I was talking with my friend.
She was able to attend college while I at the same age was working dishes, for eight years, where I was mostly not allowed to speak.
Now I am going back to college and we both seem to agree that if I fuck up I have to kill myself or be stuck in poverty .
I am almost thirty, and I work a job that every day I ask myself whether or not I can make it one more day.
Also, it pays badly, like only 30,000 a year .
Each day I live I am more thoroughly shocked by how bad life is.
Currently I live off of milk and junk food, and I've been eating like this ever since I moved out. I don't really have the time to cook for myself. I also have found that buying rice and stuff even in bulk is not much cheaper.
I can't afford clothes. I'll buy a pair of jeans for 100 every six months and I'll wear it everyday until I get holes in it.
I finally bought a jacket after wearing the same jacket for three years. It had so many holes in it at the end.
I have become deeply afraid of people. I have a few friends but I don't really like them.
Most of my friends seem to only have this morbid curiosity with me. Like they all wonder when I'll kill myself.
I don't enjoy anything about being alive.
Oh, to top things off, I just realized that I have ADHD and very bad OCD.
The medication for one negates the medication for the other.
Is anybody else in a similar situation where they realize life has to go perfectly or else they have no choice but to committ suicide?
Oh and I used to feel guilty about making threads like this but I think it's sort of a fair antipode to the stories of opulence.
She was able to attend college while I at the same age was working dishes, for eight years, where I was mostly not allowed to speak.
Now I am going back to college and we both seem to agree that if I fuck up I have to kill myself or be stuck in poverty .
I am almost thirty, and I work a job that every day I ask myself whether or not I can make it one more day.
Also, it pays badly, like only 30,000 a year .
Each day I live I am more thoroughly shocked by how bad life is.
Currently I live off of milk and junk food, and I've been eating like this ever since I moved out. I don't really have the time to cook for myself. I also have found that buying rice and stuff even in bulk is not much cheaper.
I can't afford clothes. I'll buy a pair of jeans for 100 every six months and I'll wear it everyday until I get holes in it.
I finally bought a jacket after wearing the same jacket for three years. It had so many holes in it at the end.
I have become deeply afraid of people. I have a few friends but I don't really like them.
Most of my friends seem to only have this morbid curiosity with me. Like they all wonder when I'll kill myself.
I don't enjoy anything about being alive.
Oh, to top things off, I just realized that I have ADHD and very bad OCD.
The medication for one negates the medication for the other.
Is anybody else in a similar situation where they realize life has to go perfectly or else they have no choice but to committ suicide?
Oh and I used to feel guilty about making threads like this but I think it's sort of a fair antipode to the stories of opulence.
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