Sober Era? Let's Stay Sober

[Guybrush Threewood]

First off, great Abadon avatar.

Second, blackouts are a hell of a thing. Time travel. How did I get from A to B? Looking up phone records, text messages, location history, making sure there isn't a dead body on the front of my car in the garage. Praying I didn't yell at my wife or a kid. Wondering why the back door was left open all night (because I went out there and came back in and didn't close it and it's been open for 8 hours in 20 degree weather as I'm passed out on the couch).

But...it doesn't have to be that way anymore if you don't want it to be. The fork in the road is now in front of you.

 

[Salty AF]

Hey those of you posting in here, and especially if you're early in your journey, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend finding some other outlets that have some more activity and users. Early recovery is a daily and sometimes hourly checkin with yourself and others and this thread just doesn't have enough traffic to handle what you likely need.

Check out /r/stopdrinking, find some Discords (aachats.org), find meetings, whatever. This thread is nice for occasional updates but if you need help and you're in the first 90 days, this may not be the place for it. Certainly not as the only place to go IMO.

Source: 5.5 years sober. I just keep an eye on things in here and there's been a flurry of activity over the last week or two which is uncommon for this thread and even that's not enough to likely keep up with what people need as they're detoxing/starting out. Conversation and checkins have already died down again. Hope that means people are going elsewhere and not going back out.

Click to shrink...

Honestly, I feel like this thread would get more activity if it was somehow separated from the rest of etcetera and in some other sub forum for self help. I'm on day 34 over here and it's helped me tremendously just venting or writing down how I feel going through this massive life change.

I will say, I feel good overall but there's no getting around it that everything seems different to me now because of the clarity. I used to get super worked up over the smallest thing and now I just look at face value and not overthink everything. It's made me more decisive in everything across the board. It's almost like I'm walking through life in a kind of dream state - again - not a bad thing but more just a feel of permanent massive change.

 

[Macam]

I'm at 79 days sober. It's just a lot of ups and downs. Pink cloud is a thing as the first month or so the physical improvements are faster and more dramatic and thus more noticeable. It's easier to be more upbeat feeling that and figuring out more productive and fun ways to use the time that was spent just mindlessly drinking before etc.

After that it's mostly back to having days we feel good and others we're tired and/or feeling crappy, good days and bad days in events and mood etc. More having to deal with problems--if any--we were numbing with alcohol (anxiety issues etc. on my end).

Something I read somewhere that has stuck with me is how one of the challenges of sobriety is just coming to terms with how mundane and montonous/boring most of our days are going to be with the never ending cycle of work, chores/errands, eating and sleeping consuming most of our days. Not having drinks to look forward to at the end of the day can become more of a bummer for those of us who had that as a crutch before. I've mostly replaced it by making time for games or movies/shows or watching sports etc. in the evening and just not drinking while doing those things. But I still miss it some evenings, especially after harder days.

Click to shrink...

Two months in, definitely feeling the habit of wanting a nightcap breaking.

The last paragraph is certainly relatable, especially since I suspect a good number of people are in or approaching middle age and without the going out bit, that can definitely make things feel kinda down. Hobbies are important, especially ones that don't center on alcohol and ideally any with other people as that can mitigate that, as can exercise.

 

[Deleted member 91227]

Two months in, definitely feeling the habit of wanting a nightcap breaking.

The last paragraph is certainly relatable, especially since I suspect a good number of people are in or approaching middle age and without the going out bit, that can definitely make things feel kinda down. Hobbies are important, especially ones that don't center on alcohol and ideally any with other people as that can mitigate that, as can exercise.

Click to shrink...

Yeah I'm closing in on 3 months and cravings are pretty much gone. Even when around others drinking like my wife and friends who are all drinkers, or having lunch or solo dinners at bars I used to eat and drink at etc. To be fair, I was never a super serious alcoholic, never blacking out etc. and I didn't have any major physical withdrawal symptoms when I stopped drinking this year or in past dry Januaries or other dry periods. I was just drinking too much for my health, but thankfully hadn't gotten to the point of serious levels of physical dependency. It was more a bad habit for me that I at least kept from getting too out of hand (largely as I hate hangovers and knew my limits to avoid those).

