Special Mystery Guest ...
SMG...
Sarah Michelle Gellar...
OMG YOU GOT BUFFY TO WRITE A STORY!!!!!!
-
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Creative Writing Challenge #27: The Schism
- Thread starter Claire Delune
- Start date
SMG...
Sarah Michelle Gellar...
OMG YOU GOT BUFFY TO WRITE A STORY!!!!!!
>:[
There was one that read like yours and I was like "but she said she didn't get one in!"
This is a top anime betrayal.
West coast still has 9 hours or so. No worries. I have faith!
Ya'll want to be punctual too badly! I'm gonna read extra slowly to worsen all of your anxieties!!!
OP
OP
Guess there's no sense in procrastinating any further.
1. The Globe in the Attic: I'm a sucker for this kind of thing.
2. The Rainbow Farm: I'm a sucker for this kind of thing too.
3. The Platypus: I can see why so many people think I wrote this, because it is something I would write.
1. The Globe in the Attic: I'm a sucker for this kind of thing.
2. The Rainbow Farm: I'm a sucker for this kind of thing too.
3. The Platypus: I can see why so many people think I wrote this, because it is something I would write.
I can easily finish with less than half an hour before the door closes, so I think there's still plenty of time.
In any case, I don't have time to go through these again to write up some worthwhile feedback, so I will forego that. Again.
1. The Rainbow Farm
2. The Globe in the Attic
3. Second-Born Son
2. The Globe in the Attic
3. Second-Born Son
The Rainbow Farm: Conker
The Globe in the Attic: FlowersisBritish
Second-Born Son: Cyan
Where Worlds Meet: krazen
The Lantern Sky: Nezumi
The Platypus: Mike
Retribution: Pickman
The Cheapest 8th off Soundview: Rivenblade
Give Em Time: DTL
Do They Sing No More: Probably Haru Zulux
The Globe in the Attic: FlowersisBritish
Second-Born Son: Cyan
Where Worlds Meet: krazen
The Lantern Sky: Nezumi
The Platypus: Mike
Retribution: Pickman
The Cheapest 8th off Soundview: Rivenblade
Give Em Time: DTL
Do They Sing No More: Probably Haru Zulux
Here's my unspoilered feedback because I'm a monster
THE PLATYPUS(Plumb): This was hilarious. The fancy high and mighty voice of the narrator read awkwardly to me from time to time but I'll be damned if it didn't add a lot to the humorous tone.
GIVE EM TIME (DTL): So considering this is a story about two boys in love who play volleyball, i have a pretty strong suspicion of who this is. So this comment will seem strange, but I think the quality of your prose has improved gradually, but it really suffers from how similar your stories are with each other. It might be in large part because I am now a long time reader of yours, but I think a major mix up to your formula would be really refreshing. Change the relationship dynamic or something.
THE GLOBE IN THE ATTIC (Pickman): I dug a lot about this from the mystique to that great end line. One thing that did bug me, in the style of oldish letters like that, typically you'd see the dialgoue a bit different. The writer of the letters tend to downplay their own dialgoue, usually not even putting it in dialogue tags (instead of writing out the question, they'd put "I asked them the question" or something like that). I think that would have added a bit more stylization and believability to the letter format you decided to do.
THE CHEAPEST 8TH OFF SOUNDVIEW:(Mystery Fellow) This certainly took a really interesting turn. I had fun as the talk about conspiracy theories got deeper and deep er until we were basically in one ourselves. The end out of left field was also really good, but I thought the tone was kind of all over the place. Things that felt like they were supposed to be funny didn't really feel like they were being played for laughs and the whole thing was maybe a touch too serious. Or maybe I just don't get stoner humor.
DO THEY SING NO MORE: (Eternal Song) End of the world sucks. I've never heard a description of the end of the world where I didn't think "man, that would suck to live through." Really impressed with the lyrical nature of it, but mostly just by how long you kept it going for.
