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DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Oct 25, 2017
1,945
D.C.
Question:

I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn’t blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.

Is this a red flag?
Come on, now.

You know the answer to this.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,034
California
Question:

I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn’t blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.

Is this a red flag?
This flag is literally dripping blood
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,892
Ok so yes, it was our sixth date tonight and we finally kissed, or rather, we made out in the middle of the street for like 20 minutes. Guess we'd both been holding back a bunch

So anybody trying to set some deadlines or expected milestones, stop, everybody goes at their own speed
damn nice

i'm on third date take it slow territory atm and she's going to nepal in two weeks. got a date between then and now so hopefully we just keep vibin'

i like her a lot! and i'm trying to avoid searching shit on the internet about dating because man that's no way to live
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,558
China
Question:

I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn’t blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.

Is this a red flag?
 
Oct 28, 2017
233
Question:

I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn’t blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.

Is this a red flag?
It's a red flag and the red flag is on fire
 
Oct 25, 2017
787
Question:

I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn’t blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.

Is this a red flag?
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,186
Experiencing a mini-heartbreak right now over a girl with whom I went on only two dates. I've been on the apps and regularly seeing people for the better part of the last year, but she was the first person to really move the needle for me. I've had so many mediocre dates and boring text convos lately that I began to dig this girl and harbor feelings pretty early on.

She suggested that we go out in her first message so that was a good start. We would have good text banter at times, but she'd also take a day before responding or I'd have to double-text her to get the conversation going again. I didn't mind, given that she's smart, is an amazing dresser, and has the cutest laugh. She did tell me on the second date that she was going through a divorce right now , but I was willing to take our time. I myself am not at all over my ex-fiancee, so I'm fine with baggage. We hadn't kissed yet during our two dates, only cozying up to each other watching Kiki's Delivery Service (on the big screen!"). There were many little moments of chemistry between us, in my view. I had fun both times and was genuinely happy about how things were going.

Anyways, early Saturday I texted her about getting brunch sometimes, a very open-ended suggestion that came about since we talked about ketchup and hash browns. It took her over an entire day to reply that she's sorry but she can't. Curt message that didn't offered a reason. I'm not sure how else to take it but as an outright rejection. I asked her playfully if she hated eggs, yet I fully expect that to be the last I hear from her.

Maybe she didn't feel the spark like I felt. Maybe she's still ambivalent about dating after her separation. The real reason, I suspect, was that I asked her to brunch.

Main point of the post being: is it weird to ask someone out to brunch during the early stages? Is it a meal meant for couples? A late breakfast for people who've spent the night together, or with close friends? Who wants to get up early to go to a crowded restaurant with a near-stranger? I might've overplayed my hand here.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,951
So.Cal.
Maybe she didn't feel the spark like I felt. Maybe she's still ambivalent about dating after her separation. The real reason, I suspect, was that I asked her to brunch.

Main point of the post being: is it weird to ask someone out to brunch during the early stages? Is it a meal meant for couples? A late breakfast for people who've spent the night together, or with close friends? Who wants to get up early to go to a crowded restaurant with a near-stranger? I might've overplayed my hand here.
No, it's NOT because you asked her to brunch. That's actually a great date idea. She's either already busy, or (if you don't hear from her again), has another dude on the line she likes even more.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,558
China
Experiencing a mini-heartbreak right now over a girl with whom I went on only two dates. I've been on the apps and regularly seeing people for the better part of the last year, but she was the first person to really move the needle for me. I've had so many mediocre dates and boring text convos lately that I began to dig this girl and harbor feelings pretty early on.

She suggested that we go out in her first message so that was a good start. We would have good text banter at times, but she'd also take a day before responding or I'd have to double-text her to get the conversation going again. I didn't mind, given that she's smart, is an amazing dresser, and has the cutest laugh. She did tell me on the second date that she was going through a divorce right now , but I was willing to take our time. I myself am not at all over my ex-fiancee, so I'm fine with baggage. We hadn't kissed yet during our two dates, only cozying up to each other watching Kiki's Delivery Service (on the big screen!"). There were many little moments of chemistry between us, in my view. I had fun both times and was genuinely happy about how things were going.

