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It will be a combination of your profile location and maybe even the dating service you are using.
Gosh I hope so. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I don't think I'm a bad looking guy.
Any recommendations on any dating apps?
You got a bio? What do your pictures look like? They can always do with sprucing up.
I'm use to rejection but I was hit with you're not black enough and confidence with women is shot tbh.
Thx.
So last week I went out with someone who I had really conflicting thoughts on. They had really, really severe mental health issues, were at a pretty low point in their life, and basically seemed to be using dating/relationships as a way to escape from that. I don't feel like going into the details but suffice to say they felt their life was supremely fucked up, and they just wanted to focus on dating for now instead of other things. They were very open about this and it initially terrified me pretty hard. But then later we got past that, and started talking, and we really clicked with each other. I felt like we could talk about anything, from gaming to politics, to pop culture to our childhood, etc. I could talk about anything as freely as I wanted and I wouldn't be judged. And they could just go off on long tangents and talk about anything and I would stay interested the whole time. It's worth noting that I have social anxiety so it's rare that I feel that comfortable with talking to someone like this. They talked way more than I did but it never felt weird or unnatural, and I brought it up once and they just said they liked how good of a listener I was. And we both seemed physically attracted to each other too, we talked about how cute we thought the other person was a couple times. The way they ended the date (driving me home) made me feel like they liked me a lot at least.
A day later, we talked a bit online, we both had a really good time but I basically just dropped a rant on them (tho one I warned them for) explaining that I liked them a lot but just felt a relationship wouldn't be healthy what with their mental health problems and their seeming desire to escape from them through relationships. This was something I thought hard about for the day between the date and chat and ultimately decided on. They agreed, and we agreed to just being friends. Since then I've sent them like a couple memes (they responded to them) and that's it. They haven't initiated messaging me at all since then (aside from the first message after the date) though they did say they're shy online plus I was basically the one who rejected them which might make them apprehensive about that (I've been on the other side of that before and wasn't exactly ecstatic to initiate the actually being friends).
Anyways, the reason I'm bringing up all of this is because I've talked to a couple of people on online dating since then and.....something just doesn't feel right with talking to them. I can't explain it but I guess I can't really get over the fact that I rejected the person I went out with last week. I couldn't stop thinking about them all weekend. I actually canceled a date I had originally planned last weekend with someone, it was mostly because the venue was further away than I thought it was and it really didn't seem like something I was interested in, but I'd be lying if I didn't say my thoughts about the person I dated made me not want to either. I think what I did was probably the right thing, but a part of me is worried I'll regret not just responding to them positively and planning a second date for the rest of my life, just to see where it would have ended up. Also, the people I'm talking to seem to be much more "normal"/mentally healthy, but I've realized that I'm not exactly the most mentally healthy person myself and I've never really connected with people who are completely mentally healthy (not in romantic relationships, just in general) and live a normal existence throughout my life.
I've been feeling a little better about this today but still it's :\. If I wasn't already talking to the people I was talking to I'd probably deactivate my profile for a few months but I think things could work out with them and I don't want to ghost them like that. Also, I realize my inability to get over this is probably emotionally immature to some extent, but I just suck at regulating my emotions like this pretty hard.
A day later, we talked a bit online, we both had a really good time but I basically just dropped a rant on them (tho one I warned them for) explaining that I liked them a lot but just felt a relationship wouldn't be healthy what with their mental health problems and their seeming desire to escape from them through relationships. This was something I thought hard about for the day between the date and chat and ultimately decided on. They agreed, and we agreed to just being friends. Since then I've sent them like a couple memes (they responded to them) and that's it. They haven't initiated messaging me at all since then (aside from the first message after the date) though they did say they're shy online plus I was basically the one who rejected them which might make them apprehensive about that (I've been on the other side of that before and wasn't exactly ecstatic to initiate the actually being friends).
