Yeah the only reasonable conclusion I can draw from not kissing is that she isn't interested romantically anymore. Else I have no idea why you wouldn't.
And yeah I have a date lined up Wednesday so I'll focus on that for now. Thanks.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
And yeah I have a date lined up Wednesday so I'll focus on that for now. Thanks.
You could just ask her you know.
I think that's a reasonable thing to do if you had previously made out and still having a good time but the physicality has decreased.
If that precedent had never been set I would have just advised writing this off as a romantic endeavour.
Maybe she would just rather be friends? That might not be so terrible, just ask her when you next see her in a calm and non-accusatory way.
Don't fill in the blanks. While these signals might seem obvious, I'd suggest an actual conversation to see where she's at.
Best relationship of my life has had date nights where she wasn't feeling it for one reason or another. That happens sometimes.
I generally feel like it's worth waiting a day or two and then texting to ask for another date. If she doesn't reply you have your answer for sure, and if she does answer then it's a good thing you didn't just wait. The key is just to assume she won't reply and taking the emotional investment out of it. I've had a couple times where I got extra dates because I wasn't too proud to just send that extra text.
Agreed, it doesn't hurt to send an extra text but that should be the limit and then it's the waiting game. But glad to hear he's got another date to look forward to, so this girl is on the back burner.
I guess I just feel like I don't want to come off as desperate or needy or wanting to rush things by asking a question like that. Which is why I think I want to go with chilling and asking for another date.
I guess so yeah. We'll see.
Yeah this is what I'll do.
I also asked a female friend for advice and her opinion was that my date thinks we're rushing things and wants to take things slower. She suggested asking to meet outside of evening hours to put across the point that I want to get to know her and not just be fwb.
It's only going to come off desperate and needy if you think it's desperate and needy.
It'll actually come off as confident and quite brave if you ask it in a way that treats it as a genuine normal question.
Perhaps that may be the case... Idk. If it is I will never understand it, I do not get why people would get into a habit posting things not congruent with them or their thoughts, and decide to build some persona up instead. It seems foreign to me.
A lot of people really care what other people think of them. I also think there can sometimes be a "fake it til you make it" type of reasoning behind it. Like maybe that persona they're building up is exactly who they want to be at that point.
I see, building your self esteem up. I do not blame her for it--she saw herself as damaged goods, our relationship was pretty toxic in that she had a lot of issues valuing herself and was constantly questioning her thoughts and things I did for her along with my intentions, and I was often left overthinking things as well. It resulted in some pretty yucky codependent behavior. I probably made it worse at times by not really being completely aware of it at the time, when you're in it it's harder to see, furthermore identify, but that is something only she can really fix. Just sucks because due to our families being close and our circle of friends being tight, I will likely run into her again.
I'm starting to get suspicious of Tinder and OKC. Over the past few weeksc I have noticed the women popping up on my feed are more often overweight. It has reached a point where I will get 7 overweight women for every 10 women. This has become more and more frequent and I'm suspecting that OKC and Tinder are doing something based on who is liking me. The simplest explanation would be that people that like me are put into my feed, and those people are predominately overweight.
It sounds harsh, but there really should be a filter based on weight. I don't need somebody who is the definition or beauty or anything, but I'm going to find clear signs of unhealthy lifestyles that cause obesity to be unattractive.
It sounds harsh, but there really should be a filter based on weight. I don't need somebody who is the definition or beauty or anything, but I'm going to find clear signs of unhealthy lifestyles that cause obesity to be unattractive.
It's cuffing season and that's all that's left. I went through like 20 big women in a row on Hinge and so did my friend
Then there would be calls for a filter on height, hair colour, ethnicity, religion etc.
Then when it's all said and done and it's implemented, people will just lie or not provide that info. I know some women who would balk at the idea that every dude they match with would discover their exact weight.
Seems weird. Do you live in a really low population area or something?
Otherwise, come into the dating era discord chat and let us look at your profile and pics, maybe some constructive advice can be provided.
End of the year gotta get a partner for holiday season. I mean it's not like these large women are showing up instead of available slim women.
OP
OP
Well...they do. They also do things based on who you're liking.
It's one of Tinder's open secrets - every profile has a score behind it and a user's feed prioritizes users with similar scores. How the score is calculated is unknown. What is known is that it factors in the who-liked-who network. It's the reason why we suggest against liking every single profile that you come across - you'll get far fewer matches and your score will tank.
Uh these exist already lmao
Oh, I don't use OKC lol. These don't exist on Tinder as far as I know.
No, not really. Town I am living in has over 200k people so it's definitely not small.