I haven't really had to substitute hobbies, I'm still mostly just playing games, watching sports etc. in the evenings and not drinking while doing them, hanging with my wife and/or friends and doing the same things and just not drinking even though they usually are etc. I have been eating better and working out more and losing weight (down over 20lbs so far this year, need to lose around 20 more) and that does help as it's motivating and reason to not want to resume taking in those empty calories.

 

[Macam]

Yeah I'm closing in on 3 months and cravings are pretty much gone. Even when around others drinking like my wife and friends who are all drinkers, or having lunch or solo dinners at bars I used to eat and drink at etc. To be fair, I was never a super serious alcoholic, never blacking out etc. and I didn't have any major physical withdrawal symptoms when I stopped drinking this year or in past dry Januaries or other dry periods. I was just drinking too much for my health, but thankfully hadn't gotten to the point of serious levels of physical dependency. It was more a bad habit for me that I at least kept from getting too out of hand (largely as I hate hangovers and knew my limits to avoid those).

Click to shrink...

I think one of the most surprising things is that despite being a fairly light drinker these days (maybe 3-4 cocktails at home at worst), I certainly developed a craving. That's pretty much entirely gone as well.

 

[Deleted member 91227]

I think one of the most surprising things is that despite being a fairly light drinker these days (maybe 3-4 cocktails at home at worst), I certainly developed a craving. That's pretty much entirely gone as well.

Click to shrink...

Yeah it doesn't take super heavy drinking to develop a craving. A lot of cravings can be mental rather than just physical and tied to physical dependency.

Otherwise relapsing wouldn't be so common as physical dependency is mostly gone within a week or two of quitting drinking, but for some the mental battle with cravings is a rest of their life battle. We're lucky we didn't fall into that camp (yet anyway).

 

[Salty AF]

I think one of the most surprising things is that despite being a fairly light drinker these days (maybe 3-4 cocktails at home at worst), I certainly developed a craving. That's pretty much entirely gone as well.

Click to shrink...

Yep. Alcohol is the very definition of insidious. A slow creep that causes harm without the person really noticing it until it's turned into a problem.

People often forget that alcohol IS an addictive substance just like nicotine or heroin or cocaine. Its a heavily marketed, socially accepted, legal drug that for this very reason doesn't go under the same scrutiny as other drugs.

 

[Fright Zone]

I'm at 79 days sober. It's just a lot of ups and downs. Pink cloud is a thing as the first month or so the physical improvements are faster and more dramatic and thus more noticeable. It's easier to be more upbeat feeling that and figuring out more productive and fun ways to use the time that was spent just mindlessly drinking before etc.

After that it's mostly back to having days we feel good and others we're tired and/or feeling crappy, good days and bad days in events and mood etc. More having to deal with problems--if any--we were numbing with alcohol (anxiety issues etc. on my end).

Something I read somewhere that has stuck with me is how one of the challenges of sobriety is just coming to terms with how mundane and montonous/boring most of our days are going to be with the never ending cycle of work, chores/errands, eating and sleeping consuming most of our days. Not having drinks to look forward to at the end of the day can become more of a bummer for those of us who had that as a crutch before. I've mostly replaced it by making time for games or movies/shows or watching sports etc. in the evening and just not drinking while doing those things. But I still miss it some evenings, especially after harder days.

Click to shrink...

Relate to this post so much. 88 days sober and yeah, just not feeling the improvements so much, still waking up tired and headachey, skin's been bad, not losing weight as much as the first month.

Not really craving alcohol itself at all but miss going out, miss the excitement of drinking, that feeling that anything could happen.
Of course the 'anything' was often just me blacking out, spending too much, doing dumb things. But as you say it felt like it broke up the monotony of life.
Now life is too predictable. I know exactly how every day/evening is going to pan out, there's no surprises good or bad.

I went to a gig last night, it was booked while I was still drinking and delayed by months. I was in two minds whether to go or not.
It was a really rowdy crowd, and it was the first time I'd been around a lot of drunk people since I gave up, and it gave me mixed feelings - half of me was envious of those dancing uninhibitedly, and half of me was glad I wasn't like some of the sloppier people there falling about.
There was an official after party at a nearby pub til 3am and I know I would've 100% gone if I'd been drinking, and then probably missed work the next day.
I walked past it and felt a pang of envy, it was very bittersweet, like i was grieving for my past life.
Some days I'm just not wholly convinced that the benefits of giving up are outweighing the fun I'm missing out on, or the perception of that fun.