Anyways, early Saturday I texted her about getting brunch sometimes, a very open-ended suggestion that came about since we talked about ketchup and hash browns. It took her over an entire day to reply that she's sorry but she can't. Curt message that didn't offered a reason. I'm not sure how else to take it but as an outright rejection. I asked her playfully if she hated eggs, yet I fully expect that to be the last I hear from her.

Maybe she didn't feel the spark like I felt. Maybe she's still ambivalent about dating after her separation. The real reason, I suspect, was that I asked her to brunch.

Main point of the post being: is it weird to ask someone out to brunch during the early stages? Is it a meal meant for couples? A late breakfast for people who've spent the night together, or with close friends? Who wants to get up early to go to a crowded restaurant with a near-stranger? I might've overplayed my hand here.
Why she might not want more dates with you;

A) She is going through a divorce right now
B) That you asked her to brunch.

You're way over-invested after just two dates, she's not responding for sometimes a day and you have to double post to get a response show's she is clearly not as invested as you.
 
Last edited:
Oct 25, 2017
12,892
imma be real with you you might be jumping the gun in getting a mini heartbreak cos, like, sometimes peeps be busy or their phone habits are super different. i mean sure if she doesn't respond then yeah but it's been, like a day and a bit yeah
 
Nov 17, 2017
5,502
Question:

I was/am dating this girl. Ww hit it off real good. It was recently revealed she has been texting her ex telling him she cut me out of her life for him. She told me the same story but about him. She also changed his name in her phone to a girls name for secret texting. Fast forward to this week and he isn’t blocked on her phone despite her explicitly saying that she had done so.

Is this a red flag?
 
Oct 28, 2017
61
Experiencing a mini-heartbreak right now over a girl with whom I went on only two dates. I've been on the apps and regularly seeing people for the better part of the last year, but she was the first person to really move the needle for me. I've had so many mediocre dates and boring text convos lately that I began to dig this girl and harbor feelings pretty early on.

She suggested that we go out in her first message so that was a good start. We would have good text banter at times, but she'd also take a day before responding or I'd have to double-text her to get the conversation going again. I didn't mind, given that she's smart, is an amazing dresser, and has the cutest laugh. She did tell me on the second date that she was going through a divorce right now , but I was willing to take our time. I myself am not at all over my ex-fiancee, so I'm fine with baggage. We hadn't kissed yet during our two dates, only cozying up to each other watching Kiki's Delivery Service (on the big screen!"). There were many little moments of chemistry between us, in my view. I had fun both times and was genuinely happy about how things were going.

Anyways, early Saturday I texted her about getting brunch sometimes, a very open-ended suggestion that came about since we talked about ketchup and hash browns. It took her over an entire day to reply that she's sorry but she can't. Curt message that didn't offered a reason. I'm not sure how else to take it but as an outright rejection. I asked her playfully if she hated eggs, yet I fully expect that to be the last I hear from her.

Maybe she didn't feel the spark like I felt. Maybe she's still ambivalent about dating after her separation. The real reason, I suspect, was that I asked her to brunch.

Main point of the post being: is it weird to ask someone out to brunch during the early stages? Is it a meal meant for couples? A late breakfast for people who've spent the night together, or with close friends? Who wants to get up early to go to a crowded restaurant with a near-stranger? I might've overplayed my hand here.
Brunch is fine, she's just not as invested in this as you are or she may have lost interest altogether.
 
Oct 25, 2017
198
Two months after a breakup with someone I dated for almost a year and I'm ready to get back into dating, is it bad to put "only looking for something casual" in your Tinder bio (know that you're able to show what you're looking for on Bumble)?
 
