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DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Oct 25, 2017
4,558
China
I don't want to meet someone on the internet, its consumes too much time (that i dont have) and for good dating apps, you need good photos, and the old photos of mine are not good...
Internet dating is just one tool in the box, you can go out and meet someone in more traditional methods. If your friends don't want to hang out, guess what? You've got that time to look at the apps! Also while your friends don't want to hang out, you've got time to take some new photos.

Your only other choice is to hang out with that one friend who's still single.
 
Oct 27, 2017
738
Maybe slander was the wrong word to use, but they were about my current living situation and the sex. We talked about both of these topics in person, but it seems like she wasn't telling me how she really feels as the posts were more scathing (for example, "here's what I'd like for you to do in bed" in person compared to "I got some bad d" on the internet)
I think I've said this before, don't ever go looking for your dates social media. 8/10 it leads to no good or easy to misinterpret things.

With that said, she discussed this in public on Insta? How does that even work? She just made a post and dumped that about you? I would not forgive, sorry to say but she seems like a real asshole. Move on.
 
Oct 28, 2017
61
I was pretty upset at it yeah, but at the same time confused for the same reasons you said.

I was even more confused when I found the posts, as her latest one was more kind, talking about how I was treating her right. This one was a few days ago, while the other ones I mentioned earlier were a bit after we started seeing each other weeks ago
Do you really want to be with someone who posts about your personal life like that for everyone to see? Imagine the shit she'll say when you get in a fight.
 
Oct 28, 2017
6,363
I was pretty upset at it yeah, but at the same time confused for the same reasons you said.

I was even more confused when I found the posts, as her latest one was more kind, talking about how I was treating her right. This one was a few days ago, while the other ones I mentioned earlier were a bit after we started seeing each other weeks ago
I don't know why you are still considering this at all. If she was not satisfoed she could have just left. Instead she went to shit talking you. Peace out dude. Shit is really plain.

What to do, when all your friends are in relationship/or idiots? I have nobody, who wants to go out anymore -.-
Some just want to spend all the time at home and smoking/gaming/gambling and there are few, they dont want to spent any money and others, are just boring.

I don't want to meet someone on the internet, its consumes too much time (that i dont have) and for good dating apps, you need good photos, and the old photos of mine are not good...
You either make new friends, find a girl (and hope she even like doing that stuff) or you do stuff alone. This is not a particularly difficult scenario. If you aren't going to even take a swing on the apps no one can really help you. Try a meet up. Play a recreational sport. Learn to do things alone.

Longing for the old days wont help you now man. Gotta take action
 
Oct 25, 2017
37
So I matched with this guy on Tinder earlier in April, we went for drinks a few days after chatting through text.
Had a really really great first date with him. We just got drinks at a few bars then went to his place and made out/messed around.

We continued talking through text for the whole week after about things we both enjoy (we both share interests in very specific musicians and video games, etc) and finally went on another date this past Thursday.

We have a great dinner, he pays for the whole bill. Then we get dessert at two different places and sit down and chat at both of them. He invites me to a concert that's happening over the weekend, so I purchase a ticket for the concert.

He then takes me home and we end up stopping somewhere on the side of the road and end up messing around for a little bit.
After this, he actually drops me off and before I get out of the car I tell him that I really enjoy hanging out with him. He said he feels the same and that I'm really cool.

I text him later that night thanking him for another great night and that I'm looking forward to the concert. He texts back later that he had a great night.
I text him the next day wishing him a great day.

I haven't heard from him since our dinner date a few days ago. Which means he never texted me about the concert or anything, so I never went to the to concert with him.
I'm a little bummed out because I thought we were getting along quite well. I'm not sure what to do.

What would you guys do?
I really like him, and honestly I'd rather tell him itell me if he's not interesting in going on further dates but being friends. Which I'm fine with.

I've never been ghosted before like this, especially when I feel like things were going well.
 
Have you spoken to her about it? Make sure you don’t just quietly suffer things you dislike in the relationship. I get that retail jobs can be cruel with hours but if you only live 20 minutes away from each other, there’s no reason why you can see each other regularly. Like we all have busy lives as adults but we make time for the people we view as priorities and your girlfriend/boyfriend is one of those.

