Can you be friends with people you’re not completely politically aligned with?

[Cokie Bear]

I was going to ask this in the current Angry Joe thread over on the gaming side but thought it might be better over here.

I'm seeing quite a few posts over there that I don't agree with. I'm not going to quite specific posts, but there are two main sentiments I'm seeing that I disagree with.

someone holds an opinion that I disagree with, therefore Im calling them a garbage person regardless of whatever else we may agree on

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And the tangentially related

You will continue to watch a YouTube that said a thing that YOU disagree with because you still enjoy their content, therefore I don't like you

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Speaking for myself, I disagree with hot topic subjects with both one of My closest friends. She's from an Eastern Europe and holds certain views that I just don't agree with. We talk about it when it comes up, sometimes it gets a bit heated, but there's also a ton of stuff that we do agree on. More than what we don't.

In that particular thread, there is definitely a segment of people who are on board with "cancelling"(their words, not mine) a person based on one specific opinion, and taking an active dislike to those who won't cancel that person because of that opinion.

I can't do that. I can't write a person off based on one opinion.

Obviously, like with anything, there are degrees to this. Like if I had a friend who was actively posting racist or homophobic jokes on social media then I wouldn't really want to be friends with that person any longer. Or if someone as active in campaigning against gay marriage. But if someone held those same homophobic beliefs but didn't actively share them (outside of when the specific conversation comes up), I couldn't drop that person from my life. It wouldn't matter if they were a close friend, a family member or a random person I watch on YouTube. I couldn't "cancel" someone who I completely get along with outside of certain topics. I'm able to just not listen to their opinion on those topics.

I feel like people are more that a sum of their individual beliefs. I think someone can hold an opinion that I vehemently disagree with, but still value their place in my life, whether that be a major or minor part.

Do you agree that it's right to "cancel" someone from your life just because you learned they hold a belief you don't agree with? Can you separate a person from that belief if you feel they have an otherwise positive impact on your life?

 

[Mekanos]

I'm not going to be friends with people who think me, people like me, or agree with people that think I should be dead.

I have a hard enough time getting along with liberals, lol.

 

[nsilvias]

yeah of course as long they arent too far on the otherside

 

[Deleted member 31817]

I mean depends on the belief. I'm bi so literally anyone who's a Republican can fuck off, along with a lot of Dems just for being homophobic.

 

[Pankratous]

Not really no

 

[Cokie Bear]

I'm not going to be friends with people who think me, people like me, or agree with people that think I should be dead.

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I agree with that, but that's getting into extremist territory. Most people don't fall into that group. Most homophobes don't wish for all homosexual people to be dead, for example.

At least I don't think they do. I've never gotten the impression that this was more than a minority, extremist impression.

 

[Shirosaki]

I live in Texas, so there's not much of a choice. You don't have to agree on everything. The full on MAGA supporters though draws the line for friends.

 

[WascallyWabbit]

The devil's all in the details with this stuff. What matters is the opinion you're talking about. Even among like minded liberal folk there's going to be things you disagree with

 

[CrankyJay]

Yes, mostly because I rarely ever discuss politics with anyone.

 

[Mekanos]

I agree with that, but that's getting into extremist territory. Most people don't fall into that group. Most homophones don't wish for all homosexual people to be dead, for example.

At least I don't think they do.

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No, they just want to deny them chances to participate in society, work, and culture, while also depriving them of health care and economic benefits. So they might as well want me dead.

 

[Stinkles]

Ten years ago one political persuasion wasn't literally adapting fascist and racist ideals into its election strategy and wasn't openly hostile to democracy. What do you want me to compromise on? The gold standard?

And I'm frequently accused of being a "centrist"

 

[Richietto]

Yeah but only so much. I 100% won't be friends with a Republican. A vote for Republicans is a vote against for 1 colored folk and I am... Well colored.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

I agree with that, but that's getting into extremist territory. Most people don't fall into that group. Most homophobes don't wish for all homosexual people to be dead, for example.

At least I don't think they do. I've never gotten the impression that this was more than a minority, extremist impression.

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Ok but even the "mild" homophobes, how can I gel with that in a friend? That they're always mad uncomfortable around me just because of who I am? That's a shitty friend

 

[Sensei]

The answer to this tends to depend a lot on the identity of the person you are asking, whether gender/race/sexuality/etc

 

[Biestmann]

There are levels to these things. While minor disagreements are harmless more often than not, there are some opposing opinions that just cannot be reconciled. To give an example, I've called out and cut off each of my former friends that voted Trump. They can fuck off into the sun.

 

[1000% H]

I can't be friends with people who disrespect my life and the life of others, such as what was happening in the Angry Joe thread.

 

[Keikaku]

Yes, politics don't go above relationships here. Seems to be different in America.

 

[Strangelove_77]

Depends how "deep" theyre into the facets of their political side.

But honestly I never ask.