Oct 27, 2017
382
A guy I work with always dresses super sharp, which is odd because I working in the fun field IT Auditing (everything is generally boring and bland). So I told him that I need to learn how to dress like him, since I only have Dad-wear frumpy clothing. He started talking to me about simple style and going with a classic look. He started naming off brands and I was super confused. Then he told me that he started a website to help guys look for clothing on various budgets. I'm not sure if anyone will find this site useful, but it might be helpful. He started it back in January and updates it when new seasons hit. I figured I would share it with all of you. https://essentialoutfits.com/ I still am trying to learn how to figure out what I like and what I want to wear.
 
OP
OP
Salamando
Oct 25, 2017
227
A guy I work with always dresses super sharp, which is odd because I working in the fun field IT Auditing (everything is generally boring and bland). So I told him that I need to learn how to dress like him, since I only have Dad-wear frumpy clothing. He started talking to me about simple style and going with a classic look. He started naming off brands and I was super confused. Then he told me that he started a website to help guys look for clothing on various budgets. I'm not sure if anyone will find this site useful, but it might be helpful. He started it back in January and updates it when new seasons hit. I figured I would share it with all of you. https://essentialoutfits.com/ I still am trying to learn how to figure out what I like and what I want to wear.
I'd also recommend this - https://ashleyweston.com/ . The most important thing you need to figure out is how clothes are supposed to fit. You can look like a million bucks in something as simple as dark-wash jeans and a tshirt if they all fit perfectly.
 

jcs

Banned
Member
Aug 7, 2018
1,513
As someone heavily invested in menswear, the main thing to look out for is fit. Make sure your clothes fit well. This changes over time but nowadays I think most of the country (US) still prefers "slim fit" (not skinny!) clothing.

Anyway for brands you can get most stuff at Uniqlo or even malls. "Classic" menswear is pretty common nowadays.
 
Oct 27, 2017
382
As someone heavily invested in menswear, the main thing to look out for is fit. Make sure your clothes fit well. This changes over time but nowadays I think most of the country (US) still prefers "slim fit" (not skinny!) clothing.

Anyway for brands you can get most stuff at Uniqlo or even malls. "Classic" menswear is pretty common nowadays.
I need to figure out what fits me well.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,097
Australia
This is probably a pretty open-and-shut case, but I thought I'd run it by Era.

On the weekend I attended a local pop culture convention. While there I was recognised and called over by a fellow cosplayer for a photo (I was Dipper from Gravity Falls, she was Pearl from Steven Universe). We had a nice chat and went our separate ways. I realised afterwards that I wished I'd grabbed her name, both to ask for a copy of the photo her friend took of us, and also to maybe ask her out for a coffee sometime.

So the next day a picture of her and her friend shows up on our local newspaper's website complete with both their names. No problem, I'll send her a message on Facebook. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to have a Facebook account. Plan ruined. Her friend, however, does.

So here's the question Era: is there any way I can approach her friend about getting in contact with her that wouldn't paint me as a creepy weirdo? I'll be messaging this dude for a copy of the photo anyway, but I have no idea what his relationship is to her; they could be partners, siblings, anything. My gut feeling is that I need to take the L on this one and just be happy with my photo, but I figured y'all might have some thoughts.
 
Nov 17, 2017
5,502
This is probably a pretty open-and-shut case, but I thought I'd run it by Era.

On the weekend I attended a local pop culture convention. While there I was recognised and called over by a fellow cosplayer for a photo (I was Dipper from Gravity Falls, she was Pearl from Steven Universe). We had a nice chat and went our separate ways. I realised afterwards that I wished I'd grabbed her name, both to ask for a copy of the photo her friend took of us, and also to maybe ask her out for a coffee sometime.

So the next day a picture of her and her friend shows up on our local newspaper's website complete with both their names. No problem, I'll send her a message on Facebook. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to have a Facebook account. Plan ruined. Her friend, however, does.

So here's the question Era: is there any way I can approach her friend about getting in contact with her that wouldn't paint me as a creepy weirdo? I'll be messaging this dude for a copy of the photo anyway, but I have no idea what his relationship is to her; they could be partners, siblings, anything. My gut feeling is that I need to take the L on this one and just be happy with my photo, but I figured y'all might have some thoughts.
It sounds like she liked your cosplay/character you were cosplaying as and wanted a picture, nothing more nothing less. It doesn’t mean anything and I think going through her friend to get to her for a date is definitely on the creepy side of things. You shouldn’t be so invested in something so minor like this anyway.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,097
Australia
It sounds like she liked your cosplay/character you were cosplaying as and wanted a picture, nothing more nothing less. It doesn’t mean anything and I think going through her friend to get to her for a date is definitely on the creepy side of things.
Pretty much my thought too.

