At this point I hope I get fired from my job

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jaekeem

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,030
hm

I think you should just try to stay afloat at the job until your heartbreak over this shitbag turns into rage for ever having wasted time with him

once that happens you can hopefully use his bullshit as fuel to focus on yourself and your success. it'll probably take a while. breakup heartbreak always does, but you just gotta survive until then. one day at a time.

don't give up on your dreams because you had the bad luck of dating a jackass. he doesn't deserve to take that away from you too.
 

Sho_Nuff82

Member
Nov 14, 2017
6,090
Because I was incredibly hurt by his decision to cheat on me and then completely write me off as a human being. I’ve had friends who’ve been cheated on, at least their partners actually confessed to cheating.

He just moved on before we were over and is still beloved at work by all the managers. I was on our team’s sports league but told I can no longer go because he doesn’t want me there.

There’s multiple people at this job who used to date but they can still work together because they act like adults and talk to each other about how to work together. He just is too afraid to talk and it impacts my job and confidence.
One of the hardest parts of being an adult is understanding that the dating world rarely offers neat closure.

You can either explain the situation to HR (at which point they might do mediation, might tell you to move on, or might put things in motion to let you go) and ask them to change teams, or you can slowly overcome the anger and embarrassment you're surely feeling being on the wrong end of a cheating situation.

What you cannot do, is continue to not show up for work or do a poor job because something *not* work related; this will sour your job prospects much more than changing roles or changing jobs. You don't want "dated guy for 3 months and completely vanished after breakup" to be your legacy, so don't let it be.

He dumped you, he's an ass, but he's still your coworker and you have to treat him professionally no matter what. That's the unspoken rule of office relationships. You don't have to give him a high five on the softball field or laugh at his jokes in the lunchroom, you just have to be at your desk and not sandbagging your team. Focus on the work, the social aspect will come around in the weeks and months ahead. Maybe you'll make friends outside the office even.
 

w00tmanUK

Member
Nov 9, 2017
143
For someone who sounds manically depressed to be intending on getting fired, you sure do love the attention of being evasive around where you work.

If this is your first relationship, you need to just reach deep and put it behind you. Trying and failing is part of growing up, so you've either gotta fail and accept it or use it as a learning experience. Do the latter.
 

joecanada

Member
Oct 28, 2017
2,867
Canada
I literally moved nearly 1,500 miles for this dream spot. I’m in college and my degree ties in directly with this job. I would leave if I wasn’t so invested in this job. All my bosses viewed me as one of the best new employees.
I wouldn't leave. Hold your head up. Like if you were married 10 years man that's rough but if you went out like a year it's no big deal really . He cheated and you wouldn't want to go out with a cheater anyway so move on and focus on work . The pain dulls each day . By move on I mean do healthy healing things I'm not saying just get over it.
If the job is ruined for you view it as a resume builder .... start building your work portfolio and figuring out who your references are and then apply for other stuff from a position of advantage
 

Icarus

Member
Oct 26, 2017
405
You sound like you have a very odd job to be honest, not that there is anything wrong with it but it sounds like a very high pressured environment which I couldn’t relate towards.

However my advice is as follows, you have one crack at life literally one chance. You’ve expressed this job is your dream job and one which you have had to make big sacrifices in order to achieve and you’re debating on whether or not to throw the towel in over someone who is being an arse?

Strip away the emotions for a minute and just rethink on all the things you’ve had to do in order to be where you are now.

Life can truly be a bitch at times but you’re giving off the impression you love your job so go back in there and love it. I’m not saying it will be easy to confront that guy every day but in my experiences time heals most wounds (or at the very least dampens them) you’ll recover and one day you may even look back and laugh at yourself for what’s happened or how you “dodged a bullet”.
 

Kyuuji

Member
Nov 8, 2017
5,387
UK
When your usual worst-case (getting fired) scenario for a job becomes not that bad or your best case, you need to move.

This is about your health OP, get out.
 

limerobot

Member
Apr 26, 2019
196
OP, this is all part of life experince. When you first relationship breaks down, its tough - really tough.

But it gets better, and easier with time. As others have said, people breaking up with you, and you breaking up with them is all part of life. You woudnt expect things to go right or meet "mr right" the first time. Now you learn and move on.

