At this point I hope I get fired from my job

MrConbon210 · Jul 11, 2019

I'm sorry for the amount of times I talk about this. I don't really know who to talk to at this point. I started my dream job about 4 months ago. I spent a lot of time and effort to get this position and it was a huge dream come true. I honestly cried the first day of my job because I was so happy.

I met my boyfriend at this job a few weeks into it. I was still new so he introduced me to a lot of people and helped me fit in. We were really great and I loved having a partner who shared the same goals and interests as me.

He broke up with me a month ago and I found out he was cheating on me with another coworker. Most of the people who I work with have been supportive but there's been a few people who tell me that I deserve to be cheated on and glad I'm out of his life. My ex broke up saying he needed time for himself but to still message him with whatever I need and wanting to remain friends. Then I found out a day later he was cheating in the final weeks. He ignored my texts and calls and won't look at me at work.

I really fucking hate this job now. I'm crying constantly throughout it and can't stand seeing my ex with his new girlfriend. He never even owned up to him cheating and pretends like I'm not his coworker. I eat my lunch in an abandoned storage room where nobody can see me cry. I get so anxious having to go to work.

I've been calling out for the past few days. This was my dream job and now I hate it. And the only person I can blame is me. I caused this. I decided to date a coworker. I couldn't bear to tell my parents that I quit. They spent so much effort to help me get to this position.

I keep calling out because I get so anxious about going to work. I'm not emotionally ready to handle another day of crying. I don't know how to tell my boss this situation. They know he broke up with me but not how much I'm struggling. I was the one that ruined my opportunity. I'm fucking sad that I ruined this. Anywhere I work isn't going to be this dream spot I spent years to get to.

He was the one that ended things yes, but he can still do his job. I'm the one letting it affect my work. I don't know what to do.

devenger · Jul 11, 2019

We were waiting today for my wife to be fired, bullshit boss and so much stress. She got "soft fired". Basically, write an agenda mapping improvements and in a month... probably still going to fire you.

Life's too short. Grind when you have to, always look for opportunities. At the end of your life, you won't sweat this job. If you feel like you made a mistake and "caused this" you'll learn and do better next time.

DeaconKnowledge · Jul 11, 2019

saenima · Jul 11, 2019

That's a bad place to be in. But you should probably quit and find another job. If you can manage it money wise ofc. That place has become toxic by your account, and i doubt it'll get any better any time soon. It's easier said than done, but looking forward is the best thing you can do right now.

Or ignore what i said because i'm terrible at giving advice. The poster beneath me has a point.

FaceHugger · Jul 11, 2019

Well first off the guy sounds like a dick, so you shouldn't allow him to make you suffer like this. Don't give them that power. I know it's easy to say things like that to a stranger going through real pain, but trust me, I've been there. I had a woman shatter my heart and I let it get to me until I realized she was garbage and I shouldn't allow her to hurt me. Perspective is a hell of a thing in these cases.

Second, if it is troubling you so much, maybe think about seeking help. I don't know you, I can't proffer specifics, but a good therapist and the right kind of prescription can seriously help.

xxracerxx · Jul 11, 2019

Are you working directly with your ex? Can you move teams?

staedtler · Jul 11, 2019

Lesson to be learned is don't date co-workers. In other words don't shit where you eat

Bio · Jul 11, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
. I couldn't bear to tell my parents that I quit. They spent so much effort to help me get to this position.

However hard they worked to help you get this job, I doubt they want to see their child go through emotional trauma just to spare them a bit of frustration. They're your parents, and if they were supportive enough of you to help you get this job, they'll be supportive enough of what you're going through now. Don't put yourself through hell just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation; that shit does long term damage and you deserve better than that.

MrConbon210 · Jul 11, 2019

xxracerxx said:
Are you working directly with your ex? Can you move teams?

Yes, directly. There's some days where we each are focused on different tasks so I never see him but most days yeah. I can't switch roles at the moment.

Deleted member 33533 · Jul 11, 2019

I guess you have to decide if the job is more important than the emotional strife. To me, you describe it as a dream job that you can't get again while your feelings regarding this guy can fade imo. It's certainly possible to get over him, although it's much tougher in that situation. I once dated a coworker too at an old job and we also broke up when I found out she was cheating on me with another guy there. I had to still see her and them on most days. I just tried to focus on my work and I eventually moved on from it. She wasn't worth me quitting my job; that's how I saw it. I wasn't going to let her hurt me even more than she had.

