Can men experiment with other men without it defining their sexuality? Logically yes, societally no it seems

[Zemst]

This always baffles me. If you search this topic on YouTube prepare to be disappointed. Especially with the responses that come from women that experimented with women, cannot wrap my head around it. Also to answer OP I can recognize when a man is handsome or attractive but I have no sexual arousal towards them, so experimenting is out the question for me really.

 

[Deleted member 925]

Growing up I had a straight buddy who I had sex with on the regular. He identifies as straight, always has. When I was a young gay guy this didn't make much sense to me but I realized some people just have a connection with others, even the same sex, and can have those personal moments. He's married now and it didn't change anything about him. We just had fun when we were in our late teens and early 20s.

 

[Kurdel]

It's all very stupid and rooted in toxic masculinity.

I am not one to force labels on people though, straight people can do gay things I am fine with that, as long as they are confortable and consenting.

 

[PrimeBeef]

I am secure as identifying as a straight male, have not had a same sex experience, and am not open to it currently and do not think it would change my identity if I were and I have an experience.

 

[PrimeBeef]

It's all very stupid and rooted in toxic masculinity.

I am not one to force labels on people though, straight people can do gay things I am fine with that, as long as they are confortable and consenting.

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Yup. I know why, but really don't know whay people just can't let people be.

 

[DOT_mjo]

I'm straight would never have sex with a guy but having sex with a man doesn't mean that you are homosexual. I'm all for people describing sexuality as however it best applies to them.

 

[Brawly Likes to Brawl]

A lot of straight guys are so insecure that things completely unrelated to sexuality are considered "gay". Trying to explain the concept of non-defining experimentation is like getting a gnat to do algebra.

 

[Jokergrin]

Fuck labels

 

[Deleted member 31817]

The sooner people realize that sexuality is a fluid spectrum the better.

 

[AimLow]

Not sure how to vote. I'm Straight, have no desire to experience with men, but if other men want to experiment, it shouldn't define their sexuality. People are different.

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^ This. Verbatim. I ultimately did vote the second from bottom choice because I guess that's the closest to how I feel, but not exactly.

 

[Deleted member 2210]

I'm fluid but I dont experience sexual attractions, only romantic ones. Terms for defining sexuality and attraction in binaries kind of bothers me.

 

[Dandy]

I've fooled around with a few straight guys before... None of them stopped identifying as straight, even the ones who made the first move. I doubt any of them told their friends though. I've had sex with one girl, and fooled around with a few. I've even had weird crushes on random girls... and still identify as gay.

I don't know what point I'm trying to make, other than have fun and fool around with whoever you want.

 

[RPGam3r]

Growing up I had a straight buddy who I had sex with on the regular. He identifies as straight, always has. When I was a young gay guy this didn't make much sense to me but I realized some people just have a connection with others, even the same sex, and can have those personal moments. He's married now and it didn't change anything about him. We just had fun when we were in our late teens and early 20s.

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Wouldn't this just make him bi? Part of me side eyes the "identifies as straight", giving me a "he sounds like he's just afraid of being something other than straight publicly" feeling. I don't know him personally obviously and he should do what he wants, I just hope he's not lying to himself or others.

 

[KillLaCam]

I'm straight and have never had any romantic or sexual interests for a guy.

Idk how the spectrum of sexuality is supposed to work but I think id be bi in that situation. Like Id still consider "bi curious" bi. You could call it straight leaning or something lol, idk

I feel like someone who still calls themselves straight in that situation has some stigma against being called Bi or something. But I'm not trying to label anyone anything. Be what ever

 

[Deleted member 12790]

I'm straight and have never had any romantic or sexual interests for a guy.

Idk how the spectrum of sexuality is supposed to work but I think id be bi in that situation. Like Id still consider "bi curious" bi. You could call it straight leaning or something lol, idk

I feel like someone who still calls themselves straight in that situation has some stigma against being called Bi or something. But I'm not trying to label anyone anything. Be what ever

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I think the Internet in general has a sophomoric view of what being bisexual means. It doesn't just mean you are open to anything. I once had a bisexual person describe it to me as them being sexually attracted to one gender, in a non platonic way, while being exclusively romantically in love with the another gender. You know, like the difference between lust and love.

 

[Stryder]

I can identify another male as being attractive, but I am not sexually attracted to men. I just don't get the urge or have the feelings.

I think have sexual feelings for someone of the same gender if you identify as straight might mean you are bi.