Dont let this ruin what you repeatedly say is a huge break for you work wise.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,967
Get mad. Don't let this prick push you out of a job you used to love. Don't forget, the job isn't the issue, it's him. Those feelings will fade in time, in the meantime throw yourself into the job, maybe discuss with HR about opportunities to move teams etc. If the job is as valuable to you as you say, you'll fight for it.

Edit: you know what, this isn't the guy pushing you out at all, I'm wrong. This is you pushing yourself out of a job you've worked very hard to get. Sounds like this guy is basically ignoring you/pretending you never had a relationship, so frankly, just let that sink under the surface and get on with doing your job. If you leave or get fired, what was the fucking point of it all? "I want to get fired because I'm so sad" is a really stupid way to leave a job and will have ramifications for you down the line. Your ex? He won't give a shit, he keeps on trucking and you've just done yourself over good. Give it time, ignore him, focus on the work you love.
 
Mar 18, 2018
958
I’m 20. And most people either leave due to stress or get promoted. I think everyone who was in training with me has already quit or transferred. It’s an extremely draining gig but we get the best chance of moving up. Nearly everyday you have a client scream at you. The other day I got punched. It’s just the territory of the job.
Hold on, what? Your dream job is one where you get screamed at by clients on a near daily basis and you've been punched by one????

What is this job?
 

Zackat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,479
His avatar is Figment and he works in hospitality. Man I wonder what he does.

People need to use their Imaaaaaagination.
 

bad kitty

Member
Sep 7, 2018
263
Babylon
You gotta take two steps back and look at the entire situation. Then think of the advice you would give to someone else with the same problem.

I’d recommend seeing someone who can help you through this and the anxiety. There’s no shame in that.

I’d also recommend choosing the hardest option: stick it out at the job. With time, feelings fade. People move on. Life goes on. And it’s hard to imagine with how you’re feeling right now, but it can happen. Don’t make one regret turn into another.

Best of luck to you.
^
This 1000 times. Also I know you're hurt, but try maybe a dating app, no strings attached, fun only?

LE. In this mindset you're focused on one single bad thing, fuck that dude, collect yourself and remember why you're there! Is he really worth it for you to consume yourself and lose the job you really wanted to have?
 
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Zackat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,479
Seriously though, can’t you get moved to another area? The place you work is huge. Like are your ambitions linked to your current location of work?
 
Oct 27, 2017
880
If this is your dream job, don't let that fuck face bring you down. I know it's hard to go to work and see him, but try and stick it out, look towards the future. After awhile your feelings for him and the relationship will fade and you will look back at this and laugh.

I once went through a break up at work and it was rough, but after a few months the emotions faded to stinging, and eventually the stinging faded to twinges, and then one day you wake up and you're like "what was I so upset about really?"

I would say see if you can switch teams or something else that can keep him farthest away from you as possible, do that. I wouldn't look down on you if you ended up quitting, but if this is indeed a dream job that you worked your ass off, don't let that cheating shit head ruin your life.
 

Jiminy

Avenger
Mar 29, 2018
2,293
Super bad times

A silver lining is that you'll now be able to get a very, VERY similar (if not identical) job elsewhere, right? Because you landed this one? You've definitely got the credentials and experience. If they asked why you were there for so little time, you can chalk it up to something else.
 

Llyranor

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,504
I’ve tried. I sent him a text, a call. He didn’t respond to either. I tried talking to him in the break room and he just got up and walked away. He always struggled with talking about how he feels. That was one of the big issues in our relationship.

At this point if he wants to talk I figure he’ll just come and talk. He won’t say anything if I try to force him.
Why do you need to talk? He cheated on you, turned some coworkers against you, and now stonewalling you. And he's making you feel like it's somehow your fault. The other poster is definitely right in suggesting that this relationship may have been abusive.
 

Jam_Sandwich

Member
Oct 30, 2017
803
Might be tough but you just need to try and separate work from your personal life (even though some damage is already there)
Treat him as a colleague and when faced with him just try and put the two into two distinct categories. If he raises it ever again outside of work hours talk about it.

During work hours? Say no - I'm here to work

Get the experience on the CV

The end of the day your posts on here say you're a great human being.
The other peeps not so much.

You're young - it's a learning curve.
It hurts now but you'll be fine.
 
Oct 27, 2017
3,474
Let me just say that no one person, especially someone you've dated for just a few short months, should deter you from continuing something that you describe as your "dream job." I'm sorry it didn't work out for you but realize that where you are is way more important than some bloke you met only recently.
 

