Okay, I apologize. After thinking about it, it was definitely the wrong thing to say.
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Console modder cdgexe permanently banned from GDQ after sexual harassment allegations
- Thread starter Deleted member 5491
- Start date
Okay, I apologize. After thinking about it, it was definitely the wrong thing to say.
You should always, when reasonable, give the benefit of the doubt. I understand that ERA is very sensitive to the different opinions when discussing these kind of topics. But I'm not here to trigger anyone, I don't have an agenda and I'm not sealioning either. I'm not disagreeing just because. I have an opinion on a subject that I don't think is as black and white as a lot of people seem to think it is and I'm interested in having a discussion on it. I'm open to having my mind changed and learning things.
That being said:
1. I've actually been discussing this on my MTG whatsapp group as we have a few lawyers there and the consensus is that yes, she could claim relative power but they also mentioned he has a right to want to be alone on the room due no longer feeling comfortable with her being there. It would boil down to interpretation. This is what gives me the most pause and I'll have to think about it before I can come to a conclusion.
2.This is the one I feel strongly about, I just don't think its the same. Do it with me or get out implies that he is willing to let her stay as long as she does as told. That's textbook coercion, no questions there. But what he said is that he no longer felt comfortable with her being there because the nature of the relationship changed, is he supposed to void his right to be alone on the room he payed for? Obviously this should have been handled differently and what he did is no less shitty but does that action constitute sexual harassment?. Also, as far as we know he is kicking her out, not because he refused to have sex with him, but because he was no longer going to be sleeping next to him. This whole thing initially was about her being able to make the trip and he being able to rest by having someone next to him help him with his insommnia.
3. I'm fairly certain that Sexual Harassment is by definition sexual in nature. It may not require the actual sexual act, but it has to be sexual in nature. As far as we know, her dismissal from the room was not because of a denial of sex.
Everything that came afterwards I can see as harassment, but not of the sexual nature and that is what I'm contesting here. I'm trying to make this perfectly clear: I don't think this dude is a good person based on what little we know about him, I think he's a moron. But the accusation here is Sexual Harassment. Not "regular" harassment, nor being a moron. It's sexual harassment, its THE accusation, the one that ends careers and causes suicides. If you are going to throw it out, you have to be damn sure about it.
Right now, I can see arguments as to why this would constitute sexual harassment and why it would not, and seeing as we don't really have a full picture of what happened I'm guessing its going to stay at that. Still, this has given me a lot to think about, so I'll do that.
That is so totally amazing.
I know I shouldn't have looked, but holy hell. She clearly has massive anxiety about flying across the country to see a guy she knows nothing about, and all he can think about is sex. What a piece of shit.
Also, how is this not sex trafficking? Like, he is straight up trying to control her movements in exchange for sex. If an employer paid for you to travel for a job and the denied you transport back because of a disagreement, that would be human trafficking (seriously. I worked for a big American company for a while, and it was in our annual training - if you pay for someone to go somewhere, you have to pay for them to return too), so surely this is comparable?
He literally posted screen grabs from a discord where he's talking about sex. It's clearly sexual in nature.
"If you are a victim of sexual harassment, think twice before ruining the life of your harasser!"
This thread. This fucking thread.
I dont understand why you seem to think theres some defined hurdle he needs to clear before it can be called sexual harassment. And even if there was, how you could ever think kicking someone out of a shared hotel room, posting private texts of a sexual nature online, and threatening further retaliation dont absolutely and unequivocally cross that line.
The "funny" (funny being relative here) thing about this is that every single thing he posted or said after this happened has only made him look worse and worse. The lack of any self-awareness is almost astonishing.
On the upside we now know how much of a shitbag he is, I guess.
On the upside we now know how much of a shitbag he is, I guess.
He's now claiming he misunderstood the situation because he's autistic:
Sounds like they had arrangements to hook up and she backed out at the last minute so to speak, after allowing him to be physical. I mean not to be graphic, even if you're literally about to physically have intercourse, if your partner says no, you stop. There's no obligation to go through with something even if you you've hit third base. If a person has a change of heart then you don't continue.
