And if it's just emoji, I figure it's a spambot.
So include what you think is interesting. It's not a résumé.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
And if it's just emoji, I figure it's a spambot.
So include what you think is interesting. It's not a résumé.
I have to be really attracted to someone to to date them for longer than a few dates. I'm shallow like that. But Ive been down that road where I try to get past the fact that I'm not that attracted to them cuz I really like them but I just can't do it. But I will find attractiveness where others dont. I find certain women sexy as fuck that some of my friends are like "ehh". To each their own. But I have to find you sexy myself or it's a no go.
What do you mean? What did you do to get over it?
I really don't want to waste this girls time and I still want to keep seeing her since she has the personality type i'm looking for but I don't really find her face appealing. That feeling goes away a bit once we start making out though.
Others can chime in, but from my experience the dating apps pick up after Valentine's day, not January.
I gave a shot to a girl I liked who I didn't find physically attractive. After a few months, I grew to find her physically attractive as well. Doesn't always happen, but it can. It is a crap shoot, and I know you don't want to waste your or their time, but then isn't everything a crap shoot and a potential waste of time?
There are many peaks and troughs during the dating year, we had a sort of calendar worked out at the other place. The next breakup season is in January. Valentines day is "Oh shit I gotta get a date" mad scramble not to be dateless on the 14th.
If anyone's bothering to click through to your profile they're already halfway interested. Add a bit of personality in as few lines as you can get away with. Emojis are fine but you're probs gonna do better with "[snake emoji] pls no steppie" than "[french flag][coffee][heart][umbrella][football]".
My bio is, "I'm a fatty with coloured hair and crippling depression, welcome to the shit show", and for better or worse, the audience that bio attracts is certainly the type of people I like dating. And as "blind leading the blind"-y as advice can be, designing profiles that play for the types of people you're interested in is just about as much as y'all can really do.
Don't know where to ask this but, I'm an asexual. I have never felt any desire to sleep with another person of any gender. I don't think I even want to do have that sort of relationship with a person ever. But I want to date, the problem is that I'm terrified that someone I'm dating desires sex and I'm just not willing to provide that. I'm considered by many of my friends an extremely attractive male and I have been asked out a lot throughout my life based off my appearance, which I've mostly turned down because I hardly knew the person and assumed if they were asking out of the blue they just wanted something I never wanted to provide and I never felt comfortable dating at the time.
I come from a family of completely awful people when it comes to relationships. My sister wanting to be a trophy wife (and still does despite now having 2 kids and no partner), a Mom who can never confront about her feelings and chooses to blame all of her problems on others, and a father who is a loving man but too controlling and possessive of the women he's with. Just to name a few.
I just want a non-sexual partner I can be with, to be friends with, maybe start a life together years into the future but I just don't know who to ask or where to start. I feel like most of the people I'm ever interested in being more than friends with are already dating people, want sex, or would feel like they don't want something rocky to happen in our relationship and to lose me as a friend.
Any advice Era?
I come from a family of completely awful people when it comes to relationships. My sister wanting to be a trophy wife (and still does despite now having 2 kids and no partner), a Mom who can never confront about her feelings and chooses to blame all of her problems on others, and a father who is a loving man but too controlling and possessive of the women he's with. Just to name a few.
I just want a non-sexual partner I can be with, to be friends with, maybe start a life together years into the future but I just don't know who to ask or where to start. I feel like most of the people I'm ever interested in being more than friends with are already dating people, want sex, or would feel like they don't want something rocky to happen in our relationship and to lose me as a friend.
Any advice Era?
I believe there's actually a thread for asexual people on here (which I need to subscribe to). I'm demisexual myself so i'm usually looking for an emotional connection for the majority of the time and unfortunately most people want sex, so you either put up with that and have an open relationship where they can fuck around with other people or date another asexual/demisexual (they are very hard to find, even on dating sites)
Edit: Here it is https://www.resetera.com/threads/asexualera-ot-have-our-cake-and-eat-it.1128/page-2#post-450420
Last edited:
From my own experience after Valentine's Day through April is when matches and dates are heavy for me.
It would be cool to see the peaks/troughs of the previous calendar
So the meet-up with Woman #3 didn't happen tonight. I got to the anime con about an hour before her and was able to get my badge. Had hoped to find her in line and keep her company while she waited to get her badge but she never told me her location. Oh well, hopefully we finally meet in person Friday evening/night
Ugh. I'm wondering about how to approach a person. Like, I'm 100% gonna ask 'em out, but I don't know if I should come in when I'm off work and hope to catch em there, or to do it whilst working. Bleh. I feel I've been oblivious to the signals and feel like I might be rushing myself(It was a moment where lightning hit me and made me realize 'Wait a second..she did X X X and X and I've been pretty much ignoring it'), but ugh. This is related to the same person I've posted about on here.
