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Yeah, right when I read this, I just did the task of doing so.
I told her that I wanted to go to Japan and asked her if she was interested in any bits of Japanese culture, like Anime or the food. She says she likes the food, so I asked her if she wants to get ramen.
You're right about the time wasting. The whole time I was messaging her, I felt like I was going impatient. Let's see what I'll get myself into.
A lot of people screw up because they're too apprehensive and wait too long. Showing initiative is good. Show's that you're confident and willing to lead without being pushy.
In my experience, I'd always build a good rapport first within a day or two. Then, I'd ask for their number. Within another day or so of texting or a good phone conversation, I'd set up a date.
Always be sure to include her in the decision making. Make it a mutual thing as much as possible. Again, lead, don't force things or wait for her to make decisions for you. Give her options and let her put forth ideas too.
The key is taking initiative and treating her as an equal. Also, be sure to SUGGEST things. Don't ask her permission like she's your mother. If she says yes, great. If no, offer an alternative or ask her what she wants.
Understood on all of that. I'm generally like this whenever asking someone out on a date.
Well that's always important, but I don't think a handshake or a high five is appropriate for a date.
But kiss on the cheek, or stand up and say hello and kind of do the "have a seat gesture" if you are already sitting and waiting for her when she arrives. There are a few ways to go, I wouldn't say a hug is always appropriate.
Regarding my earlier post, the deep personal stuff came out as a result of a dark joke that she made that ended with both of us sharing stuff that you don't usually share with hookups. There was no crying or anything like that, by the end of of it there was just this mutual understanding that life is kinda awful sometime. I didn't really think that the reason she'd ghost was because we talked until Angel pointed it out, but then again she's the one that initiated that whole thing. On the other hand, I know nothing about my other fwb aside from really basic stuff, so I do understand the reasoning behind his posts.
I think I was just hung up on her because I created this idea of her in my head that she was different than the rest after I've hanged out with her for only few a hours.
Thanks for your input everyone.
I think I was just hung up on her because I created this idea of her in my head that she was different than the rest after I've hanged out with her for only few a hours.
Thanks for your input everyone.
I have never begun a first date with anything other than a hug and probably never will. Can't think of a single scenario where it wouldn't the way to go.
In other news I was out with the beer girl a week ago and I felt I really hit it off well. She had dancing class 8am the next day, and still we stayed out drinking until a bit past midnight. Texted her the next day saying add me to FB messenger (everyone uses that here). She wasn't very responsive at all, and yesterday she said I was a great guy but she wasn't looking to date, then promptly blocked me. Gotta wonder what happened there. It was one of the most fun dates I've been on and then she's like bye. Not losing any sleep over it since I've got upcoming dates, but that was a bit weird
In other news I was out with the beer girl a week ago and I felt I really hit it off well. She had dancing class 8am the next day, and still we stayed out drinking until a bit past midnight. Texted her the next day saying add me to FB messenger (everyone uses that here). She wasn't very responsive at all, and yesterday she said I was a great guy but she wasn't looking to date, then promptly blocked me. Gotta wonder what happened there. It was one of the most fun dates I've been on and then she's like bye. Not losing any sleep over it since I've got upcoming dates, but that was a bit weird
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Maybe she was being genuine but she was only going out for a night out?
I used to know girls at University that would just go on random dates for something to do, but they weren't interested in dating. Sometimes they'd sleep with the guy, sometimes it'd be a free dinner, but they'd never follow up on the date.
What Ernest said, a relaxed hug if she goes in for it first or if her body language is open for a relaxed hug otherwise a smile and a friendly "hey" will do just fine.
So I've been on four dates with this girl, I like her, I thought they went well, but since she couldn't make my birthday last weekend I have the impression she's cooled off the whole thing, not wanting to text so much.
I think she's going to blow me off this weekend since I've got no response to my asking her out tomorrow, so I'm thinking of just calling her out, something along the lines of: "So tomorrow? I feel like you haven't wanted to talk so much the past few days, is everything ok?" - how's that? I'd just like the bad news instead of getting told she can't do tomorrow at the 11th hour...
