Being old and realizing if you mess up it's over

OP
OP
Mar 9, 2018
594
I am going to try a new medication in a few weeks.

I was writing about my past and then I realized my bulimia was probably a form of OCD, and then I realized all my irrational thoughts are probably obsessional thoughts. So I think I have OCD.

I took a test to see if I have ADHD and the test confirmed I do.

So now I have to figure out meds for both of those, and hopefully this will change my Outlook a little.
 

Nothing Loud

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,937
No I'm not a chef. I worked at a one Michelin star restaurant as a fish entremetier and I now work at a steakhouse which is supposedly one of the most exclusive in new York..

I'm just a line cook though. I've seen close to fifty line cooks quit this place in the last two years.
You don't get any sort of reward for lasting.
If I were to look for another job it would most likely pay minimum wage and offer shit hrs to where I couldn't attend school.

If I were to be a sous chef I would get maybe fifty grand which is shit considering you have to work 60-80 hrs a week.

So I:m desperately trying to get out of restaurant industry.
oh so you’re in NY. Then you definitely qualify for free health insurance. Please see a doctor and a counselor.

edit: good to see that you’re going to try some meds. See how you feel after them and if it’s not quite right, tell your doctor and change doses/meds until these obsessive and delusional thoughts calm down. Then therapy with a counselor will be much more effective
 

Sayre

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
246
I have one pair of Levi jeans that I bought for $40 that has last me for 2 years and counting. I only own one pair. $100 seems a lot to spend if you are trying to save money.

in either case, don’t listen to the advice that your life is over if you fail school. You’re reasonably healthy.. able bodied. You have options.
 

Camwi

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,994
I was actually in a very similar situation at 27. Was pissing my life away up to that point. Then decided to change things around. Went to a tech school full-time while working two jobs. Fucking sucked, but things have turned around completely since then. Things can definitely turn around for you.
 
OP
OP
Mar 9, 2018
594
I was actually in a very similar situation at 27. Was pissing my life away up to that point. Then decided to change things around. Went to a tech school full-time while working two jobs. Fucking sucked, but things have turned around completely since then. Things can definitely turn around for you.
Yeah I think I started school at 28.
I had planned on killing myself at 27. I planned it for five years so I was pretty sure I was going to die.
Then I met someone who said I should try school so I'm giving it one more shot.
 

Slipknot666

Member
Dec 1, 2017
1,584
I was also wondering the same.. Like if you're in poverty I don't understand spending that much on jeans AT ALL. Like I make a lot more and I rarely, if ever, buy jeans when they're not on sale, and at Target their jeans are like ~30-40$? Do you not have a Goodwill or similar thrift store nearby?
You can get $20 jeans from Hollister.

The OP remains me of this


Good luck, OP.
 
Oct 27, 2017
3,214
Eating nothing but junk food is probably making you miserable.

And no there’s no excuse. Simple healthy meals can absolutely be cheaper and easier. Idk where you’re buying rice, but you should be able to get a months supply for like 50 bucks tops. Same with beans. Throw in vegetables and some occasional meat and you got all you need to survive and be a lot healthier than eating junk food instead. Being healthier will give you a more positive outlook too cause you won’t feel physically shit all the time.
 

Slipknot666

Member
Dec 1, 2017
1,584
OP, You are the same guy that was asking for help in the Biology class. I have seen all your threads and it’s about depression and killing yourself. You need to stop giving into the negativity.
 

LuigiMario

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,249
You know in pretty much most professional careers, 30s is considered young?

Also your friend is an asshole and potentially keeping you down.
This. I got my first professional job at 26 (which I thought was “getting old”) and I am one of the youngest in the office. I’m 28 now and still one of the youngest.
 
Jan 11, 2018
3,052
Late 20's not old.
Why are you spending 100 on jeans when you can get them at a thrift store for 5-10% of that price?
If you're single, 30k a year is livable.
Stop eating so much junk food. Bananas and carrots are cheap as fuck.
 