And like...how do I approach it? Open with small talk and then ask em out? Just ask them out bluntly? ._.
And like...how do I approach it? Open with small talk and then ask em out? Just ask them out bluntly? ._.
Hey how is life? Do you have plans for the weekend? Oh cool yeah I'm thinking of catching a beer at 'x'. Then invite her idk
That's my plan...but my friends offered different advice. One was like, 'You gotta chip it down until you're 100% sure she likes you' which well, I've had bad experience with. The other one was like 'You can't just ask her out, you gotta make some conversation' which I kinda agree with...
Bleh. I'm 100% going to ask her out, I just need to figure out the approach and make sure I don't bomb in the first 2 sentences.
Advice 2 is correct. Waiting until you are sure she likes you is wrong and over investing and to be honest is just fear of rejection.
Unless if it's him leaving that uncommunicative girl in a dead relationship, I don't want to hear it :P
I hope so. I hope I haven't read the messages wrong that I look like a fool. That's the least of my concerns though? I dont' care if I look like a fool tbh. Rather be the fool that tried than the fool who didn't.
What are some good first date ideas? Cause it feels like the coffee shop is kinda boring... or is it just my adhd? Should there be connection no matter what it is? Cause sometimes the coffee shop is great and I feel a connection but other times I feel like I wasted my time. What are some other good first date ideas and how can I pace them better to make sure they go as well as possible?
This is definitely correct, go for it, you'll find out whether she likes you or not when you ask her out. Don't wait for her to keep hinting.
Yeah, I agree. I think the last update we got on GAF from him a lot of people were in agreement as well that he was just ignoring everyone's advice and we didn't want to hear from him again unless it was to say the relationship was over.
It depends how you know the person.
For me, meeting someone for the first time (from online dating etc) at a coffee shop works well.
There's always the awkward meet ups where you've got along great online (and even on the phone) but for whatever reason it just doesn't carry over in person and you're left sitting there thankful for not being at a theme park or stuck sitting next to them at a play or movie etc.
Then, if you do hit it off you'll be in the perfect location for great conversation and have lots to look forward to for future dates.
If however, you're on a first date with someone you already know or have at least talked to briefly and asked out in person, then you've got a lot more options. Dinner then movie or movie then dessert, walk around town etc works well. Mini golf, theme park, Pokémon hunting, abseiling etc. All depends on your comfort level with them.
Best of luck!
It really depends on what the person is comfortable with. I've been to the arcades and escape things on the first date with some, while some mostly just want a conversation so they opt for a coffee date. Going to the park or walking by the riverside can be suggested after the coffee. If a second date happens, then a more adventurous activity can be done like an amusement park, crazy golf, or a hike if your area has that.
I'll have to wait then, hopefully one of them will PM me the Discord link eventually
OP
OP
We'll be opening up the discord to all during the weekend and posting a link in-thread. Just organizing roles and setting up rules, now that the transition is 100% done.
Are you a psychologist? You could go with "Psychologist, and no, that doesn't mean I can read your thoughts or move things with my mind."
Oops, I invited people before I read this post. It's fine though. It's fiiiiiine.
Update: date was ok. Didn't feel a spark. First woman totally ghosted me. Feeling pretty down, might take this weekend off to rest and recover emotionally.
If you're not physically attracted to her, I wouldn't exactly recommend continuing to date her. Physical attraction is pretty damn important. Obviously it's less important if it's not a worry for you, but because you've made a post about it, it's obviously not something you're content with, which is fine.
therearedozensofus.gif
Yup, I'm demisexual as well :)
Just ask her out and thats it. If she rejects you so be it. TBH unless your opening line is total creep its not going to make a huge difference. If you feel you are getting signals and you are right she will say yes, if not she will say no. Then you move on.
Its not the movies its IRL, you don't need to be Don Juan, you just need to have the balls to approach women. Just don't pull a Weinstein/Hoffman on her and be a total creeper and hopefully you will be alright.
Good luck!
I mean isn't that the gaming version of netflix and chill ? overthinking is your worse friend, aslong as you're not doing something creepy / abusive ...
never be offended if a girls wants to meet in a public place first. also you should also meet in public and make sure she also seems on the level. A bar within walking distance is always helpful.
Hey man dont knot it until you try it. It could be a fun experience. Knitting is cool too.
Hey man dont knot it until you try it. It could be a fun experience. Knitting is cool too.
Last edited:
Bad news team,
I'm starting to divest from my relationship. I still love my girlfriend. She's amazing. But the logistics are really starting to get to me.
It's been three weeks since she stayed over. And as you know, that's the only time we can do anything physically. I don't feel any sort of sexual urgency from her. I think a big part of that is my fault. I'm too inconsistent bed, due to my dysfunctions.
