Cutting out family members

Kino · Feb 4, 2019

Has anyone here cut family out of their life? In the past two years, I’ve been having a lot of problems with my aunt’s family. Specifically, her husband is a total douchebag and all interactions between him and my side of the family are extremely painful. I don’t think we can continue functioning as a family and I feel really bad because I still like my aunt and some of my cousins.

So I guess I’m just wondering if anyone here in era has a similar experience they’d like to share.

Deleted member 18944 · Feb 4, 2019

If they don't spark joy, throw em away.

Threadkular · Feb 4, 2019

Don't cut family out - set boundaries. Say what it is you want and when they cross the boundary then don't engage them. If they want a relationship with you they'll have to respect what you've set.

Bishop89 · Feb 4, 2019

Do what you have to do.

Just because they're family doesn't mean they deserve to be in your life.
Of course it depends on the situation.

Maybe talk it out first if you can

Antrax · Feb 4, 2019

Yeah, I haven't seen or spoken to my dad in years. He doesn't know my contact info or my address, and it'll stay that way. I'm sure he still gets info about me through the family grapevine, but damned if I need the stress of dealing with him.

alexi52 · Feb 4, 2019

I have a aunt, uncle and 3 cousins that I haven't seen in more than 2 years, I grew up with that family but because of an incident that occurred there's a chance that we can never see each other again and what are the cousins I want dead and I pray for his suffering

MrRob · Feb 4, 2019

Who is an 'air nt's'... I'm pretty lost here.

Do you mean auntie?

真棒! · Feb 4, 2019

If you don't live with them or need them in your life to survive then yeah, pretty easy to do honestly. You can still talk to your aunt and what not, but let her know the situation to avoid conflict in the future.

Kino · Feb 4, 2019

Threadkular said:
Don't cut family out - set boundaries. Say what it is you want and when they cross the boundary then don't engage them. If they want a relationship with you they'll have to respect what you've set.

I wish I could agree with this, but they refuse to talk. He’s very much the type to storm out of a room rather than hear anything negative; this in itself isn’t so bad, but his whole family goes along with this behavior because they feel they need to support him.

Wein Cruz · Feb 4, 2019

Hobbes said:
If they don't spark joy, throw em away.

Are you really a writer

Kino · Feb 4, 2019

MrRob said:
Who is an 'air nt's'... I'm pretty lost here.

Do you mean auntie?

Yeah I meant to say aunt. Thanks for catching that.

Kernel · Feb 4, 2019

My mom has borderline personality disorder

Oh the stories I could tell.

She's done countless shit over the years only to deny the next day that she said it.

I think calling my wife a whore when she was at full term pregnancy and telling me to wash the newborn baby clothes in rat poison are some off the top of my head shit that she'd deny she did.

Cut her off years ago.

Deleted member 18944 · Feb 4, 2019

Wein Cruz said:
Are you really a writer

Are you

onyx · Feb 4, 2019

I cut out most of my extended family. I never felt like I fit in and I never wanted any part of the family drama. My siblings , parents, and grandparents have always been enough for me. They keep in touch with everyone else and feel the need to update me on what's happening with the extended family from time to time. From what I hear I'm happy with my life choices.

joecanada · Feb 4, 2019

alexi52 said:
I have a aunt, uncle and 3 cousins that I haven't seen in more than 2 years, I grew up with that family but because of an incident that occurred there's a chance that we can never see each other again and what are the cousins I want dead and I pray for his suffering

Does this mean you want one of your cousins dead? That's heavy .

Simon Belmont · Feb 4, 2019

I haven’t spoken to my grandfather or uncle for 16 or so years. Never mix business and family.

Kino · Feb 4, 2019

onyx said:
I cut out most of my extended family. I never felt like I fit in and I never wanted any part of the family drama. My siblings , parents, and grandparents have always been enough for me. They keep in touch with everyone else and feel the need to update me on what's happening with the extended family from time to time. From what I hear I'm happy with my life choices.