PoppaBK

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,617
You aren't old. I'm 43 and have messed up plenty in my life and have worked a shitty job even though I have an excellent education. Life is full of ups and downs, you have to learn how to deal with them, ride out the lows and try and capitalize on the highs. Getting help for your depression is the first step. That and maybe a trip to a grocery store and a TJ Maxx type store.
And your friend sounds horrible.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,916
Dude was supposedly a line chef at a michelin restaurant. He eats junk food because he wants to not because he needs cooking lessons from people on this forum.
Yeah I get that. I wouldn’t say I’m good at cooking so it wasn’t really advice on that. My advice was more about minimum time, effort and expense to eat something healthy.

Like I said it takes like 5 minutes to open the packet, shake some basic seasoning on it and toss it in the oven. The rest is just waiting. So even if it feels like work to cook, you only have to bear it for a few minute in reality.

I bought a pan to cook and then I just realized, I don't really have the patience to cook at home. I'm apparently not alone as most of the people I work with don't cook at home either. Cooks generally don't like cooking for themselves.
Like I said above, you can find simple things to cook that are still healthy. The chicken meal I described hardly takes any time or effort. You can even buy vegetable packets that you can microwave. It sucks that you cook for work and that makes cooking for yourself undesirable but you should take care of yourself and at least go for the easiest way to be healthy.
 

sgtnosboss

Member
Nov 9, 2017
3,748
IL
Bruh I shop at good will almost exclusively. If you can get 100 pants, and think you arent able to cook and do better for yourself you need to talk to someone about self worth. You aren't old and you are going back to school. That's more than I ever did. I didn't finish school and I ended up getting my shit together and a managibly paying job. It just takes take, which by your age you have plenty of time to get things on track. I highly suggest getting a professional though to talk to, it could really help. I know many are expensive but you have to just look around. It took my wife and I a while but we found a counselor for 30 dollars a session. Instead of a therapist that was 120 a session
 

Pickman

Member
Nov 20, 2017
1,575
Huntington, WV
Try to find an overnight gig as a night auditor for a hotel if you are trying to go to school at the same time. The work's not terribly hard, gives you plenty of time for studying, etc. Only downside can be the boredom. It will literally be hours of nothing to do but be present in case a phone rings.
 

Sky Chief

Member
Oct 30, 2017
1,238
I know plenty of people who went to college later than you and it worked out for them. You don't need to put pressure on yourself to be perfect.
 

MysteryM

Member
Oct 28, 2017
273
Just take it a day at a time and don’t worry too much about the future. Things will pan out regardless - even when things look dire there is always a corner to be turned. Just work hard and as long as you give it 100% that’s enough. Leave the rest of it in the lap of the gods.
 
OP
OP
Mar 9, 2018
594
Try to find an overnight gig as a night auditor for a hotel if you are trying to go to school at the same time. The work's not terribly hard, gives you plenty of time for studying, etc. Only downside can be the boredom. It will literally be hours of nothing to do but be present in case a phone rings.
I will look into a night auditor job thank you.
I know plenty of people who went to college later than you and it worked out for them. You don't need to put pressure on yourself to be perfect.
Thank you.
Yeah my friend is turning 35 and is trying to go back.
Just take it a day at a time and don’t worry too much about the future. Things will pan out regardless - even when things look dire there is always a corner to be turned. Just work hard and as long as you give it 100% that’s enough. Leave the rest of it in the lap of the gods.
This is what I will try to do.
It's constantly so intense that I get overwhelmed.
 

funky

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,163
User warned: inflammatory drive-by
"Being old and realizing if you mess up it's over"

"Im 30"


LOL
 

Horseticuffs

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,054
Florida
I don't want to be like your friend, in love with their own hero's journey and all, but please don't write yourself off at 30.

At 30 I was in a horrible, abusive marriage and thought I'd die making $10 an hour in foodservice. I've turned things around by 40 after a divorce, some promotions and certifications.

You can totally better yourself if you give yourself a chance. It will be hard, and not everyone is starting from the same place. Some folks are at 0, some folks start with an advantage, and some a disadvantage. It isn't fair but it is what it is, and no progress can happen without trying.

Please don't give up. It seems like you are making an effort by seeking help, which is awesome.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,409
You sound depressed, glad you’re trying to address that.

I’m sorry your job is not fulfilling but you can live on 30,000 if you make good choices. My wife and I lived on 18,000 a year for many years in grad school and still came out with savings.

Please eat better and cheaper by buying food and preparing it at home. This whole thing you have about cooking is a rationalization of your self-harmful behaviour. I rarely “cook” anything, but I eat fairly healthy and most of my meals are made at home. Trader Joe’s and Costco both have lots of decent things you can make without breaking out the pots and pans.