I think she's going to blow me off this weekend since I've got no response to my asking her out tomorrow, so I'm thinking of just calling her out, something along the lines of: "So tomorrow? I feel like you haven't wanted to talk so much the past few days, is everything ok?" - how's that? I'd just like the bad news instead of getting told she can't do tomorrow at the 11th hour...
First of all treat tomorrow's date as if it's not gonna happen. Make other plans just in case, cause if she hasn't responded so far you're probably not in her top priorities. Give her a few days, she might be busy or have personal stuff going on you may not know about but if she's still interested in dating you then she'd definitely get back to you.
Now if you waited a few days and still didn't hear from her you might as well send a last message to see if everything's fine and she was busy or if she ghosted you. If it's the latter then move on and get yourself a new date.
what have you been doing on these four dates? Maybe she expected more initiative from you.
I would just call her and speak to her, personally. I would act like nothing was wrong when I called, and just ask her out again. If she blew you off I'd follow up with your line of questioning, asking if everything was alright, if all is fine, I'd tell her to let me know when she's free and stop messaging her. If she said she's not interested, I'd just leave it at that.
Ok, thanks for the advice guys
Chronospherics decided to call her, and she picked up and I'm taking her for lunch tomorrow (apparently). She's been really busy with stuff this week, having to go to bed early and so on. She picked up without knowing it was me, so there's a chance she could still blow me off tomorrow but at least I spoke to her.
Galkinator I'd certainly resided myself to the idea we weren't hanging out tomorrow, I have plans tonight and Sunday in case of a bruised ego.
SantaC We've been to a club, dinner, lunch, walk the park, making out on the second date, fooling around at mine on the third, I don't think initiative was an issue. I'll see if lunch happens tomorrow...
Chronospherics decided to call her, and she picked up and I'm taking her for lunch tomorrow (apparently). She's been really busy with stuff this week, having to go to bed early and so on. She picked up without knowing it was me, so there's a chance she could still blow me off tomorrow but at least I spoke to her.
Galkinator I'd certainly resided myself to the idea we weren't hanging out tomorrow, I have plans tonight and Sunday in case of a bruised ego.
SantaC We've been to a club, dinner, lunch, walk the park, making out on the second date, fooling around at mine on the third, I don't think initiative was an issue. I'll see if lunch happens tomorrow...
Just be careful not to do it like this:
I've only wanted an opportunity to post this once more lol
Thanks i am going on tuesday and i am already dying. Such beautiful eyes and friendly personality.Just be careful not to do it like this:
I've only wanted an opportunity to post this once more lol
How much will a huge dislike of drugs affect my dating? I've always wondered this because I can't stand it when people do drugs. If a girl says she smokes weed on her profile, I instantly lose interest. Same if she tells me on a date. I just wouldn't be interested in pursuing more no matter what. Even shit like using adderall just to do homework upsets me. Drinking is the only thing I'm tolerant of because it's so socially acceptable. But even then, if she's a party girl that wants to drink all the time or acts a fool when she's drunk, then I won't tolerate it. I've had a girl call me while she was drunk once and it really got me mad, though I held it in. I don't know. It makes me wonder if it's overkill and if im greatly limiting my options.
It won't hurt you much, unless your dating overlaps extensively with lifestyles and hobbies where pot smoking is more open and normalized. It also depends on age. There's a huge spectrum of how people use drugs and alcohol. Don't set the standard at full-fledged teetotalers and you'll be fine.
You may be too many assumptions about people who drink. Most people can handle a few drinks a week without anything resembling an ill effect.
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How old are you? To be honest, I think the weed is a little overkill. As long as they aren't high during every interaction with them what is the harm? I find that with almost every one around my age (25) is OK with weed.
I'm 25. I'm just not ok with it. Never have been. I drink every now and then so maybe I'm a hypocrite but I'm just not ok with it.
Do you make this opinion to know to people you meet? Is there a particular reason? Have you ever smoked weed? I'm not trying to be judgemental. I'm the same age, and granted I'm from a very progressive city. I just think having this as a requirement could be limiting your chances, especially with people our age.
Plenty of people feel the same as you or at least don't mess with anything. Make sure to put your feelings in your profile though, so you don't end up on dates with weed smokers.
Yeah, basically that.