SECOND-BORN SON:(Mike) So this was suuuuuper well constructed and pretty great all around. I think Rynos is a hell of a good character and you should keep him in your rollerdex of characters because he's got a lot there. I thought this was a bit of a slow start, and it wasn't until the kid showed up that I really started to get invested/interested in Rynos as a person. Not fond of your ending though. I like the bit about the executioner's son's burden and the idea behind it, but I've never been big on split personalities. I feel like it's inclusion here strips away a bit of the conflict I really enjoyed in the character.
THE LANTERN SKY:(Nezumi) There were some neat bits in this but it doesn't really come together for me. Also I'm not that big on the perspective even if I thought it was an interesting way to go. That end epilogue was weird and kind of out of nowhere though. Less big on that.
WHERE WORLDS MEET (Krazen): Really dug this. Very dark fairy tale vibe and the narration of the other sister was a neat touch. It really helped stick that landing.
RETRIBUTION (Alucard): So I was alllllll about this when you reveal its a dragon. I thought the whole things was aces up to this point and the reveal handled perfectly. But then it got kinda expositioney with the talk of all the plant life being killed and the dragons rising after that. All very on the nose. Also I thought the ending kinda didn't make sense, felt like a weird turn for the character/story. I think the story of them trying to hide/survive a dragon in the middle of nowhere would be more interesting than the idea of retribution.
THE RAINBOW FARM (Conker): Hot damn this was good! I don't know who did this, but you should do something with this. This was such a clever idea and you had sooooo many interesting ideas and little details that really sold…. Well everything. My only gripe is I wasn't fond of your ending. Not so much the prisms being weapons but the "I must be crying cause of the dust" thing is a bit cliche for my liking personally.
And ma Votes:
1) Globe in the Attic
2) The Rainbow Farm
3) Where worlds Meet
THE PLATYPUS(Plumb): This was hilarious. The fancy high and mighty voice of the narrator read awkwardly to me from time to time but I'll be damned if it didn't add a lot to the humorous tone.
GIVE EM TIME (DTL): So considering this is a story about two boys in love who play volleyball, i have a pretty strong suspicion of who this is. So this comment will seem strange, but I think the quality of your prose has improved gradually, but it really suffers from how similar your stories are with each other. It might be in large part because I am now a long time reader of yours, but I think a major mix up to your formula would be really refreshing. Change the relationship dynamic or something.
THE GLOBE IN THE ATTIC (Pickman): I dug a lot about this from the mystique to that great end line. One thing that did bug me, in the style of oldish letters like that, typically you'd see the dialgoue a bit different. The writer of the letters tend to downplay their own dialgoue, usually not even putting it in dialogue tags (instead of writing out the question, they'd put "I asked them the question" or something like that). I think that would have added a bit more stylization and believability to the letter format you decided to do.
THE CHEAPEST 8TH OFF SOUNDVIEW:(Mystery Fellow) This certainly took a really interesting turn. I had fun as the talk about conspiracy theories got deeper and deep er until we were basically in one ourselves. The end out of left field was also really good, but I thought the tone was kind of all over the place. Things that felt like they were supposed to be funny didn't really feel like they were being played for laughs and the whole thing was maybe a touch too serious. Or maybe I just don't get stoner humor.
DO THEY SING NO MORE: (Eternal Song) End of the world sucks. I've never heard a description of the end of the world where I didn't think "man, that would suck to live through." Really impressed with the lyrical nature of it, but mostly just by how long you kept it going for.
SECOND-BORN SON:(Mike) So this was suuuuuper well constructed and pretty great all around. I think Rynos is a hell of a good character and you should keep him in your rollerdex of characters because he's got a lot there. I thought this was a bit of a slow start, and it wasn't until the kid showed up that I really started to get invested/interested in Rynos as a person. Not fond of your ending though. I like the bit about the executioner's son's burden and the idea behind it, but I've never been big on split personalities. I feel like it's inclusion here strips away a bit of the conflict I really enjoyed in the character.