Have you been trying to spend time together and she’s shooting you down? It’s like, you’re her boyfriend... it’s totally reasonable to want to see her more than zero times a week.


That’s incredibly shitty and I wouldn’t want to keep seeing someone who did something like that. The thing you have to realize is that she meant all these things when she said them and her first thought was to share them on the internet. She apologized because you found them but what was she thinking? If your relationship was going anywhere, you would have been on her social media at some point. She seems very likely to be the type to talk shit behind your back to her friends further down the line. Either way, it’s clear she doesn’t respect you.
I've been afraid to bring it up, because I don't want to ruin things. I've asked her to do a couple of things, but more spur of the moment and she's been tired or unwell. Like going to see Pet Sematary.
 
Nov 17, 2017
5,502
I've been afraid to bring it up, because I don't want to ruin things. I've asked her to do a couple of things, but more spur of the moment and she's been tired or unwell. Like going to see Pet Sematary.
Holding things in because you're afraid to ruin things is not going to go well in the long run. You're setting yourself up for a relationship where you're walked all over and you blame it on yourself.

Just listen to yourself, why would bringing up the fact that you haven't seen each other in the month since you started a relationship together ruin things? I would think it's the other way around, as she's ruining things by making it impossible to see her all this time. If she's legitimately sick, I could understand but just "tired" is not an excuse to not see your boyfriend for a month. And I mean, if you see your girlfriend who lives 20 minutes away and constantly turns down your attempts to see her once a month, is that something you really want to preserve and not "ruin?"

You don't have to be confrontational or accusatory about it, you just need to address it. Let her know that it's got you bummed out that you haven't gotten to see her for so long and you want to see her more often. Maybe she legitimately just doesn't realize it's a problem. You won't know unless you bring it up.
 
Oct 27, 2017
8,417
Boston
Not a big issue or problem but just gotta let it out sometimes. For the last week or so I've been in a state of low key anxiety about girl I'm seeing. Last I saw her we had our first kiss which was a prelude to a pretty furious make out session in the street outside the brewery we went to, where she echoed my feelings that we like each other and want to see where things go between us. She was out of town all week for work so didn't get to see her, although we've been texting a bunch. She's back in town now, and since that night I've been buzzed thinking about her, to the point I've told some friends (already introduced her to a couple) and family that I've been seeing somebody and that I'm excited about it. I'm afraid I'm building this potential relationship up a bunch in my mind and it's affecting me, making me nervous about asking her out again. This has been exacerbated by some poor sleep and over training related fatigue, and the awareness that I haven't even gone as far as kissing someone since college. By some of the accounts other folks have in this thread I feel like I hit the jackpot; she is very easygoing and communicative and willing to go with the flow, a great sense of humor, and it has been surprising how easy and comfortable it is to be with her. An element of my fear clearly is screwing up this thing which seems so rare and feels so good

I suppose what I'm seeking is, reassurance that I am correctly assessing my worries as normal early relationship anxiety about upholding a good impression and some over eagerness, so that I can at least have whatever peace of mind and optimism I can get from an internet forum dating thread
 
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Oct 28, 2017
6,363
Not a big issue or problem but just gotta let it out sometimes. For the last week or so I've been in a state of low key anxiety about girl I'm seeing. Last I saw her we had our first kiss which was a prelude to a pretty furious make out session in the street outside the brewery we went to, where she echoed my feelings that we like each other and want to see where things go between us. She was out of town all week for work so didn't get to see her, although we've been texting a bunch. She's back in town now, and since that night I've been buzzed thinking about her, to the point I've told some friends (already introduced her to a couple) and family that I've been seeing somebody and that I'm excited about it. I'm afraid I'm building this potential relationship up a bunch in my mind and it's affecting me, making me nervous about asking her out again. This has been exacerbated by some poor sleep and over training related fatigue, and the awareness that I haven't even gone as far as kissing someone since college. By some of the accounts other folks have in this thread I feel like I hit the jackpot; she is very easygoing and communicative and willing to go with the flow, a great sense of humor, and it has been surprising how easy and comfortable it is to be with her. An element of my fear clearly is screwing up this thing which seems so rare and feels so good

I suppose what I'm seeking is, reassurance that I am correctly assessing my worries as normal early relationship anxiety about upholding a good impression and some over eagerness, so that I can at least have whatever peace of mind and optimism I can get from an internet forum dating thread
Just set up another date man. Like. Perhaps you are over indulging to a degree but meeting someone you like and not wanting to fuck it up is pretty damn normal. But you gotta just chill. Worrying about it is not going to do anything. Just set up more dates and have fun. The rest will work itself out
 
Oct 28, 2017
61
Ooh, Hinge for Android is finally available in my region. I'm pretty curious after all the praise in this thread.


