DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[Deleted member 43514]

Meetup is a great way to meet women if you are in your late 20s like me. Also just messaging girls on Instagram with no pressure. I've gotten more dates from Instagram where the girl followed through meeting with me and didn't Ghost than every dating site i ever used combined. I'm not unattractive, so I've been told. but I'm not Gods gift to women either.

OkCupid is worthless, tinder and bumble I always seem to get matched with women who are physically unattractive to me. Atlanta does not have a huge dating pool online compared to other cities.

My advice, don't rely 100% on anything and never solely dating sites. I travel for free so I'm not hung up too much on dating at the moment anyway. But mix it up if you jazzed up your profile and you are still not getting results.

 

[Emergency & I]

For you Tinder guys looking for something casual

My favorite opener "Apparently tinder thinks we find each other hot"

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This is very corny and sounds fuckboi-ish tbh.

Need to vent about my first relationship, which ended yesterday.

I am 22 years old and my first relationship, if you can even call it that, ended yesterday.
We saw each other 6 times since march 21st. Every date went pretty ok I'd say, we walked a lot, we laughed and so on. It was only during the last date that I had the courage to hold her hand while walking in the park and at the end I kissed her.

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Don't sweat it man. This wasn't a relationship and if you were invested in it then take it as a great learning lesson. She let you down easy and you didn't experience a real loss other than the artifice you'd created around friendship. Some other suggestions:

1) Get more flirty if you can, even make mistakes in the effort. It's a learned skill that can come naturally or take years - key is to be yourself and see how that rubs your potential mate. If it doesn't gel with your mate, don't shift who you are, read the room and see if you want to be around someone who makes you uncomfortable in your skin.

2) Make a move sooner. Six dates and a couple months to lead to a kiss is too long. You're letting hope guide you rather than you instincts.

3) Don't sweat it. She's out there for you.

What's the best, non-asshole way to say smoking cigarettes is a deal breaker?

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'Smoking is a deal breaker for me.'

You're not being an asshole, you're asserting your values. If anything, you're being respectful to her and yourself.

What's the best way to talk to a friend of a friend? She stopped by the house briefly and he told me she's single when I asked who she was. Can I ask him to give her my number if she's interested?

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Uh, sure. You can also ask your friend and see if there was some interest.

Scheduling dates over text is actually torture

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It shouldn't be hard. It never was for me and I did the online thing for a few years.

Ask 'are you free next week'?
She can respond 'no I'm booked all week' or she can give good days. If it's the former then that's bad, if the latter, well there you go.
Immediately choose a time, have a place in mind, and pitch it.

Someone who constantly changes plans and has sudden unavailability at every turn is likely not interested in you. Next.

Girl said she is on a trip this weekend but asked if I was available on the 14th. That's a pretty damn long time away

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Specific day is good. The 'far off' nature is a drag though. Keep the texting up.

Just saw a girl, I thought we hit it off pretty well and said we could watch some Netflix at her place next week. I said sure and decided to call her a few days later to confirm it and that maybe i could get takeout. Never responded back, I wonder if she ghosted me. Guess I'll focus on finding another girl. Strange, because she contacted me first before I did.

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Just a guess but I think she was looking for a quick hookup. She may have found someone else that went for it on that first date. Sorry but unless she contacts you it's time to move on.

 

[Cokesouls]

Don't sweat it man. This wasn't a relationship and if you were invested in it then take it as a great learning lesson. She let you down easy and you didn't experience a real loss other than the artifice you'd created around friendship. Some other suggestions:

1) Get more flirty if you can, even make mistakes in the effort. It's a learned skill that can come naturally or take years - key is to be yourself and see how that rubs your potential mate. If it doesn't gel with your mate, don't shift who you are, read the room and see if you want to be around someone who makes you uncomfortable in your skin.

2) Make a move sooner. Six dates and a couple months to lead to a kiss is too long. You're letting hope guide you rather than you instincts.

3) Don't sweat it. She's out there for you.

