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.... I got nothing. This one can't be cracked!
Seriously, ask her out.
Sorry everyone, I'm just notoriously bad with this stuff. It got better in real life but I probably missed like 10 chances of girls giving me hints and I'm just super oblivious to this shit. I'm still really fucking bad at it online though. As you can see lol.
I just hinted relatively unsubtly that I'd like to just meet on a coffee rather sooner than later now. Let's hope for the best.
I guess...but for me it's easier to read the situation in person rather than trying to read something out of songs I get sent lol.
I really like her and we only know each other not even a week now. Normally I get to know people longer before anything happens.
The longer you wait the ackward it will be. Or worst, she may think you are not interested.
Chill I already told her I'd like to invite her to a coffee. We met at my friends restaurant the last two times where she's working in the evening, chilling out together with my friend and me asking if we want to meet as two during the day instead of chilling at her workplace after closing time should be a hint big enough no? She didn't answer since then either so...yeah.
But I asked lol.
And she said yes right now btw. Which makes me really fucking happy.I mean there's still a chance she's just seeing this as a nice little meeting between people who like to talk to each other but I guess that's a small chance I can ignore for now.
I had quite a few relationships but they never lasted long and I'm single for half a decade now lol. Not used to this stuff anymore. The only times something happened since then it was onenight stands and the likes, and that wasn't often because I stopped going out frequently.
I'll try. (It's basically impossible but I'll try lol) And thanks!
OP
OP
When you ask a girl out, you ask them on a date. Be as fucking blatant as you can be. EVERY girl I know appreciates it when a man has the confidence to actually ask someone on a date and not to "hang out" or "get coffee" or any of that.
There shouldn't be any of this "there's still a chance..." crap. You do it right, you both know exactly what's going on.
I guess it depends on the country/language. In English, it is easier to use the word "date" which is still quite informal.
I may be old and out of the slang around these days, but the same word in Portuguese "Encontro" carries a lot more weight I guess. "Sair juntos" (going out together) or set up a coffee or something to do together just the two of you are already enough hint.
I said yea this too. Be firm and confident when it comes to asking and setting something up
I guess...Well that train is gone now. I'll meet up with her next weekend and meet her at her faculty.
OP
OP
I don't know if I'd call the word "date" informal. It does however have clear connotations - I intend to meet you with romantic intent.
"Hang out", "meet up", "get coffee", those are all phrases that can be used between friends as well. They create an inkling of doubt. I've used those phrases on an online dating site before - where you expect they're looking to date - and more than once I met girls looking for just friends.
That's so weird to me. Why are you looking for friends on a dating site?
OP
OP
It gets a lot harder to make friends once you leave college, especially for the socially anxious who can't handle the crowds of a Meetup. It was a way to meet new people 1-on-1.
To be fair, this was back when OKCupid had a "looking for friends" option.
If there's a looking for friends option then I get it. I just wouldn't go into a normal dating website trying to find friends. It seems super misleading at worst and a waste of time at best.
OP
OP
What made it confusing was when people would have that they're looking for friends and looking for long-term relationships. I could filter out girls who weren't looking for long term things, but it was a crapshoot when they were looking for both.
Hence why I like the word "date" now. Cleared that problem right up.
"Looking for friends" and "looking for long-term relationships" at the same time is even weirder. What the hell those women want? I mean, if you are not date material you can still be friend material?
"looking for friends" is code for Im not into hookups and Im not sure if I'll actually like any men I meet here so I'll setup a preemptive friendzoning just in case.
My wife was."Just looking to make friends" too. Called every time we met a date.
My wife was."Just looking to make friends" too. Called every time we met a date.
So I have a date planned with someone, and I found out after-the-fact that she has a kid. While I obviously completely respect that, I know that this is not a situation I'm comfortable entering into.
Do you think it's screwed up if I cancel now? I don't want to lead someone on knowing nothing is going to come from it.
I guess I've already made up my mind, but meh lol. Kind of feel bad still.
Do you think it's screwed up if I cancel now? I don't want to lead someone on knowing nothing is going to come from it.
I guess I've already made up my mind, but meh lol. Kind of feel bad still.
What about going to a park that has a lot of museums nearby or stuff like that?
Parks are chill, gives room to be comfortable and talk about anything + if you got museums or other attractions nearby you can go there after a while to spice things up.
All my park dates have been great.
Yeah, she didn't apologize. When I told her the reason I cancelled, and emphasized that it was clearly because she was running 4 hours late, she didn't respond back. She has yet to.
I understand if something comes up and you're running late. Hey, even 4 hours late, but at least sound a little apologetic and concerned about me waiting up for you. "Im so sorry, im running very late, i totally understand if you want to reschedule, but I really do want to see you, and I hope we can still meet up today." Something along those lines...
I wasn't even upset about it until she turned it around on me like that.
I'm fairly confident she'll contact me sometime this week, so I'll keep you guys updated on how this turns out lol
Yeah, I was sick. Still am sick, actually..
She knew my mother was in town, but I did not tell her I had plans with her that night.
Then again, I did not expect to stay at her house all night. First of all, because of her roommate. I don't think she'd appreciate me sleeping over while her kids are in the next room over. Secondly, she only told me we were going to watch a movie. Unless the movie was the extended version of the fellowship of the ring, I didn't expect to be there that long.
And I planned on telling her this at the beach... the beach trip we were supposed to take but was totally wiped from the schedule due to her lack of punctuality.
And she never said we were spending the whole day together during the scheduling. She told me after I cancelled that she expected to spend the whole day together.
Idk. I have too much on my mind these days
Cancel. Explain yourself that you don't want to lead her on, and you're not comfortable with dating someone with kids. Simple as that really.