Mulciber

Member
Aug 22, 2018
2,574
OP, your first post made me really sad to read. :( If this really is your dream job, as others have said, you can't let this asshole ruin it for you.

I think you and I feel a lot the same about cheating, and I know how painful it can be from experience. But it will get better, and other than him, you're where you want to be.
 

z1ggy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,388
Argentina
If this was your dream job, endure and dont let some dick head have power over you. Actually, never give someone else this kind of power over you.

In a few weeks you will feel better. Focus on yourself.
 

Kyrios

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,154
If OP works and does what I think he does, I probably hugged him before lol

But on a serious note, I'm sorry I hope it gets better, this is a crappy situation. All I can say is try not to let someone ruin this dream of yours please.
 

Notaskwid

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,698
Osaka
And this is why people in the dating thread always advice to never dating coworkers if the job is important to you.
I wish you good luck.
 

CKDexterHaven

Member
Nov 26, 2017
122
I’m sorry for the amount of times I talk about this. I don’t really know who to talk to at this point. I started my dream job about 4 months ago. I spent a lot of time and effort to get this position and it was a huge dream come true. I honestly cried the first day of my job because I was so happy.

I met my boyfriend at this job a few weeks into it. I was still new so he introduced me to a lot of people and helped me fit in. We were really great and I loved having a partner who shared the same goals and interests as me.

He broke up with me a month ago and I found out he was cheating on me with another coworker. Most of the people who I work with have been supportive but there’s been a few people who tell me that I deserve to be cheated on and glad I’m out of his life. My ex broke up saying he needed time for himself but to still message him with whatever I need and wanting to remain friends. Then I found out a day later he was cheating in the final weeks. He ignored my texts and calls and won’t look at me at work.

I really fucking hate this job now. I’m crying constantly throughout it and can’t stand seeing my ex with his new girlfriend. He never even owned up to him cheating and pretends like I’m not his coworker. I eat my lunch in an abandoned storage room where nobody can see me cry. I get so anxious having to go to work.

I’ve been calling out for the past few days. This was my dream job and now I hate it. And the only person I can blame is me. I caused this. I decided to date a coworker. I couldn’t bear to tell my parents that I quit. They spent so much effort to help me get to this position.

I keep calling out because I get so anxious about going to work. I’m not emotionally ready to handle another day of crying. I don’t know how to tell my boss this situation. They know he broke up with me but not how much I’m struggling. I was the one that ruined my opportunity. I’m fucking sad that I ruined this. Anywhere I work isn’t going to be this dream spot I spent years to get to.

He was the one that ended things yes, but he can still do his job. I’m the one letting it affect my work. I don’t know what to do.
Do not waste time thinking about someone who is not thinking or caring about you . Take a breath and a move forward day to day and it WILL get better.
 

Dyle

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
7,697
Wisconsin
Are you still working nights? I remember you wanted help with that kind of schedule a while back. Do you think transferring to a different part of the company would help? Knowing where you work, I would imagine there are some opportunities that would allow you to distance yourself somewhat from the emotional baggage you're struggling with, though I suppose that might not solve everything
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
3,923
Gonna be a pretty random bump but I talked to my ex yesterday and it only confirmed my feelings.

My ex is so emotionally confused and lost. He has no idea what he wants out of life. He keeps jumping into relationships trying to feel good about himself. He wants to have others make him feel good. But the issue isn’t the other people. It’s him. He is unsure of what he wants. He’s unhappy and doesn’t know what to do.

He has always had a hard time opening up and expressing how he feels. In the short term that may work but eventually you can’t just keep things bottled up. I’m hurting and sad. I’m crying constantly but that’s okay. I’m processing this grief. I’m facing it and will come out stronger. I’m feeling what I need to feel and I have every right to my feelings.

I honestly feel sad for him. I do hope he finds what he wants. He does deserve to be happy. I may not be that person but I hope that person is out there for him. He needs to know who he is first however. Because it will always be unfair to whoever he dates. I hope he learns how love himself one day.
 
Oct 28, 2017
13,860
Idk our team is all very close. About 1/3 of them are dating each other. Nearly every night we all hang out, spend days off with each other, have a group chat, set up sports teams.

I haven’t been doing any of that recently since he left me as I wanted some time away.
This sounds like an awful place to work. There are seemingly no boundaries which is bad.
 