 

[Hyun Sai]

If the politic alignment involves racism, bigotry, intolerance, hell no.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Not really no

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So, I have 2 questions. Please take these on good faith. I'm really bad with wording things but I assure you this is nothing more than genuine curiosity:

Doesn't that make it hard to find people to socialise with? From my experience it's extremely rare to find a person, let alone a group, who are equally as vested and aligned as you are on every political topic.

And doesn't that, for lack of a better phrase, get boring? I don't mean that to sound like being friends with a mad racist is exciting, but I do enjoy having my beliefs and opinions challenged and even if I feel I'm ultimately on the right side. I like knowing that I have the opportunity to educate someone on an issue they may be ignorant on. It's obviously not something I actively seek in a friend, I do see value in challenging people on what they believe and trying to find out why they hold those beliefs especially if they're people I'd otherwise enjoy being around.

 

[Hideo GOATjima]

Yes, we just disagree and move on

 

[Deleted member 8561]

it completely depends. Social conservatism is basically a no for me, I can deal with people who have conservative views on other issues that don't dive into anti-science insanity.

 

[RedMercury]

Sure, people are going to disagree over things like how exactly to pay for some things or funding distribution, but if they can't agree on the basics like equal rights, healthcare as a right, stuff like that? Hell no.

 

[Chojin]

Yes. I don't find too many fellow anarcho-syndicalists around.

 

[Aine]

I've tried. Got burned, repeatedly. Not doing that again.

 

[Ultimate Bear Cub]

I try my best to not reject people, but the ideas that they wrongfully hold. Not all ideas are equal. However, some are more dangerous and insidious than others.

If someone poses a threat to you, you have to distance yourself for your safety. You must realize how the idea operates and manifests. There is always a flaw or limitation to every idea.

 

[Trieu]

So far I haven't met anyone who I agree with on 100% of all political matters.

 

[Deleted member 18944]

Most often I have people in my life that are in the gray area. One particular person that comes to mind is Le Trump Supporter. He's a good guy with a warped political view. I don't really know the extent of it other than the occasional dumb shit he says on Facebook.

If it ever came down to it, I'd rather not burn bridges and instead attempt to help him cross to the other side if that ever came to be.

 

[RedMercury]

Do you agree that it's right to "cancel" someone from your life just because you learned they hold a belief you don't agree with?

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I mean, of course it is, and everyone has a line they are going to draw. Would you be friends with someone who believes adults should be able to legally have sex with kids? I doubt it, or at least I hope not. Would you be friends with an incel who thinks women should be forced into servitude? Doubt it.

 

[Allforce]

One of my best friends is pretty much a conservative, voted Trump, hates Hilary, blablabla.

I don't really give a shit, it doesn't define us and what we like to do which is drink beer and watch football. We'll get into some shit sometimes but not enough where we're gonna change each other's minds and it's never worth getting heated about so usually it just drops off and the subject is changed.

 

[Pankratous]

So, I have 2 questions. Please take these on good faith. I'm really bad with wording things but I assure you this is nothing more than genuine curiosity:

Doesn't that make it hard to find people to socialise with? From my experience it's extremely rare to find a person, let alone a group, who are equally as vested and aligned as you are on every political topic.

And doesn't that, for lack of a better phrase, get boring? I don't mean that to sound like being friends with a mad racist is exciting, but I do enjoy having my beliefs and opinions challenged and even if I feel I'm ultimately on the right side. I like knowing that I have the opportunity to educate someone on an issue they may be ignorant on. It's obviously not something I actively seek in a friend, I do see value in challenging people on what they believe and trying to find out why they hold those beliefs especially if they're people I'd otherwise enjoy being around.

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I live in Scotland. The vast majority of people are left leaning. Hardly anybody votes for right wing parties. Additionally, as an educated person with a professional job, I literally never meet anyone who doesn't really have the same world view as me.

The only people I've met that I've disliked because of their differing political beliefs have been, stereotypically enough, English people working as contractors in my office.

 

[Rendering...]

As long as they're not bigots, I guess. I'm not interested in hanging with social conservatives or science deniers though.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Ok but even the "mild" homophobes, how can I gel with that in a friend? That they're always mad uncomfortable around me just because of who I am? That's a shitty friend

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Ok, I agree. I should probably clarify. If you're a homosexual you're obviously going to find it tough being friends with a homophobe. If you're a minority you're not going to be friends with someone who is prejudiced against you.

I guess a better question would be could you still be friends with someone who held a prejudiced or ignorant belief that doesn't target you directly.

To use the example from the thread that inspiried this train of thought, if you were pro gun control could you still be friends with people who were anti gun control. I was seeing posters in that thread who were very vocal that they couldn't be. I maybe should have phrased the thread along those lines rather than opening it up to all bigoted beliefs.

 

[Vilix]

Yes. I just don't talk politics or religion with folks.