Dude needs to grow up. Canceling her ticket was horse shit.
Now if she deliberately led him on just to use him for a free ticket and let it get to the point where they were 1 step away from intercourse, then that's a really shitty thing to do and she would deserve having her ticket canceled, but since there's no way to prove that, and it doesn't really seem like that's case at all, I really gotta agree with the guy getting banned.
Seemed like he was just mad he didn't get laid after "paying for it".
Dude needs to grow up. Canceling her ticket was horse shit.
Now if she deliberately led him on just to use him for a free ticket and let it get to the point where they were 1 step away from intercourse, then that's a really shitty thing to do and she would deserve having her ticket canceled, but since there's no way to prove that, and it doesn't really seem like that's case at all, I really gotta agree with the guy getting banned.
Seemed like he was just mad he didn't get laid after "paying for it".
Last 2 and I'm done. I made my point as best as I could and you are all more than welcome to not like it.
They both agreed to have sex and then she backed out which is fine. There was no breach of consent as far as we know, lets be clear on that. What he CLAIMS is that he sent her away because her refusal to sleep next to him (not sex, sleep) and her intention to instead sleep on the couch caused him to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation. Whether this is true or not, neither you nor I have any way to know. To me, there's enough information available to at least doubt if the dismissal was sexual or not. I understand you've taken your stance on it, I haven't.
Edited for clarity:
And I'm only saying this because PirateLuigi said that behavior that was not of a sexual nature was required for harassment to be sexual (which I don't think its correct a statement).
I'm sure you think you're being funny and sarcastic, and that's OK I guess. Let me explain where I'm coming from:
This was Agustin Muñoz:
https://tn.com.ar/sociedad/un-joven-se-suicido-despues-de-que-lo-acusaron-falsamente-de-abuso_928082
Use google translate if you care to read it (spanish to english). He was 18 years old when he commited suicide this past december because he was falsely accused of raping a female friend on instagram. Ironically, a few days before her son's passing, her mother was very actively harassing (actual verbal harassment) facebook users that were against branding people as sexual harassers without evidence. I don't think I need to tell you what she thinks about the whole thing now.
So, you see, I'm not saying sexual harassment victims should have consideration for their abusers. I'm saying that we should not be throwing sexual harassment accusations lightly because they have real consequences. I never said he was not at fault. What I said is that it is not evident to me that his transgression if you want to put it that way was sexual harassment and not simply being a fucking moron. And it is not evident to me because In my country, outright believing in sexual harassment accusations levied on the internet without taking some time to investigate what went wrong has resulted in the death of at least 2 people (one being a politian the other one being Agustin) one of which, was found to be 100% innocent.
Peace.
They both agreed to have sex and then she backed out which is fine. There was no breach of consent as far as we know, lets be clear on that. What he CLAIMS is that he sent her away because her refusal to sleep next to him (not sex, sleep) and her intention to instead sleep on the couch caused him to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation. Whether this is true or not, neither you nor I have any way to know. To me, there's enough information available to at least doubt if the dismissal was sexual or not. I understand you've taken your stance on it, I haven't.
Edited for clarity:
And I'm only saying this because PirateLuigi said that behavior that was not of a sexual nature was required for harassment to be sexual (which I don't think its correct a statement).
I'm sure you think you're being funny and sarcastic, and that's OK I guess. Let me explain where I'm coming from:
This was Agustin Muñoz:
https://tn.com.ar/sociedad/un-joven-se-suicido-despues-de-que-lo-acusaron-falsamente-de-abuso_928082
Use google translate if you care to read it (spanish to english). He was 18 years old when he commited suicide this past december because he was falsely accused of raping a female friend on instagram. Ironically, a few days before her son's passing, her mother was very actively harassing (actual verbal harassment) facebook users that were against branding people as sexual harassers without evidence. I don't think I need to tell you what she thinks about the whole thing now.