It's definitely important that you have someone you know outside of work to talk to about this. I spent a lot of time outside of work with my friends and working on myself. I hope you don't give up but whatever choice you make, good luck OP.

xxracerxx · Jul 11, 2019

Also, your "dream" job is not worth this mental anguish. There are other jobs out there.

RumbleHumble · Jul 11, 2019

OP, find a support ASAP. I know you're ashamed of having to talk to your parents but if they helped you get the job, they can help you so much here and you need it so badly.

Deleted member 33533 · Jul 11, 2019

FaceHugger said:
Well first off the guy sounds like a dick, so you shouldn't allow him to make you suffer like this. Don't give them that power. I know it's easy to say things like that to a stranger going through real pain, but trust me, I've been there. I had a woman shatter my heart and I let it get to me until I realized she was garbage and I shouldn't allow her to hurt me. Perspective is a hell of a thing in these cases.

Second, if it is troubling you so much, maybe think about seeking help. I don't know you, I can't proffer specifics, but a good therapist and the right kind of prescription can seriously help.

I agree with this.

MrConbon210 · Jul 11, 2019

Bio said:
However hard they worked to help you get this job, I doubt they want to see their child go through emotional trauma just to spare them a bit of frustration. They're your parents, and if they were supportive enough of you to help you get this job, they'll be supportive enough of what you're going through now. Don't put yourself through hell just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation; that shit does long term damage and you deserve better than that.

I literally moved nearly 1,500 miles for this dream spot. I'm in college and my degree ties in directly with this job. I would leave if I wasn't so invested in this job. All my bosses viewed me as one of the best new employees.

xxracerxx · Jul 11, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
I literally moved nearly 1,500 miles for this dream spot. I'm in college and my degree ties in directly with this job. I would leave if I wasn't so invested in this job. All my bosses viewed me as one of the best new employees.

Have you asked them straight up if you could move teams? I mean, you said they know the situation right? Also, are you in college in this town or are you going back 1,500 miles?

Beatofficer · Jul 11, 2019

Don't let someone who's been in your life less than 4 months ruin something you've worked all your life to obtain. You were together for a total of 2 months and some change? That's just a tiny blip in your life.

MrConbon210 · Jul 11, 2019

xxracerxx said:
Have you asked them straight up if you could move teams? I mean, you said they know the situation right? Also, are you in college in this town or are you going back 1,500 miles?

I'm in college in this town. I could move teams but it would be a huge step down. Where I am at now is definitely the best spot to be career-wise. I'm scared of stepping down and regretting it when I try to advance later in life.

xxracerxx · Jul 11, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
I'm in college in this town. I could move teams but it would be a huge step down. Where I am at now is definitely the best spot to be career-wise. I'm scared of stepping down and regretting it when I try to advance later in life.

Can you tell us what the job is that you have currently and what the step down would be?

BlackGoku03 · Jul 11, 2019

You gotta take two steps back and look at the entire situation. Then think of the advice you would give to someone else with the same problem.

I'd recommend seeing someone who can help you through this and the anxiety. There's no shame in that.

I'd also recommend choosing the hardest option: stick it out at the job. With time, feelings fade. People move on. Life goes on. And it's hard to imagine with how you're feeling right now, but it can happen. Don't make one regret turn into another.

Best of luck to you.

Deffers · Jul 11, 2019

If your avvy and posts outside of this topic are anything to go by, I know exactly how difficult it was to land the job you have right now. I honestly suggest that you either find a way to switch teams/ divisions, or find a way to get your emotional catharsis.

It sounds like your boyfriend was an abuser, tbh. Check out the DARVO checklist and see how many things he matches up with. My guess? Is all of them. Really look that through and consider that you've been put through the wringer in an emotional way. If you've got proof that your boyfriend's a cheating scumbag, maybe for your own health you need to confront the people who've hurt you and show them what kind of person he was. But maybe that's unprofessional, it'll depend on your exact position. That's stupid advice, but it's obvious you're hurting emotionally, and you SHOULDN'T give up because you were singled out by an abuser, just your run-of-the-mill charismatic scumbag who think's he's unaccountable. The tip-off, to me, is the part where he starts trying to put your friends up against you. Guess what? A regular philanderer wouldn't do that. This was DONE to fuck with you. My hope is realizing that will help restore your sense of self-security to what it should be.

