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OK... need some input on when I can start with the dating sites. A month ago my wife of 12yrs left me. I was broken for 3 weeks. I am now picking up the pieces and working on being OK with being by myself. I know I will eventually find myself in the dating world again. So I will be reading this thread and all of the linked information/sites.
What I am curious about is how long should I wait? I know people will say, "when you are ready, you are ready." But I want to know from the other side, what would make you run for the hills, a guy that has been separated for a short period of time or someone who has been separate for 6 months or more?
I could not mention the length of time I have been separated, but I need to gauge my expectations.
Thanks for the help.
What I am curious about is how long should I wait? I know people will say, "when you are ready, you are ready." But I want to know from the other side, what would make you run for the hills, a guy that has been separated for a short period of time or someone who has been separate for 6 months or more?
I could not mention the length of time I have been separated, but I need to gauge my expectations.
Thanks for the help.
Not after three weeks that's for sure. You need time to find out who you are as a person, not a couple. That will take time. Don't jump into a relationship but some one night stands or something casual would be OK. Don't identify as divorced or separated, your single. Your relationship history can be discussed after the first meeting, but your past does not define who you are now. Find out who you are now and take it from there.
First, read this: https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/
TL;DR - there's a lot to look out for if you're going to seriously pursue this. Know that "looking for a third" for a relationship is basically playing on hard mode from the moment it starts. If it comes about organically, awesome, but looking for someone to connect with the two of you takes a lot of work many people won't do.
It's really something we do not like to do.
I know unfortunately that it's sheer luck, the first time was like that, but as a couple going through one night stands it's not healthy. We tried it it for a while , hoping to find a stable third, but think about the awkwardness of the one night stand in the morning and multiply that by a 1000 in our situation. Funny, but really uncomfortable.
Oh well, I'll hope for a lucky shot, fortunately we still have each other
Yeah I know, But I had hope that maybe in this crazy internet Era there might be an app made just for this situation hahahahha
I know unfortunately that it's sheer luck, the first time was like that, but as a couple going through one night stands it's not healthy. We tried it it for a while , hoping to find a stable third, but think about the awkwardness of the one night stand in the morning and multiply that by a 1000 in our situation. Funny, but really uncomfortable.
Oh well, I'll hope for a lucky shot, fortunately we still have each other
Have you two ever discussed dating others on your own? That's generally how I've seen triads come about organically. Someone dates a new person, they get to know and like their partner, eventually some catalyst brings things together, and then off you go.
I thought about that, but believe it or not without sex immediately, it's hard.
My partner asked me to do it, date somebody alone and see how it goes. But there two problems: if you say immediately that you have a girlfriend they run away, but if you say after a while they get, rightfully, offended and feel betrayed.
And we are not really poly ( is that the right world?) so I do not want a full relationship without my partner.
As usual it's never simple. We'll see, maybe our ex will come back to us.
Yeah, poly is the word I would use (and how I describe myself). For me, it's more time than anything. I like putting the bulk of my time and energy into a single relationship, but being open to other things working however they do. I've got another partner who I see every so often. In many ways, we're like a "full relationship", albeit without any attachment/expectation that we'll ever be more than we both want at the time. I feel pretty lucky to have that kind of connection in my life.
I can't really do the casual hookup unless I'm already really close with the person.
I see, you are quite lucky.
My case is basically trying to date, but being two persons instead of one.
I wish I could be poly, but I am afraid my education will allow me to free myself only so far, the thought of my girlfriend with somebody else without me (of any gender) is infuriating. And I know is the same for her,
But you are definitely the future
Solid advice. I figured it's going to take about 6 months to get to where I feel comfortable meeting women. Also, I have 3 Kids, so I have no idea how that works into the mix.
I dunno about future, but it works for me. I've pretty much always felt this way, but thought it was a fringe notion no one would get. It wasn't until years of finally seeing people really do that kind of thing and reading books that made me realize "Oh, I could actually live that way", and I haven't looked back. It does definitely limit your dating pool, but I've had bizarre good fortune in connecting with two different people in very different ways and just generally want to put more love out into the world.
Was divorced with a kid myself. I know what you're going through.
In my limited experience, dating as a couple is basically impossible and as a straight male it's pretty close too. So, ultimately, my wife did all the dating and ended up in relationships with a woman and her husband. Eventually me and the wife start dating and we've been together a little over two months now.
Now, there's some personal drama in our situation right now due to the ladies fighting in their personal relationship, but in terms of actually managing to end up in a relationship, potentially with all three involved, dating on your own is really the only way to go unless you've got a very large poly community around you.
Think about it this way, all your life was a we. If you went for a date now you would probably directly or indirectly talk about your ex wife.