If you have hard restrictions on kids, pets, hookups, drugs, alcohol, or height, put it in your profile.
It's fine. Just don't be surprised if people feel the same about you not tolerating weed smokers.
I mean, it's entirely up to you and you are always entitled to your opinions and preferences.
Personally, I'm a weed smoker and most of the people I met in my life that were against it didn't try it and didn't really know much about it.
It's a bit harsh to judge people greatly on this, because weed imo is as bad as alcohol but the latter is more socially acceptable, so it is a bit hypocritical in some way.
Yes, you are limiting yourself but it's your choice.
I would suggest you to try and be a bit more open regarding this, because in a few years it's going to be even more popular and maybe even legalised in big and influential countries.
I'm not gonna get into the debate, but if you think Marijuana is as bad as alcohol you may want to do some reading. While weed is not harmless, to say it was as bad as alcohol is simply not true.
Oh and yeah, as a weed smoker I wouldn't want to date someone who felt that way about it. So keep it to people that feel the same, or let go of your hangups about it.
If you don't want it put it in your profile. That will be a plus for as many potential partners as it excludes. Plus dating someone who does drugs and you can never get into just wastes both of yours time.
I think it will. A good amount of people your age smoke weed, even if just minimally.
Personally, I'm a little wary if they say they smoke weed or are looking for someone to smoke with or any variation of that on their profile. I just feel like if you have only a small amount of words (Tinder) to describe yourself and one of the main things you think to post is your love of weed, it gives me the impression that it's a major aspect of yourself. Like, I drink regularly but I don't go out of my way to say how much I like alcohol because I don't really consider it something significant to who I am. So while I don't really care if someone I'm dating smokes or has an edible every once in awhile, I really have no interest in dating a pothead.
I admit, I've never smoked weed. Just the idea of mind-altering substances bothers me. I didn't drink for a long time because I hated seeing my mom and other family members drunk. I hated how they acted. When I drank for the first time, I was relieved I wasn't like them but I still don't really like it when people are drunk. Smoking in general something I can never get behind because I don't like smoke in general. I don't like fumes I guess. The sight, the smell, the act of smoking, all of it. Weed smells absolutely terrible to me. It makes me gag and puts me in an awful mood, as does cigarette smoke. I have no interest in edibles either. Now I only really drink maybe once or twice a month when I go out with my friends. I try not to because in a way it still bothers me, knowing my behavior is changing. And I have never so much as had the desire to go out and buy a beer or anything. It doesn't interest me. I've only ever told my ex this stuff but she never did any drugs anyway so she didn't care, but I'm still a little worried about telling someone all this for fear of driving them away.
You're right and I agree with you. I dunno why I wrote that, I'm less focused on my posts when doing it mobile.
I guess meant that people think they're both bad but drinking is more acceptable than weed, socially speaking.
I definitely know all about the research and statistics. Weed is one of the least dangerous drugs and can't argue against that.
I mean, if you're wary because you're not interested in someone who smokes on that level, that's fine, but it's unfair to judge someone if they want to put it in their profile. I put it in mine because I'll match with other guys who partake, and I'm not interested in hiding it. At the very least I know when someone asks me out that they're at least okay with it. It also brings out asshole guys who will make fun of me for it, quickly eliminating them from my pool. I smoke all the time but otherwise the rest of my life is on track and normal. I'm not less of a person just because it's a big part of who I am.
Nothing wrong with that. As others have said, just include it in your profile. There will be just as many who appreciate it as those who ignore you for it. You need to find someone right for you so don't worry,
I think it's perfectly fair to judge a person based on what they say in their bio. Your bio and pictures are your first impression. It's not about hiding it; it's just that it's a big enough part of who you are that you feel the need to share it. Like you said, you put it there because you smoke all the time and want someone who will smoke with you. I think we agree that it saves us time from both sides to have that there.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean to say you're less of a person for smoking weed a lot. Sorry if I offended you. I wouldn't think your life is off the rails just because you like to get high. I just personally wouldn't want to date someone if getting high was that important to them because for me I don't really like it.
Lol good luck with that buddy. Might want to try finding girls at church or something if you're not willing to be more flexible. I get not wanting someone who's obsessed with weed, but IMO occasional drug shouldn't be a deal-breaker.