 

[Mekanos]

but I do enjoy having my beliefs and opinions challenged and even if I feel I'm ultimately on the right side.

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This isn't a fucking game, dude. It doesn't feel "good" to have our right to live and function challenged. People's lives are on the line. I'm a bisexual autistic Jew. Republicans want me dead. Dead.

I mean, I'm a democratic socialist, I'm not exactly going to town with a bunch of commie friends. But I'm not going to tolerate bullshit either. My time on this planet is short and precious, and so is my time to hang out with others. Not going to do it with people who are pushing ideologies that make me want to vomit.

 

[N64Controller]

Depends on how close I am with the person, and what those differences are.

Wouldn't stop being friends over something like a friend being a Federalist even though I'm a sovereignist. Or a lot of things that are basically "just politics". But when it comes to rights, things like abortion, gay marriage, etc it's a huge no-no.

 

[Deleted member 56449]

Yes, politics don't go above relationships here. Seems to be different in America.

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Thats what it seems to me too...

 

[Sensei]

So, I have 2 questions. Please take these on good faith. I'm really bad with wording things but I assure you this is nothing more than genuine curiosity:

Doesn't that make it hard to find people to socialise with? From my experience it's extremely rare to find a person, let alone a group, who are equally as vested and aligned as you are on every political topic.

And doesn't that, for lack of a better phrase, get boring? I don't mean that to sound like being friends with a mad racist is exciting, but I do enjoy having my beliefs and opinions challenged and even if I feel I'm ultimately on the right side. I like knowing that I have the opportunity to educate someone on an issue they may be ignorant on. It's obviously not something I actively seek in a friend, I do see value in challenging people on what they believe and trying to find out why they hold those beliefs especially if they're people I'd otherwise enjoy being around.

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most people in real life dont "enjoy" having their beliefs "challenged"

this whole thing i see on the internet with people on reddit or twitter or here or other forums talking about how enlightened they are for seeking out other opinions and enjoying having debates about beliefs different from theirs is ABNORMAL. people generally do not act like this in real life and if they do they are largely considered maladjusted

People just want to live... not seek out arguments for fun

 

[Claire Delune]

Not anymore.

 

[DigitalOp]

This thread will show you who knows what's good lol

 

[BasilZero]

Yes. I just don't talk politics or religion with folks.

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This.

 

[RedMercury]

And doesn't that, for lack of a better phrase, get boring? I don't mean that to sound like being friends with a mad racist is exciting, but I do enjoy having my beliefs and opinions challenged and even if I feel I'm ultimately on the right side.

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Arguing with a racist shouldn't be some hobby that you do to pass your time and feel personally challenged. There's no challenge there anyways when they are objectively wrong.

 

[Untzillatx]

Yes, you can, but it depends on how extreme the differences are. I for example support Basque independence, but I have many friends who not only don't but also do strongly identify as Spaniards. No problem.

However I could not befriend a hardcore Spanish nationalist, unless we never talked politics, geography or linguistics.

 

[Deleted member 1635]

Yes, absolutely. Don't let people on Era or elsewhere tell you otherwise.

 

[RedMercury]

This thread will show you who knows what's good lol

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Two words Digi

"Fuck 'em"

 

[Deleted member 16657]

Yeah of course. I just don't talk about politics with them.

Making friends is an organic process, sometimes you find things out about them that make you reconsider the closeness of that friendship. Politics isn't one of them for me. I'm friends with someone who voted for Trump, I can accept it because she's not obnoxious about it. Others don't have the privilege to be able to set their political feelings aside for a friendship and that too is understandable.

 

[Mekanos]

I guess a better question would be could you still be friends with someone who held a prejudiced or ignorant belief that doesn't target you directly.

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No, because:

1) I champion the liberation and equality of all minorities and oppressed groups, and that would make me a hypocrite,
2) how do I know that this person complaining about black and Mexican people doesn't think I'm a f*ggy k*ke?

 

[Bigwombat]

Of course. As long as you are respectful and not racist/sexist with each other definitely

 

[TissueBox]

Yes of course. Some of our most loved acquaintances may support a fascist regime one day, but I'll do my damndest to bring them back to their senses!!

Maybe.

 

[Cokie Bear]

most people in real life dont "enjoy" having their beliefs "challenged"

this whole thing i see on the internet with people on reddit or twitter or here or other forums talking about how enlightened they are for seeking out other opinions and enjoying having debates about beliefs different from theirs is ABNORMAL. people generally do not act like this in real life and if they do they are largely considered maladjusted

People just want to live... not seek out arguments for fun

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Arguing with a racist shouldn't be some hobby that you do to pass your time and feel personally challenged. There's no challenge there anyways when they are objectively wrong.

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You're right, enjoy was the wrong word. My point was I see value in attempting to challenges the (in my opinion) wrong ideologies a person may hold, rather than cutting them from my life if I otherwise get along with them.