I hope you get through this. It's important not to give up on your dreams. It's ESPECIALLY important not to cede the field when you're at the gates, just because someone who is, let me remind you, UTTERLY IRRELEVANT TO YOUR AMBITIONS decides to ruin your life because it gives him a funny feeling inside he can't get anywhere else.

Effect · Jul 11, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
I literally moved nearly 1,500 miles for this dream spot. I'm in college and my degree ties in directly with this job. I would leave if I wasn't so invested in this job. All my bosses viewed me as one of the best new employees.

I think the direction you should be moving in should be somewhat clear. From what you're saying about the job and how important it is for your future, what you've sacrificed so far for it, it is far to important to throw away. I get you don't want to throw it away. This guy seems to much like a dick for you to up end your life over. Not saying it will be easy or not emotional. Throw yourself into work and try as best as you can to be purely professional when you have to work with him. Cut off all other contact. As soon as you can move teams do so.

I do think you need to find someone to talk to or just vent to. You got to let the feelings out in some manner. Or as some advice goes hit the gym or an equivalent. The feelings you have for him and things that spawn from it will fade. That's a temporary issue and you don't want to throw away a long term investment over it.

MrConbon210 · Jul 11, 2019

xxracerxx said:
Can you tell us what the job is that you have currently and what the step down would be?

Eh not particularly. But let's just say that there's about 30 teams at this job. Some are really fast paced, difficult jobs. Others are honestly a joke that require little effort. The team I'm on is by far the most demanding team that requires a lot more effort and dedication to be successful as our clients expect more out of this particular team.

Kolx · Jul 11, 2019

Can you find another job easily, and are you in a good situation financially? and how important is this dream job to you? If the answer to the first 2 is yes, and your dream job is not worth the mental stress then leave. Otherwise, try and talk to your managers. They might be able to do something to make you interact less with your ex?

StallionDan · Jul 11, 2019

Your ex is a pos, why do you care he is ignoring you? Usually in this situation the problem is having to talk and act nice to them.

Carthago Delenda Est · Jul 11, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
I'm in college in this town. I could move teams but it would be a huge step down. Where I am at now is definitely the best spot to be career-wise. I'm scared of stepping down and regretting it when I try to advance later in life.

I'd say to try to find the strength to get over him. I'm sure that's harder than it sounds but, frankly, you were in a three month relationship and you're clearly very young. He's a piece of shit and you found out early. That's great! Now you know. Don't let him take away your opportunities too

You'll find people who are assholes in most jobs you'll ever have. They'll make you feel like trash. You can't quit or give up on those jobs or you might never have one. What you've got to learn is how to work past them. Granted, this is much worse than average but I'm certain it can be done.

Another guy in the thread said he'd been through the same. Reach out to him for some advice.

You can get through this. You must. You'll be stronger for having done so and you'll be glad you did. And you deserve that.

Larrikin · Jul 11, 2019

Like another poster said, the best thing you can do right now is get some perspective on yourself. Give meditation an honest try, it's like "turning it off and on again" for your brain.

The best thing is to try and divorce your doubts and anxieties from your own personal feelings about the situation. Those things aren't you, they're just what your brain is feeling right now. If you can take a step out of that headspace, and look at your own situation in a new light you might find yourself able to look past that hurt and start to re-appreciate what you loved about your job at the moment.

People aren't infallible. Making mistakes is normal, but they aren't forever. They seem like it, they can sure as hell feel like it but time will help.

MrConbon210 · Jul 11, 2019

StallionDan said:
Your ex is a pos, why do you care he is ignoring you? Usually in this situation the problem is having to talk and act nice to them.

Because I was incredibly hurt by his decision to cheat on me and then completely write me off as a human being. I've had friends who've been cheated on, at least their partners actually confessed to cheating.

He just moved on before we were over and is still beloved at work by all the managers. I was on our team's sports league but told I can no longer go because he doesn't want me there.

There's multiple people at this job who used to date but they can still work together because they act like adults and talk to each other about how to work together. He just is too afraid to talk and it impacts my job and confidence.

Depths · Jul 11, 2019

I find it odd how you and your co-workers are so open about talking about your relationships. Especially when your relationships are envolving other employees. I don't tell my co-workers shit about my dating life, and I definitely don't date co-workers.