So I just came back from date #2 with this girl.
Plan was to go to the zoo and then a food market.
Picked her up, came to the zoo only to find out that it was already closed and we were too late. Dumb mistake by me, but quickly made plan B and went to the beach and stayed til the sunrise.
Overall, she was quiet today and this lead to many awkward silences. I'm genuinely interested in her, asking questions about her and things she's done/where she lived and I always get a dry answer that basically halts the conversation. I tried really hard to keep the conversation going but eventually said fuck it and didn't nervously try to break the silence.
That's so weird because date #1 was pretty good, we had good vibes and kissed at the end and she told me the day after that she would love to see me again.
Anyway, instead of moving on to the food market she apologised and said "to be honest I'm not feeling quite well and I think I prefer heading back home"(she did mention she was a little bit sick at the beginning).
When I dropped her off at her house I didn't even think about kissing her since everything felt so forced and dry throughout the date and she even said "sorry I don't wanna get you sick" as an excuse so I won't even try I guess.
My question is, could she be really upset about the zoo thing being cancelled? I did apologise sincerely for that and she promised that she didn't mind but it's always possible of course that she's not really being honest.
Overall I'm pretty disappointed. I expected for things to escalate with her but instead took what it feels like a few steps back.
Plan was to go to the zoo and then a food market.
Picked her up, came to the zoo only to find out that it was already closed and we were too late. Dumb mistake by me, but quickly made plan B and went to the beach and stayed til the sunrise.
Overall, she was quiet today and this lead to many awkward silences. I'm genuinely interested in her, asking questions about her and things she's done/where she lived and I always get a dry answer that basically halts the conversation. I tried really hard to keep the conversation going but eventually said fuck it and didn't nervously try to break the silence.
That's so weird because date #1 was pretty good, we had good vibes and kissed at the end and she told me the day after that she would love to see me again.
Anyway, instead of moving on to the food market she apologised and said "to be honest I'm not feeling quite well and I think I prefer heading back home"(she did mention she was a little bit sick at the beginning).
When I dropped her off at her house I didn't even think about kissing her since everything felt so forced and dry throughout the date and she even said "sorry I don't wanna get you sick" as an excuse so I won't even try I guess.
My question is, could she be really upset about the zoo thing being cancelled? I did apologise sincerely for that and she promised that she didn't mind but it's always possible of course that she's not really being honest.
Overall I'm pretty disappointed. I expected for things to escalate with her but instead took what it feels like a few steps back.
I'm not really sure. Maybe she really was just feeling sick. I don't think she would be upset about the zoo. Like if I'm going on a date with someone, I'm excited to see them more than the actual venue, as long as it's not a bad place. You went to the beach which is still a nice date spot imo.
I'd just text her and say you hope she feels better. Set up date 3 and hope you can properly escalate then.
I agree that I need more experience. I just really wish she hadn't been the first person I dated. I did so much better with later girls. I wasn't such a nervous wreck, and I had a better idea of what to say and what not to say. I could be more myself and listen better to the girls, rather than try to impress them at every turn.
Right now I'm thinking I will never come across anything like that ever again, but if I do, I don't want to fuck it up.
Scrub said that time will make it better, but honestly it just keeps getting worse. I fill my days with things I enjoy, try really hard to make the best of things. Pushing myself at the gym is a great release of bad feelings, but I can't stop thinking about her every day and I kick myself harder and harder for not having the social skills to make it right. It seemed like she was interested in me, just not to the degree that I could afford making things awkward for her.
I do. I was almost certain after the first date that it wouldn't work out. She knew I was traveling 100 miles to/from her town, so it was a display of disregard right from the start. And by the fourth date (where I had been told by her that I was basically ruining her night by being there, when all I had done was hesitate for a second when asked if I minded her smoking) I was 100% sure that this was not someone I wanted to be with, because she indeed kept hurting me and always seemed to make sure I was the one who apologized. There was never a "I'm sorry for saying that to you" in return, or meeting me half-way in anything.
Pretty much the only reason I kept going out with her was that she wanted to keep going out with me, and I needed to be with someone - anyone - to distract me from the fact that I was hurting over the first girl. I won't deny that it's a really shitty reason.