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Thanks a lot dude :) I already figured I took way too long with the kiss, I won't be making that mistake next time. I also know I was more invested with my head than with my feelings, because now I realize I didn't have really strong feelings for her.
But thank you dude, it feels really nice getting support and advice here :D

 

[Emergency & I]

Thanks a lot dude :) I already figured I took way too long with the kiss, I won't be making that mistake next time. I also know I was more invested with my head than with my feelings, because now I realize I didn't have really strong feelings for her.
But thank you dude, it feels really nice getting support and advice here :D

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We're all here for each other and it sounds like you're moving forward positively. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and have fun! :)

 

[Ernest]

It's happened to a lot of us, it's not catfishing but just using old pictures or ones with more flattering angles.

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Hope I don't jinx myself, but this has honestly never happened to me - if anything, the reverse is usually true, where the woman will look much better and more attractive in person than she does in pics - I've been told I look better in person than in pics as well, so I guess it's nice to be pleasantly surprised.

 

[The_Land]

I just got catfished kinda. I matched with a girl on tinder and we both agreed to hook up. The problem is that when she got in my car I noticed she didn't really look 100% like her picture. You could tell it was the same person but the pictures were possibly old. That or I wasn't as attracted to her as I thought I'd be. I didn't know how to tell her I wanted to call it off at that point seeing as she was already in my car and I was driving to the hotel. So we did it and it just sucked. My mind was elsewhere the entire time and I was constantly looking at my watch when she wasn't looking to see if enough time had passed for me to finish and we could leave. She also smelled kinda bad and had a little hair on her chin. I couldn't even kiss her. I feel really bad about it. This is all on me.

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You got "Fatfished" my friend. I always ask for a body shot. Some girls are wizards at posing to make them look like they weigh 110 but in actuality weigh 160.

 

[Deleted member 8752]

I just got catfished kinda. I matched with a girl on tinder and we both agreed to hook up. The problem is that when she got in my car I noticed she didn't really look 100% like her picture. You could tell it was the same person but the pictures were possibly old. That or I wasn't as attracted to her as I thought I'd be. I didn't know how to tell her I wanted to call it off at that point seeing as she was already in my car and I was driving to the hotel. So we did it and it just sucked. My mind was elsewhere the entire time and I was constantly looking at my watch when she wasn't looking to see if enough time had passed for me to finish and we could leave. She also smelled kinda bad and had a little hair on her chin. I couldn't even kiss her. I feel really bad about it. This is all on me.

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Yikes. Always set up your situation so that both parties have the ability to bail. Meet somewhere public like a bar or something.

Don't just conclude you want to be intimate with a complete stranger based on a picture.

 

[Guybrush Threewood]

You got "Fatfished" my friend. I always ask for a body shot. Some girls are wizards at posing to make them look like they weigh 110 but in actuality weigh 160.

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With my luck, she's look 160 and show up as 110. :(

 

[Rahxephon91]

I sure matched with a lot more women while I was briefly in Milwaukee and Minneapolis/St Paul this weekend. Some of them even actually ok looking. Too bad I'm in Chicago. Though I really don't know why a change in Midwests locations would make a huge deal.

 

[smisk]

Been in a relationship for 5 months now and everything (including the sex) is great but I still find myself attracted to other girls sometimes. I've always been horrible at meeting women and I don't think I'd cheat on her, but it does kinda make me wonder if I'm not ready for monogamy. Anyone here ever had an open relationship? Not sure how to bring it up without hurting her feelings, and I feel like I should wait until we've been together longer for something like that. Maybe I can broach the subject at least and see what her opinion of it is in general.

 

[Deleted member 4552]

You're going to be attracted to other women for the rest of your life, its natural.

Did you think that just because your in a relationship your primal instincts would fuck off?

Also lol you haven't remotely thought about the open relationship.
Picture a co worker sweatily fucking your darling girlfriend.

Still sound nice?

 

[smisk]

Yeah true, pretty sure I'd get jealous of her being with someone else. Logically, I think that sexual exclusivity is only one small aspect of commitment in a relationship and seems kinda arbitrary. But I'm sure it's a whole other thing when it's actually happening.