Anyways, the reason I'm bringing up all of this is because I've talked to a couple of people on online dating since then and.....something just doesn't feel right with talking to them. I can't explain it but I guess I can't really get over the fact that I rejected the person I went out with last week. I couldn't stop thinking about them all weekend. I actually canceled a date I had originally planned last weekend with someone, it was mostly because the venue was further away than I thought it was and it really didn't seem like something I was interested in, but I'd be lying if I didn't say my thoughts about the person I dated made me not want to either. I think what I did was probably the right thing, but a part of me is worried I'll regret not just responding to them positively and planning a second date for the rest of my life, just to see where it would have ended up. Also, the people I'm talking to seem to be much more "normal"/mentally healthy, but I've realized that I'm not exactly the most mentally healthy person myself and I've never really connected with people who are completely mentally healthy (not in romantic relationships, just in general) and live a normal existence throughout my life.
I've been feeling a little better about this today but still it's :\. If I wasn't already talking to the people I was talking to I'd probably deactivate my profile for a few months but I think things could work out with them and I don't want to ghost them like that. Also, I realize my inability to get over this is probably emotionally immature to some extent, but I just suck at regulating my emotions like this pretty hard.
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Typically the ones who give snapchat versus say a number and the traditional 1st date setup are just in it for the attention. You can definitely meet up one day, but that can be 9 days or 9 months from now. Depends on you if you want to invest and follow along. When I am single I don't mind playing along and striking when the time is right. I have skipped the traditional dating via snap(received from dating apps) and hit home runs on meet ups. YMMV
I enjoy IG because I like to post pictures every now and then and add to stories i.e. like snapchat.
I think some people are putting a bit too much focus and faith in dating apps alone. They're good to use and if you get a date that's great, but you'll generally have an easier time meeting people through friends of a friend or friends of co-workers. All the introduction work is essentially done for you through purely by association and you can start getting into conversations more naturally.
You keep using the word "they." Is there multiple people? They/them implies multiple people.
Seriously, what did you expect?
You rejected they/them and wanted to be friends. You need to realize not everyone wants to be friends. They are going to move along, while you want to continue this friendship, because they are seeking a relationship.
I, personally, would strive to date someone mentally healthy. Life is easier this way
We don't recommend relying solely on dating apps, just to use them as one avenue to meet people. You'll still need to have social skills when you meet up for dates and those won't be improved just through messaging on an app.
Dating apps should be used as a tool, not something to rely 100% on.
For me, I use dating apps along with what you described above. And meeting people on my own. For example, a fitness class
I think dating apps are a viable option for meeting people, the getting to know and really meeting them is another step altogether.
But especially for people who don't like going out and/or aren't straight or for other reason have less chance of finding someone compatible 'at random', it's a viable tool. Not a guarantee, but worth the try.
One recommendation is to try and never get your hopes up until after you have met them in person/have a solid foundation of something more than surface level interaction otherwise. Even if they are into you in theory, if there isn't any attachment yet, without any ill will, that kinda interaction can be the first thing that gets cut if a person gets busy with life/something else comes up/etc.
But especially for people who don't like going out and/or aren't straight or for other reason have less chance of finding someone compatible 'at random', it's a viable tool. Not a guarantee, but worth the try.
One recommendation is to try and never get your hopes up until after you have met them in person/have a solid foundation of something more than surface level interaction otherwise. Even if they are into you in theory, if there isn't any attachment yet, without any ill will, that kinda interaction can be the first thing that gets cut if a person gets busy with life/something else comes up/etc.
You're right
Also, I recognize that this is 100% my fault. It's not about anyone else but me. I was put in a situation where I had to make a hard decision and I decided to make one and now I'm simply stuck thinking about what the outcome could have been if I made another decision. I don't know what I expected.
Oh absolutely. I didn't mean it if it came across that I was saying any of the advice here is bad. It's just I've been lurking on this thread a while and every so often see a few posters express dissapointment and frustration at not getting any success with apps.
And yes, that ofcourse.