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I guess I'll text her something tomorrow. I fully expect her to not be interested in date #3 with how things were today. Not even sure I want to, I can't stand another date full of awkward silences ugh
So could use some help here.
I went on a date with a girl last thursday that I met on Tinder. It was a lovely date, with constant conversations and incredibly matching interests and personalities. We made out at the end, and I could see pretty early on that she was smitten.
Then we went on a second date, and even though things were the same, I didn't feel as good this time. We went bowling and had fun. Then we took a walk, and by chance ended up close to my place (was actually by chance, I was just about to suggest she took the tram home, but it wouldn't arrive for 20 minutes, and she asked to come up to my apartment).
So we made out a lot more, had sex, she slept over etc etc.
The sex was very good, at least on her end. I have a hard time enjoying sex with a condom, but if she's happy, I'm happy.
But now afterwards, I just feel so torn about this whole thing. I'm thinking about the girl I've had feelings for about a year who lives in a different country, and I don't have any of the doubts I have with this girl. With this girl, the thought of just spending a day together on the couch, chilling, it doesn't really entice me or make me feel happy. I don't have the genuine feeling that I want to meet and see her.
Now, you are all thinking "It's just two dates, just try one or two times more and see how you feel", but this just makes me anxious, thinking of how smitten she seems. And cutting things off now just seems like a dickbag move. "I know we just had sex, so bye!".
Just needed to rant and get this off my chest. Trying to find my exit strategy here in case I need one, because she doesn't deserve to be cut off out of nowhere by an asshole (like me).
I went on a date with a girl last thursday that I met on Tinder. It was a lovely date, with constant conversations and incredibly matching interests and personalities. We made out at the end, and I could see pretty early on that she was smitten.
Then we went on a second date, and even though things were the same, I didn't feel as good this time. We went bowling and had fun. Then we took a walk, and by chance ended up close to my place (was actually by chance, I was just about to suggest she took the tram home, but it wouldn't arrive for 20 minutes, and she asked to come up to my apartment).
So we made out a lot more, had sex, she slept over etc etc.
The sex was very good, at least on her end. I have a hard time enjoying sex with a condom, but if she's happy, I'm happy.
But now afterwards, I just feel so torn about this whole thing. I'm thinking about the girl I've had feelings for about a year who lives in a different country, and I don't have any of the doubts I have with this girl. With this girl, the thought of just spending a day together on the couch, chilling, it doesn't really entice me or make me feel happy. I don't have the genuine feeling that I want to meet and see her.
Now, you are all thinking "It's just two dates, just try one or two times more and see how you feel", but this just makes me anxious, thinking of how smitten she seems. And cutting things off now just seems like a dickbag move. "I know we just had sex, so bye!".
Just needed to rant and get this off my chest. Trying to find my exit strategy here in case I need one, because she doesn't deserve to be cut off out of nowhere by an asshole (like me).
Maybe you just wanted sex? Now that youve got it youre not interested anymore? I dunno. It happens.
You can either ghost or just say that youre not really feeling any real connection but that you had fun but arent interested in pursuing it further
You can either ghost or just say that youre not really feeling any real connection but that you had fun but arent interested in pursuing it further
Hey, it sounds like you might have good thing brewing. You shouldn't let imaginary relationships completely trash your real ones. It might seem wrong, but it takes time to get over a crush, just like it takes time to get over a past relationship. Keep seeing the girl you've seen twice.
Am I the only one that doesn't really mind condoms? I mean I've used nothing but ultra thin ones before so that may be a factor.
My medication makes me number in general, so sex with a condom to me feels like nothing. I can go for like 20 minutes before I just get too tired and have to quit.
Well an update since the last time. She has some time off now, and I thought we were cool before about spending some of it together. But now she's more wanting to enjoy your time off. She hasn't completely shut me down, when I brought up the fact that I thought she was cool about it before. So basically it played out like "Maybe later, I'm enjoying my time off"
Is this a hint to lay off and that I really did fuck up during xmas/new years somehow?
Is this a hint to lay off and that I really did fuck up during xmas/new years somehow?