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Console modder cdgexe permanently banned from GDQ after sexual harassment allegations
- Thread starter Deleted member 5491
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Leaving someone stranded is a bad move and going into something with expectations of sex is just wrong.... but this power dynamics thing you mention is exactly the reason you shouldn't let someone who is not really close to you (or your employer paying for a business trip) pay your trip and stay.
With that said - punishing someone for changing their mind about sex is just a dick move. Still, I'm not a fan of her decision making process either.
No you shouldn't but blaming a young girl for being naive is unfair. This guy manipulated her, he is the one we blame.
Fair enough. If his side wasn't heard at all I'm not sure that's right before handing out a lifetime ban with no appeal on GDQ's side (the woman is obviously not at fault for speaking out). But needless to say it doesn't really matter because the guy just revealed himself as a piece of shit, so he deserves it either way
The point of consent is that if at any time he/ she says "no", you stop. Full stop. Not cuddling or 'just the tip' or anything else until boundaries are discussed and redefined and agreed upon by two consenting adults. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to grasp.
The rest of his behaviour and the leaking of private conversations does the opposite of exonerating him.
The rest of his behaviour and the leaking of private conversations does the opposite of exonerating him.
No one should ever take up an offer that puts them in such a disadvantage as to possibly be pressured like that. Even if it's a longtime friend or family member there can always be an ulterior motive and if you don't have the means to extract yourself wholly from the situation then you should never put yourself in it in the first place. I've been her, it can be so tough to "give up an opportunity" for an event like that, glad she changed her mind and hopefully makes it home safe.
He has a lot to learn - I don't think he's evil but he's clearly not understanding the dynamic that he created. I hope he learns and doesn't hold onto this feeling of being betrayed and used (he wasn't, he held everything in his power but "the choice") because like anyone he has the potential to be better.
He has a lot to learn - I don't think he's evil but he's clearly not understanding the dynamic that he created. I hope he learns and doesn't hold onto this feeling of being betrayed and used (he wasn't, he held everything in his power but "the choice") because like anyone he has the potential to be better.
Maybe I didn't word it correctly, but I completely agree with everything you just wrote :)
Are you a lawyer? I'm not, but my intuition is that if there was a verbal agreement that she would stay in the hotel room, this would be eviction, which is probably not as clear cut as you're making it out to be. This is without even taking into account the obvious abuse of power in order to coerce her into sex, which seems to fit the definition of sexual harassment to a tee.
I could be completely wrong, but the point is, unless you're a lawyer, neither of us should be making categorical affirmations as to what he can or can't legally do.
Come on, he already started grooming her with his claim that he can't sleep alone. She just clarifies that it would be strictly physical if they were to hook up.
He posted it himself: The threat was that she either shares his bed or gets kicked out of their room. It's blackmail. IMHO this is enough to warrant him getting banned for sexual harassment.
Thank you for clarifying. I don't think there's enough here to call this sexual harassment to be honest. The guy is an absolute asshole for sure but there's a difference between being an asshole and sexually harassing someone. Threatening to cancel the ticket back home is pretty terrible but it seems this happened after she left the hotel and after he was banned. It seems it was done out of spite rather than as a means to get her back, situation was already fubar at that point. If he threatened to cancel the ticket while they were still together as a means to get her to stay with him then yes, I would agree that could constitute sexual coercion.
I get your point but I don't see things in such a black/white manner. If I meet a girl and she agrees to come to my appartment for sex and then decides she doesn't want to after all, am I obligated to let her stay?. Obviously the polite thing to do would be to offer her to stay in separate rooms or I can sleep in the couch or w/e but am I sexually harassing her if I ask her to leave?
I understand the dynamics on my example are different, but to which extent are you responsible for another adult in a situation like this? Again, not saying the guy is not an asshole. This could've been resolved in any other number of ways, but like I said above, being an asshole is not the same as sexual harassment. They are on completely different levels.
I certainly hope that he takes a good look in the mirror after this. He is clearly thinking that he is entitled, was owed something, and had a tantrum when things didn't go his way.
I, too, have been young and inexperienced. I know how disappointing it can feel when you expect something versus how it actually goes down. But this kind of public display of private conversations? The way he tries to make himself the victim? It is not the way to go.
I am glad that he was banned from the event. It was the right thing to do. Because maybe... Just maybe he looks back on this, apologizes to the woman, and thinks how he could have played this out differently, with more humility and respect in mind. Consequences are the key in this.
The other big issue here is the way people can mistake chat / streams / social media to be equal to real-life encounters. It just isn't. There is no biological chemistry involved. Sure, you might laugh-emoji to same memes and gifs, or muse about similar subjects, but there is no sublety as there is on face to face encounters. And it seems that people are becoming more and more oblivious to reading the ( social ) situation. Your new date / hook-up is not a virtual avatar anymore, but a living, breathing person with his or her own will, quirks and so on. Sending naughty texts doesn't equal sex. Cuddling doesn't equal sex. There is no thing, clothing, behavior or suggestive smile that automatically equals sex. Only consent leads to sex, and that is a two-way street. Respect and listen to your partner. It is not that hard! If you listen, you don't have to assume.
Bah. Sorry for the rant. But this subject just hits a nerve, and is making me worried. Are we really losing our ability to interact with each other?
I, too, have been young and inexperienced. I know how disappointing it can feel when you expect something versus how it actually goes down. But this kind of public display of private conversations? The way he tries to make himself the victim? It is not the way to go.
I am glad that he was banned from the event. It was the right thing to do. Because maybe... Just maybe he looks back on this, apologizes to the woman, and thinks how he could have played this out differently, with more humility and respect in mind. Consequences are the key in this.