The day you feel as an individual you will be ready again, but it takes some time. You'll get there my brother
Well I am not straight, I'm bisexual, but my parter absolutely despises any other man that is not me for some reason.
I guess you are right and you are the second person today to go for single dating, I guess i'll carry on with that
Sorry, didn't mean to imply you were, just that I was and that was the reason I didn't really date around much. Dating apps were pretty much entirely out of the question for me, especially since I'm not terribly photogenic and despise selfies.
Oh no, not at all. Even if you did imply that no offence taken, after all I am in a relationship with a woman hahahha
But yeah, we have in common that, Women and men like me a lot in person, but in photo... Good lord
So, I finally have a little free time to start dating so I decided to download this Hinge app everyone has been talking about.
I've used Tinder before a loooooong time ago back when it was first getting popular and even back then it was tough to get a match (maybe I'm high maintenance? Idk).
I downloaded the app a couple hours ago and I already have a date setup with a girl.
How else is everyone fairing with this app? I truly love the concept. Commenting on girls' pictures and captions really gives you a chance for your personality to shine through
I've used Tinder before a loooooong time ago back when it was first getting popular and even back then it was tough to get a match (maybe I'm high maintenance? Idk).
I downloaded the app a couple hours ago and I already have a date setup with a girl.
How else is everyone fairing with this app? I truly love the concept. Commenting on girls' pictures and captions really gives you a chance for your personality to shine through
Hinge stays winning, get on it peeps before everyone else does and inevitably becomes no better than the other apps.
Making a new account no longer works on Tinder to get the boost.
How long's the cooldown on that? I deleted my last account over a year ago and was thinking of making a new one soon
Googled and it seems like about 3 months, but cant confirm it ofcourse. Cant imagine it being 1+ year
Broke up with GF of 1.5 years about 6 weeks ago
But we recently started having booty calls with her
Which I'm totally surprised she was down for.
I had hit her up for coffee after 3 whole weeks go no contact and she was down.
Coffee turned to walking which turned to drinks which turned to kissing which turned to "want to go to my place" which turned to yes.
Now we've seen each other for sex three times in the last 9 days.
There's been cuddling too.
I'm just soooo surprised.
She was pretty conservative when we first met, took 3 whole months from first date until we had sex.
Which is longer than it's been before for me.
I'm confused tho.
Do y'all think she thinks the hookups will lead to us getting back together?
As a couple we had multiple break ups but we never were intimate during them, we just always kinda said sorry and I miss you and got back together.
But I don't want to get back together
I kinda told her already, "are you sure you're okay with this, just meeting up for this?" And she said yea.
Idk! She's a great girl but I'm leaving the area and I don't want to hurt her anymore.
Is sex with an ex a bad idea?
But we recently started having booty calls with her
Which I'm totally surprised she was down for.
I had hit her up for coffee after 3 whole weeks go no contact and she was down.
Coffee turned to walking which turned to drinks which turned to kissing which turned to "want to go to my place" which turned to yes.
Now we've seen each other for sex three times in the last 9 days.
There's been cuddling too.
I'm just soooo surprised.
She was pretty conservative when we first met, took 3 whole months from first date until we had sex.
Which is longer than it's been before for me.
I'm confused tho.
Do y'all think she thinks the hookups will lead to us getting back together?
As a couple we had multiple break ups but we never were intimate during them, we just always kinda said sorry and I miss you and got back together.
But I don't want to get back together
I kinda told her already, "are you sure you're okay with this, just meeting up for this?" And she said yea.
Idk! She's a great girl but I'm leaving the area and I don't want to hurt her anymore.
Is sex with an ex a bad idea?
ya sounds like a terrible idea. Who initiated the break up?
Oh damn :(
I did, it was just that I'm leaving where I'm stationed and I didn't think we had planned out our move together well enough, and honesty (I didn't tell her this part), I want to go to the new city alone. Find myself etc.
You're leaving the area. Does she know it? If so what's with the handwringing? If not tell her and take it from there.
Yea she knows.
The original plan was that we were gonna go together.
But we hadn't planned it at all... only one time did we sit together on Zillow and try to find a place.. I feel like she knew that I was gonna leave her
Idk
What do you mean handwringing
Welcome to "sex with your ex", your fulfilling a need in the space between breaking up and one of you finding someone new. Enjoy it while it lasts. It will be easier for you both to move on if you to move on if you cut this off.
I feel like since we both know I leave soon maybe she's just down with it?
But it feels so out of character for her.
I feel like she's doing it out of hope that I get back with her.
But thanks y'all.
I'll slow it down for now. I've been the one to hit we up these last couple weeks and she's always said yes. Let's see if she hits me up again before I do.