You shouldn’t be so invested in something so minor like this anyway.
I wouldn't say I'm deeply invested, but I've learned that you gain nothing from not considering all options. I come from a fairly small regional town where meeting fellow dorks is super difficult, so I kinda have to stay vigilant.

Thanks for your thoughts!
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,232
North Jackson High
Finally getting back into the game after spending the first quarter of the year burnt out on simultaneously trying to hold and replace a job I hated. Finally updated my Bumble profile pic with a good outdoor photo, fresh from Saturday.

I saw a thread earlier recommending Hinge, probably going to dive into that, although part of me just wonders if I should plow ahead to Match or eHarmony. Part of my problem with dating is that I don't like to dick around in the slow lane, I want to be in a space where people are gunning for a long-term relationship.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,558
China
I wouldn't say I'm deeply invested, but I've learned that you gain nothing from not considering all options. I come from a fairly small regional town where meeting fellow dorks is super difficult, so I kinda have to stay vigilant.

Thanks for your thoughts!
There's a non zero chance she was hit on a whole load of times at that show by guys thinking just like you. You'll just be LTTP tracking her down afterwards


 
Oct 25, 2017
2,097
Australia
There's a non zero chance she was hit on a whole load of times at that show by guys thinking just like you. You'll just be LTTP tracking her down afterwards
Probably a fair call.

C'mon now, it isn't particularly outlandish to consider asking a like-minded individual out for a coffee. I wasn't planning on declaring my undying love.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,186
You're way over-invested after just two dates, she's not responding for sometimes a day and you have to double post to get a response show's she is clearly not as invested as you.
imma be real with you you might be jumping the gun in getting a mini heartbreak cos, like, sometimes peeps be busy or their phone habits are super different. i mean sure if she doesn't respond then yeah but it's been, like a day and a bit yeah
Brunch is fine, she's just not as invested in this as you are or she may have lost interest altogether.
Welp, she didn't end up ghosting me but she did tell me that I'm not what she's looking for in a relationship right now. Which, truth be told, hurts. Guess I came on too strong and was texting in too intense a manner that served to confuse and frustrate her.

I know I shouldn't be invested so early on but I've been on dates with over a dozen women since becoming single, with a couple short relationships therein, and I've been unmoved for the duration. I've even seen two other people since my last date with the girl in question, which only made it much starker how enamored I was with her. This was the first girl to stir up the emotions within that had remained dormant since my last relationship. Someone I truly felt good about seeing on a date. Yeah it was only two dates, but they were among the best dates I've had in a calendar year. If the past year can be extrapolated, I might run into someone who makes me feel this way once a year. It's a rare occurrence.

Anyways, I'm going to take a break on dating for a while to decompress. Anyone I meet in the immediate aftermath will feel like settling, even if it's just to date on a preliminary basis. And as dismayed as I am right now, I'm heartened by the fact that I am prepared to enter the realm of feelings once again. Things felt meaningful for the first time in a long time.
 
Oct 28, 2017
61
Welp, she didn't end up ghosting me but she did tell me that I'm not what she's looking for in a relationship right now. Which, truth be told, hurts. Guess I came on too strong and was texting in too intense a manner that served to confuse and frustrate her.
In my personal experience, it probably wouldn't have mattered if you'd have come on less strong or intense. If she was really into you she wouldn't have minded that stuff. You might have not done anything wrong, it just wasn't a match.

Take some solace in knowing there's women out there that you give you these emotions. You met this one, and you'll meet another one.
 
