The death of people who supported me worsened my mental health which was already not good.I basically live like a hikkikomori and go out maybe once or twice in a month at best. I have never wanted to live old(this is comonly said by people, but in my case it was a recurrent thought) and I have even fewer reasons to live old.
My heart beats much faster than before I witnessed deaths and my body never relaxes, my body is always tight.I think I might die sooner than most people because of health in general, and I know that there are many "you should" or "you have to" thatoften come in such situations, but I have decided that I would not listen anymore to what I consider to be injunctions from society.