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Creative Writing Challenge #21: Cut It

cheese toast

cheese toast

Member
Oct 29, 2017
505


Theme: Cut It
Word Limit: 2000

This one's been on my mind lately, mainly from thinking about what things in my life I can do without. That overflowing movie collection? Cut down to the essentials. Facebook? Cut out altogether. Take this theme as literally or liberally as you like. Yes, I imagine there'll be a few sharpened swords or knives or daggers, so go ahead, give it some bloodshed if that's your bag. But maybe someone will balance it out with a story of an old lady who enjoys cutting out recipes from magazines.


Submission Deadline: Friday 21st September 2018 at 11:59 PM Pacific.
Voting begins Saturday, 9/22/2018, and goes until Monday, 9/24/2018 at 11:59 PM Pacific.


Optional Secondary Objective: Reuse it!
Dig through the archives of your writing. Find something that didn't survive the journey from first to final draft (a line of dialogue, an item, a character, a setting), or something from a story you cast aside entirely, and put it to work here. I hope you saved those old drafts...

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!
- See image, ask for help if you have trouble viewing.



Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes. You may add an honorable mention (HM).
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge using the thread creation Template

What if I win but I am too shy to make the new challenge?
You can pass on the new challenge honors to the second place winner.

Miscellaneous:

I missed this until too late. When's the next challenge?
They generally run every two weeks. The writing period goes for eleven days (Tuesday to Friday), then voting goes for three days (Saturday to Monday). If you've missed one challenge, you only have to wait a few days for the next one.
Previous challenges can be found in the Thread Archive
Thanks to C.B. For the lovely banners, and ashes for the entry finding script, and all the users who have contributed to the rules and methods of the regular contests.
Here is our full, expanded FAQ
 
Platy

Platy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
20,013
Brazil
The last one had a rule that it could not be a sonic fanfiction
I have this weird idea so I might ask ... can this one be a fanfiction ?
 
zulux21

zulux21

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,485
I'm mediocre
challenges are to much work
thus I cut myself

:P

as in I wont be participating in this one, not that I am sitting around cutting myself with a knife, since I don't have time to do another CWF right now
 
Conkersbadfurday

Conkersbadfurday

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,823
Minnesota
Because it's not fair that Zul be the only one to bombard these thread with music links


I have an idea for a story I've been meaning to work on, so we'll see if I can force it into this theme.
 
zulux21

zulux21

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,485
choodi

choodi

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,589
Australia
Having spent way too long browsing that "Unannounced Nintendo Direct" thread, I am fearful that these threads will turn into weird haiku/music link threads the same way that turned into otter madness.

As far as getting an entry together, I have plenty of unused ideas that made it into with draft territory that I can exploit so I might have something for this one. I am in the middle of writing my work's annual report though, so it will depend on how much of my energy that takes up.
 
zulux21

zulux21

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,485
choodi said:
Having spent way too long browsing that "Unannounced Nintendo Direct" thread, I am fearful that these threads will turn into weird haiku/music link threads the same way that turned into otter madness.

As far as getting an entry together, I have plenty of unused ideas that made it into with draft territory that I can exploit so I might have something for this one. I am in the middle of writing my work's annual report though, so it will depend on how much of my energy that takes up.
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I don't think you have to worry to much. Even if we go overboard with the haiku or music I doubt we would get much past 2 pages by the time the deadline is here, and each time someone posts in the thread it puts it in view of people again to maybe attract some new people.
 
Nezumi

Nezumi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,162
Hessen, Germany
Nah, music sharing is awesome. Since it came up in the discord here is one of my favorite Tool methadone bands.

And the title is even somewhat related to the theme!

The whole album is amazing by the way!
 
W-00

W-00

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,331
"Cut it" and "Reuse it", huh?

Back during NaNo, I included a set of five characters in my project just because five felt like the right amount. Only three of them ended up serving an actual narrative purpose in the story, and one was set up to matter in a sequel. But I was thinking even back then that I should cut out the fifth (I just looked back through my story and unless I called him something else when he spoke he didn't have even a single line).