 

[Messofanego]

Been in a relationship for 5 months now and everything (including the sex) is great but I still find myself attracted to other girls sometimes. I've always been horrible at meeting women and I don't think I'd cheat on her, but it does kinda make me wonder if I'm not ready for monogamy. Anyone here ever had an open relationship? Not sure how to bring it up without hurting her feelings, and I feel like I should wait until we've been together longer for something like that. Maybe I can broach the subject at least and see what her opinion of it is in general.

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Dude, you can be attracted to other women and still be committed lol. There must be something else than that if you want to look for an open relationship. Do you know her feelings on that?

 

[smisk]

Dude, you can be attracted to other women and still be committed lol. There must be something else than that if you want to look for an open relationship. Do you know her feelings on that?

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No not sure how she'd feel about it. I think I'm kinda just curious about the idea because I've been listening to Dan Savage's podcast lately and that kind of stuff comes up pretty often. Not sure if I could actually go through with it though, honestly I'm really happy with her.

 

[Ogodei]

Girl on OKC who seemed pretty into me, I'm going on vacation next week though and that's where my focus is wrapped up right now, so I used that as a chance to add her on Instagram. Well, I specifically *got* instagram just to add her (mostly because I need to branch out and get on this social media thing more), and she noticed that I had no post history. Claimed that I only used it for goofy messages with friends, but I'll use my vacation to populate my new Instagram so I won't have to lie about that anymore. Maybe send her a good pic or two (i'm going to London where she once studied abroad).

I'm actually getting decent play on OKC lately despite putting zero effort into it, which is why I'm trying to focus on getting a stable of good pictures of myself from this vacation. Then I can rotate those pictures through my profile and game the algorithm to keep me boosted. Also finally get something worthwhile on Bumble, where I've always struggled in terms of pics.

 

[Valkerion]

Having a stressful as heck week/end and the lady friend wants to spontaneously hang out -ugh- before she always wanted a hard plan for stuff now shes like "I'm coming over!"

got a skype interview, house is a mess, and sleepy/tired as all hell AHHH

 

[Jpop]

I mean if things are working out. Power to you man. But be aware of all the potential problems. And be prepared for work to be hell if things don't go well.

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Yeah, it is going well. I was worried at first before I admitted to her how I felt since I had fooled around with her friend. She didn't care at all.

She is a few years older than me, but utterly gorgeous

The lady who directs our marketing program actually wanted to set us up when she first hired her, haha. She said," Jpop, You know there is a beautiful intelligent girl I just hired, and I think you guys would really enjoy each-others company."

I'm just taking each day as it goes, it has been a while since I really liked a girl this much, and I've had more success with one night stands then meaningful relationships, but often it was because I used to avoid the relationship area with girls I actually liked. Then years later I realized that was stupid and self-destructive.

 

[Deleted member 8752]

Well that girl didn't do it for me, but I have an update on this...

Today I was hanging with a friend and we went into a restaurant/bar and immediately upon entering the place, a totally stunning woman looks in my direction from the bar and smiled. I was completely floored by her. When I say stunning, I really mean it. Beyond gorgeous. In fact... she was so attractive that she actually made me nervous by just looking at me.

She was with some people including someone who I thought might be her boyfriend, so I decided to grab a table near the bar she was sitting in case she did it again.

She did... fully turned around 180 degrees to look in my direction and made serious eye contact and gave me the biggest smile. It was so intense it damn near knocked me out of my seat. I went up to her and introduced myself - still nervous as all hell which never happens to me.

We ended up chatting for about 20 minutes then I got her number. Not once did I feel composed throughout the entire conversation. I felt like a bumbling jackass. I haven't felt butterflies like that in a very long time. She gave me the biggest hug when I came over to say goodbye (her body pressed against me and is just insane) and kissed me on the cheek too. I honestly felt like I could have kissed her right on the spot but held off.

Hours later, I'm still kind of reeling from the experience. What a rare moment.

Even if this doesn't work out... I really don't care. It just feels good just to feel something again. It's good to know I still have that capability. I felt so uncomfortable and alive.

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Another follow up to this.

We went out last night and... well... I was excited for this date all week. Looking forward to it, texting her and getting butterflies when she got back to me.