 

[MegaBeefBowl]

I am straight, and I've never experimented.

But, the thing is, that wouldn't matter if I did. I identify as straight, and that identifier is just as valid as any other, be it name or gender. I'm secure in my sexuality, and kissing a dude or doing something more overtly sexual wouldn't change that. The idea that your sexuality would shatter if you even brush up against the line of something other than straight screams insecurity.

 

[Tapiozona]

I hope I don't come off as an ignorant but the OP really got me thinking about this. What is the definition of being gay? It is something that we can identify as or is it biological and it is what it is you either are or you aren't. For instance, would the bar for being gay simply be being attracted to or getting aroused by other men? That's how I've always thought of it (men who met that bar and didn't identify as gay simply hadn't come out yet or were bisexual). Or is being gay or straight simply a function of what I prefer to be or what gender I'm currently dating?
And now that OP got me thinking... I don't hold women to the same belief / standard. It's odd and honestly stupid that it is that way and I should probably rethink things.

 

[Tygre]

I hope I don't come off as an ignorant but the OP really got me thinking about this. What is the definition of being gay? It is something that we can identify as or is it biological and it is what it is you either are or you aren't. For instance, would the bar for being gay simply be being attracted to or getting aroused by other men? That's how I've always thought of it (men who met that bar and didn't identify as gay simply hadn't come out yet or were bisexual). Or is being gay or straight simply a function of what I prefer to be or what gender I'm currently dating?
And now that OP got me thinking... I don't hold women to the same belief / standard. It's odd and honestly stupid that it is that way and I should probably rethink things.

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Being gay is a self identification. You are gay if you say you are. You can be a gay virgin. You can be gay while exclusively fucking women.

Attraction is a mish-mash of biology and sociology, just like the rest of our personality. Actions are purely factual. Labels are purely cultural.

Men who have sex with men definitely have sex with men, definitionally. Men who have sex with men may or may not be gay. People who are gay may or may not have sex with men.

(obvs all of the above applies equally to lesbians and women, just being lazy and gendered, sorry)

 

[MindofKB]

The closest one to me would be "I identify as straight and have never desired a same-sex sexual experience."

Though the last time we had a thread like this, someone chimed in stating that anybody who said that was a liar.

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That's a pretty ridiculous claim to make about all straight men on Earth who feel that way lol.

 

[Surfinn]

I've been on many dates with women who said it's a dealbreaker if a guy has had ANY same sex sexual experiences.

Shit is wild

 

[DisturbedSwan]

Had a same sex experience at Uni (just French kissing nothing more) years ago but still consider myself straight.

 

[Turin]

I can acknowledge a man's attractiveness but experimenting would require some level of interest which I just don't have any.

 

[Common Knowledge]

I've been on many dates with women who said it's a dealbreaker if a guy has had ANY same sex sexual experiences.

Shit is wild

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I can't stand that shit, honestly. I've read several articles now about how many women don't have any tolerance for bisexual men in the dating scene. Can't tell if it's more of toxic masculinity having its effect on women's perceptions or of homophobia. Probably a bit of both.

 

[Surfinn]

I can't stand that shit, honestly. I've read several articles now about how many women don't have any tolerance for bisexual men in the dating scene. Can't tell if it's more of toxic masculinity having its effect on women's perceptions or of homophobia. Probably a bit of both.

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Why not both.gif for sure

 

[Syder]

✔ I am secure in identifying as straight and have NOT had same-sex experience, and I don't care what other straight dudes do with other dudes

I remember even as a dumb kid it didn't phase me in the slightest when straight friends started making out with gay dudes at parties once alcohol started getting involved but as an adult I see that straight guys don't openly admit experiences like this for fear of being labelled as 'gay or bisexual'. Definitely a societal problem across the spectrum. I mean, my sister openly talks about experimenting with other girls, even in front of our parents, and she's straight.

 

[ShadowAUS]

I've been romantically attracted to men several times before but any time I've experimented sexually it hasn't really done anything for me. I don't know where that leaves me but I guess I identify as straight? I certainly don't care what other straight dudes do with other guys and I don't feel my experimentation has radically changed my identity any.

 

[Apath]

.

 

[oldboss]

Honestly, I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm still waiting for the first asshole to come tell me who I should and shouldn't have intercourse with.

It drives me nuts how people are so keen on putting labels on everything and putting people in boxes. Live and let live FFS.