I might do that tomorrow, thanks for the offer.
OP
OP
Consider this a gratuitous plug for the Dating-ERA Discord. For anyone looking to join, you'll find the invite below. We ask that any new members change their Discord nickname to match their ERA username. Makes it easier to keep track of stories across mediums.
Hidden content
Last edited:
Try dating in the South. Obesity is pandemic around here.
Started dreaming about exes and crushes and fulfilling relationships if that tells you where my head is at these days...
Gotta start doing stuff to get my self confidence up again because my unconscious mind is about done with my "break" I think. Lmao
Gotta start doing stuff to get my self confidence up again because my unconscious mind is about done with my "break" I think. Lmao
I'm pretty particular about who I swipe right on. I think I'm pretty decent looking with a good profile, but I'm black. So I wonder if me getting insta-left swiped pretty often due to that is going to do what you're saying.
Everything's bigger in Texas.
To go more in depth, Tinder basically rates you on how successful you are with getting matches and then they essentially rate your attractiveness or desirability based on that. So the more times you swipe right and get swiped left on in return, the lower your score gets. You don't necessarily need to be swiping on everyone to get a low score, that's just a good way to make sure your score tanks.
And then, kind of like an online game, the app matches you with people who have similar scores. That would explain why you only seem to be getting women you aren't attracted to, because the app sees you as equally desirable basically. But I think the app does give you chances to raise your score by showing you people who have higher scores every once in awhile and if you were to match with someone who had a higher score than you, your score would raise. So basically, you're probably stuck in the low levels with barely a chance to rise up. The only solution is to delete your profile and then literally just remake it again so your score refreshes and hope for better luck this time. It's never a bad idea to refresh things anyway. You should do it when things seem to slow down to a halt.
Btw, if I'm wrong on this someone please correct me. This is just what I've heard and sort of noticed on my own. I remember when a friend and I used Tinder at the same time, we lived in the same area and used only a 2 mile radius so it made sense that we would see the same set of people eventually. Despite that, he would often see and match with women I never even saw and they were all very attractive. We both consistently used the app over like 3-4 months and I definitely used it more than him. However, he was very successful on the app and I wasn't. His match count was much much higher than mine.
WTF that's an intense algorithm if that's true for Tinder. I'm glad the Muslim dating apps were much clearer back when I was in the game, no weird videogame-like matchmaking.
It makes sense, it is designed to avoid people "to fish" I.e. trying to like as much profiles as possible hoping to get some back.
OP
OP
Weird? Nah, it's their best attempt to minimize the number of one-way likes with the limited data that they have. OKC at least has 1000's of personality questions they can factor in. Tinder only has a who-liked-who network.
Yeah but it has a lot of other problems too. Like racial bias pushing people's scores down.
I think it may also be intended to motivate people to pay into the app. Since if you are in that lower level, the perks they offer like seeing those X+ people who like you seem more appealing. Though that goes without saying.
As I mentioned before, if a girl likes you, she'll get back to you. The girl I met last week and where we both decided to see each other again this friday, just texted me. I was planning to text her tomorrow, but man it felt good getting the text from her asking If we still would meet up.
So date two tomorrow, and I really like her. She has the most adorable smile I've seen in a long time. Of course things can go south still, so Im keeping my
expectations in check, but as of now things are feeling pretty pretty good.
So date two tomorrow, and I really like her. She has the most adorable smile I've seen in a long time. Of course things can go south still, so Im keeping my
expectations in check, but as of now things are feeling pretty pretty good.
I sent a girl on Instagram a message but apparently if they don't follow you, your message barely is visible? Any tips?
She probably saw your message.
Do you know her from somewhere or are you just messaging her out of the blue?
My tip would be to use an actual dating app if you're trying to message a girl for a date.
Yeah maybe, but I personally never check my inbox from strangers on Instagram. I plan to go on dating apps this weekend though!
Yeah, Dating Apps are the way to go in this case.
What did you say in your message exactly? Whether she ignored it completely or read it and didn't respond, it's pretty much the same thing. You can't really do anything to make her respond than what you've already done.
I don't think messaging girls for dates on Instagram is a good look though. I would imagine most people wouldn't care for random messages from strangers on things like Instagram, especially women who I imagine probably have to deal with a bunch of thirsty guys "sliding into their DMs" on a regular basis.
I know. But then I also know couples that met exactly like this. It was more of a "the worst thing that can happen is being ignored" thing.
The Instagram-dating meta probably has changed since then. In the last year or so it has kind of been flagged as creepy, a widespread problem, and a cornerstone of Instagram's harrasment problem.