I've been afraid to bring it up, because I don't want to ruin things. I've asked her to do a couple of things, but more spur of the moment and she's been tired or unwell. Like going to see Pet Sematary.
What is it you're afraid of ruining? Being in a relationship with someone 20 minutes away who can't find the time to meet once a month? That's not a healthy relationship, and should need ruining. This situation is making you miserable and rightly so, so time to bring it up.
 
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Heyoo ^^
I am looking for some advice on what to do and I hope this is the right place to ask.
Anywho I am in a long distance relationship with someone and...I am not sure if they love me or have feelings for me anymore. I have litteraly outright asked and the answer is always “I don’t know” I feel like that in itself is an obvious red sign but like...idk.
I’ve never been in a relationship before so she is my first girlfriend (same for her) and I am just feeling really depressed about all of this. Everything was going great but ever since she came back to visit in February she has been acting different. I feel embarrassed talking about this but she never wants to kiss and stuff so I feel rejected physically. Last time we did anything was 7 weeks ago. Heck’s I know what is normal. Also, she won’t say “I love you” anymore.
It is strange. We get along really well and for the 10 months we have known each other we haven’t fought once. Anyway, we both are in our early 20s and we both still live at home. She has been visiting mine now for 2 months and all she wants to do is play hearthstone, Xbox or work on her project. She never wants to do stuff together. Even though she is next to me I feel more alone then when we were apart. I will just sit there and watch her play through Sekiro while talking to her. We do watch movies together at night so I guess there is that but I am the one who always buys the movie. She never wants to use her money.
Anyway, I’ve been very open with my feelings but she never has an answer except a shrug and “I don’t know” She has told me that she puts up a mental or emotional wall to protect herself from these types of questions. Whatever that means. I don’t get it though. I feel like it is obvious to me she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore so I don’t get why she won’t admit it.
I still love her so I myself probably won’t end the relationship until she says yes to that question but I don’t think she ever will. This whole situation is so bizarre.
Well, she is leaving back to Wisconsin in a few days (I live in California) and I have no idea what is going to happen. Will she stop texting or calling me? Heck’s I know. She doesn’t even like her home yet she willingly bought a plane ticket to leave and go back to her misery. Even though things have been strange lately I am still going to miss her greatly. She is not just my girlfriend but my friend...my only friend. I am just feeling so hurt and I don’t know what to do.
Any advice would be great! 😊
 
Nov 17, 2017
5,502
What is it you're afraid of ruining? Being in a relationship with someone 20 minutes away who can't find the time to meet once a month? That's not a healthy relationship, and should need ruining. This situation is making you miserable and rightly so, so time to bring it up.
Exactly this. The relationship is already “ruined” because of what she’s doing. You really have to consider what you’re doing to yourself if someone hurts you in a relationship and you think you’re ruining things by bringing it up.

Best case scenario is that TheBeardedOne brings it up and they fix the issue together. Worst case is that he does nothing and remains in a relationship that makes him unhappy. Yes, in this scenario TBO, the relationship ending would be a better thing for you than sticking it out but suffering silently. You need to talk to her if you want to fix things.