So, you see, I'm not saying sexual harassment victims should have consideration for their abusers. I'm saying that we should not be throwing sexual harassment accusations lightly because they have real consequences. I never said he was not at fault. What I said is that it is not evident to me that his transgression if you want to put it that way was sexual harassment and not simply being a fucking moron. And it is not evident to me because In my country, outright believing in sexual harassment accusations levied on the internet without taking some time to investigate what went wrong has resulted in the death of at least 2 people (one being a politian the other one being Agustin) one of which, was found to be 100% innocent.
Peace.
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I dont know about elsewhere, but in the US this is 100 percent the case. Sexual harassment can include inappropriate touching, language, gestures, images, and other things that aren't sex.
I guess I should thank my lucky stars that I've never once even had to think about paying for sex or using money to leverage a date. God forbid you just let your charm, charisma, and empathy get you to some boobies.
Like, even if I were in this guy's situation and was disappointed I was about to get laid and then didn't... and I thought she was playing games... I feel like I'd be more quickly go downstairs, pay for the cheapest room available and give her the key, and never talk to her again. Dude, just ghost her and say goodbye to $200. Who gives a shit?
Like, even if I were in this guy's situation and was disappointed I was about to get laid and then didn't... and I thought she was playing games... I feel like I'd be more quickly go downstairs, pay for the cheapest room available and give her the key, and never talk to her again. Dude, just ghost her and say goodbye to $200. Who gives a shit?
What the fuck
There's a name for no consent sex, it's not sexual harassment, it's rape. Sexual harassment has nothing to do with intercourse, because that falls in the rape category.
This is an extremely bizzare arrangement and even more bizzare response and self disclosure by the modder.
GDQ did the right thing, they don't need this guy around, making these arrangements and then seeking vengeance when it doesn't go his way.
GDQ did the right thing, they don't need this guy around, making these arrangements and then seeking vengeance when it doesn't go his way.
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There are hundreds of ways that this could have solved, if he had empathy he should have talked to her like a normal person instead of throwing hissy fit
I'm almost sure that at first the woman was DTF with this guy, but then when she noticed how much of a loser he is, she changed her mind. This guy probably is a really socially awkward person. (I'm not taking a shot at anyone who's socially awkward, but this person is and he isn't making the effort to understand why he messed the fuck up)
Tips for anyone: Empathy and Charisma goes a long loong way.
Had to clarify this, sorry:
I explained it better when I replied to your first 3 points. You are correct, that a sexual act is not required and can include all the things you mentioned. My point is that all those things have to be of a sexual nature for this to be considered sexual harassment. Sleeping next to someone is not inherently sexual by itself. And whether we like it or not harassment and sexual harassment are different things that carry different weights in our society today. Me insulting you is not the same as me fondling your privates uninvited or sending you pictures of my dick, it is simply not the same. The punishment those things carry both legal and societal are on completely different levels. Again, a kid killed himself on my country because of this, I'm not talking out of my ass.
Anyways, consensus is already reached on this here. So I'm done, just wanted to clarify that.
I explained it better when I replied to your first 3 points. You are correct, that a sexual act is not required and can include all the things you mentioned. My point is that all those things have to be of a sexual nature for this to be considered sexual harassment. Sleeping next to someone is not inherently sexual by itself. And whether we like it or not harassment and sexual harassment are different things that carry different weights in our society today. Me insulting you is not the same as me fondling your privates uninvited or sending you pictures of my dick, it is simply not the same. The punishment those things carry both legal and societal are on completely different levels. Again, a kid killed himself on my country because of this, I'm not talking out of my ass.
Anyways, consensus is already reached on this here. So I'm done, just wanted to clarify that.
OP
OP
I think I struggle most with the idea that some guys who freak out like this just don't seem to understand every guy gets turned down at some point. Like, dude, it doesn't have to be a shot to your confidence or ego or anything.