 

[Deleted member 91227]

Relate to this post so much. 88 days sober and yeah, just not feeling the improvements so much, still waking up tired and headachey, skin's been bad, not losing weight as much as the first month.

Not really craving alcohol itself at all but miss going out, miss the excitement of drinking, that feeling that anything could happen.
Of course the 'anything' was often just me blacking out, spending too much, doing dumb things. But as you say it felt like it broke up the monotony of life.
Now life is too predictable. I know exactly how every day/evening is going to pan out, there's no surprises good or bad.

I went to a gig last night, it was booked while I was still drinking and delayed by months. I was in two minds whether to go or not.
It was a really rowdy crowd, and it was the first time I'd been around a lot of drunk people since I gave up, and it gave me mixed feelings - half of me was envious of those dancing uninhibitedly, and half of me was glad I wasn't like some of the sloppier people there falling about.
There was an official after party at a nearby pub til 3am and I know I would've 100% gone if I'd been drinking, and then probably missed work the next day.
I walked past it and felt a pang of envy, it was very bittersweet, like i was grieving for my past life.
Some days I'm just not wholly convinced that the benefits of giving up are outweighing the fun I'm missing out on, or the perception of that fun.

Click to shrink...

I'm a little hesistant to give advice as you may have been a lot heavier drinker than me (I was never blacking out etc), but I've mostly just:

1. Learned to have fun doing things I used to do while drinking--like playing games, eating lunch or dinner at bars and chatting with the owner/bartender/regulars etc. while not drinking.

2. Being fine hanging out with my wife and friends while they're drinking and I'm not. Granted, we're old and boring so it's not gigs and until 3am after parties or anything.

But again, be mindful that my level of dependency may have been lower so it may be safer for me to be around booze than you and others.

In terms of feeling better, I still have that. The changes aren't as noticeable as month one, but I'm still losing weight etc. But that's not just the lack of booze it's that I'm still eating better, exercising more, working on self care (meditation etc.), started on some anxiety meds etc. So if you're not doing more health wise than not drinking, think about investing some time and energy on that front as, at least for me, it does help a ton.

 

[deimosmasque]

I actually had a bit of a crisis last night. Cuz of The situation I mentioned earlier.

It doesn't help when you're terrified of why it's happening and also have a history of self-harm.

I actually ended up calling 988 last night and the person I talked to did a very good job of making me feel listen to and not judged in a way that even my partner isn't always the best at.

We actually have another phone call scheduled for Friday to talk about it some more.

 

[TheGummyBear]

So posting here as I need to vent a little about my frustration with myself.

After going nearly two weeks dry from booze, I ended up having a major lapse on Saturday. Most of the time I'd just put it behind me because it's not exactly the first time I've gone out and gotten drunk, and checking my bank balance I didn't have that much compared to what I would usually drink. (Which meant that my tolerance was at least starting to return to a normal level.)

However, I had a complete en bloc blackout towards the end of my drinking session that has left me anxious and upset with myself. The last thing I remember is being on the phone in the bar at about 3 in the afternoon, the next I'm completely off route from heading home, fighting my way through a bramble patch that left me sliced up like deli meat at somewhere between 7 and 8. That's at least 4 hours where I was out, don't remember a thing, and got on the completely wrong bus to have been headed home.

It was, to put it plain and simple, an extremely frightening experience. Usually when I have blacked out completely like that, it's at home in the run up to passing out. So I think little of it. This is the first time it has happened to me while in public.

I've used the experience to keep the lapse just that, a lapse. But the anxieties that it has caused have created the potential for a self destructive spiral.

 

[Salty AF]

So posting here as I need to vent a little about my frustration with myself.

After going nearly two weeks dry from booze, I ended up having a major lapse on Saturday. Most of the time I'd just put it behind me because it's not exactly the first time I've gone out and gotten drunk, and checking my bank balance I didn't have that much compared to what I would usually drink. (Which meant that my tolerance was at least starting to return to a normal level.)

However, I had a complete en bloc blackout towards the end of my drinking session that has left me anxious and upset with myself. The last thing I remember is being on the phone in the bar at about 3 in the afternoon, the next I'm completely off route from heading home, fighting my way through a bramble patch that left me sliced up like deli meat at somewhere between 7 and 8. That's at least 4 hours where I was out, don't remember a thing, and got on the completely wrong bus to have been headed home.