Then in person... I don't know. It went very well. We made out and she started talking dirty to me which got me excited physically, but... being completely honest, kind of disappointed me at the same time. Like.. it made things feel kind of cheap for me. Less significant in some way.

:-/

I thought she was very classy and intelligent when I first got her number and while we texted... but once things started getting physical, I got a little bummed out despite enjoying it. I don't know if I'm being too judgmental or what. But she doesn't stand out from other girls like I thought she would.

I feel like I should consider myself lucky that girls want to jump my bones, but I'm getting fed up with it. I don't even know how to tackle the issue.

I don't want to say "I'm not interested in being physical yet" because I generally am. But like... I feel like most girls want to jump the gun from kissing to sex way too quick.

And I don't want to have to say "let's slow it down" to someone. I want someone who says something like that to me. Does that make sense? Like I need to chase a bit more. There's just a lack of thrill lately.

 

[-JD-]

A friend of an ex told me that they are moving away next week. They (both are female) found an apartment together and won't be telling anybody at work that they're leaving/quitting. I dated my ex for about 5 months and then we both broke it off because we clashed often on certain things, but we still worked together and remained casually friendly at work for the next 4 months, but we stopped really having much in the way of conversation for that time. Now she's moving away and I don't know how to deal with it. I think I still love her. I don't know if she still feels the same way about me. It hurts that she didn't tell me and I had to learn it through our mutual friend. I guess that's my answer, right?

I'm not in a good place right now.

 

[The_Land]

So many attractive and downright cool sounding people with kids on these dating apps. If only I could convince myself into liking kids. But I just can't stand them.

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Yup. I bailed on a few really cool girls because of kids. Don't convince yourself. Yo do you.

 

[Mediking]

YIKES. Made a mistake in paying for stuff on a date... as in I had everything covered. Like don't worry about it. I thought I was being a gentleman. Now she wont stop asking me to pay for stuff.

 

[Addie]

YIKES. Made a mistake in paying for stuff on a date... as in I had everything covered. Like don't worry about it. I thought I was being a gentleman. Now she wont stop asking me to pay for stuff.

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It's one thing to foot the first date bill. I did 90% of the time, and when they insisted, I said "you can get drinks at the next place."

But she's asking you to pay for stuff? Drop her immediately.

 

[Mediking]

It's one thing to foot the first date bill. I did 90% of the time, and when they insisted, I said "you can get drinks at the next place."

But she's asking you to pay for stuff? Drop her immediately.

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Its crazy how paying for stuff and showing that I got things financially stable has backfired like crazy. I thought it would be attractive... not a sign that I should be used.

Its a shame too cuz I do have feelings for her but damn. Stop asking me to pay for everything.

 

[Addie]

Its crazy how paying for stuff and showing that I got things financially stable has backfired like crazy. I thought it would be attractive... not a sign that I should be used.

Its a shame too cuz I do have feelings for her but damn. Stop asking me to pay for everything.

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I generally make a lot more money than the girls I've gone out with. I always pick up the first date check, and if I invite them out to a show, I'll pick up the tickets. Usually most other things are split. I'd say the breakdown's roughly 65-35.

With my current girlfriend, she's a bit more adamant about it, and we usually split every meal, and I've got to fight to put down more money.

In any case, you did nothing wrong in offering to pay on the first date. The fact that she didn't at least try to put up a token effort of fishing out her credit card was slightly concerning. But man, outright asking you to pay is weird. I've actually never had that happen to me!

Unless there's some serious language barrier issues going on here where she doesn't understand what she's doing --

She does.

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-- then really, drop her. Or be like, "how about you get this round and I'll get the next?" But really, drop her.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Its crazy how paying for stuff and showing that I got things financially stable has backfired like crazy. I thought it would be attractive...

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I know what's actually going on here. You're just flashing your cash to attract women and doing that only attracts this type of woman. It's you hiding your insecurity behind your wallet. It's a teachable moment and fortunately you've learned it early and before you got in too deep.

 

[badboy78660]

YIKES. Made a mistake in paying for stuff on a date... as in I had everything covered. Like don't worry about it. I thought I was being a gentleman. Now she wont stop asking me to pay for stuff.