So I have a character (well, a name and a few relationships) and a setting. I wonder if I can come up with anything to do with them.
 
FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,896
Finally took the time to go through my old writing. I'm trying to slow down a bit so don't expect a long story from me this time. Still, I'm hoping to have something neat at the very least.
 
FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,896
Just as a quick reminder we have our biweekly writing hangout in about two hours (4pm est) and it'll be a good time. You might hear the sound of thousands of documents printing but ignroe that. That's your imagination. Anyways, I'll post up more details when it happens but they're a good way to make two hours productive!
 
FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,896
Hangout is live! Quote this message for the google hangout link.

The way it works is for two hours we cycle through 10 minutes of shooting the shit and the half an hour of silent productivity. Cameras are not required if you're feeling shy by mics are recomended (even a laptop mic will work!) though there is still a text chat you can use if you want. Drop on by and say hi, even if its just for a second.

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zulux21

zulux21

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,485
Nezumi said:
Sounds as if you need to channel the theme. Cut it, cut it, cut it.
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I wrote something, but then I cut everything but five words.

"This story is stupid."

see I said five, but I cut the fifth word and made it 4 while typing that because it was "This story is really stupid"

:P
 
Conkersbadfurday

Conkersbadfurday

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,823
Minnesota
I wasn't sure if I was going to get around to this week's CWC, and then work put on this little contest for the change in holiday: Snag five images from HR and write a picture connecting them together. Since I got literally zero parameters, I figure I'd use the ones from this. So I'm working on a sort-of cosmic horror story that HR will get to read alongside you.

And maybe other people at the company. I'm not sure how voting works or if anyone else has bothered to enter.

have to be done by tomorrow though, and I'm basically touching the word limit and unhappy with some of the writing. Yet I don't have the room I want to fix it. Such is life :(
 
Mike

Mike

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,913
Greater Seattle Area
Okay, somehow my #entry wound up as a poem. I’m not good at poems.

That said, here’s a poem.

#title The Dancing King

We went to watch the King of Circuses dance.
It was to be his last performance.
We dressed our gayest for the occasion.
It would not do to wear any less.

We joined the other spectators, all pressed into the courtyard.
Those who could not find the space watched from the ramparts.
We gathered round and gazed up at the stage in jubilant expectation.
Those nearby bumped and jostled to be the one who could see it best.

The king came out onto the platform.
His face paint smeared, his mummer’s wig askew.
The crowd, it roared in anticipation.
His denouement nigh, his final act to close.

They read aloud the accomplishments of his reign.
The circus clowns appointed to positions.
They elaborated his doctrine of diplomacy.
The barnyard animals granted ambassadorships.

They listed the innovations he had made.
His unprecedented use of heralds and town cryers.
They noted his economic aims and ambitions.
His bold decision to turn away all commerce from without.

As they recited his regal acts,
They fit him with his hempen neck tie.
As they concluded their manifest,
They set the king to dancing.

He herked and jerked and kicked and bucked.
The crowd went wild with glee.
He swayed and waved and spun and swung.
The finest show we had ever seen.

At last he finally finished dancing,
His body having gone limp and slack.
At that they cut the rope and let him down,
His corpse given over to the people.

The crowd hefted him aloft in celebration.
Then he sank beneath the waves of the human tide.
The corpse was torn asunder, butchered like a pig.
Then at last he was truly gone, and we all went home.

We had gone to watch the King of Circuses dance.
It was indeed his last performance.
 
Dongs Macabre

Dongs Macabre

Member
Oct 26, 2017
2,123
#title: No Closure
wc: ~1400
#entry
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This is my first entry in a while, and I wrote most of it today so this is a bit rough.
 
Eternal Song

Eternal Song

Member
Oct 31, 2017
741
This is very late (almost 24 hours), and nobody has to even consider it in voting, but I have it done, so I figure I'll share.

#title Shadow and Sea

#entry

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And I'll catch up on the thread itself within the next 24 hours. Promise.
 