MrConbon210 · Jul 12, 2019

Depths said:
I find it odd how you and your co-workers are so open about talking about your relationships. Especially when your relationships are envolving other employees. I don't tell my co-workers shit about my dating life, and I definitely don't date co-workers.

Idk our team is all very close. About 1/3 of them are dating each other. Nearly every night we all hang out, spend days off with each other, have a group chat, set up sports teams.

I haven't been doing any of that recently since he left me as I wanted some time away.

Deffers · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
Because I was incredibly hurt by his decision to cheat on me and then completely write me off as a human being. I've had friends who've been cheated on, at least their partners actually confessed to cheating.

He just moved on before we were over and is still beloved at work by all the managers. I was on our team's sports league but told I can no longer go because he doesn't want me there.

There's multiple people at this job who used to date but they can still work together because they act like adults and talk to each other about how to work together. He just is too afraid to talk and it impacts my job and confidence.

Again, I implore you to check out the DARVO checklist. Your intuition is telling you something, noting how other people who got cheated on got confessions and contritions and your guy did nothing. It isn't your fault, and it's likely that hurt was intentional. I hope realizing that he was TRYING to hurt you helps you to move forward, because you deserve your dream.

DigitalOp · Jul 12, 2019

You bout to let a 2month lamebrain ruin your entire career plan that sets you up with your degree and job experience.....

Why you cryin over people that don't cry for you?

MrConbon210 · Jul 12, 2019

DigitalOp said:
You bout to let a 2month lamebrain ruin your entire career plan that sets you up with your degree and job experience.....

Why you cryin over people that don't cry for you?

Because I've always had a hard time opening up and finally let down my walls to have it end with him cheating and pretending I don't exist. What a great 1st relationship.

Contraband · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
Idk our team is all very close. About 1/3 of them are dating each other. Nearly every night we all hang out, spend days off with each other, have a group chat, set up sports teams.

I haven't been doing any of that recently since he left me as I wanted some time away.

None of this sounds professional & all I see are red flags...

Neece · Jul 12, 2019

Your job sounds like a nightmare.

MrConbon210 · Jul 12, 2019

Party McFly said:
None of this sounds professional & all I see are red flags...

I mean I guess but that's just the way it operates. We're all 20-30 year olds. I think the oldest guy might be 29.

Depths · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
Idk our team is all very close. About 1/3 of them are dating each other.

Wtf kinda team is this? Sounds set to fail. I'm guessing you're in your early 20's?

DigitalOp · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
Because I've always had a hard time opening up and finally let down my walls to have it end with him cheating and pretending I don't exist. What a great 1st relationship.

Im sorry that had to be your first experience. Its fucked up, I won't say it isn't. And I will tell you one of the best pieces of advice right here and now..

Don't ever waste tears on someone who won't ache over you. That person is not worth it. Not worth your emotion nor your time.

You don't have to go back out there looking for someone right away. Take your time, focus on you. This may have been your first somewhat serious relationship and you happened to get the worst of the worst, but at least its over and you only move up.

You can't let scumbags affect your mental and your emotions. ESPECIALLY when they aren't feeling any ties nor emotional weight involved.

You get what Im saying? This dude is fully checked out, theres no reason for you to still be checked in.

Deffers · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
Because I've always had a hard time opening up and finally let down my walls to have it end with him cheating and pretending I don't exist. What a great 1st relationship.

I don't intend to spam you but it's entirely possible that was what he was hoping to do. I hope you don't let him.

MrConbon210 · Jul 12, 2019

Depths said:
Wtf kinda team is this? Sounds set to fail. I'm guessing you're in your early 20's?

I'm 20. And most people either leave due to stress or get promoted. I think everyone who was in training with me has already quit or transferred. It's an extremely draining gig but we get the best chance of moving up. Nearly everyday you have a client scream at you. The other day I got punched. It's just the territory of the job.

Ziltoidia 9 · Jul 12, 2019

I remember your thread from last month, I'm sorry things have been tough still. Have you looked into bettering yourself outside of work? A new hobby? Don't let work define you, or you won't ever feel free.