Heyoo ^^
I am looking for some advice on what to do and I hope this is the right place to ask.
Anywho I am in a long distance relationship with someone and...I am not sure if they love me or have feelings for me anymore. I have litteraly outright asked and the answer is always “I don’t know” I feel like that in itself is an obvious red sign but like...idk.
I’ve never been in a relationship before so she is my first girlfriend (same for her) and I am just feeling really depressed about all of this. Everything was going great but ever since she came back to visit in February she has been acting different. I feel embarrassed talking about this but she never wants to kiss and stuff so I feel rejected physically. Last time we did anything was 7 weeks ago. Heck’s I know what is normal. Also, she won’t say “I love you” anymore.
It is strange. We get along really well and for the 10 months we have known each other we haven’t fought once. Anyway, we both are in our early 20s and we both still live at home. She has been visiting mine now for 2 months and all she wants to do is play hearthstone, Xbox or work on her project. She never wants to do stuff together. Even though she is next to me I feel more alone then when we were apart. I will just sit there and watch her play through Sekiro while talking to her. We do watch movies together at night so I guess there is that but I am the one who always buys the movie. She never wants to use her money.
Anyway, I’ve been very open with my feelings but she never has an answer except a shrug and “I don’t know” She has told me that she puts up a mental or emotional wall to protect herself from these types of questions. Whatever that means. I don’t get it though. I feel like it is obvious to me she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore so I don’t get why she won’t admit it.
I still love her so I myself probably won’t end the relationship until she says yes to that question but I don’t think she ever will. This whole situation is so bizarre.
Well, she is leaving back to Wisconsin in a few days (I live in California) and I have no idea what is going to happen. Will she stop texting or calling me? Heck’s I know. She doesn’t even like her home yet she willingly bought a plane ticket to leave and go back to her misery. Even though things have been strange lately I am still going to miss her greatly. She is not just my girlfriend but my friend...my only friend. I am just feeling so hurt and I don’t know what to do.
Any advice would be great! 😊
If she doesn’t know if she loves you, she doesn’t love you. You want and need physical and emotional intimacy and affection in a relationship and she isn’t willing to give it. She makes you feel alone and rejected when she’s around and makes you sit there and watch her play video games instead of doing things together. What is good about this relationship besides the fact that it’s the only one you have?

I think it’s very clear that you need to break up with her. Your logic that you won’t end it yourself because you love her is damaging. You’re only making yourself suffer in this relationship where your partner doesn’t care for your own needs. You need to take care of yourself because no one else will.

The fact that this is your first relationship is pretty clear. You think this struggle is all worth it and you think this is all normal and ok but really, you don’t. You know you’re hurting and you know it’s because of her. You just either don’t know any better or you’re afraid of being alone. It looks like both, to be honest. Both are some of the worst reasons to be in a relationship, you’re placing so much value on the fact that she’s all you have and in terms of a relationship, all you’ve ever had.

Realize that you are young and there are SO many people out there that you can and will meet that are much better for you, that live closer to you, that want to give you physical and emotional affection. First relationships aren’t always meant to be the perfect ones. Sometimes you need to stumble through mismatches to learn what you need in a relationship and what you’re not willing to tolerate.

Break up with her, work on yourself and your life instead of staying stagnant in a relationship that makes you feel lonely and rejected.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,558
China
Heyoo ^^
I am looking for some advice on what to do and I hope this is the right place to ask.
Anywho I am in a long distance relationship with someone and...I am not sure if they love me or have feelings for me anymore. I have litteraly outright asked and the answer is always “I don’t know” I feel like that in itself is an obvious red sign but like...idk.
I’ve never been in a relationship before so she is my first girlfriend (same for her) and I am just feeling really depressed about all of this. Everything was going great but ever since she came back to visit in February she has been acting different. I feel embarrassed talking about this but she never wants to kiss and stuff so I feel rejected physically. Last time we did anything was 7 weeks ago. Heck’s I know what is normal. Also, she won’t say “I love you” anymore.
It is strange. We get along really well and for the 10 months we have known each other we haven’t fought once. Anyway, we both are in our early 20s and we both still live at home. She has been visiting mine now for 2 months and all she wants to do is play hearthstone, Xbox or work on her project. She never wants to do stuff together. Even though she is next to me I feel more alone then when we were apart. I will just sit there and watch her play through Sekiro while talking to her. We do watch movies together at night so I guess there is that but I am the one who always buys the movie. She never wants to use her money.
Anyway, I’ve been very open with my feelings but she never has an answer except a shrug and “I don’t know” She has told me that she puts up a mental or emotional wall to protect herself from these types of questions. Whatever that means. I don’t get it though. I feel like it is obvious to me she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore so I don’t get why she won’t admit it.
I still love her so I myself probably won’t end the relationship until she says yes to that question but I don’t think she ever will. This whole situation is so bizarre.
Well, she is leaving back to Wisconsin in a few days (I live in California) and I have no idea what is going to happen. Will she stop texting or calling me? Heck’s I know. She doesn’t even like her home yet she willingly bought a plane ticket to leave and go back to her misery. Even though things have been strange lately I am still going to miss her greatly. She is not just my girlfriend but my friend...my only friend. I am just feeling so hurt and I don’t know what to do.
Any advice would be great! 😊
Well, "I don't know" means no I don't love you. She likes hanging out with you and the escapism you provide in her life but there's nothing more than that. Your path forward is to just be friends and for you to look for a local relationship.
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,016
So I matched with this guy on Tinder earlier in April, we went for drinks a few days after chatting through text.
Had a really really great first date with him. We just got drinks at a few bars then went to his place and made out/messed around.