The older I get the more determined I am to piss off any and all kind of conservative/ intolerant nutjob by telling them I tried sucking dick as a guy, just to see their brain melt right there. I'm a big guy and I tend to act aggressively in such situations, which leads them to just walk away seething with rage, as I tend to be as disrespectful as I can towards their kind.

I'm not ashamed to say it leaves me extremely satisfied. I'm only ever going to act in an antagonistic manner if you try to tell me what my orientation should be.

 

[julia crawford]

This seems like a weird way to define sexuality. If you're curious about sex with people of your gender, then... you have a curious sexuality right? As in, you're predominantly heterosexual but would desire the same gender in the interest of curiosity/experimentation. I'm not romantically interested in men but sexually it's different.

 

[phonicjoy]

I've been on many dates with women who said it's a dealbreaker if a guy has had ANY same sex sexual experiences.

Shit is wild

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Yeah, I've had that happen. Even when I was younger and had just made out with a guy, that would be enough to make them uncomfortable.

 

[Kyuuji]

-

 

[Salty_Josh]

I am secure in identifying as straight and have NOT had same-sex experience, and wouldn't be open to it. Maybe it would change how I viewed my own sexuality, but it's a big hypothetical and I can't say I would feel anything other than the way I feel now.
Chase your own bag - don't worry about what others are doing.

Wouldn't this just make him bi? Part of me side eyes the "identifies as straight", giving me a "he sounds like he's just afraid of being something other than straight publicly" feeling. I don't know him personally obviously and he should do what he wants, I just hope he's not lying to himself or others.

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Does it really matter if he is lying to himself/others? If he's happy, isn't it a non-issue?

 

[Mediking]

*looks at tag the admins gave me without asking*

Nope.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa... you weren't asked for the Tag? Ummmm...

 

[nitekrawler]

After spending my 20s having sex with almost exclusively men that identify as straight, I'm starting to think it's really just about what they want their families and society at large to believe about them rather than any indication of their sexuality or practicing sexual habits.

I even got a nickname at my job for all the 'straight' men I had sex with.

 

[Thequietone]

You can be curious, try something, and realize it isn't for you. If that happens, I don't think there's any reason to identify differently. If you find that you're into it after all, then I don't see the point in continuing to call yourself straight.

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You'd think so but I used to have sex with this guy all the time who considered himself straight/heterosexual. He was always the top and he wouldn't give oral sex. This made him straight in his eyes because he didn't partake in those two things. Which is fine as only he can define his sexuality, but I always found it weird to think that.

 

[Zok310]

Or using straws.
Or eating a banana.
Or wiping their ass.

... I wish I was making these up.

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You must be making it up, cause i figure at the age of 37 i would have at least ran into 1 man that don't use straws, don't wipe their ass or don't eat bananas because ego.

 

[RPGam3r]

I am secure in identifying as straight and have NOT had same-sex experience, and wouldn't be open to it. Maybe it would change how I viewed my own sexuality, but it's a big hypothetical and I can't say I would feel anything other than the way I feel now.
Chase your own bag - don't worry about what others are doing.



Does it really matter if he is lying to himself/others? If he's happy, isn't it a non-issue?

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For real? Lying to others is ok to you as long as you're happy? That's a shitty way to approach life.

 

[Deleted member 48434]

I'm pretty secure in my sexuality, but I'm not open to sexual experiences with guys because they are pretty fuckin unattractive.
Why does being secure in my sexuality mean I have to be open to experimentation? I haven't even lost my virginity yet.

 

[Salty_Josh]

For real? Lying to others is ok to you as long as you're happy? That's a shitty way to approach life.

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Well yes in certain instances, but that's not the point I'm trying to make.

 

[IneptEMP]

I'd say eating dick is definitely gay but if somebody does it and then decides it's not for them that's fine.

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Eating dick is an action, not a sexuality

 

[Boy Wander]

Isn't this just a spectrum that everyone fits somewhere along.?some of us are 100% straight and have no desire to experiment and some are 100% gay and have no desire to experiment and everyone else is in between. There are too many people for everyone to fit in a couple of conveniently labelled buckets.

 

[Khezu]

I never gave a lot of thought to it, I just know how I personally feel.

I would say I'm straight, but I'm also Asexual. I don't dislike sex, I just don't get much enjoyment out of it, so I don't pursue it, and I have only been "sexually" attracted to maybe 3 to 5 people my entire life, and they have all been woman.