This would be my ideal situation, but I actually do like some people in that family. I just can’t stand the fact that they enable my uncle’s horrible behaviors.

Another example of the shit he pulls:
My aunt let my sister stay at their beach house after her high school graduation ceremony. When my uncle found out, he called my sister and made her leave the house and drive back home at two in the morning. (The beach is an hour away and she had only been driving for a few months)

Deleted member 18742 · Feb 4, 2019

Barely any of my mom's side of the family talks to me, responds or reaches out to me so fuck em tbh. Gave them nothing but respect and kindness and that's what I get

ZiggyPalffyLA · Feb 4, 2019

Cut my brother out of my life almost 7 years ago (only saw him at my uncle’s funeral last year) and haven’t regretted it since, despite the rest of my family’s constant badgering to forgive him for making my childhood a living hell. Even if I do forgive him, I’ve learned my life is better without him in it and I’m under no obligation to have that kind of negativity in my life. Blood or otherwise.

Possum Armada · Feb 4, 2019

My entire family was toxic, violent, and dangerous.

I walked away from them all and built the family I wanted from loved ones and my wife & son.

I’ve never been happier.

Deleted member 19066 · Feb 4, 2019

My dad said some hateful shit once he realized I was never gonna leave my trans fiancee, so he's out. That was only three months ago. He's always welcome back in my life if he comes around, but it's up to him.

Chopchop · Feb 4, 2019

It's probably better to set boundaries, or at least do things in a certain way so that you avoid most of the crap. Such as meeting only in places where said person is less likely to act up and ruin the meetup.

The problem with cutting out family, as you said, is that it causes a lot of collateral pain and loss against people you do care about, and do want to spend time with. So unfortunately a lot of the time it may be better to find a way to minimize the chance of getting bullshit from the offending family member so that you can stay in touch with the family members that you do care about.

shaneo632 · Feb 4, 2019

My mother's husband is a total asshole and I cut him off about 5 years ago. It hurts my mum but I'm not the only one who hates him.

My brother's partner is a POS, cut her off 2 years ago. It means I've only seen my niece 3 times in 2.5 years but on the balance of probabilities it felt like the better choice for my sanity tbh.

Sure it makes family outings "awkward" if you allow it to be but life's too short to entertain toxic people and put up with their shit. My mental health is so much better simply for having nothing to do with these people.

alexi52 · Feb 4, 2019

joecanada said:
Does this mean you want one of your cousins dead? That's heavy .

What had happened was when my cousin was 12 he molested my little brother who was 8 at the time, this happened for 4 years and my brother told me 2 years after it stopped, this was a cousin I held and took care of since he was a baby so it was not only a shock but also a heartbreak, we got the police involved but there was no evidence so all it did was split our families apart, all my little brother wanted was for the truth to come out and all I want now is for my father to see his brother again, they were very close and this is what hurts me the most

Quinton · Feb 4, 2019

I knew my mother when I was a kid but she disappeared. The only family member I knew growing up was my grandmother. Her sister and brothers met me when I was 11 and told me if I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior they would save me from my grandmother. I was 11, I stared blankly, I told my grandmother, and I never saw them again.

Grandmother died in early 2006 and that was that. Met my mom again, but that went poorly as well.

Met my father (whom I’d thought was dead for many years) in 2015 in Vegas. We chat occasionally.

eZipsis · Feb 4, 2019

Cut people out if they are selfish dickheads, you will feel much better. I don't talk to my brother anymore...

edit: Oh god, I wrote "your" instead of "you're"

Verano · Feb 4, 2019

I hardly interact with my extended family (paternal side}. Only when they need favors from me, I exist to them as a person and as a tool. Otherwise I'm transparent to them. Rarely do they open up to me. I've tried to socialize with them for the longest. I've stopped. I keep to myself and leave them be.

Deleted member 52988 · Feb 4, 2019

Nope. Definitely had some barnburners and have family I would otherwise cut off altogether but blood is blood.