Oct 28, 2017
233
Any thoughts on what kind of comment to include with a 'like' on Hinge when the profile doesn't haven any great conversation starters? I've just been saying "great smile!" or "you have pretty eyes" but I don't know if that's the sort of thing girls get all the time and thus are more likely to ignore?
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,558
China
Any thoughts on what kind of comment to include with a 'like' on Hinge when the profile doesn't haven any great conversation starters? I've just been saying "great smile!" or "you have pretty eyes" but I don't know if that's the sort of thing girls get all the time and thus are more likely to ignore?
That's exactly the thing the get all the time "Hey beautiful". You need something that makes you stand out from those openers, it's probably age and location dependent though so I don't know what to advise.
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,472
Went on a date today, and ended up going on my "all cops are bastards" spiel. I even cited the statistic of how 40% of cops commit domestic abuse.

A large portion of her family were cops.

So awkward.

Dating is exhaustive.
 
Oct 28, 2017
233
That's exactly the thing the get all the time "Hey beautiful". You need something that makes you stand out from those openers, it's probably age and location dependent though so I don't know what to advise.
Yeah I kinda figured as much. It's tough sometimes as they don't always give you much to work with.
 
Oct 26, 2017
3,897
Florida
Any thoughts on what kind of comment to include with a 'like' on Hinge when the profile doesn't haven any great conversation starters? I've just been saying "great smile!" or "you have pretty eyes" but I don't know if that's the sort of thing girls get all the time and thus are more likely to ignore?
Honestly, I think I’ve only commented on a girls looks once on Hinge. I usually say something about the background of the pic like “I really think you should water that plant” or (in this instance there was a statue of some horses behind the girl) “I got the horses in the back.”

I have the worst advice lol
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,853
Osaka
Any thoughts on what kind of comment to include with a 'like' on Hinge when the profile doesn't haven any great conversation starters? I've just been saying "great smile!" or "you have pretty eyes" but I don't know if that's the sort of thing girls get all the time and thus aroe more likely to ignore?
I'd say you're usually better off complimenting something other than straight looks. Even something like 'love your hairstyle' is better imo
YMMV of course, it depends on the person, local culture, etc.
 
Oct 26, 2017
4,150
California
She pointed out some cops picking up carry out. I carried on to crack some jokes at their expense.

I don't hide my political views on dates. I'm a political person, that's part of the package. Take it or leave it tbh.
ACAB

Honestly that's exactly what I was gonna say. It would have been a nonstarter for you two, either on the first date or down the road. Might as well learn that shit early on
 
Oct 28, 2017
6,363
She pointed out some cops picking up carry out. I carried on to crack some jokes at their expense.

I don't hide my political views on dates. I'm a political person, that's part of the package. Take it or leave it tbh.
This is fine but you can't complain about dating being exhaustive while also ignoring that certain topics and comments on date 1 are going to do nothing but cause issues.

Like okay, be as political as you want. Don't complain when that shit goes sideways then.
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,472
This is fine but you can't complain about dating being exhaustive while also ignoring that certain topics and comments on date 1 are going to do nothing but cause issues.

Like okay, be as political as you want. Don't complain when that shit goes sideways then.
I do well enough with women where I don't feel the need to self-censor my opinions on things. They're free to disagree, and carry an open dialogue with me. I enjoy hearing alternative perspectives on issues, and we actually had a decent conversation which led to a solid night out overall. Confidence is key in any sort of relationship, and I can't be confident if I'm worrying whatsoever what the other person is thinking of me - especially on a first date. This doesn't change the fact whatsoever that dating is tiresome, and I'm not exactly enamored with the idea of shacking up with a cop lover.
 
Oct 25, 2017
855
I do well enough with women where I don't feel the need to self-censor my opinions on things. They're free to disagree, and carry an open dialogue with me. I enjoy hearing alternative perspectives on issues, and we actually had a decent conversation which led to a solid night out overall. Confidence is key in any sort of relationship, and I can't be confident if I'm worrying whatsoever what the other person is thinking of me - especially on a first date. This doesn't change the fact whatsoever that dating is tiresome, and I'm not exactly enamored with the idea of shacking up with a cop lover.
I feel like open dialogues don't start out with FUCK THE POLICE.