atleast from the conversation we had last night we still feel like we can be partners and work on building something together.
I've no idea what tomorrow brings.
It's good to hear that you two are handling it well. It seems like neither of you feel trapped and are happy with the way things are. One thing to keep in mind is that your partner said he's fine with romantic gestures since they make you happy, even if he doesn't feel much from them, so you shouldn't feel bad about indulging in them when you want to. Within reason.
I'm definitely going to be more mindful of that.
He's not feeling well this week (sister probably gave him something over the weekend, tested neg for covid) so its kinda been difficult to gauge where things are with texting. We never had a lot of affection over text, i'd say other allos not relating to this situation would call it bare minimum. So while these little things arent happening as much i'm just telling myself that he's not feeling well and still figuring things out too.
We did start using the green heart emoji in respect to the flag. Means something to both of us if that makes sense.
He's not feeling well this week (sister probably gave him something over the weekend, tested neg for covid) so its kinda been difficult to gauge where things are with texting. We never had a lot of affection over text, i'd say other allos not relating to this situation would call it bare minimum. So while these little things arent happening as much i'm just telling myself that he's not feeling well and still figuring things out too.
We did start using the green heart emoji in respect to the flag. Means something to both of us if that makes sense.
Time to bring this back form the dead cuz I need somewhere to unload lol.
Some months back I watched a podcast that went into how asexuality is a spectrum, and one of the hosts described himself as aegosexual. I'd always dismissed myself as being ace because I have felt sexual attraction towards real men before and have a very high libido and interest in fictional sex, so just figured I was an ill-fitting and dysfunctional allo. I also felt like if I did ever identify myself with the ace label, even if it was the easiest way to effectively describe my experience, that I would be inappropriately encroaching into queer spaces. But hearing someone describe what being aegosexual was like, was perhaps the first time I ever really felt "seen." It's had me questioning things for months now, reevaluating my relationship with sexual attraction and expression, and also opened the door to me learning a whole lot more about asexuality and how big a spectrum it really is.
I'm fairly certain I land somewhere in a grey/aego square, with probably a demi-leaning?
Phew, sorry this is so longwinded. I've just been really struggling with navigating this stuff for a while now and don't really have anyone to talk to about it, so it's just kinda... nice to put my experiences to words somewhere.
Some months back I watched a podcast that went into how asexuality is a spectrum, and one of the hosts described himself as aegosexual. I'd always dismissed myself as being ace because I have felt sexual attraction towards real men before and have a very high libido and interest in fictional sex, so just figured I was an ill-fitting and dysfunctional allo. I also felt like if I did ever identify myself with the ace label, even if it was the easiest way to effectively describe my experience, that I would be inappropriately encroaching into queer spaces. But hearing someone describe what being aegosexual was like, was perhaps the first time I ever really felt "seen." It's had me questioning things for months now, reevaluating my relationship with sexual attraction and expression, and also opened the door to me learning a whole lot more about asexuality and how big a spectrum it really is.
I'm fairly certain I land somewhere in a grey/aego square, with probably a demi-leaning?
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Phew, sorry this is so longwinded. I've just been really struggling with navigating this stuff for a while now and don't really have anyone to talk to about it, so it's just kinda... nice to put my experiences to words somewhere.
Glad to see the aegosexual label is helping you figure things out! Regarding that personal stuff
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I remember having a debate with a person online about a fictional character who sexuality was not explicitly defined as they showed no sexual intention but was shown to be in a relationship later on, this person came with direct conclusion that the character cannot be ace as they got into a relationship. Moments like these are when I realize that more people need to be educated on what it's like being ace because just like any other orientation, it's not monolithic.
ngl, its not common but I have had one or two instances where I have had thoughts of that nature but they are just better off in the mind isn't it?
ngl, its not common but I have had one or two instances where I have had thoughts of that nature but they are just better off in the mind isn't it?