THE LANTERN SKY:(Nezumi) There were some neat bits in this but it doesn't really come together for me. Also I'm not that big on the perspective even if I thought it was an interesting way to go. That end epilogue was weird and kind of out of nowhere though. Less big on that.
WHERE WORLDS MEET (Krazen): Really dug this. Very dark fairy tale vibe and the narration of the other sister was a neat touch. It really helped stick that landing.
RETRIBUTION (Alucard): So I was alllllll about this when you reveal its a dragon. I thought the whole things was aces up to this point and the reveal handled perfectly. But then it got kinda expositioney with the talk of all the plant life being killed and the dragons rising after that. All very on the nose. Also I thought the ending kinda didn't make sense, felt like a weird turn for the character/story. I think the story of them trying to hide/survive a dragon in the middle of nowhere would be more interesting than the idea of retribution.
THE RAINBOW FARM (Conker): Hot damn this was good! I don't know who did this, but you should do something with this. This was such a clever idea and you had sooooo many interesting ideas and little details that really sold…. Well everything. My only gripe is I wasn't fond of your ending. Not so much the prisms being weapons but the "I must be crying cause of the dust" thing is a bit cliche for my liking personally.
And ma Votes:
1) Globe in the Attic
2) The Rainbow Farm
3) Where worlds Meet
awe, someone thought of me enough to think I might have written something.
My CWC that didn't get finished was actually a sci fi horror/psychological story I had tentatively titled Reality Schism :P (twas a bit on the nose so it would have changed had I finished)
Alas, I didn't finish, but I appreciate you thinking I could have finished something, instead of the reality of me being a lazy bum who didn't even bother to finish a story despite having it 25% done and outlined :P
You guessed right! I haven't actually posted this one anywhere yet, so I'm thinking of taking the advice given and editing it up. What you said here is pretty on the money with the ending. I don't hate it, but it does come off as pretty obligatory all things considered, and I can do better.
So wait, which one did you write? I don't feel like doing a process of elimination :P
Oh also it's a smaallllll not big thing but so far all my guesses have been right!!
What gave yours away to me was the attention to small details like double AA batteries in the fans. Also in all my years of reading stories I think you are the only one I've ever read use the term "mana" Anyways, my suggestion is just cut out your last paragraph and just keep going. Play things out.
Also no, I will never tell any of you what I wrote!!!
What gave yours away to me was the attention to small details like double AA batteries in the fans. Also in all my years of reading stories I think you are the only one I've ever read use the term "mana" Anyways, my suggestion is just cut out your last paragraph and just keep going. Play things out.
Also no, I will never tell any of you what I wrote!!!
I'm going to be honest here; I skimmed through the Discord and am pretty sure I saw you say you didn't get something finished. Since that ruled you out as the mystery entrant, I gave you the honorary spot of replacing my name so I didn't actually say which one was me (even if everyone seems to have that figured out). You were, however, my first choice for mystery entrant otherwise.
I've got some wrong. I think that balances out nicely.
I will also be honest, I was pretty sure the story you credited to me was actually yours given other people's reasons why that story was yours made sense :P (Also I knew there were ten entries and you didn't list yourself)
but it was still nice to be included lol.
Huh. By the end i was worried it was running too long. Also time constraints with the challenge saw me cut it short.
But between this story, the cat story, and a few other CWC entries, I feel like I have a lot of moving parts for an urban fantasy novel.
I'll add it to the pile. Because I also have a ton of random ideas for a regular fantasy novel, and I'm thinking that'll come next. "The Lichwood" and "Grey Day" are things I'd like to explore, especially that demon that wants to be a human. Also pet spiders.
Going to spend a bit more time actually building a world with rules if I do that though. This scattershot thing with STormbreather has made it a complete bitch to edit.
well if you do it you know where to find the sheet to motivate yourself :P
Presenting for the mystery guest!