Thanks!
You made your choice and stick with it. There's a reason why you made this choice of friends vs potential relationship.
Now dealing with someone with a healthy mindset? That is what I strive for. For me, everything falls into place and life is easier.
GL
I don't think I'll be able to share it on here. But yeah, I've got a bio, it's probably a bit too jokey, I'm a pretty laid back person. And my pictures could do with sprucing up for sure.
it might be controversial but on the topic of the lead up to a date
having long chats leading to Ghosting >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "let's text once and meet immediately!" and THEN get ghosted
I've tried both and the latter sucks so hard, fuck wasting over 5 hours of my time with some moron who doesn't know what he wants.
having long chats leading to Ghosting >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "let's text once and meet immediately!" and THEN get ghosted
I've tried both and the latter sucks so hard, fuck wasting over 5 hours of my time with some moron who doesn't know what he wants.
No, I'm perfectly ready and willing to be in a long term committed relationship with this girl. Hell, our situation as it is now has gone on for nearly two years. But she doesn't wanna call it a relationship or meet families or friends or do any of that couple type stuff because she says she doesn't love me, at least not like that. Her actions sometimes contradict that, but *shrugs*
But yeah, distance would probably good for both of us. As it is now, we don't text all day every day like we used to and our hangouts are less frequent because she's either busy or can't afford to go out as much. It's just a situation made to flare up all my insecurities, it seems like. I'm never more confident than when we're in the same room together. I can read her body language like a book and be a take-charge, more "alpha" kinda guy. But when it's just text on a screen and I'm sitting here wondering when I'll see her again and if she's actively looking for another guy or hitting it off with one, I get a pit in my stomach and my worries overcome me. Ideally I'd see her more and text her less, but as of now only one of those is coming true and it's not helping.
I try to assuage my worry by keeping active on OKC and Tinder, but sometimes when I go out with another girl it feels like cheating on her, even though we're not together and if I were to tell her I had a date she'd probably encourage me. The whole thing is just a mess, and a stronger man would probably chalk it up to life experience and chances blown and just move on. I shouldn't have to bend over backwards for someone who's rarely willing to even meet me halfway.
It sucks that the feeling isn't mutual but yeah it would be best if you get ready to move on from her in your mind so you can meet other people without her in your mind. She doesn't want a relationship with you, so all you can do is keep her in the casual lane.
Doesn't seem too long to me. Weekend trip that maybe bleeds into Monday. Gives her a few days to get back to her normal routine, then go out on a date. If the other person is being sincere, I don't see any issues.
Yeah. When shit is going good it's great. When we spend a night together there are those small moments of intimacy that are just intoxicating and it makes me feel better than anything in my romantic life ever has. But nights together are getting less frequent and that hurts. Having a date go poorly with a new girl and then finding a cold shoulder from my steady partner crushes me. I wanna meet new people, and find someone that actively cares. But perhaps selfishly, I wanna see her get jealous. I wanna see how she reacts when she realizes I'm someone she shouldn't have let slip through her fingers. Then I'll be able to walk away.
If friends/co-workers actually did that then there would probably be a lot less singles here, myself included. IF they did it.
Most would've just told you they're gone without offering a date. I'd be quite happy with that.
Going to be getting back into the dating scene, in a different city! Basically I got super busy last November through March, then I got laid off in March and have been on the job search/doing some road trips. So once I move and settle in I'll be ready to go. Going to update the profiles and pictures.
I don't mean that they're gonna set you up on dates or anything. It's just that they're the easiest way to get into conversations and talking/flirting with new people.
Friends and co-workers have friends of their own. Their friends may even have friends. My point is its just much easier to introduce yourself to these people and get along with them as they'll be willing to give you the time of day (usually).
Just saw a girl, I thought we hit it off pretty well and said we could watch some Netflix at her place next week. I said sure and decided to call her a few days later to confirm it and that maybe i could get takeout. Never responded back, I wonder if she ghosted me. Guess I'll focus on finding another girl. Strange, because she contacted me first before I did.