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Yeah, my rule is--person doing the asking-out should pay for the dinner/drinks, etc. If the bill is split, even better. But fuck all that "a real gentleman pays for everything" noise.

 

[IPSF]

Help me Dating Era!

Couple of background points: I'm a 37 year old guy, UK, separated from his wife and just starting dating for the first time ever. Two kids 50% of the time, good job, roughly a stone overweight but working on it. I'd guess average looks, but since going on dating apps maybe downgrade that to below average (can post a pic if that helps).

Went on two dates this weekend, my first ever dates that weren't date night with the wife or whatever. Both had a similar pattern and tie into previous romantic experiences I've had and what my wife said when she left me. And basically I want to nip this shit in the bud (or more accurately chop the well developed flower head off).

Talking to these girls very regularly on the apps for one to two weeks, I ask them if they want to meet for dinner/coffee, they say yes, we keep talking, good stuff deep and varied with a bit of sex talk every now and then.

We go out, we talk for hours with no awkward pauses, there's eye contact and in one case hair twiddling, lots of laughter.

Then I follow up with a "Inhad a great time and would love to do it again" and get almost identical "You're a great guy, but I don't see us as more than friends" messages.

For background my wife said essentially the same thing "I still love you, you're my best friend, but I don't see you like that any more".

As a teenager/early twenties I got friend zoned more times than I had got dinners.

What am I doing wrong? Do I need to be more physical? Move conversation to less friendly topics? Am I just an ugly fucker? (I thought the dating apps would filter that factor somewhat).

Any advice greatly appreciated. It's time to end this.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Your being too safe and friendly, and not enough sexy and interesting. You've not got your dating attitude yet, still probably coffee with a female friend attitude.
Speed things up, ask for the date quicker, dont spend a week+ developing a texting buddy. 5 to 10 messages, ask for the date.

 

[jdstorm]

A friend of an ex told me that they are moving away next week. They (both are female) found an apartment together and won't be telling anybody at work that they're leaving/quitting. I dated my ex for about 5 months and then we both broke it off because we clashed often on certain things, but we still worked together and remained casually friendly at work for the next 4 months, but we stopped really having much in the way of conversation for that time. Now she's moving away and I don't know how to deal with it. I think I still love her. I don't know if she still feels the same way about me. It hurts that she didn't tell me and I had to learn it through our mutual friend. I guess that's my answer, right?

I'm not in a good place right now.

Click to shrink...

You already know the answer. Ultimately this is probably good for you. no matter how much it hurts, finally leaving her behind should allow you to move on

 

[Deleted member 8752]

Your being too safe and friendly, and not enough sexy and interesting. You've not got your dating attitude yet, still probably coffee with a female friend attitude.
Speed things up, ask for the date quicker, dont spend a week+ developing a texting buddy. 5 to 10 messages, ask for the date.

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Agreed. You don't even need to talk sexual if you find yourself unable to be "clever" or whatever. But make a move and go for a kiss if you're feeling it during the first date. Be decisive about it and don't hesitate.

Talking about deep stuff isn't as important as you'd think early on. Yes it's important to get there, but at first, it's just about having a good time and seeing if you even like spending time together.

 

[SuperBanana]

I seem to have a really bad streak of failed first dates. I organizing a date, it goes well, at the end they say something like "I'd really like to go out again" or "I hope we can meet up again soon" and then proceed to fully ghost me or just say they're busy srveral times until I stop asking. The worst bit is I feel like the dates go well, we have lots in common, spend several hours together laughing and drinks, and it's not awkward or bad so I have no clue what I'm doing wrong to fail so many first dates. Maybe I'm just shit in person. :(

 

[Deleted member 8752]

I seem to have a really bad streak of failed first dates. I organizing a date, it goes well, at the end they say something like "I'd really like to go out again" or "I hope we can meet up again soon" and then proceed to fully ghost me or just say they're busy srveral times until I stop asking. The worst bit is I feel like the dates go well, we have lots in common, spend several hours together laughing and drinks, and it's not awkward or bad so I have no clue what I'm doing wrong to fail so many first dates. Maybe I'm just shit in person. :(

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Do you kiss or make out with them? I never end a date without going for the kiss if it's a girl I like. I wouldn't wait until the end of the date either.