Votes:
1. Second-Born Son - Mike M
2. The Rainbow Farm - Pickman
3. The Platypus - Conkersbadfurday
Guesses:
Do They Sing No More - Eternal Song
Where Worlds Meet - krazen
Retribution - Rivenblade
The Cheapest 8th Off Soundview - Sarah Michelle Gellar
Give Em Time - DTL
The Lantern Sky - Nezumi
The Globe in the Attic - FlowersisBrutish
Votes:
1. Second-Born Son - Mike M
2. The Rainbow Farm - Pickman
3. The Platypus - Conkersbadfurday
Guesses:
Do They Sing No More - Eternal Song
Where Worlds Meet - krazen
Retribution - Rivenblade
The Cheapest 8th Off Soundview - Sarah Michelle Gellar
Give Em Time - DTL
The Lantern Sky - Nezumi
The Globe in the Attic - FlowersisBrutish
Votes:
1.) The Globe in the Attic (my guess is that this is the mystery guest)
2.) Second Born Son (I think that one's Mike
3.) The cheapest 8th off Soundview (Would guess this to be Flowers)
More guesses.
I think Eternal Song wrote "Do they sing no more. I think Pickman wrote "The platypus". I'm certain that DTL wrote Give em time". I think krazen wrote "The lantern sky". Either Rivenblade or Conker could have written either "Retribution" or "The Rainbow Farm"
1.) The Globe in the Attic (my guess is that this is the mystery guest)
2.) Second Born Son (I think that one's Mike
3.) The cheapest 8th off Soundview (Would guess this to be Flowers)
More guesses.
I think Eternal Song wrote "Do they sing no more. I think Pickman wrote "The platypus". I'm certain that DTL wrote Give em time". I think krazen wrote "The lantern sky". Either Rivenblade or Conker could have written either "Retribution" or "The Rainbow Farm"
so lets see how I can do without reading any of the stories
Conkersbadfurday - The Rainbow Farm
Dedication Through Light - Give em time
Eternal Song - Do They Sing No More
FlowersisBritush - The Platypus
krazen - Globe in the Attic
Mike - Second-Born Son
Nezumi - Where World's meet
Pickman - The Lantern Sky
Rivenblade - Retribution
Special Mystery Guest (Wee Mad Arthur)- The Cheapest 8th Off Soundview
my guesses, including a guess for the guest :P
Conkersbadfurday - The Rainbow Farm
Dedication Through Light - Give em time
Eternal Song - Do They Sing No More
FlowersisBritush - The Platypus
krazen - Globe in the Attic
Mike - Second-Born Son
Nezumi - Where World's meet
Pickman - The Lantern Sky
Rivenblade - Retribution
Special Mystery Guest (Wee Mad Arthur)- The Cheapest 8th Off Soundview
my guesses, including a guess for the guest :P
Looks like most have me figured out. For anyone interested, here's my commentary on my own story and all of the justified feedback above:
So yeah, a half-baked idea that lost steam at the halfway mark.
Retribution
I started this story with the image of a guy struggling with a can opener and had no idea where it would go. I considered him being a homeless man but switched to a soldier because it seemed like I'd have more places to go with that.
The dragon reveal was something that just came up as I went along. I considered other enemies: post-nuclear war mutants, other humans ala Mad Max, or even an orc army. But I dug the idea of dragons and went with it hoping I wouldn't be laughed out of the thread.
Then it fell apart. I had NOTHING beyond the reveal. Okay, let's have them call for backup and then explain some of the backstory. Oh crap, so much exposition. This is getting awkward. It's okay, let's just end it. I need to end it. Do they wait for the flyover? Do they commit suicide? Eh, let's have Mal run out there because he's been on the ground for too long even though it doesn't totally make sense with what came before in terms of the character work. Oh crap, the deadline is coming up! PM the entry to Mike!