The other big issue here is the way people can mistake chat / streams / social media to be equal to real-life encounters. It just isn't. There is no biological chemistry involved. Sure, you might laugh-emoji to same memes and gifs, or muse about similar subjects, but there is no sublety as there is on face to face encounters. And it seems that people are becoming more and more oblivious to reading the ( social ) situation. Your new date / hook-up is not a virtual avatar anymore, but a living, breathing person with his or her own will, quirks and so on. Sending naughty texts doesn't equal sex. Cuddling doesn't equal sex. There is no thing, clothing, behavior or suggestive smile that automatically equals sex. Only consent leads to sex, and that is a two-way street. Respect and listen to your partner. It is not that hard! If you listen, you don't have to assume.
Bah. Sorry for the rant. But this subject just hits a nerve, and is making me worried. Are we really losing our ability to interact with each other?
"Not a dead name to me."If you needed any more evidence that this guy is a piece of shit here he is deliberately dead naming a trans person:
Oh so he thinks he's the arbitrator of names too, not just the arbitrator of contractually obligated sex.
No worries, I just thought it sounded like he was being given a pass up until they met. I also get a bit twitchy in these situations as there is always a bunch of people who swing into threads to defend the man who did an obviously terrible thing.
Sorry for the rant!
Very different situations. She had already flown to a new city and was basically stuck. He essentially gave her an ultimatum of "sleep with me or on the street." In your hypothetical, the girl could conceivably go to her own home. But, like, if you had driven her to your place and kicked her out for not sleeping with you, leaving her to walk home alone at night? Yeah, that'd be really really shitty.
The two situations aren't equivalent. The girl in your hypothetical is coming over to have sex, not to sleep over.
The girl in this situation was flying to another city to attend AGDQ. She was not flying to have sex with this guy, even if they discussed it after the initial gift of a ticket and room.
The situation you've made up here and what has actually happened are not comparable.
Went to sleep and thought waking up to this story the guy might back down, try to spin this another way.... Well he did spin it in a way that there's no way for him to not look like a complete ass hat.
I'm not sure lumping everyone together is a very productive way to approach the problem.
They didn't say typical white male gamer, they said "typical entitled white male gamer".
The entitled white male gamer is a definite type of person, and they all sound this way.
If you needed any more evidence that this guy is a piece of shit here he is deliberately dead naming a trans person:
I thought deadnaming was bannable on Twitter now.
Yeah, that is strange. I'm admittedly not an expert but I've never heard of a service dog not trained to travel.
100% agree, its shitty. But is it sexual harassment? What are we discussing here? Look, I understand. This is not a good situation, I'm not defending what the guy did and I'd like to think we would've all handled it differently but sexual harassment is a serious allegation. Being a turd and sexually harassing someone is not the same thing. I understand the court of public opinion is swift and merciless but just 2 weeks ago in my country a kid commited suicide because a girlfriend (as in a female friend) of his falsely (this was proven) accused him of raping her on instagram. That put things into perspective for me. I'm not so quick to burn people at the stake now.
My understanding is that she was coming over for both sex and GDQ. On one of the the screenshots I saw she specifically mentions that she had almost lost interest in the event altogether and that she just "wanted to party and be yours". Obviously its A-OK to back out of it but I think its disingenuous to say she was just coming to "sleep over" when the situation had clearly escalated beyond that point. Again, not saying the guy isn't an asshole for what he did but what is being leveled at him are sexual harassment accusations.
Exactly.. they are different situations
This statement:
as it is, doenst make sense because it seems to be refering to any situation and not the current situation
He basically blackmailing her with "either sleep with me or sleep on the street" is more than enough grounds for sexual harassment, what's your point?
Why not just say 'entitled asshole' (or something to that effect)? I don't really see how the rest of the label is at all relevant.
Edit: I'm just going to add, I think this guy is a scumbag but feel free to ignore my comments because I don't want to derail the thread from the actual topic.
"Fellow female", ugh.If you needed any more evidence that this guy is a piece of shit here he is deliberately dead naming a trans person:
The threatening to cancel her plane ticket is petty as hell and tells me everything I need to know about him. Why not just apologize and say you were in the wrong?
Yikes. This piece of trash doesn't deserve any kind of defense.If you needed any more evidence that this guy is a piece of shit here he is deliberately dead naming a trans person:
I fail to see any explanation for what he did that isnt sexual harassment. By his own admission, he kicked her out of a hotel room for refusing to sleep in the same bed with him. If your choices are "sleep with me or be stranded with no where to sleep in a distant city," that's coercion, which is a form of harrassment.
Because there is literally a subset of white male (also cis) gamers who are entitled and act this way all the time. The description is a perfect mirror of the type of person who does this.
It is a white male problem in part due to the privilege that comes with that.
I'd actually call it sexual abuse and manipulation.
Not even that, communication is key, if he really was a nice guy he would make her feel comfortable by having empathy and having a nice talk with her instead of throwing a hissy fit.
Like I said, this guy only has himself to blame for making things awkward.
The moral of the story is that you shouldn't gift a stranger nor accept a gift from a stranger, it's one more occurence of a shitshow that happens quite often. The guy was wrong for offering to pay for the plane tickets.
Please don't victim blame. It was in no way her fault for this. She has the right to be dtf then change her mind.
All the blame is on him. 100%.
Yup. There was so much he could have done but he's still doing this wrongly.
The moral of the story is that no one should give things to people and expect sex in return. Sex is not a transaction and if someone thinks it is just go pay for prostitutes.
People can accept whatever gifts they want to.
The moral is to not do things with the expectation that you will get sex for it.
Next you're gonna say that if a girl goes to a shady street at night and gets raped it's her fault for going there and no the fault of the criminal
He did say he offered to sleep on the floor while she was on the bed, but obviously who knows.