We continued talking through text for the whole week after about things we both enjoy (we both share interests in very specific musicians and video games, etc) and finally went on another date this past Thursday.

We have a great dinner, he pays for the whole bill. Then we get dessert at two different places and sit down and chat at both of them. He invites me to a concert that's happening over the weekend, so I purchase a ticket for the concert.

He then takes me home and we end up stopping somewhere on the side of the road and end up messing around for a little bit.
After this, he actually drops me off and before I get out of the car I tell him that I really enjoy hanging out with him. He said he feels the same and that I'm really cool.

I text him later that night thanking him for another great night and that I'm looking forward to the concert. He texts back later that he had a great night.
I text him the next day wishing him a great day.

I haven't heard from him since our dinner date a few days ago. Which means he never texted me about the concert or anything, so I never went to the to concert with him.
I'm a little bummed out because I thought we were getting along quite well. I'm not sure what to do.

What would you guys do?
I really like him, and honestly I'd rather tell him itell me if he's not interesting in going on further dates but being friends. Which I'm fine with.

I've never been ghosted before like this, especially when I feel like things were going well.
Just shoot him a, "hey, what's up?". If you don't hear back then it wasn't meant to be.
 
Oct 26, 2017
3,897
Florida
Haven't had my second date with the last girl I went out with, but we both have pretty grueling schedules, so it's no surprise.
We'll see where it goes. Still trying to set up dates with other girls to keep me in the game.
 
Oct 25, 2017
5,627
Heyoo ^^
I am looking for some advice on what to do and I hope this is the right place to ask.
Anywho I am in a long distance relationship with someone and...I am not sure if they love me or have feelings for me anymore. I have litteraly outright asked and the answer is always “I don’t know” I feel like that in itself is an obvious red sign but like...idk.
I’ve never been in a relationship before so she is my first girlfriend (same for her) and I am just feeling really depressed about all of this. Everything was going great but ever since she came back to visit in February she has been acting different. I feel embarrassed talking about this but she never wants to kiss and stuff so I feel rejected physically. Last time we did anything was 7 weeks ago. Heck’s I know what is normal. Also, she won’t say “I love you” anymore.
It is strange. We get along really well and for the 10 months we have known each other we haven’t fought once. Anyway, we both are in our early 20s and we both still live at home. She has been visiting mine now for 2 months and all she wants to do is play hearthstone, Xbox or work on her project. She never wants to do stuff together. Even though she is next to me I feel more alone then when we were apart. I will just sit there and watch her play through Sekiro while talking to her. We do watch movies together at night so I guess there is that but I am the one who always buys the movie. She never wants to use her money.
Anyway, I’ve been very open with my feelings but she never has an answer except a shrug and “I don’t know” She has told me that she puts up a mental or emotional wall to protect herself from these types of questions. Whatever that means. I don’t get it though. I feel like it is obvious to me she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore so I don’t get why she won’t admit it.
I still love her so I myself probably won’t end the relationship until she says yes to that question but I don’t think she ever will. This whole situation is so bizarre.
Well, she is leaving back to Wisconsin in a few days (I live in California) and I have no idea what is going to happen. Will she stop texting or calling me? Heck’s I know. She doesn’t even like her home yet she willingly bought a plane ticket to leave and go back to her misery. Even though things have been strange lately I am still going to miss her greatly. She is not just my girlfriend but my friend...my only friend. I am just feeling so hurt and I don’t know what to do.
Any advice would be great! 😊
This is not normal and you should end the relationship to avoid further misery. Plenty more fish in the local sea.
 