HardRojo · Jul 12, 2019

Damn, hope it all gets better for you OP. I posted the following in a previous thread:

HardRojo said:
Yesterday I decided to finally quit my job (will do in the coming weeks). Right now I'm in a limbo as my replacement comes next week and I'll have to train him, I'm being promoted (supposedly), but my boss has yet to make it clear what my new role and tasks will be, as well as salary, but these past 2 weeks have been very uncomfortable as my current boss (soon to be ex) still needs things to be done by me since my replacement isn't here yet, but my new boss has already been giving me some tasks which I've been trying to finish without disturbing the other stuff I have to do. There were like 3 times I was told to do something or to visit a client just to be told the next day "Oh, your boss complained so you're not going", then yesterday I had enough because my new boss complained about a presentation I had not finished, but of course I couldn't because there were urgent things with my current boss that I had to finish first. I ended up complaining to HR and already got 3 interviews lined up. I let HR know about this issue and they said they'll talk to my new boss. Anyway I already made up my mind and I'm quitting as soon as I get an offer, I'm not gonna put up with this bullshit.

Well, I'm fucking glad to say I got a job in a Trainee program that will pay like 3.33x what I'm currently earning and will involve a couple of trips to the US as well. It's in one of the biggest banks here in Peru and I'll be working in the main building. Starting next month and I can't fucking wait!

Steven · Jul 12, 2019

You were with this dude for 8 weeks and now you've allowed this piece of shit to ruin a position you've worked for years to get? OP, sounds like you need to recognize your own self worth. I don't mean to be rude, but this all sounds like a weird and immature situation, like a college dating story...this is something you can get past and you'll be stronger for standing up to it if you are able.

Depths · Jul 12, 2019

I just can't see a healthy work environment where 1/3 of the team is fucking each other.

MrConbon210 · Jul 12, 2019

Ziltoidia 9 said:
I remember your thread from last month, I'm sorry things have been tough still. Have you looked into bettering yourself outside of work? A new hobby? Don't let work define you, or you won't ever feel free.

I have friends who have been supportive. Though my closest friend is on vacation for the next two weeks. Other than my boyfriend I had another really close friend but left her once I discovered she knew he was cheating on me and never told me.

I honestly haven't had the energy to do much. I love Stranger Things but still haven't seen the new season. I can't find the motivation to watch tv for that long. Same with some movies. I want to see them but can't find the energy to commit.

xxracerxx · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
I have friends who have been supportive. Though my closest friend is on vacation for the next two weeks. Other than my boyfriend I had another really close friend but left her once I discovered she knew he was cheating on me and never told me.

I honestly haven't had the energy to do much. I love Stranger Things but still haven't seen the new season. I can't find the motivation to watch tv for that long. Same with some movies. I want to see them but can't find the energy to commit.

How about seeing a therapist?

MrConbon210 · Jul 12, 2019

Depths said:
I just can't see a healthy work environment where 1/3 of the team is fucking each other.

I'm not gonna lie and say it is a healthy situation. We literally have people scream in our face daily. Usually someone is always crying in the break room. But it's extremely fulfilling at the same time. We bond over having such a unique and difficult role. It's not like a typical 9-5. That's why everyone is so close I guess. Other people don't really know what we go through.

hitme · Jul 12, 2019

You'll find another "dream" job.

Your main priority is to take care of yourself. Make time for yourself and at your age, it's best to do it now rather than later.

MrConbon210 · Jul 12, 2019

xxracerxx said:
How about seeing a therapist?

I'm trying to look. I think my job has a program set up for that. I'm in college and don't really have the money or free time to go to therapy.

Jon Carter · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
And the only person I can blame is me. I caused this. I decided to date a coworker.

You're self-victim blaming. Don't do that. First of all because even if you deserved blame, you're not the only one you can blame and your ex is far more deserving of blame. Second, I don't even think you made a mistake by deciding to date a coworker. Plenty of people meet their future spouse at work. You can't just refrain from dating someone who could be perfect for you just because it would be awkward if you guys broke up. You were cheated on and you are the victim of your ex's complete lack of respect. So don't blame yourself and don't give up that job. Don't let him take everything from you. Some day you'll realize this relationship ending was for the best, but giving up a dream job because of a heartbreak isn't something you'll look back on as a good decision. Just keep fighting, it will get easier eventually.

xxracerxx · Jul 12, 2019

MrConbon210 said:
I'm not gonna lie and say it is a healthy situation. We literally have people scream in our face daily. Usually someone is always crying in the break room. But it's extremely fulfilling at the same time. We bond over having such a unique and difficult role. It's not like a typical 9-5. That's why everyone is so close I guess. Other people don't really know what we go through.

I am so curious what your job is.

At this point I hope I get fired from my job

One Winged Slayer