It was, to put it plain and simple, an extremely frightening experience. Usually when I have blacked out completely like that, it's at home in the run up to passing out. So I think little of it. This is the first time it has happened to me while in public.

I've used the experience to keep the lapse just that, a lapse. But the anxieties that it has caused have created the potential for a self destructive spiral.

Click to shrink...

Sorry to hear this. Don't beat yourself up.

Quitting alcohol is not always a linear process. It's not a straight line for many people. There's relapses. There's blackouts. Shit happens. Do not blame yourself — just try to learn from this experience and apply it to moving forward. You don't need to use this as an excuse to go back to drinking either — it's just a tiny hiccup on your sobriety timeline. Try to keep your head up and don't drink - one day at a time.

Remember that YOU are not the problem. The problem is the ALCOHOL - a highly addictive, toxic substance - and you're trying to break free from its clutches. It takes time but you will get there.

I'm a little over 40 days sober now and I believe the hardest part was right around 14 days, if it makes you feel any better. I was irritable and just felt extremely off. Then something flipped and it all subsided and I went the opposite direction around 19 days or so into it.

 

[Fright Zone]

100 days sober today. Almost entirely stopped craving the taste of booze, no desire at all to drink at home or alone, but I do still miss it in social situations, and lament how much easier/more fun they would be with a couple drinks.

 

[Macam]

Congrats — my 100 days is still a month away.

While my cravings are gone, the social situation is fine for me but that's because most of my friends these days have little kids and don't drink much or largely sober themselves. Went to a communal event at a brewery with stands and was pleased to see they had Athletic on hand, so was able to drink a NA beer (and we all did save for one friend), and it was great.

Enjoying the sobriety way more and having clear, non-repetitive conversations with people that are more present.

 

[Gumbie]

Made it a year sober from August 2022 - September 2023 and started back last labor day at a get together. Been drinking in moderation since but I can feel those old urges and cravings slowly creeping back in that would take me out of "moderation" and back to my old drinking habits...so I've decided to go sober again. Going to attempt another year and hopefully beyond. I think I'm done-done this time. When I started back after a year I thought it was going to be glorious but honestly it was just hugely overrated in my mind. All I got out of it was a few pounds and feeling shitty the next day when I do drink.

 

[Salty AF]

Made it a year sober from August 2022 - September 2023 and started back last labor day at a get together. Been drinking in moderation since but I can feel those old urges and cravings slowly creeping back in that would take me out of "moderation" and back to my old drinking habits...so I've decided to go sober again. Going to attempt another year and hopefully beyond. I think I'm done-done this time. When I started back after a year I thought it was going to be glorious but honestly it was just hugely overrated in my mind. All I got out of it was a few pounds and feeling shitty the next day when I do drink.

Click to shrink...

I have a feeling if I ever started back up again that this would happen to me too. Good on you for getting ahead of it though.

I'm over 7 weeks sober now and I had an interesting epiphany with my health concerning beer. I stopped drinking NA beers entirely after the first week because I thought they were too tempting….I hadn't had one for about 4 weeks. Then, 2 weeks ago I was at a show with a friend and he went to the bar to get a drink so I got an NA beer to try it out. It was glorious and tasted delicious so I started back on NA beers that week. Every night I would sip on two during dinner. Well, I noticed that my weight was dropping over the course of the week and I felt "off". My stomach was hurting - really bloated and always hurt whenever I ate ANYTHING.

Long story short - I realized that I have an allergy to gluten after this whole thing. And coincidentally I was also eating whole wheat bread with peanut butter and having brownies at night during this week all of which are gluten.

I quit everything - no NA beers, brownies or whole wheat bread and within 3 days my weight jumped back up 2 pounds and I felt light as a feather. I could eat just about anything other than gluten foods and it didn't bother my stomach at all. And because of that I'm in a fantastic mood all the time now. Literally just chilling because I don't have that bloated feeling constantly.

Bottomline for me is that I can never go back to drinking beer the way I used to. And I remember when I was drinking craft beers that my stomach hurt all the time and always wondered if it was a beer / gluten connection.

I feel like a new person. Literally!