Br3wnor

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
2,091
Gonna be a pretty random bump but I talked to my ex yesterday and it only confirmed my feelings.

My ex is so emotionally confused and lost. He has no idea what he wants out of life. He keeps jumping into relationships trying to feel good about himself. He wants to have others make him feel good. But the issue isn’t the other people. It’s him. He is unsure of what he wants. He’s unhappy and doesn’t know what to do.

He has always had a hard time opening up and expressing how he feels. In the short term that may work but eventually you can’t just keep things bottled up. I’m hurting and sad. I’m crying constantly but that’s okay. I’m processing this grief. I’m facing it and will come out stronger. I’m feeling what I need to feel and I have every right to my feelings.

I honestly feel sad for him. I do hope he finds what he wants. He does deserve to be happy. I may not be that person but I hope that person is out there for him. He needs to know who he is first however. Because it will always be unfair to whoever he dates. I hope he learns how love himself one day.
Did you talk to him about not making your daily work life a living hell?

Either way, your TWENTY years old, what seems like your dream job now might not be what you want later in life, you’re going to have other chances to prove yourself even if you had to leave this place which honestly you shouldn’t let an ex being a prick be the reason you leave, but that’s your choice.

Life is a slog and you’ve barely started it.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
3,923
Did you talk to him about not making your daily work life a living hell?
I told him how I feel at work and he dismissed my emotions stating I’m being extra and need to grow up.

Which honestly just speaks volumes about him. Even now he still dismisses my feelings. When I know that I did the best I could in the relationship. That him not being happy has nothing to do with me. When people who have known him for years say that they have lost their trust in him, I know that I should not feel guilt. Because I was truly open and stated how I felt. He still can’t do that.

I’m not letting him ruin my dream job. I have coworkers who care. Management that sees and supports me when I’m upset. Why would I let him ruin that?
 

Fercho

Member
Nov 3, 2017
2,617
I’m not letting him ruin my dream job. I have coworkers who care. Management that sees and supports me when I’m upset. Why would I let him ruin that?
Exactly.

One hard rule in any job is to never quit because of another person, specially if it's not the boss.

Eventually you will find strenght to continue with your daily work and one day you will wake up and you will find that you don't care about him anymore. Focus in your work , your friends and supportive co-workers, it will get rough at times, but your ex sounds like a huge asshole , it's not worh the hassle, nor to lose sleep over him, you dodged the bullet and he is now another person's problem.
 

Pirate Bae

Chloe Price did nothing wrong
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,357
??
I still think it will take me a while to build my trust up again to date someone. I could try to bury my feelings with someone new but that isn’t fair to whoever I decide to be with.
I think you're right. Take the time you need to process your grief and move on at your own speed. I know you'll find someone who treats you with love and affection :)
 

JDSN

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
1,974
Yeah, quit the getting-punched-in-the-face job. FUck it, say you quit because of that incident and sue them.
 

GatsGatsby

Member
Oct 27, 2017
912
West Columbia, SC
Reading I've noticed you've stated its your dream job, your team has the best chance to get promotions, also your superiors said you're the best new employee.

That being said don't quit!! You focus on the work and you do your absoulte best so if theres a shot at promotion you can be on the short list. Let your ambition and drive be your revenge against that asshole.

Also distance yourself from those people. I'm a strong believer in having work and personal time separate. Those people arent your friends OP as shit as that sounds. If you were to quit tomorrow whoever takes your place would probably get invited to the same out of work activities and they wouldn't notice the difference. Also having 1/3 of people that involved with each other and letting everyone know it sounds like a ticking time bomb of unneeded bullshit you aren't going to want to deal with.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
3,923
Reading I've noticed you've stated its your dream job, your team has the best chance to get promotions, also your superiors said you're the best new employee.

That being said don't quit!! You focus on the work and you do your absoulte best so if theres a shot at promotion you can be on the short list. Let your ambition and drive be your revenge against that asshole.

Also distance yourself from those people. I'm a strong believer in having work and personal time separate. Those people arent your friends OP as shit as that sounds. If you were to quit tomorrow whoever takes your place would probably get invited to the same out of work activities and they wouldn't notice the difference. Also having 1/3 of people that involved with each other and letting everyone know it sounds like a ticking time bomb of unneeded bullshit you aren't going to want to deal with.
There are genuinely good people here who have supported me through all this. I’m honestly shocked at how caring some people are here. I know not all of them are the best. But I’ve never texted somebody before at 3am and have them drive over just to be there with me.
 