I started this story with the image of a guy struggling with a can opener and had no idea where it would go. I considered him being a homeless man but switched to a soldier because it seemed like I'd have more places to go with that.
The dragon reveal was something that just came up as I went along. I considered other enemies: post-nuclear war mutants, other humans ala Mad Max, or even an orc army. But I dug the idea of dragons and went with it hoping I wouldn't be laughed out of the thread.
Then it fell apart. I had NOTHING beyond the reveal. Okay, let's have them call for backup and then explain some of the backstory. Oh crap, so much exposition. This is getting awkward. It's okay, let's just end it. I need to end it. Do they wait for the flyover? Do they commit suicide? Eh, let's have Mal run out there because he's been on the ground for too long even though it doesn't totally make sense with what came before in terms of the character work. Oh crap, the deadline is coming up! PM the entry to Mike!
So yeah, a half-baked idea that lost steam at the halfway mark.
Midnight oil, apologies for the late absentee *slides in ballot*
1)Globe in the Attic
2)The Platypus
3)Where Worlds...
OK, with everyone having voted. Here are the winners.
1.) The Globe in the Attic
2.) Second-Born Son
3.) The Rainbow Farm
Vote Count
The Globe in the Attic - 24 (6)
Second-Born Son - 15 (2)
The Rainbow Farm - 12 (1)
The Platypus - 8 (1)
Retribution - 3 (1)
Where Worlds Meet - 2
Do They Sing No More - 1
The cheapest 8th of Soundview - 1
Congratulations... Well, I guess it's up to Mike to tell us that :D
1.) The Globe in the Attic
2.) Second-Born Son
3.) The Rainbow Farm
Vote Count
The Globe in the Attic - 24 (6)
Second-Born Son - 15 (2)
The Rainbow Farm - 12 (1)
The Platypus - 8 (1)
Retribution - 3 (1)
Where Worlds Meet - 2
Do They Sing No More - 1
The cheapest 8th of Soundview - 1
Congratulations... Well, I guess it's up to Mike to tell us that :D
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I may or may not have that more or less ready to go. Was just waiting for the last vote
Nice! I've really liked your stories from the small sample size I've seen so far.
Thanks for the comments and critiques, and I wow, so nice to get comments saying my writings improved.
Aw but I love these character types so much :( :( :( yeah, the past three stories I've based them around the same character types for an off-site collection. Personally I loved my previous one the most, and this one I thought was actually my weakest of the three volleyball ones
Aw but I love these character types so much :( :( :( yeah, the past three stories I've based them around the same character types for an off-site collection. Personally I loved my previous one the most, and this one I thought was actually my weakest of the three volleyball ones
OP
OP
Alright, let's see how close everyone came to guessing who wrote what:
Do They Sing No More - Eternal Song
Where Worlds Meet - Nezumi
The Platypus - Pickman
Retribution - Rivenblade
The Cheapest 8th Off Soundview - krazen
Give Em Time - Dedication Through Light
The Lantern Sky - FlowersisBritish
Second-Born Son - Mike
The Globe in the Attic - Cyan
The Rainbow Farm - Conkersbadfurday
Grats to Cyan for the stealth win!
Do They Sing No More - Eternal Song
Where Worlds Meet - Nezumi
The Platypus - Pickman
Retribution - Rivenblade
The Cheapest 8th Off Soundview - krazen
Give Em Time - Dedication Through Light
The Lantern Sky - FlowersisBritish
Second-Born Son - Mike
The Globe in the Attic - Cyan
The Rainbow Farm - Conkersbadfurday
Grats to Cyan for the stealth win!
OP
OP
The file's in my personal Dropbox account, and I pretty much never remove any story I put in there, so it will be available for the foreseeable future.
BAH GAWD! IT'S CYAN! IT'S CYAN! BACK WITH A VENGEANCE ON MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
Congrats, Cyan! :D Nice to see ya! Looking forward to the next one!
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