Dedication Through Light

Dedication Through Light

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,379
X==============================================================X
A New Man by cheese toast
X==============================================================X

Interesting story and twist there with the reveal of who it was at the door. And further with how he realized that he totally still had some parts of his old self. Glad it didnt devolve into murder.

X==============================================================X
The Fissure by conkersbadfurday
X==============================================================X

I think I kept being thrown off when you used "shoreline" like turned towards the shoreline, twenty kilometers below the shoreline. I wonder if there was a different word that could have been used (maybe the more technical term for what the top of a fissure is called(?))

You also at use twenty kilometers several times but then one part you say twenty miles below the surface of the earth.

Also should it really be called Fissure and not Trench? Im not an expert on naming conventions, but undersea fissure usually implies volcanic activity.

" where tectonic plates slammed against each other, and everything was wrong."

I think this phrase isnt technically correct, plates slam and pull apart both on the earths surface and below in the ocean depths. Also I think where plates slam the earth rises upwards, so an impression wouldnt be made there, a fissure would probably be one sliding under another so probably "slam" wouldnt be the right word either.

--
But awesome story that differentiated itself from the deep sea movies Ive seen, didnt expect you would go that route with it, I was thinking of something else happen, but for what was here, I was like wow. Awesome. Expectations Subverted Check.

X==============================================================X
The Dancing King by Mike
X==============================================================X

Read it once and was like oh this was fun until I reread and saw the line that had corpse, then read it again and was like oh no, is this a different taking on hanging, and when I realized that, I was like oh no and oh I see. Interesting way whatever kingdom did this for someone who probably did them wrong.

X==============================================================X
I'm not dead yet by Nezumi
X==============================================================X

Darn I really liked this, but yeah seemed the dreaded word count was going to really hurt some of this if it had made it to full length. Glad you are pursing it for your nano, seems one of the most compelling stories Ive liked from you since the Fallen Angel story you wrote.

X==============================================================X
A Quick Cop Story by FlowersisBritish
X==============================================================X

The interrogation scene was so interesting and the way you write conversation and keep it engaging in just a single room was nice, kind of like it almost more than the big picture.

X==============================================================X
No Closure by Dongs Macabre
X==============================================================X

No closure, I loved that you continued this story of the toy and the tv show and making it somewhat sentient. I wonder if itd be capable of killing the dude (probably just shoots plastic whatevers), but like to entertain that idea.

The new reboot premise sounded awesome. If only.

X==============================================================X
Shadow and Sea by Eternal Song
X==============================================================X

I kept thinking if this was either about an anchor or a buoy but then the part about hanging in the air just kept throwing me off. Beyond that love the word choice and visuals conveyed some parts I could just close my eyes and feel as if I was there.
 
FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,896
Life's kinda hectic right now so don't expect any comments from me this time around. I'll try and get votes in but no guarantees.
 
Conkersbadfurday

Conkersbadfurday

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,823
Minnesota
Votes:

1 cheese toast
2 Dongs Macabre
3 FlowersisBritish

Dedication Through Light said:
X==============================================================X
The Fissure by conkersbadfurday
X==============================================================X
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Ugh, I missed a miles? The story originally started with me using miles and then I realized that people in the science world are metric, so I went to change 'em all. Guess I missed one. As to the rest of the nomenclature, your guess is as good as mine. I did a small level of research, but given when I started this and when it was due (for work), I didn't have much time to fact check. I'm glad you liked it though. Can't believe I missed that damn continuity error.

But yeah. The story behind my story is there is some little writing challenge thing at work where you go snag five images from HR and write a story to connect them. I was given zero rules/parameters, so I wrote what you have here, only I had to have it done on the 21st :X I started on like, Monday or Tuesday, and wound up doing some very heavy redrafting because of the word limit. The images I got, for those curious, were UFO, eclipse, "Today i'm really happy :)", an angler fish, and a ball of yarn.
 
