Creative Writing Challenge #37: Endings

Eternal Song

Member
Oct 31, 2017
643
Sorry to say no story from me this time around
I highly doubt I'll get anything in either. I liked my plan, but I've been gone all week and just got back yesterday to learn I didn't have the rest of the day to finish. Now it's gone a decent ways beyond the entry period, and I have an extra set of people around.

Sorry to be such a disappointment.
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
1,569
Title: Insomnia
WC: 2241

Tried a little horror number this time, and wrote in the first person for the first time. That's about as creative as I can get.
This was great! I've never had sleep paralysis, but if this story speaks to that reality, that's pretty terrifying o_0 your descriptions were really strong - they gave me a feeling like I was reading Lovecraft (in terms of writing style)

I think a possible area of improvement would be to remove some "nonsense" words out from the voice you create. I don't know if I'm using the right terminology for this, but I have the same issue with my writing.

What I mean is that in this paragraph:
See, I got laid off from a big company around three months ago, so I was lucky to get unemployment which helped a bit and part of our severance was that we'd get to keep our health coverage for six months, so that was a pretty big relief from worry in itself. Still, I was feeling the pinch without that normal income. I was surviving without going into debt, yeah, but it wasn't easy.
There's a couple of words like "See", "so" and "yeah" that aren't doing anything for you, and I think they take away from your narration with their interruptions. I think taking them out gives a nicer flow

I got laid off from a big company around three months ago, and I was lucky to get both unemployment, which helped a bit, and a severance that included health coverage for six months. The health coverage was a pretty big relief from worry in itself. Still, I felt the pinch without that normal income. I was surviving without going into debt, but it wasn't easy.
That being said, I really enjoyed your story :)
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
1,569
Title: The Creation
W.C: 1,114

I am not a native english speaker and I have a writing exam in a few months. I will try to use these challenges as training. Any advice about my grammar is welcome.
Despite not being a native English speaker, you wrote better than most people I know who speak English natively :D I didn't find any serious grammar errors, just a use of "Dramatic" that didn't need to be capitalized, and some interesting uses of comma-seaparated lists I thought were more stylistic choices, but might not hold up in a writing exam.

I liked your story! At first, I was confused when you started tossing around more modern terms like "default option" and "logistics" when at first you were talking about times of antiquity, but then I think I got it, and I started picturing

the creator character working in an office setting, like the creative department of a production studio.
I really enjoyed that mental imagery, and am now thinking that I'd like to see that in a cartoon or show :]

I don't feel like your story had a lot of finality to it, though. Felt like it needed just a bit more to feel like this chapter was done. I'm not too sure I got the ending footnote, either, but that might just be me.

I liked this one, regardless!
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
1,569
Sorry, everyone, I got a little eager last night to read everyone's submissions and to share my thoughts on them.

Do we do that in this thread? Or do we wait until the voting is over to give thoughts on each other's stories?
 

weemadarthur

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,340
Sorry, everyone, I got a little eager last night to read everyone's submissions and to share my thoughts on them.

Do we do that in this thread? Or do we wait until the voting is over to give thoughts on each other's stories?
You do it whenever you want!
Voting later is only done per person, it’s not a rule. You can vote now.
 

Pickman

Member
Nov 20, 2017
1,206
Tampa Bay, FL
Sorry writers, I don't have the time to offer thoughts on the writing. Everyone had something unique to offer and it was a tough pool this time.

1st: Staffy with The Last Rest
2nd: Nezumi with On the reading of cards
3rd: Plum with The last elephant.

Cheers!
 

StaffyManasse

Member
Oct 28, 2017
747
Sorry writers, I don't have the time to offer thoughts on the writing. Everyone had something unique to offer and it was a tough pool this time.

1st: Staffy with The Last Rest
2nd: Nezumi with On the reading of cards
3rd: Plum with The last elephant.

Cheers!
Me when someone says they liked my writing.



But seriously, it brings me so much joy to see someone likes what I created, having just started to practice this.

EDIT:

Here are my picks. Putting these three in order was a difficult task. They all had a somber tone I really enjoyed a lot and strangely enough, two of them had wrinkly giants in them. But purely on a gut feeling I would put them in this order.

3rd spot Conkersbadfurday - Still Breeze

2nd spot Plum - The Last Elephant

1st spot Ashes - Rain Falling on a Tin Roof
 
Last edited:
Oct 25, 2017
12,257
sorry i missed this one, lots of stuff and i feel so bad for not reading either but just out of it, please let me know when next one is up. Ill do my best to participate. Sorry.
 
OP
OP
Plum

Plum

The Fallen
May 31, 2018
6,873
Have some votes!

1) Conkersbadfurday - Still Breeze
2) Staffy - The Last Rest
3) Pickman - Insomnia

HM: Ashes - Rain Falling on a Tin Roof
 

SoundCheck

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
1,693
Thanks for the feedback!
I liked your story but I think it would have been better if you had not revealed the fate of the protagonist in the beginning imo. the end would be a good surprise after the protagonist acted like an asshole the whole trip.

Here my votes
1. The Last Rest
2. Insomnia
3. On the reading of cards
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
1,569
These stories were such a treat :) I wasn't expecting such an inspired set of short stories, so I'll definitely be back for another challenge, since I can learn a lot about writing well from the group here!

My top 3 are as follows:

Plum - The Last Elephant (that killed me on the inside in such a good way)
Conkersbadfurday - Still Breeze (I found the premise very interesting, and in such a small set of words you fleshed out a world so quickly)
Pickman - Insomnia (the descriptions of the sleep paralysis were engrossing!)

Thanks for the feedback!
I liked your story but I think it would have been better if you had not revealed the fate of the protagonist in the beginning imo. the end would be a good surprise after the protagonist acted like an asshole the whole trip.
Thanks for the feedback! In hindsight, the in media res opening probably does kill my momentum right out of the gate lol
 
OP
OP
Plum

Plum

The Fallen
May 31, 2018
6,873
Results!

1) StaffyManasse - The Last Rest
2) Conker - Still Breeze / Nezumi - On the Reading of Cards
3) Ashes - Rain Falling on a Tin Roof

Vote Count
Staffy - 11 (3)
Conker - 8 (1)
Nezumi - 8 (1)
Ashes - 7 (2)
Plum - 7 (1)
Pickman - 6
Oreo - 1


Congratulations, StaffyManasse! Now get creative and come up with a great prompt :P
 

StaffyManasse

Member
Oct 28, 2017
747
I don't know what to say other than thank you all! This is really humbling and makes me want to push myself more.

New op coming in soonish.