If she doesn’t know if she loves you, she doesn’t love you. You want and need physical and emotional intimacy and affection in a relationship and she isn’t willing to give it. She makes you feel alone and rejected when she’s around and makes you sit there and watch her play video games instead of doing things together. What is good about this relationship besides the fact that it’s the only one you have?
[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the advice Superior I really appreciate it . The quote was really long so I cut it but I am replying to your full message. You are right though. Before I met her I was feeling really depressed and alone. I don’t want to go back to that. It terrifies me.
I wish I knew what I did wrong. I still remember the day we both admitted to liking each other and how happy we both seemed. We spent so much time texting, writing reallly long emails to each other, and playing online video games togeather before we met in real life.
The first two times we met irl were so awesome. Went miniature golfing, the mall...we actually did stuff togeather. She seemed happier then. I keep hoping for those days to return.
Can’t believe this is happening. I am so, so incredibly hurt. I bought her a heart necklace for Christmas that says “I love you” in 100 different languages and she wears it all day everyday. It makes me think she still has feelings for me...idk.
Wish I could go back in time and stop myself from meeting her on a forum I used to be on which makes me feel really sad. At least I wouldn’t be in this much pain. Never connected to someone like this before.
I wanted to be the person who stuck around in her life. Shes had so many people disappear on her through out her life. It is funny...she finds someone willing to stick around yet all she does is push me away.
Think I am ranting at this point o.O I don’t know if I am capable of letting go though I feel like this is going to end one way or another.

Just want to say thanks to Messo and Alwayscrazybacon for replying as well. I don’t know how to multiple quote it seems. Do appreciate the advice ^^
 
Oct 25, 2017
37
Just shoot him a, "hey, what's up?". If you don't hear back then it wasn't meant to be.
Thanks for the reply!
So you just recommend sending that? Nothing else?
I'm wondering if something actually came up and the guy is just embarrassed to reach out to me. I mean I truly feel as if we had a good connection in several ways, like we could even be good friends if he isn't interested in pursuing a relationship. It would be weird to sever that connection.

People are so complicated!
 
Nov 17, 2017
5,502
Thanks for the reply!
So you just recommend sending that? Nothing else?
I'm wondering if something actually came up and the guy is just embarrassed to reach out to me. I mean I truly feel as if we had a good connection in several ways, like we could even be good friends if he isn't interested in pursuing a relationship. It would be weird to sever that connection.

People are so complicated!
I'm confused. He invited you to a concert, you bought a ticket and then he never got back to you so you didn't go? Why didn't you text him something then?

Instead of just dropping a "what's up?", why not try and ask him about the concert?
 
Oct 25, 2017
37
I'm confused. He invited you to a concert, you bought a ticket and then he never got back to you so you didn't go? Why didn't you text him something then?

Instead of just dropping a "what's up?", why not try and ask him about the concert?
I'm just as confused haha.

I sent him a text a few hours before asking if we were still on for the concert. I basically asked him if it's still cool if I join him for the concert.

That's a good idea to ask him about the concert. But I'm wondering if it'll come off as passive aggressive.
 
Oct 27, 2017
8,417
Boston
I'm just as confused haha.

I sent him a text a few hours before asking if we were still on for the concert. I basically asked him if it's still cool if I join him for the concert.

That's a good idea to ask him about the concert. But I'm wondering if it'll come off as passive aggressive.
Seems worth a shot regardless. He invited you but didn't follow up, might as check in and see what's happening. There are plenty of possible explanations
 
Nov 17, 2017
5,502
I'm just as confused haha.

I sent him a text a few hours before asking if we were still on for the concert. I basically asked him if it's still cool if I join him for the concert.

That's a good idea to ask him about the concert. But I'm wondering if it'll come off as passive aggressive.
Yeah that’s weird and makes me think he’s ghosting you. But doesn’t hurt to contact him and ask about it anyway.
 
Oct 25, 2017
245
Is the mature thing to do when someone plays with your head as much as mine has been to keep talking to the person as if nothing happened, or just cut off everything entirely?

