It's normal but also at least some of it is on you, you need to put effort into a relationship. If you quit a relationship every time it becomes routine, you'll never be with someone long term. Maybe that's not your goal, but worth keeping in mind.
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I don't agree with this. Everyone's life is improved by having just one or two people you are close to and rely on, for the same reasons as why you're seeking a relationship. Relying on your SO to be your sole close connection is not as healthy as having a few other people in your life.
I did'nt say ghost. Just leave her to instigating the communication. That's the difference.
Part of the deal of seeing someone super casually is that you can drop it without any drama. That's a major part of the allure of casual dating. So you don't have to ghost but there's also no dramatic need for a sit down chat over coffee. Next time she asks you out (stop asking her out) just say "Hey sorry I'm not feeling this anymore best of luck etc."
If she reacts badly to that then you now know that from her perspective it wasn't actually casual.
The problem here is that it sounds like he wants friends so he doesn't look like a total loser to the girl he's dating
My tendency to use hyperbole might be getting the best of me. It's definitely casual, don't know about super casual.
What was exciting about the beginning? Did you do anything different back then that you don't do now? Maybe try to revisit some of those things.
And yeah, you should try to branch out beyond your relationship for your social life and just your life in general. How many times a week do you see each other?
We didn't do anything especially different at the beginning, I think a lot of the initial excitement was because neither of us had been with anyone for awhile before we got together, and we fell in love quickly! I still think she's a great partner but things do feel a little routine sometimes. Lately we've been hanging out quite a bit - maybe 2-3 nights during the week and basically all weekend. One of my best friends is moving back near me in January so I'm excited to see him more, should make my social life a little better.
Yeah, it can get pretty routine when you're seeing each other most of the week. I've been in a relationship about the same amount of time as you have it seems and I know for us, when we see each other less than usual there's that excitement to see each other again since we've allowed ourselves to miss each other. It's always good to give some breathing space to be your own people which just makes it more exciting when you do get together.
If everything seemed great on the first date, I usually just text them the next day saying I had a really good time and would love to go out again.
You don't do anything, it happened months ago and you've not noticed any change from the people around you so just carry on and don't bring that topic up.
Need you advice again ERA:
So, about 1 year and 3 months ago my then-gf and me broke up and a few months later I was starting to do some Online-Dating again. In that time I was messaging a lot with a girl on okcupid. Had the feeling that we really hit it off in chat and so I asked her out on a date. Unfortunately she was busy during that time and also had a surgery coming up so she asked me to postpone it until she is feeling better again. I said that it's fine and that she should just focus on recovering and then to just tell me once she is free again. Unfortunately at some point after she did not reply to my message anymore. Back then I did not push further though as I got back with my then ex-GF a week after it happened.
Fast forward to today: I broke up with my gf for good a few months ago and am now jumping into Online-Dating once again. Today I came across the Tinder profile of exactly that girl from 1 year ago and I was wondering whether I should just contact her again (I still have her number).
I was thinking about writing something like:
"Hey,
you are probably wondering why I am contacting you out of the blue 1 year after our last message, but I just saw your profile on Tinder and assuming that you are still on the lookout for someone I was wondering whether you'd like to pick things up where we left off? I really liked talking to you so I'd be happy to get things going again :)"
Might be a bit weird, but I was thinking that I have nothing to lose anyway. What do you think?
So, about 1 year and 3 months ago my then-gf and me broke up and a few months later I was starting to do some Online-Dating again. In that time I was messaging a lot with a girl on okcupid. Had the feeling that we really hit it off in chat and so I asked her out on a date. Unfortunately she was busy during that time and also had a surgery coming up so she asked me to postpone it until she is feeling better again. I said that it's fine and that she should just focus on recovering and then to just tell me once she is free again. Unfortunately at some point after she did not reply to my message anymore. Back then I did not push further though as I got back with my then ex-GF a week after it happened.
Fast forward to today: I broke up with my gf for good a few months ago and am now jumping into Online-Dating once again. Today I came across the Tinder profile of exactly that girl from 1 year ago and I was wondering whether I should just contact her again (I still have her number).
I was thinking about writing something like:
"Hey,
you are probably wondering why I am contacting you out of the blue 1 year after our last message, but I just saw your profile on Tinder and assuming that you are still on the lookout for someone I was wondering whether you'd like to pick things up where we left off? I really liked talking to you so I'd be happy to get things going again :)"
Might be a bit weird, but I was thinking that I have nothing to lose anyway. What do you think?
i'd move onto someone else, but that's just me. if she was interested, she would have contacted you by now.