Just kiss her.

 

[Ernest]

Your being too safe and friendly, and not enough sexy and interesting. You've not got your dating attitude yet, still probably coffee with a female friend attitude.
Speed things up, ask for the date quicker, dont spend a week+ developing a texting buddy. 5 to 10 messages, ask for the date.

Click to shrink...

I kinda disagree with this. I've had plenty women who I wasn't "safe" with, giving off the appropriate "dating attitude", going in for the kiss with no uncertainty, only to be told later that I'm "great, but I don't see you in that way, blah, blah... And I've done the exact same thing with women who do end up being interested. My point is that if a woman wants to jump your bones, being too friendly or not forward enough isn't going to deter here. I think IPSF's issue might be more complicated than that - meaning it could partly be his attitude of getting back into the dating game after so long, but also, each woman is different and each one will have slightly different ideas on why she'd pursue someone or not. Just keep being yourself, but making your intentions clear, and numbers game/timing, you're bound to find someone who likes the cut of your jib.

 

[SuperBanana]

Do you kiss or make out with them? I never end a date without going for the kiss if it's a girl I like. I wouldn't wait until the end of the date either.

Just kiss her.

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Sometimes yes. Out of the last 6 dates I've kissed 3. Other times I find it hard to have an opening to do it. One date we even had sex. They all seem to go the same way in the end though.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Sometimes yes. Out of the last 6 dates I've kissed 3. Other times I find it hard to have an opening to do it. One date we even had sex. They all seem to go the same way in the end though.

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6 dates with one leading to sex isnt really that many to make you start doubting yourself.

 

[Chrno]

so I finally jumped into the online dating scene. Things were quiet for a few days, but then I finally connected with someone..

.. and the floodgates have opened. Since that moment, 3-4 other girls have reached out to me/responded to my messages and now I'm in way over my head. I'm not really good at the dating multiple women thing so I have no idea how to handle this... =.=

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

so I finally jumped into the online dating scene. Things were quiet for a few days, but then I finally connected with someone..

.. and the floodgates have opened. Since that moment, 3-4 other girls have reached out to me/responded to my messages and now I'm in way over my head. I'm not really good at the dating multiple women thing so I have no idea how to handle this... =.=

Click to shrink...

Be selective and just have the number of dates you can manage in a week. You don't have to date them all just because you got a match.

 

[makonero]

So yesterday...I got engaged. I want you all to know that if you're struggling, wondering if you'll meet the right one, fighting that thought that you'll always be alone or end up with the wrong person, keep going! I've learned a ton about relationships over the last decade, much of it thanks to this thread, and I'm still learning. But I'm giddy and wonderfully happy with my new fiancée. I want to pay it forward and share some of those lessons with you all.

First off, don't quit on dating apps and sites. My girl and I met through OKCupid and our first date was super short. I had no sense of style and we didn't have a ton of obvious interests in common. She was a workout junkie who loves sports; I'm a nerd. But every date, we found more to like about one another. I loved her ambition and strength. She loved my heart and kindness. Every talk, every dinner, every event we discovered more in common. I was open minded to changing my hairstyle and ended up loving it. She was willing to go to comic con with me. We weren't perfect matches at first, but we've grown together.

Secondly, every day is a choice. When we are grumpy or mad or annoyed, we both have consistently chosen to get over it. We've learned how to handle conflict. We've learned how to communicate. We have made mistakes. We found ways to forgive. We found ways to support each other. We've found ways to enjoy one another completely. All of this took work. At any moment we could have given up on eachother, but we decided not to. We chose one another consistently.

She's the one for me not because of magic or fate, but because I've chosen to be with her, and she with me. She's amazing. Dependable, honest, incredibly fun and strong willed. She is not afraid to speak her mind. She pushes me and challenges me constantly and keeps me from being too lazy.

She's the love of my life.