But she doesn't want to spend the night. I don't sense any desire. And then when she does want to do stuff, I can't perform. I still feel the affection from her. She's still super sweet to me. But well, each time I've had trouble, I've felt her view me less and less as a sexual being. Now I get the feeling she would be perfectly fine not having sex with me. Or feeling me. Last week we were taking a shower (she took a vacation day) and she wouldn't even let me feel her breasts, because she "didn't want to get horny."
It's the age old problem I guess. But it's compounded by my own sexual anxieties.
Basically October 15th was I think the day my relationship died. She really wanted me to fuck her that day, and I couldn't. Since that day, she hasn't wanted to come over. She keeps me around because I treat her well I guess. And I do want to treat her well. She treats me well too. But I don't think she's particularly attracted to me.
She was supposed to come over tonight. That just got cancelled because she has to work tomorrow.
It's amazing. Things work, until they stop working.
I'm starting to divest from my relationship. I still love my girlfriend. She's amazing. But the logistics are really starting to get to me.
It's been three weeks since she stayed over. And as you know, that's the only time we can do anything physically. I don't feel any sort of sexual urgency from her. I think a big part of that is my fault. I'm too inconsistent bed, due to my dysfunctions.
But she doesn't want to spend the night. I don't sense any desire. And then when she does want to do stuff, I can't perform. I still feel the affection from her. She's still super sweet to me. But well, each time I've had trouble, I've felt her view me less and less as a sexual being. Now I get the feeling she would be perfectly fine not having sex with me. Or feeling me. Last week we were taking a shower (she took a vacation day) and she wouldn't even let me feel her breasts, because she "didn't want to get horny."
It's the age old problem I guess. But it's compounded by my own sexual anxieties.
Basically October 15th was I think the day my relationship died. She really wanted me to fuck her that day, and I couldn't. Since that day, she hasn't wanted to come over. She keeps me around because I treat her well I guess. And I do want to treat her well. She treats me well too. But I don't think she's particularly attracted to me.
She was supposed to come over tonight. That just got cancelled because she has to work tomorrow.
It's amazing. Things work, until they stop working.
Thank God you didn't get the fucking joint bank account. Also Jesus Christ, tmi. Sorry about the relationship troubles but keep it a little more private. The sex thread is over that way.
Yeah.
I mean, it's not over yet. I want to try and make it work and I think she does too. But I just don't know how to get over this issue. I can't afford OC, which is her biggest problem. She doesn't want to stay over on work days, because I live too far for her commute. The only day she can stay over is Friday nights, and most of the time she doesn't want too.
I could see me having a happy life with her. But i can't fix a lot of these issues by myself.
I mean, it's not over yet. I want to try and make it work and I think she does too. But I just don't know how to get over this issue. I can't afford OC, which is her biggest problem. She doesn't want to stay over on work days, because I live too far for her commute. The only day she can stay over is Friday nights, and most of the time she doesn't want too.
I could see me having a happy life with her. But i can't fix a lot of these issues by myself.
Weren't you supposed to all move in together at some point?
This is my impression, so tell me if it's anywhere close or not, is that because you have so few opportunities to get intimate because of logistics that you overhype it in your head and force yourself to have to excel at performing, which in terms actually worsens the performance anxiety. Is she aware of your concerns, or is she taking it personally when you can't perform?
This is my impression, so tell me if it's anywhere close or not, is that because you have so few opportunities to get intimate because of logistics that you overhype it in your head and force yourself to have to excel at performing, which in terms actually worsens the performance anxiety. Is she aware of your concerns, or is she taking it personally when you can't perform?
Hmm, 5 months is a long time for this to go unresolved, so that's not a great simple solution to this. I added stuff in the previous post.
Have you tried a medical solution to your performance problem?
Have you talked to her about this? And I don't know much about your dysfunctions or medical history but maybe talk to a doctor about that if you haven't already.
Also I miss seeing you in the discord! It sucks that it slows down your phone :\
I think a lot of it is biological. Back in july, I tested pretty low in testosterone. I got a 320 on free testosterone test. The doctor didnt want to do anything though.
But beyond that, I think of the times we try to be intimimate, I'm only about 60% on my ability to maintain an erection because I get so stressed. The times we are, it takes her a lot of work to maintain.
So yeah, it can't blame her.
But beyond that, I think of the times we try to be intimimate, I'm only about 60% on my ability to maintain an erection because I get so stressed. The times we are, it takes her a lot of work to maintain.
So yeah, it can't blame her.
EDIT: Saw your post. That sucks, but if it's not 100% biological and the problem is maintaining an erection rather than obtaining one, then I'm willing to bet that it's mostly mental. Anxiety over performing happened to me several years ago back when I was inexperienced. I finally took care of it when I was honest about my anxiety with a girl and she was patient and understanding about it. So the stress was greatly reduced because I wasn't acting under the pretence that I was experienced. After a few successful nights, most of my worries disappeared and I rarely had a problem like that again.