Ocean Bones · Feb 4, 2019

eZipsis said:
Cut people out if they are selfish dickheads, you will feel much better. I don't talk to my brother anymore...

edit: Oh god, I wrote "your" instead of "you're"

What a douche. Reminds me of my brother

Pwnz · Feb 4, 2019

My brother reacted to my engagement that my then fiance is Mexican and a gold digger. Lets just say we dont interact as much anymore. There is some things you can change and others you cannot.

RedMercury · Feb 4, 2019

Hobbes said:
Are you

ZING

Panic Freak · Feb 4, 2019

I cut my dad out of my life. I didn't even invite him to my wedding. He was a heroin addict though. Now he is dead. I miss him but I don't regret it. Do what you need to do to be happy. Life is too short.

LegendofJoe · Feb 4, 2019

I just don't talk to nor go out of my way to visit family I don't like.

Then again my closest family member is my brother who is a 9 hour drive away, so it's easy for me to do that.

Kisaya · Feb 4, 2019

I cut out my mom which led to me losing my dad and my siblings. Ended up being really good for me.

Doom_Bringer · Feb 4, 2019

Anyone from my dad's side - all evil assholes leaving it up with black money. Most people from my mom's side, except for my grandmother. I don't want to interact with them anyway...

Also might cut off my sister soon, she told my mom to fuck off, she drinks too much, is constantly buttering my rich dad for favors or money. She has zero respect for anyone.

TBH I only like my mom and my grandmother

MattWhite924 · Feb 4, 2019

I cut my dad out of my life about 5 years ago. Sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing to do, since I have to imagine having your child cut contact with you must be extremely hard and soul crushing. I have to remind myself about how difficult he was, and how miserable he made me, and how he treated others. I don't hate him, but I know that I'm far better off and far happier without him in my life.

My suggestion would be that if they constantly are negatively affecting your life, then it's worth seriously considering cutting them out. It shouldn't ever be your first option, but don't put it off too long if it is the only option. Take some time and think about it, maybe talk with some trusted friends about the situation. I'll be honest with you, even if it is 100% the right thing to do, there will still be days where you think about it, and you wonder if you did the right thing or if you should try to get back in contact. It won't ever be easy. If you have any ounce of empathy in you, then it will hurt your soul, but sometimes it has to be done.

Kino · Feb 4, 2019

eZipsis said:
Cut people out if they are selfish dickheads, you will feel much better. I don't talk to my brother anymore...

edit: Oh god, I wrote "your" instead of "you're"

Lol, I'm always amazed at how horribly some people act to new members of the family. One of my cousins absolutely refuses to acknowledge her new cousin from my maternal uncle.

Kisaya said:
I cut out my mom which led to me losing my dad and my siblings. Ended up being really good for me.

Do you Dad and siblings try to reach out to you or have they firmly taken her side?

NoRéN · Feb 4, 2019

Hobbes said:
If they don't spark joy, throw em away.

It’s really that simple.

Tebunker · Feb 4, 2019

I honestly was never close to extended family by choice. I have pretty much muted them out of my life in the last 15 or so years. Hell I only recently found out a cousin got divorced.

My Uncle stopped talking to my Dad over 2016. Dad called the idiot in charge a Con Man and told his brother he was falling for bad con and so my uncle stopped taking his calls and even went to lengths to try prevent him from seeing their mother who is in nursing care. The shit head called my dad late last year when it looked like she may not make it and pseudo apologized. Dad drew a hard line on what behavior he was willing to tolerate and they've been talking.