I have been attracted to other men in a more aesthetic kind of way, and find very feminine guys cute, and have had light sexual experiences with 2 guys growing up.
However, I never get an emotional attachment to men the same way I do woman, and I don't think I would be comfortable being close and cuddly with a guy.

 

[SolidChamp]

WTF is this bullshit? WTF at those poll results.

Sexually experimenting with someone of the same gender does NOT automatically make one homosexual. That's not how it works.

There needs to be a complete emotional/romantic predisposition to being completely attracted to and emotionally and sexually involved with someone of the same gender.

Choosing to fuck someone with the same parts as you is not tantamount to choosing to be gay. You DO NOT choose to be gay. You don't need to label or identify EVERY GODDAMN THING.

Sexuality is fluid. I know plenty of married men and women who fantasize about or indulge in experimenting with someone of the same sex.

Sooo yeah. I don't know how to respond to those poll results.

 

[Psychonaut]

Personally, I have only ever been with women and all of my biggest crushes/deepest emotional relationships have been with women. I would consider myself straight, but I've become more open to experimenting with same-sex partnerships recently. As I think more about what my life looks like as an asexual (but not aromantic) person I realize that there really is no difference once you take a person's p'zone out of the relationship equation. And that's usually the step at which I remember that tags like "gay" and "straight" are made up bullshit that's only retroactively useful as a means of organizing against institutionalized oppression.

That being said, if I did try things out with a guy, it would probably be with someone who largely presents as traditionally feminine. I already know I like that. That's probably why I would call myself straight despite a curiosity in same-sex relationships. Whether the person has a penis or a vagina, nothing about me or the fundamental qualities I would find attractive in them is changed.

 

[BigHatPaul]

If you try a Vegan burger are you vegan? Not necessarily.

 

[Deleted member 82]

You can be gay while exclusively fucking women.

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Sorry if I come off as ignorant, but how does this specific example work? Maybe I'm just making too many assumptions or your sentence would need more qualifiers, but if you exclusively have sex with women, and assuming you're also only attracted to women both physically and romantically, how could you self-identify as gay? Unless you're including certain behaviors and tastes as generally considered "gay" by society at large? Like, say, if you're a soft-spoken man with a tone of voice that sounds a bit effeminate (by society's standards, obviously) and you don't mind openly showing signs of affection towards anyone (including men), maybe?

Like, how could I, for instance, self-identify as gay? All my romantic/sexual interests have always been women, never men (and, while it could always change, I don't see it change any time soon honestly, if ever). Plus, as far as I can tell, most of my behaviors are not coded gay by the society I live in (or by American society either, I'd wager). How could I "feel" gay in any way? You say it's a mish-mash of biology and sociology, and you're absolutely right - based on my limited understanding of these subjects anyway - but what would be the biological and/or sociological grounds for self-identifying as gay in this case? Would I even have the "right" (so to speak... I don't mean legally obviously) to call myself gay? Isn't there a point where this becomes factually untrue/misguided?

 

[Tunichtgut]

I have had a few experiences with straight guys (i'm gay), and i have never questioned their sexuality, cause it was never important to me. Everybody is different, and we don't need to define everyone by some stupid rules. Just be you, that's more then enough!

 

[blitzblake]

If you try a Vegan burger are you vegan? Not necessarily.

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If youre ok with eating some meat do you call yourself vegan?

 

[Deleted member 41502]

The great thing about being a grown up is, it doesn't really matter. There's an entire subreddit for guys who like to jerk off with other guys while they look at straight porn. A lot of them won't identify as bi, and no one really cares. There's lots of prison sex between guys who all identify as straight.

Letting other people define you is dumb.

WTF is this bullshit? WTF at those poll results.

Sexually experimenting with someone of the same gender does NOT automatically make one homosexual. That's not how it works.

There needs to be a complete emotional/romantic predisposition to being completely attracted to and emotionally and sexually involved with someone of the same gender.

Choosing to fuck someone with the same parts as you is not tantamount to choosing to be gay. You DO NOT choose to be gay. You don't need to label or identify EVERY GODDAMN THING.

Sexuality is fluid. I know plenty of married men and women who fantasize about or indulge in experimenting with someone of the same sex.

Sooo yeah. I don't know how to respond to those poll results.

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The poll is asking questions about people themselves. "Hey, if you tried sucking dick, would it change how you view yourself sexually?" Not, "if someone sucks a dick, are the automatically kicked out of the straight club". It doesn't really ask the question the thread is talking about.