Also, you’re not old yet so stop making your age some arbitrary point of no return.
 

Dreams-Visions

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
19,844
Miami, FL
You sound depressed, glad you’re trying to address that.

I’m sorry your job is not fulfilling but you can live on 30,000 if you make good choices. My wife and I lived on 18,000 a year for many years in grad school and still came out with savings.

Please eat better and cheaper by buying food and preparing it at home. This whole thing you have about cooking is a rationalization of your self-harmful behaviour. I rarely “cook” anything, but I eat fairly healthy and most of my meals are made at home. Trader Joe’s and Costco both have lots of decent things you can make without breaking out the pots and pans.

Also, you’re not old yet so stop making your age some arbitrary point of no return.
Yea I can definitely recommend a couple of books on frugal living. Just some simple changes people can make to save a lot of money. A lot of every day needs that anyone can easily DIY.
 

DeadlyVirus

Member
Oct 29, 2017
718
You sound depressed, glad you’re trying to address that.

I’m sorry your job is not fulfilling but you can live on 30,000 if you make good choices. My wife and I lived on 18,000 a year for many years in grad school and still came out with savings.

Please eat better and cheaper by buying food and preparing it at home. This whole thing you have about cooking is a rationalization of your self-harmful behaviour. I rarely “cook” anything, but I eat fairly healthy and most of my meals are made at home. Trader Joe’s and Costco both have lots of decent things you can make without breaking out the pots and pans.

Also, you’re not old yet so stop making your age some arbitrary point of no return.
All of this and believe in yourself. If you don't, everything else is going to sound like excuses to not do better.
No one is going to get things done for you. You are your worst enemy if you want it to be.
 

Mammoth Jones

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,464
New York
She agrees that if this fails you should kill yourself? Stop talking to her.
This. That ain't a good friend and it sounds like the blind leading the blind. You don't need a degree to make money. When I was near 30 my wages were shit as well.

Keep grinding. Things can improve. Don't compare yourself to other mofos situations. That shit will Gaslight you bad. Have you thinking you need to be exactly where they are to be "good enough". That type of thinking is toxic. Don't fall for it.
 
Last edited:

bawjaws

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,481
Fucking hell, everyone zeroing in on how much money the OP spends on fucking trousers like it's even close to the most important thing about the post. OP is clearly struggling with mental health (based on other threads here in addition to the OP), but people are lining up to critique him for spending however much on jeans? Way to miss the fucking point, guys.

OP, as I said in the MH OT, you are never too old to change your circumstances and the fact that you're in school, working your ass off and crushing the classes that you say are super-difficult shows that you can do it, and that you are doing it. So keep on keeping on, focus on what you're achieving and what you stand to gain from sticking it out and seeing this through, rather than worrying about the possible consequences of any potential failure. It's really, really hard to do this when you're in a negative headspace but if you need encouragement along the way then please do keep posting on here because we can see that you're doing well, even if you can't always see it yourself. You have got this.
 

Cosmo Kramer

Member
Oct 28, 2017
917
México
I went to college but switched career at 32 from an achitect to a photographer/videographer, find your passion and go for it. Don’t go to college thinking it will translate to better jobs just because. A better life is not making more money it’s enjoying what you do everyday
 

kiaaa

Member
Oct 27, 2017
888
Fucking hell, everyone zeroing in on how much money the OP spends on fucking trousers like it's even close to the most important thing about the post. OP is clearly struggling with mental health (based on other threads here in addition to the OP), but people are lining up to critique him for spending however much on jeans? Way to miss the fucking point, guys.
Money problems can definitely contribute to and worsen mental illness.
 

Dreamwriter

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,094
I was kinda with you until you said "I am almost thirty..." I didn't get into my desired career until I turned 27, before that I was doing retail jobs and then non-game software testing (which isn't a fun job). Then after working at a job I loved for 12 years, I had to leave and find other work, and ended up moving across the country to make it work. A lot of people have career changes even in their 40's and 50's. Myself I am in my 40's now and I'm trying to completely change my career by starting my own company (no, I don't have money or resources to do so, which is what makes it challenging). If I mess things up (highly likely, 9 out of 10 startups fail), I'll probably suffer for a time, and then find something new to do.
 