If anyone in my immediate family was that much of an asshole to me, my wife or kids I wouldn't hesitate to throw all the nuclear switches and blast them out of my life. I just don't have time for that shit. Life can be stressful enough and you owe those people nothing. Doubly so if they treat you like shit. Cut them out and walk away.

joecanada · Feb 5, 2019

alexi52 said:
What had happened was when my cousin was 12 he molested my little brother who was 8 at the time, this happened for 4 years and my brother told me 2 years after it stopped, this was a cousin I held and took care of since he was a baby so it was not only a shock but also a heartbreak, we got the police involved but there was no evidence so all it did was split our families apart, all my little brother wanted was for the truth to come out and all I want now is for my father to see his brother again, they were very close and this is what hurts me the most

So Sorry . Yeah sometimes we all just lose in a rotten deal . No winners .

matrixman92 · Feb 5, 2019

i cut my dad out of my life. He cheated on my mom with some super young(legal) girl AT HIS WORK. He ended up getting fired and leaned on my mom really hard for support since he had no income. She gave him a 2nd chance, and what do you know he did it again with some other chick. my mom left him and we moved across the country, away from everything that I knew. This led to some of the worst years of life, which was highschool, where I never made one friend.

one night he called my mom crying he had no place to go. He moved across the country to us the next week and moved in for a 3rd chance. It deteriorated very quickly and he moved out again. After that was just a steady string of lies and disappointments. Im fairly certain he just used my mom for a place to crash so he could move over here and had planned on moving out instantly. I would see him once every other weekend, and he soon started coming up with reasons he couldnt come, so sometimes months would go by without me seeing him. And I realized I did not care at all anymore. Wrote him an email telling him to fuck off and I didnt want to see him anymore. And that was it, never answered any of his calls or emails. He didnt care enough to come over in person either. So it is what it is. I blame most of the bad things that have happened in my life on him. He could be dead for all I know.

Baphomet · Feb 5, 2019

Not cut out exactly , more like grew apart , but I barely speak to my brother anymore.... he was a huge douchebag to me growing up , but he has changed....I have little malice left for him , but he pretty much became a hermit, cut out everyone he know and has been living in Germany for years. I have not seen him physically in 13 years.

Phoenom · Feb 5, 2019

Yup, I've barely spoken to my oldest brother for about a decade now and completely blank him whenever I visit my parents. Pretty much singlehandedly caused my social anxiety and distrust of people (therefore relationship issues) with his attention-seeking temper tantrums and endless talking as I was growing up.
The final straw was when I was starting off in employment and had to travel about 3 hours a day for a low wage. He whispered to me that he was happy not to work and would continue sponging off me and my parents; a completely sincere statement with no humour or joke behind it. Worthless sack of shit has been dead to me since and I'm all the happier for it.

Recent years have been tough because of both my parents falling ill and needing hospital visits at times. Yet its always me and the other brother I have to live with footing the bill, which I'm happy to do for them, but since he's still sponging off them he reaps the rewards too. Just makes me hate him more I guess.

TFGB · Feb 5, 2019

I know more people that don’t speak to particular family members, than those that do. It just seems to be commonplace lol. I haven’t spoken to my eldest sister since my dad’s funeral 10 years ago and my partner’s brother we also have no contact with anymore.

applejuice · Feb 5, 2019

I lived with my grandparents for a few years as a teenager and that experience was so bad I don't talk to my grandfather anymore. One Christmas he gave me free men's cologne samples, because that's what every 16 year old girl is dying to get, right? He asked me once if i had him blocked on Facebook and I said it doesn't matter because I don't go on Facebook anyway.

Interested Observer · Feb 5, 2019

I have silently cut loads of family out of my life, they were poisonous and caused loads of problems for my mom. So fuck them.

Interested Observer · Feb 5, 2019

eZipsis said:
Cut people out if they are selfish dickheads, you will feel much better. I don't talk to my brother anymore...

edit: Oh god, I wrote "your" instead of "you're"

This is... just fascinating. How?

Professor Beef · Feb 5, 2019

Sometimes you have to prune the family tree. I cut my aunt out of my life and I never looked back.

amoy · Feb 5, 2019

Not the best example, but...

I don't talk with my brother as often as I had like, all because of his wife. Can't stand a cheater, I tried to warn him, but they ended back together and got married.

Anyway, for important shit, I will still go the extra mile for him, indirectly, that is, through a sister or my mom. I just have zero respect for his partner.

Modest_Modsoul · Feb 5, 2019

Currently, 50% with my older brother.

I just don't want to talk to him for awhile...

Cutting out family members

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