OP
OP
cheese toast

cheese toast

Member
Oct 29, 2017
505
Votes:

1: Mike - The Dancing King
I’m not a poetry writer either, so it took a little to get accustomed with the rhythm and structure of this piece, but that was soon forgotten when the tale unfolded and the king danced, then stopped dancing, and then oooooh holy shit, did he just— and then I finished it and read it again with that knowledge in mind to confirm what had taken place and, yep he did and, wait a minute— and then I read it again just to appreciate it all once more. You took me on some ride with this, a different layer peeling back with each reading.


2: Conkersbadfurday - The Fissure
Rough edges aside, the setting and ultimate direction of your story combined to make the overall idea eerie and unsettling. Cosmic horror box: ticked. Also appreciated how you seeded the elements at the start before unravelling them (heh) towards the end, as opposed to just ending with “and then their livers turned into icicles” or something. I definitely had your uncanny imagery playing out in my head and if the depths of the ocean in a tiny sub weren’t enough to give me the heebie jeebies, the horrors that followed certainly did. Love how that cheery text message feels so sinister now...


3: FlowersisBritish - A Quick Cop Story
I’m a sucker for a cop interrogation scene, and while I felt this one ended on a bit of a blunt end (it seemed it was gearing up for a good bout of conflict before, wait, it’s over), I enjoyed this for its dialogue and the way it ratcheted up the tension. It’s also nice when the writing style keeps within the sort of tone and language the characters occupying such a scene - this line, I felt, really worked to that end: “Just from looking Gritt could imagine how the murder went down. Fast. Crime of passion. Probably grabbed something nearby and just swung.” Couple of small things: typos (“bellow”) and repetitions of description (shrugging).
 
Eternal Song

Eternal Song

Member
Oct 31, 2017
741
Cheese Toast – A New Man
Interesting concept, this conversation with one’s own past self about one’s resolve to not return to what has been removed from one’s life. So many “one”s, and I haven’t really anything more worth adding unless I want to be nitpicky and say that your “here to there”s might not be the most effective wording.

Conkersbadfurday – The Fissure
Ahab bobble head. Oh, and unknown horrors of the deep. I like how you started and ended with being really happy (and, really, that first time was clearly a happy warning sign). The issues Jonah had throughout the day were a nice touch; they clearly had some significance, but it is unclear until the end. And he never did dump his coffee…

Mike – The Dancing King
I haven’t finished reading this yet; I’m stuck on the horror of the neck tie of death. Okay, finished. A hanging was really unexpected, and now I am very much, undeniably, awake. Um… I really like how you made this upbeat and cheerful. It really increased the effect when they fit him with his tie. This really was a thing.

Nezumi – I’m not dead yet
While incomplete, I still thought this was good, and you could have likely pulled off a non-conclusive “ending” in which you narrate that Shiri starts a trek to search for her tribe. If I’m not mistaken, this is the same setting you used for the Mythweaver challenge?

FlowersisBritish – A Quick Cop Story
Your interrogation seems well-paced and holds interest, and it is clearly well-written (there may have been a couple things to look at toward the start, such as the “thing” of cocoa, but I’m sure you’ve got that figured out). Your constant reminders that the obvious conclusion is that this was a closed case before they even questioned the icy man did have me expecting that to not be the case, though, and I don’t know if you intended to build that expectation. Even so, having it actually turn out as Gritt expects works, but I think your last sentence undersells everything that came before, leaving the story on a bit of a flat note.

Dedication Through Light – Bound By Memory
Reputations are serious business, most certainly. You left this open-ended enough to have a sense of mystery, but there is also some amount of closure. Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything more worth saying. I suppose I just didn’t find too much to grab on to, if that makes sense? It seems the story made it to the point where the conflict was clear right before it ended.

Dongs Macabre – No Closure
Beepbop EXTREME, huh? Like Wormhole Extreme? Sorry, just thought I’d ask.

Anyway, I really liked the way you started this story; it really set the scene, I think. And the narration from Beepbop’s perspective was really good and certainly gave the robot personality. The end is a bit sticky, but I think it works in context, notably as a result of the robot’s narration.

___

Votes:

1. Mike - The Dancing King
2. Dongs Macabre - No Closure
3. Conkersbadfurday - The Fissure
HM Nezumi - I'm not dead yet
 
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