I can't speak for everyone, of course - but as a guy who's had several long-term relationships, several very short relationships, and has ended every.single.one on a good enough note that I could text them tomorrow and they'd reply positively... I've been turned down a dozen times, too. Like, it sucks but life goes on. Assuming she's a normal functioning woman, she's not gonna go tell all her friends or yours; it can be a total non-issue. Call it for the night, go grab a drink or ten, play some video games and go to bed.
Everything up to this point has been infuriating. This and the deadnaming a trans person? For me, as an autistic trans person, this is nauseating. I actually vomited. I dunno why I'm still following this drama. I'm gonna have to duck out. I hope his victim gets justice, more than just him being permabanned from GDQ, because this is just evil and wrong.
I guess you can claim to misunderstand the subtitles of body language and difference between what people say and mean, but he still got this arrangement going and was clearly looking for sex.
These people have a very limited understanding of what autism is. He's a cringe-level harasser is what he is.
OK, so what we know: They had a private chat where he let her know he wanted sex. She agreed, despite expressing uncertainties. He said he wouldn't pressure her and it was cool either way. Come GDQ, we know that she got kicked out of the room and he threatened to have her return plane ticket cancelled. He claims it was just because he wanted to cuddle, and couldn't sleep with someone on the floor of his room.
No adult who has ever had sex would honestly believe that his actions weren't related to her not wanting to have sex with him. In any case, grown adults cuddling in bed is intimate and sexual. You are being completely dishonest.
OP
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More stuff he is currently liking.
He really does think that "buying her Thing X obligates her to have sex with me".
He really does think that "buying her Thing X obligates her to have sex with me".
I wonder who's more likely to get a job, the guy who has been tagged as sexual harasser or the woman who made fun of the harasser 🤔
I understand the point you are trying to make, but let's dial back a bit shall we? We only heard one side of the story in this, we only heard the man side, the woman has not spoken up a single word about this incident aside from reporting sexual harassment to the GDQ staff. Why are you trusting the man side again? Even if the DMs proves that she was DTF at first, she ended up backing out and chances are this person that ended up sexually harassing her thought that "she was liking it" (this is something really common by sexual perpetrators), the lack of social awareness by this person makes me believe that in fact, he sexually harassed her and that, something that may have been consentual at first, turned into not but he kept on bugging and it turned into sexual harassment.
Also let's not forget that he implicitly blackmailed her into sleeping with him, he was in a position of power and with the power to kick her out if she didn't do what he demanded, that it was to sleep with him, and once she didn't do it, she faced retribution.
Exactly, even the most handsomes dudes will get turned down. The problem with this guy in particular is that he thinks he was misled on, when in fact, he was the one who made her back out, when she saw what kind of person he was she went "Nope" and now this guy thinks that he's entitled to something.
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Sexual harasser, ableist, sexist, blackmailer (practically), incel. If he's a homophobe and alt-right we have a scumbag bingo.
This is pure speculation but I think this is how it went all down:
She may had been DTF at first, they may have engaged into sexual contact at the first night, but she backed out (who wouldn't with a loser like this), the guy, with the lack of his social awareness more than likely thought that she was liking it (common sexual assault stuff, fucking disgusting) and tried to continue it, at this point it turned into sexual harassment. Next day she might have been afraid of speaking out with someone. Being uncomfortable, she decided to sleep on the floor, and once she got kicked out, it was the catalyst for her to open up with the GDQ staff about what happened since she had nowhere to go anymore.
She may had been DTF at first, they may have engaged into sexual contact at the first night, but she backed out (who wouldn't with a loser like this), the guy, with the lack of his social awareness more than likely thought that she was liking it (common sexual assault stuff, fucking disgusting) and tried to continue it, at this point it turned into sexual harassment. Next day she might have been afraid of speaking out with someone. Being uncomfortable, she decided to sleep on the floor, and once she got kicked out, it was the catalyst for her to open up with the GDQ staff about what happened since she had nowhere to go anymore.