Yours might be around the corner. Don't give up. Don't worry about what others think. Stop trying to find someone is a perfect fit for you from the getgo. Trust your instincts, but know that previous experiences may have taught you bad lessons.

Above all, know that there is hope. I appreciate all the advice I've read here and at the other place. Keep up the good work and whatever your goal is, know that it is indeed achievable. If it happened for me, it can happen for you too.

Good luck everyone. And thank you. I appreciate you all.

 

[Beren]

So yesterday...I got engaged. I want you all to know that if you're struggling, wondering if you'll meet the right one, fighting that thought that you'll always be alone or end up with the wrong person, keep going! I've learned a ton about relationships over the last decade, much of it thanks to this thread, and I'm still learning. But I'm giddy and wonderfully happy with my new fiancée. I want to pay it forward and share some of those lessons with you all.

First off, don't quit on dating apps and sites. My girl and I met through OKCupid and our first date was super short. I had no sense of style and we didn't have a ton of obvious interests in common. She was a workout junkie who loves sports; I'm a nerd. But every date, we found more to like about one another. I loved her ambition and strength. She loved my heart and kindness. Every talk, every dinner, every event we discovered more in common. I was open minded to changing my hairstyle and ended up loving it. She was willing to go to comic con with me. We weren't perfect matches at first, but we've grown together.

Secondly, every day is a choice. When we are grumpy or mad or annoyed, we both have consistently chosen to get over it. We've learned how to handle conflict. We've learned how to communicate. We have made mistakes. We found ways to forgive. We found ways to support each other. We've found ways to enjoy one another completely. All of this took work. At any moment we could have given up on eachother, but we decided not to. We chose one another consistently.

She's the one for me not because of magic or fate, but because I've chosen to be with her, and she with me. She's amazing. Dependable, honest, incredibly fun and strong willed. She is not afraid to speak her mind. She pushes me and challenges me constantly and keeps me from being too lazy.

She's the love of my life.

Yours might be around the corner. Don't give up. Don't worry about what others think. Stop trying to find someone is a perfect fit for you from the getgo. Trust your instincts, but know that previous experiences may have taught you bad lessons.

Above all, know that there is hope. I appreciate all the advice I've read here and at the other place. Keep up the good work and whatever your goal is, know that it is indeed achievable. If it happened for me, it can happen for you too.

Good luck everyone. And thank you. I appreciate you all.

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Congrats!

And thank you for posting that. It's always great to read a success story.

Have you guys decided on a date?

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Thanks for the update makonero, glad to hear some much needed success stories.

 

[makonero]

Congrats!

And thank you for posting that. It's always great to read a success story.

Have you guys decided on a date?

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Thank you! We have not yet settled on an exact date but we are thinking next March.

Thanks for the update makonero, glad to hear some much needed success stories.

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Absolutely. I wish you all the best of luck too.

 

[shenden]

Just a quick (and way too) late update.

I went on second date with that very extremely extrovert lady who suggested for our second date that I could swing by her and drink wine together while she would dress up for a night out...Well I did not do that. Instead we went out for beer, she sure loves beer. And with beer comes confessions and personality out like a fucking wrecking ball. For once she suffers depression and goes to therapy and claimed she was feeling better, good of course. But yeah, she started having these outburst about how mad she was about a dude she saw on the train checking out a young girl, I mean sure not a bad thing being pissed about, but don't maintain this subject throughout the entire date. By the time she asked me to go back to her place for sex, I felt like no, not getting involved with this. I told her that she could call me whenever she needed someone to talk to, but relationship? Nah ah.

So I got a couple of other dates lined up after my trip to Amsterdam and very possible also going to visit another girl I met here in my city that I really like, but she lives in another city(only 2 hour train ride though). Really like her and we get along really well, just wanna meet her again and see how it feels. Thing is she is way younger also, Im 40 she's 26 so i don't know.

But hey, dating is still fun!

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Just a quick (and way too) late update.