As long as you explain yourself, and have a good reason, there's nothing wrong with canceling. It's only really screwed up when you have a selfish/ assholish reason for canceling.
Just cancel, if you've met over an app you don't actually know each other so there's no awkwardness.
Honestly your friend sound pretty entitled. Interested to see your update haha
Thanks, guys. Like I said, it seemed like the obvious choice, but I was second guessing myself lol.
Things are going pretty great with the girl I've been dating, there's really just one thing I'm worried about. For the last couple years I have been basically a hermit and workaholic, and as result I have basically zero social life. When she asks to meet my friends it's going to be pretty embarrassing. The last few months I've been making an effort to break out of that - I bought a car after only riding a bike for several years, and I've been attending more groups and clubs. I just suck at making friends tbh, and the friends that I have had I've been super flaky with on account of not having a car all those years.
The solution I suppose is pretty straightforward, keep going to group events and talking to people. It's just pretty unnatural for me.
The solution I suppose is pretty straightforward, keep going to group events and talking to people. It's just pretty unnatural for me.
Don't force yourself to be someone you're not. If you don't really want friends don't force it.
I think right now the weirdest part of dating for me is when you want to stop seeing someone that you're only seeing super casually. You're not "dating" so you can't like, break up. At least there's no phrase as succinct as breaking up. Can it be done through a text or better in person? Who knows!
Just something floating through my head after seeing someone tonight.
Just something floating through my head after seeing someone tonight.
Just stop instigating calling or texting, it will work itself out.
Basically yeah.
This also works for the "let's just stay friends" let down. Staying friends can be nice and may even lead to meeting new friends and potential partners, but there's nothing wrong with concluding "I was looking for a partner, not a friend" when considering whether to hang out casually or not.
I don't think cars have anything to do with maintaining friendships. Or maybe it's an American thing?
Depends where you live. Where I live, I would be hard pressed to use public transport or Uber/taxis to see my friends, due to long distances and fairly crappy public transport options depending on the area.
Where I live it takes me an hour to see most people were I to go by bus. Since I also work a 3AM shift it's really hard to make that work for evening events.
Nice work! Then I guess you decided to do this before making your post? Otherwise I'm soooo jealous of the non-existent waiting lists in you country :p
And I hope it helps man, and you find a good therapist. I've been seeing a therapist for seven months now, and my problems are getting much, much more manageable, and I think I'm close to the end. My self doubt and horrible self esteem have improved tremendously, so much so that I even enjoy talking to people in general, and woman in particular. I might join this thread on the regular in a while, might not be too long :)
Hopefully things went well today.
I'm single again after a short relationship (three months, it ended because she had to leave for Spain so thankfully it was short enough not to be extremely painful) and back in the dating business.
Gonna see two girls in the two following evenings: the first one is from Latvia, she's staying here (in Italy) only till August then she's going to leave again, so we're on the mutual agreement this is going to be just for fun and distraction. She's really cute though.
The second is half Vietnamese half Italian and she's fucking awesome. Beautiful, smart, funny as hell, even has my own tastes. She's the first girl in my life I met which watched The Wire and is a Death Grips fan, and the first date went fantastic. I need some time to heal from my last breakup but no way I'm letting this girl escape from my grasp. I really really fucking like her.
In general my idea is to remain single at least for a month more and have some casual fun, but if I could decide, this one is going to be my next SO. She seems to like me a lot as well so hopefully everything goes smoothly, even if I need to go slow on this one for my well being.
Gonna see two girls in the two following evenings: the first one is from Latvia, she's staying here (in Italy) only till August then she's going to leave again, so we're on the mutual agreement this is going to be just for fun and distraction. She's really cute though.
The second is half Vietnamese half Italian and she's fucking awesome. Beautiful, smart, funny as hell, even has my own tastes. She's the first girl in my life I met which watched The Wire and is a Death Grips fan, and the first date went fantastic. I need some time to heal from my last breakup but no way I'm letting this girl escape from my grasp. I really really fucking like her.
In general my idea is to remain single at least for a month more and have some casual fun, but if I could decide, this one is going to be my next SO. She seems to like me a lot as well so hopefully everything goes smoothly, even if I need to go slow on this one for my well being.
I don't agree with this tbh, challenging yourself to be a better person is an essential part of life.
Those are two different things; a better you is not a different you.
Sometimes it is. If you are not comfortable with something in yourself you should force yourself to change. It is easier to stay in your confort zone.
I know from myself, I challenge some concepts I had about me and changed them. I am a different person from some years ago. And probably will be different in a few years. Change is a good thing, and one of the basic things I believe now.
Anyone ever feel bored with their relationship? Bored is too strong a word, but I've been with this person for 11 months now and there's nothing really wrong, but things don't feel as exciting and novel anymore and it's kinda bumming me out. I know it's normal for things to settle down though, and I think I'm just a bit depressed in general. It would probably help if I had a bit more of a social life outside my relationship.
One guy once said to me back in the day "No matter how fit your bird is you'll get bored of shagging her sooner or later". If you're just in a comfortable rutt time to change things up.
Yes, i have broken up with a couple girls because of this. Most of the time, it was on me. I wasn't putting as much effort into the relationships as i could have.
So, maybe try and spice things up a bit. Do things you wouldn't normally do. If you really think she's the one you want to spend your life with, then the juice is worth the squeeze
That might be the most British sentence ever spoken
Yeah I definitely want to be with her, she's amazing and we're really compatible. And yeah I probably do need to put in more effort, I can't expect to be giddy about things all the time, sometimes life is just a bit of a slog I guess.