We only know that he hasn't cancelled. If there isn't any penalty to cancel a plane ticket like this (I'm not really good with burocracy), I can see this piece of shit cancelling it out of his petty "revenge".
Even if he cancels it she will more than likely get her ticket with the GDQ staff who has been 100% supportive of her. No way she ain't making back home.
From what I've read he's a piece of shit. Kicking her out is a shitty move but to me it's just that, a shitty move.
As for sexual harassment, that remains to be seen but it wouldn't surprise me if it were true. He's just digging his hole even deeper with those tweets.
As for sexual harassment, that remains to be seen but it wouldn't surprise me if it were true. He's just digging his hole even deeper with those tweets.
I read some more of his comments, which was difficult because what he and many of the other people are saying is pretty sickening, but he says on the first night they cuddled, then "slight escalation" and then on the second night they parted. Whatever "slight escalation" was to him, was clearly not slight to her. And yet he still doesn't get this and decides to shame her. This is horrid.
Yeah, no one's even going to really know what happened in the hotel room, so it's her word vs his. She has ZERO reason to make up a harassment claim though, I'm sure she knew she would be attacked when this came out. :(
First of all, thanks for the condescending tone and the assumption that I can't speak Spanish. I'm Spanish. I know Spanish.
Secondly, you explicitly said that accusers should think twice before "throwing out" an accusation:
They should be "damn sure" about what, exactly? About the fact that they have been sexually harrased?
Thirdly, yes. There are false claims. Of course there are false claims. So what? What's the relevance here? In that very example you posted, the woman falsely accused someone. Are you implying this is the case here? That this girl is lying? Otherwise, it makes absolutely no sense that you expect her to be "sure" of having being sexually harassed. Or are you implying that a victim has to first ponder whether she was really harassed?
Come on now. You're trying to manipulate the situation to make it seem like a man is the victim here. "A man was wrongly accused, so everyone must doubt women who accuse men"? You don't seem to understand what "believe women" means: it's not "condemn men without evidence because they are men". It's "don't dismiss a woman's claim because she's a woman". It's really not that hard to grasp.
And, finally, you just keep outright ignoring the whole fucking conversation that this dude himself posted online in which you can clearly see what kind of person he is. But, hey. Keep that "both sides" bullshit. It seems to be working really well for you.
So he has a right to kick her out of the room because he "felt unconfortable" that she didn't agree to play teddy bear with an obvious creep to "help him with his insomnia"? If you're going to ignore the power dynamics here, you might as well condone sexual harassment wholesale. "Hey, she might be my employee, but I didn't force her to have sex with me; I just felt unconfortable to work with someone I can't fuck, so I fired her".
1) A benefit you don't seem to be extending to both parties.
2) Extending the benefit of the doubt to this dude stopped being "reasonable" the second he posted that entire conversation on Twitter.
Mother of god, do you fucking listen to yourself? Claiming that "kicking out a person out for desiring to sleep on the couch rather than next to them in a bed isn't sexual harassment" is really the hill you want to die on?
Considering he himself posted private conversations that don't paint him in a positive light at all...
Good on GDQ for crackind down on these "nice guys".
You know how many times my wife hasn't been able to get comfortable or I have insomnia one night and would rather just watch TV and we tell the other we're going to sleep on the couch instead? Imagine that being enough to piss you off.
Regardless of any result of the eventual investigation, he deserves the ban several times over for those shitty tweets and publishing the discord logs. Are you people for real?
He deserves the ban multiple times over for the multitude of shitty things he did. Especially the posting of those private conversation logs. Don't stan for this dude, it isn't worth it.
I "love" when autistic men use their autism as a shield and people defend them while if you're an autistic woman/nb and make a little mistake people shit themselves. He definitely knew better, given what he said. And just letting people call him slurs in defense of him? How fuckin pathetic.