You've made the decision to leave and she knows you're leaving so theres no reason to agonize over what might happen if you have sex with her. Enjoy the booty calls.
Youve been broken up and this isnt the first time. She knows you were leaving and neither if you have tried to commit. Sounds to me you need to move on and not put your future plans on hold for a lot of maybes
Thabak
Ahhgg, this is too civil for me, my previous breakups had all ended badly so it just feels weird to still be friends with her
Thanks, future plans are definitely not gonna get put on hold, I'm military so they're basically gonna give me a free ticket out of here and ship all my shit for free too, so won't miss out on that.
Ahhgg, this is too civil for me, my previous breakups had all ended badly so it just feels weird to still be friends with her
This might not be the place for this , but I want to talk about this I guess. Its 12am and a friend just knocked on my door, came inside on the pretense that she left something at my place and confessed that she likes me and wants to have a relationship with me ... I never saw her that way, so it was a shock for me. Anyways, after clearing my head I rejected her...
The thing is she didn't take no as an answer, like we talked for like 40 minutes and she was insisting i give her a chance. I finally said no clearly and I thought she got the message. An hour later I get Whatsapp messages from her that she is not giving up ... I don't know what to do now, like she is a good friend but I m not looking for a relationship and I feel like I told her that clearly. She is also part of my circle of friends so that will be awkward now.
The thing is she didn't take no as an answer, like we talked for like 40 minutes and she was insisting i give her a chance. I finally said no clearly and I thought she got the message. An hour later I get Whatsapp messages from her that she is not giving up ... I don't know what to do now, like she is a good friend but I m not looking for a relationship and I feel like I told her that clearly. She is also part of my circle of friends so that will be awkward now.
Frienzone her, if she was a guy doing that she'd be considered super creepy. Dont respond to any of her messages.
If you were in a relationship with someone and they clearly had some kind of skin condition around their lips pop up recently, it's not a big deal to ask them to please get it checked by a doctor, right?
Cuz my girlfriend asked me if I was ever with someone else recently where she could've gotten it and I said no. Asked her the same and she said no. But she's kinda fighting me a little about getting it checked by a doctor, says its nothing and ointment should clear it up in a few days.
I have little to no knowledge of what to look out for in terms of sexual related diseases, but this situation has made me nervous to say the least.
Please don't point and laugh at my lack of knowledge on this subject if it really is no big deal. I'm most definitely a relationship newbie at this point.
Cuz my girlfriend asked me if I was ever with someone else recently where she could've gotten it and I said no. Asked her the same and she said no. But she's kinda fighting me a little about getting it checked by a doctor, says its nothing and ointment should clear it up in a few days.
I have little to no knowledge of what to look out for in terms of sexual related diseases, but this situation has made me nervous to say the least.
Please don't point and laugh at my lack of knowledge on this subject if it really is no big deal. I'm most definitely a relationship newbie at this point.
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Why are people so hellbent on trying to date people that don't want to date them
People get cold sores all the time. she's right, take some cream like Zovirax and it will clear up. Keep yourself clean down there, use a condom and you won't have to worry too much about STDs.
Monday we broke up. It hurts but i think i'll be okay and some day i can smile again and have a day, without thinking of her and our good time.
But right now its okay, i am not crying and if i am at work, i'll dont think to much, but when i have free time, or alone at my flat, than my brain is thinking all the time... I don't want also meet other girls right now, i just want to fast forward the time...
Downloaded Hinge and like it so far but man is the limited number of likes per day a real bummer. Even worse, it stacks new ones on top of the one you haven't liked or passed on yet so if you run out, you can't just let it sit on the next girl and like her when it refreshes the next day.
Ok so yes, it was our sixth date tonight and we finally kissed, or rather, we made out in the middle of the street for like 20 minutes. Guess we'd both been holding back a bunch
So anybody trying to set some deadlines or expected milestones, stop, everybody goes at their own speed
So anybody trying to set some deadlines or expected milestones, stop, everybody goes at their own speed
Good on you. I'm glad that you and your lady are happy.
I downloaded tinder and bumble a week ago. One match on each in that time. Girl didn't message me on bumble, and I got no response on tinder. Had POF, and my messages to like 10 people all received no reaponse after a few days. Went ahead and deleted that.
I'll readily admit I have zero texting game and am probably too formal in text, but the whole thing has left me feeling really undesirable. I'm wondering if I'm unattractive and never realized it or if I should be hiring a photographer to take some good photos of me. I need a good headshot for LinkedIn anyways.
Question:
I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn't blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.
Is this a red flag?
I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn't blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.
Is this a red flag?