Did you swipe right again? If so, just wait and see if you rematch. She might have just never deleted her profile and isn't even actually using it anymore.
Congrats on the date dude! A small amount of nerves are standard procedure. So don't sweat it lol. Even if it goes terribly awkward it'll be ALL GOOD, on to the next person :)
Well, that's possible, but then again, it doesn't hurt to ask, I guess?
I am not having a lot of success on Tinder compared to the old Okcupid, so I am currently not swimming in options.
Oh I actually met her via Okcupid last year, so it's the first time seeing her on Tinder. I swiped right, but I was thinking that I could make a shortcut by messaging her directly.
Definitely doesn't hurt to try.
But my hot-take on this, based on experience, is that she's one of the many people who just browse dating sites for shits & giggles with zero intention of actually dating (evidenced by her suddenly needing surgery and recovery time as soon as you ask for a date - why would someone be intentionally/actively dating when they have surgery scheduled?).
But at least instead of getting your hopes up, these people weed themselves out.
Well having more friends does open up opportunities to meet more people.
Just got back from my date! I think it went alright. We talked for like 3 hours, up until Starbucks was almost closing. Not sure if it will turn into anything or not, but we at least share a lot of the same interests and values, which was nice. At the very least I hope I made a friend.
And honestly, I'm just proud of myself for going out there and trying. It was a big anxiety for me to get over I think. The prospect of asking a girl out and going on a date seems way less intimidating now.
And honestly, I'm just proud of myself for going out there and trying. It was a big anxiety for me to get over I think. The prospect of asking a girl out and going on a date seems way less intimidating now.
Thanks. For sure I didn't. I didn't send anything back, I heard her loud and clear.
This was actually last month I just thought of posting it here today.
Very true. I was always too shy to ask her out. We went to highschool and college together and I couldn't gather up the courage to ask her then. That ship sailed, but I needed to try, ya know?
So my date went well! I was afraid I wasn't going to have anything to talk about, but we chatted for 2 hours. Our interests/political leanings are very similar, but I'm not sure her personality is right for someone like me. I think I'm going to try to see her a bit more. And hey, if it doesn't work out, maybe I can get a good friend out of it.
SchuckyDucky Finaj good to hear and you both have great perspectives on your experiences! Being positive is the way to go.
It's definitely always better to know for sure than keep wondering what could have been. Your result may have been disappointing but at least now you know.
Dammit, what are some good ideas for first dates? Im always too afraid of being too casual/boring on a coffee date, but then I get nervous of doing some big activity with a stranger.
First dates are just to check each other out so a coffee date is a great low risk low investment choice. They won't like you more just becuse you took them to Disney World.
Cafes are tried and true for a reason. Also, make sure it's somewhere you can talk. Movies make great dates later on, but starting out you want to get to know them.
I feel like eating in front of someone is awkward but coffee sounds fine
I did coffee with someone and talked for like 2 hours but its not easy to build up attraction across from each other
Or maybe that one was just bad because the girl never did text back lol
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I almost always go for drinks/wine in the evening at a nice bar for first date. Just something about being in the evening and drinking alcohol feels way more intimate. It also lends itself more to prolonging the date if it feels good - when did anyone ever jump between coffee shops or order multiple rounds of coffee?
This is my personal take on it too.
A date at a bar/pub shows a more relaxed you, but of course everyone is different.
I am all for drinking, but I think most women would rather not in their first date (sure if you both know each other before). Cafes are more a friendly place that you can talk.
Maybe there's a country-specific difference but I've never had a girl re-suggest coffee instead of drinks. Everyone who has asked me out through Tinder or suggested the activity themselves have gone for drinks too, or a walk (which I find are the most boring dates honestly).
You don't go to more coffee places, you go to places around the coffee place. My first tinder date with my now girlfriend was at a coffee place near a bookstore and a park. We spent time in both afterwards and the change in scenery made conversation easy and made the date dynamic.
I only would do drinks if I met a girl at least once before. Mainly because I imagine as a woman you might not be 100% comfortable going out to drink with a stranger at night, especially if it's in a place you don't know. Im sure women have to worry about a guy's intentions when she doesn't know him.
That's why I like the coffee shop because it's in the daylight and there's no alcohol. I also try to have it in a neutral area (between the two of us). Also you can leave after your coffee if you feel you need to bail. Not saying they would want to bail but I see it as an environment they can feel safe in and just get to know me comfortably.