Last edited:

Gwarm

Member
Nov 13, 2017
421
Wow. I was expecting you to be 50 years old with a mortgage and several dependants, struggling with the idea that losing your job would cause your whole life to come crumbling down.

Don't worry, man. You are enough to start over fresh a couple more times if you need to. There are always options out there.
 

turbobrick

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,704
Mesa, AZ
I am almost thirty, and I work a job that every day I ask myself whether or not I can make it one more day.
Also, it pays badly, like only 30,000 a year .
You're younger than me and make twice what I make. I went back to school and just finished, looking for a job. Even without school its not impossible to find a higher paying job since $30k/year is like $15/hour.

Also 30 isn't old, and you can improve your life at any age. At my minimum wage job I'm the youngest person there at 33.
 

Darth Karja

Member
Oct 25, 2017
406
Sounds like you should move to a cheaper area. I make less then that and live comfortably. Don't think going to school would be worth it for me. I would rather make less then have student loans and years of my life taken up by school.
 

nemoral

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,079
Fiddler's Green
Seek actual professional help. You're engaging in catastrophic, non-reality based thinking. Don't just get meds from your GP after self-diagnosing, actually go see a psychologist and therapist and work on both your mental illness and your entirely controllable bad thought processes. The idea that thirty is some sort of cutoff point for your future is ridiculous and has no bearing on the actual world. The problems are in your head, not in the world around you, and until you deal with them, nothing is going to make you happy.
 

Kuraudo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,378
I went back to uni at 29. It felt like a pretty reckless thing at the time—I already had a degree in Computer Science but I couldn’t see myself in that career any longer. I quit my job and took a BA in English because it’s what I’m passionate about, despite the fact everyone warns you about non-STEM subjects. I told myself I’d take it a step at a time—give myself a couple of years as a reward for suffering through a bad job. When that went well, I took the next step and did an MA. Then I got paid through a PhD. I’m in academia and things are still precarious but taking everything a step at a time is working out well. I’ve been offered a postdoc position and am awaiting results on the funding. If that falls through I know I have other options.

Take your time and enjoy your studies. It’s natural to feel anxious about making life changes but your mind is blowing the circumstances way out of proportion.
 

Amnesty

Member
Nov 7, 2017
1,068
Well that's reassuring.

Yeah, she is a partner at a law firm and she had a very hard life.
I think she thinks that the more pressure applied to me the better I will turn out as it sort of worked that way for her.

I have tried to get her to understand that working and not attending college can be very harmful to a person.
She just then will essentially get mad and tell me I have no idea how hard her life was and tell me that anyone can go to college like she did so I have no excuse.

I tried to explain to her that not everyone can go to college and she just tells me all about how hard her life was and so she thinks anyone can do it.
She had people telling her to kill herself if she failed?

Perhaps it's time to cut this friend out of your life. The facts are that for the most part, people become successful through having positive support in their life, not people who drag them down.

I don't know why your friend is saying the things she does, but if she gets upset like this around you a lot then maybe she's not in a good place herself and her success as a lawyer doesn't necessarily mean that she can't be feeling bad about herself. She probably had some positive support in some form back when she was starting out her law career and schooling.
 

HiLife

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
11,807
Also. Lmao at her telling you you don’t know how hard it is. Everybody deals with their own vices and struggles. What a ridiculous “friend” all around.
 

FaceHugger

Member
Oct 27, 2017
9,515
U, S, and A
To start, you're not old.

Second, if you want, check my Steam profile, it's in my profile here. I'll gift you a game that helped me climb out of a bad depression a few years ago.
 

SugarNoodles

Member
Nov 3, 2017
8,532
Portland, OR
Well that's reassuring.

Yeah, she is a partner at a law firm and she had a very hard life.
I think she thinks that the more pressure applied to me the better I will turn out as it sort of worked that way for her.

I have tried to get her to understand that working and not attending college can be very harmful to a person.
She just then will essentially get mad and tell me I have no idea how hard her life was and tell me that anyone can go to college like she did so I have no excuse.

I tried to explain to her that not everyone can go to college and she just tells me all about how hard her life was and so she thinks anyone can do it.
She is blinded by survivorship bias. Find people that are actually supportive and dont gaslight you.