It's those kinda ghostings that irritate me most. When you're 90% of the way towards setting something up and confirming it then suddenly nothing.
Went on a date after like a year without one. We went for some hot chocolate (it's cold around here) and some walking. Had a great time, the girl had the same dark sense of humor that I and I loved it. After the date I asked for her number to talk outside the app, she gave it to me, texted for a couple of days, asked her to go out for a drink (she told me that she likes going out for drinks) and her response was a thinking emoji... and just that. I don't understand why would you give your number after a date if you don't want to go on another one.
If I had to guess, she gave you the number after the date because she was afraid of your reaction if she had said no. Or it's possible she didn't want to go out again but wanted a texting buddy. It's also possible she just changed her mind for some reason out of your control.
The thinking emoji certainly is a weird response to you asking her out though.
Its a soft rejection "I'll think about it" meaning no.
A thinking emoji is a vague enough rejection that if you follow up and ask about it, she can justify it herself like "He was texting me too much! I don't wanna go out with a guy like that." Assume it's a rejection unless she otherwise reaches out to you.
Oh yeah definitely. I just thought it was a weird way to do it.
It's annoying but it puts up an early warning sign that they're flaky and not worth pursuing heh.
I just got catfished kinda. I matched with a girl on tinder and we both agreed to hook up. The problem is that when she got in my car I noticed she didn't really look 100% like her picture. You could tell it was the same person but the pictures were possibly old. That or I wasn't as attracted to her as I thought I'd be. I didn't know how to tell her I wanted to call it off at that point seeing as she was already in my car and I was driving to the hotel. So we did it and it just sucked. My mind was elsewhere the entire time and I was constantly looking at my watch when she wasn't looking to see if enough time had passed for me to finish and we could leave. She also smelled kinda bad and had a little hair on her chin. I couldn't even kiss her. I feel really bad about it. This is all on me.
It's happened to a lot of us, it's not catfishing but just using old pictures or ones with more flattering angles.
God, trying to get back into the right headspace after a somewhat long-term stint blows up like the one I mentioned in the previous page sucks. You have to mentally cut out each thread with some imaginary pair of blunt scissors. Also logged into Tinder for the first time in a long while, and forgot that you still get matched with people while offline. There are several lined up but I just can't give two shits right now -- wouldn't be a good idea anyway.
Yeah, a similar case happened to me last year. Matched with someone who looked rather cute and talked to them for about a week before going on a date. Chemistry was good on chat but as soon as we met, it immediately occurred to me that she really went out of her way to pick the most flattering photos she had for her profile because there was a total night and day difference, as well as what seemed like body odor issues on her end. The date ended up going nowhere too; somehow we couldn't maintain anywhere near the same vibe through face-to-face conversation.
Yeah, a similar case happened to me last year. Matched with someone who looked rather cute and talked to them for about a week before going on a date. Chemistry was good on chat but as soon as we met, it immediately occurred to me that she really went out of her way to pick the most flattering photos she had for her profile because there was a total night and day difference, as well as what seemed like body odor issues on her end. The date ended up going nowhere too; somehow we couldn't maintain anywhere near the same vibe through face-to-face conversation.
That's why if in doubt ask for full body shots, I really wish I had. These people know what they are doing.
Yeah I had that happen once. The photos were clearly off, cause she looked quite different in person. I was very confused. After the date I went over her profile again and while it was definitely the same person, the photos must have been from years ago.
I wasn't interested in a second date anyways.
I wasn't interested in a second date anyways.
So many attractive and downright cool sounding people with kids on these dating apps. If only I could convince myself into liking kids. But I just can't stand them.
Me either. I like silence and money.
So does my girlfriend, thankfully.
I can understand that, but I asked her number through the app, she could just have ignored me.
Well, I should have know something was wrong when she said that she hadn't seen any Star Wars movie.