I went on second date with that very extremely extrovert lady who suggested for our second date that I could swing by her and drink wine together while she would dress up for a night out...Well I did not do that. Instead we went out for beer, she sure loves beer. And with beer comes confessions and personality out like a fucking wrecking ball. For once she suffers depression and goes to therapy and claimed she was feeling better, good of course. But yeah, she started having these outburst about how mad she was about a dude she saw on the train checking out a young girl, I mean sure not a bad thing being pissed about, but don't maintain this subject throughout the entire date. By the time she asked me to go back to her place for sex, I felt like no, not getting involved with this. I told her that she could call me whenever she needed someone to talk to, but relationship? Nah ah.

So I got a couple of other dates lined up after my trip to Amsterdam and very possible also going to visit another girl I met here in my city that I really like, but she lives in another city(only 2 hour train ride though). Really like her and we get along really well, just wanna meet her again and see how it feels. Thing is she is way younger also, Im 40 she's 26 so i don't know.

But hey, dating is still fun!

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Don't stick your dick in crazy dude.

 

[Maven]

Thanks for the update makonero, glad to hear some much needed success stories.

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Always great to hear success stories

I cannot overstate this, but keep looking for what you want. Don't settle.

It can take a lot of dates and time to finally find the one you click with(relationship)

 

[shenden]

Don't stick your dick in crazy dude.

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Of course not, lessons were learned in my 20's!

 

[makonero]

Always great to hear success stories

I cannot overstate this, but keep looking for what you want. Don't settle.

It can take a lot of dates and time to finally find the one you click with(relationship)

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And just as a gentle counterbalance, don't always feel like you have to keep your eyes constantly open either. Once you've found something good, don't keep looking for better. Hold on to it.

 

[Messofanego]

So yesterday...I got engaged. I want you all to know that if you're struggling, wondering if you'll meet the right one, fighting that thought that you'll always be alone or end up with the wrong person, keep going! I've learned a ton about relationships over the last decade, much of it thanks to this thread, and I'm still learning. But I'm giddy and wonderfully happy with my new fiancée. I want to pay it forward and share some of those lessons with you all.

First off, don't quit on dating apps and sites. My girl and I met through OKCupid and our first date was super short. I had no sense of style and we didn't have a ton of obvious interests in common. She was a workout junkie who loves sports; I'm a nerd. But every date, we found more to like about one another. I loved her ambition and strength. She loved my heart and kindness. Every talk, every dinner, every event we discovered more in common. I was open minded to changing my hairstyle and ended up loving it. She was willing to go to comic con with me. We weren't perfect matches at first, but we've grown together.

Secondly, every day is a choice. When we are grumpy or mad or annoyed, we both have consistently chosen to get over it. We've learned how to handle conflict. We've learned how to communicate. We have made mistakes. We found ways to forgive. We found ways to support each other. We've found ways to enjoy one another completely. All of this took work. At any moment we could have given up on eachother, but we decided not to. We chose one another consistently.

She's the one for me not because of magic or fate, but because I've chosen to be with her, and she with me. She's amazing. Dependable, honest, incredibly fun and strong willed. She is not afraid to speak her mind. She pushes me and challenges me constantly and keeps me from being too lazy.

She's the love of my life.

Yours might be around the corner. Don't give up. Don't worry about what others think. Stop trying to find someone is a perfect fit for you from the getgo. Trust your instincts, but know that previous experiences may have taught you bad lessons.

Above all, know that there is hope. I appreciate all the advice I've read here and at the other place. Keep up the good work and whatever your goal is, know that it is indeed achievable. If it happened for me, it can happen for you too.

Good luck everyone. And thank you. I appreciate you all.

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Well done, nice to see another engaged bro here :D

 

[makonero]

Well done, nice to see another engaged bro here :D

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Thank you! It's still fresh and unreal but I'm grinning ear to ear!

 

[justjim89]

It's an incredibly crushing feeling to have someone be the first thought you think of in the morning and your last thought before you fall asleep, but know that they could go a month without seeing or talking to you and probably not miss you at all.

 

[Reckoner]

It's an incredibly crushing feeling to have someone be the first thought you think of in the morning and your last thought before you fall asleep, but know that they could go a month without seeing or talking to you and probably not miss you at all.

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It depends. Sometimes people just need some space in their lives and it has nothing to do with not liking you or your company.