Rory

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,546
I literally moved nearly 1,500 miles for this dream spot. I’m in college and my degree ties in directly with this job. I would leave if I wasn’t so invested in this job. All my bosses viewed me as one of the best new employees.
Honestly, maybe consider going to consult with your boss. If they dont want to lose such a good staff member then maybe they will act and do something to reduce yoyr distress. In worst case you switch to another company, but really atm that seems like a good option too.

People saying dont quit havent gone through the same. I worked 6 month under conditions were I was so stressed due to bullying and physically hard work that my migraine and tinnitus had high performance rates. Under medication it was down to 3-5 days and thanks to circumstances up to 10-15 again. Tinnitus was more or less permanent.

In retroperspective I could kick myself for staying their because lawfully they had to offer me a better position and what not but law takes fucking time and just because lawfully they had to doesnt mean they will.
 
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OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
3,923
Honestly, maybe consider going to consult with your boss. If they dont want to lose such a good staff member then maybe they will act and do something to reduce yoyr distress. In worst case you switch to another company, but really atm that seems like a good option too.
They have been supporting me greatly. There’s been a few times I would get overwhelmed and they would let me leave for the day, no questions or anything. Everyday they check in to see if I need anything or want to talk. They all do a great job taking care of their employees.
 

Mammoth Jones

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,418
New York
Might want to read post#125 :)
Glad it’s going better. It will get better.

I’d just suggest letting go of the ex completely. It’s not your responsibility to be concerned with his development. Gotta cold turkey dude. Cause you can’t let their failure be on your shoulders. That’s not fair to you.

But I stand by my post: Never ever ever date a coworker. Ever.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
3,923
Glad it’s going better. It will get better.

I’d just suggest letting go of the ex completely. It’s not your responsibility to be concerned with his development. Gotta cold turkey dude. Cause you can’t let their failure be on your shoulders. That’s not fair to you.

But I stand by my post: Never ever ever date a coworker. Ever.
Yep. I’m realizing more and more that I’m not gonna let this dick be the thing to throw away a job in a field that I love.
 

Rory

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,546
They have been supporting me greatly. There’s been a few times I would get overwhelmed and they would let me leave for the day, no questions or anything. Everyday they check in to see if I need anything or want to talk. They all do a great job taking care of their employees.
That’s nice of them, but not what I meant.

Your ex needs to put his shit together. I mean the company is not his personal tinder: Dating people will badly impact the company’s performance. If he decides to, its his responsibility to not let it impact his work life. If he cant do that, he has to switch departments or even quit. Some companys have rules such as nonromantic relationships at work, which is silly too, but in the end its not about having relationships but how you manage them.

Now it’s not your job to tell your ex that, but HR.
 

Rory

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,546
Yep. I’m realizing more and more that I’m not gonna let this dick be the thing to throw away a job in a field that I love.
Instead you throw away years you could work elsewhere happily with less stress, in the same field.

I know it feels like “Im not going to lose this fight” but the real loser is the person who cant escape the constant stress and pressure you currently experience.

Ask yourself: Do I want to live like this the next 3 years or would it be better to get a new start at a new company.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
3,923
That’s nice of them, but not what I meant.

Your ex needs to put his shit together. I mean the company is not his personal tinder: Dating people will badly impact the company’s performance. If he decides to, its his responsibility to not let it impact his work life. If he cant do that, he has to switch departments or even quit. Some companys have rules such as nonromantic relationships at work, which is silly too, but in the end its not about having relationships but how you manage them.

Now it’s not your job to tell your ex that, but HR.
I mean honestly it’s not that weird to date a coworker as like 1/3 of our workplace is dating each other. It’s not the best decision but we all end up close so I can understand why it happens. He’s been trying to get a promotion for months but keeps getting denied. He currently is the longest running employee at my work so I can understand why now he is never getting promoted.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
3,923
Instead you throw away years you could work elsewhere happily with less stress, in the same field.

I know it feels like “Im not going to lose this fight” but the real loser is the person who cant escape the constant stress and pressure you currently experience.

Ask yourself: Do I want to live like this the next 3 years or would it be better to get a new start at a new company.
Honestly I would rather live like this for the next 3 years. I’m good at my job, the bosses like me, the coworkers respect me, I like who I get to be there. I’m not gonna let this insecure ass ruin that for me.
 
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