In the past 4 months:

I liked you all summer but didn't tell you because I had a boyfriend, but I don't now, so let's make out in the car! but let's not put a label on it
Yeah, so I met someone at school...
That didn't work out, and seeing you over break reminded me that I like you, but still, the labels...
So, I met someone again (literally two weeks later but didn't tell me until I brought something up a month and a half later)... but let's still hang out this summer!

Like, there are some other circumstances (an age gap, distance during school), but holy crap I feel like I'm on a yo-yo. On one hand, I am all about making someone feel okay about things, so I brushed it off when talking to her. On the other hand, I feel like absolute crap.
 
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Nov 17, 2017
5,502
Is the mature thing to do when someone plays with your head as much as mine has been to keep talking to the person as if nothing happened, or just cut off everything entirely?

In the past 4 months:

I liked you all summer but didn't tell you because I had a boyfriend, but I don't now, so let's make out in the car! but let's not put a label on it
Yeah, so I met someone at school...
So that didn't work out, and seeing you over break reminded me that I like you, but still, the labels...
So, I met someone again (literally two weeks later but didn't tell me until I brought something up a month and a half later)... but let's still hang out this summer!

Like, there are some other circumstances (an age gap, distance during school), but holy crap I feel like I'm on a yo-yo. On one hand, I am all about making someone feel okay about things, so I brushed it off when talking to her. On the other hand, I feel like absolute crap.
Cut ✂️ It ✂️ Off ✂️
 
Oct 26, 2017
3,897
Florida
Set up a date with the same girl for Friday. Pretty relieved. The first date went amazing, and I was wondering if it was only from my perspective but she texted me first about planning the follow-up so that’s gotta count for something lol
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,134
anyone here have good experiences dating a 22 year old? (I'm 29).

she's pretty mature for her age plus has her own place and a good job, but I'm still feeling like it's a bit young..
 
Oct 28, 2017
478
So I seem to have this issue where if I feel like or know that someone I’m seeing is also dating other people I lose all interest and want nothing to do with them. How can I stop this?

I recently met someone and went on a few dates with them and everything seems to be going perfect. However, it’s only been a couple of dates and we aren’t exclusive and I’ve seen that she is still fairly active on some dating apps (I live in a small town) and it’s making me want to not pursue this anymore despite everything seemingly going well when we go out.

Just a backstory, but my experience with online dating has been that people will keep you around until something better comes along. I feel like this is an extremely negative outlook and was wondering how can I stop this line of thought?

Literally on 3 separate occasions in the last year I have gone out with someone who was already in a relationship or engaged and on two of those occasions they didn’t say anything at all. Only one of them said they were already in a relationship, and was pretty clear that she was planning to move on from her current BF which is why she was dating around.

So I think these last few experiences plus some older ones has made me extremely hesitant and weary of people and it’s hurting my chances of trusting people moving forward. Any advice?
 
So I seem to have this issue where if I feel like or know that someone I’m seeing is also dating other people I lose all interest and want nothing to do with them. How can I stop this?
Don't fear the competition. Be a normal guy, follow the procedure of dating be attentive and respectful. Hold the line becuse good odds are that your competition will shoot themselves in the dick.

If she's chooses someone else, hey that's just life. Move on.
 
So I seem to have this issue where if I feel like or know that someone I’m seeing is also dating other people I lose all interest and want nothing to do with them. How can I stop this?

I recently met someone and went on a few dates with them and everything seems to be going perfect. However, it’s only been a couple of dates and we aren’t exclusive and I’ve seen that she is still fairly active on some dating apps (I live in a small town) and it’s making me want to not pursue this anymore despite everything seemingly going well when we go out.

Just a backstory, but my experience with online dating has been that people will keep you around until something better comes along. I feel like this is an extremely negative outlook and was wondering how can I stop this line of thought?

Literally on 3 separate occasions in the last year I have gone out with someone who was already in a relationship or engaged and on two of those occasions they didn’t say anything at all. Only one of them said they were already in a relationship, and was pretty clear that she was planning to move on from her current BF which is why she was dating around.

So I think these last few experiences plus some older ones has made me extremely hesitant and weary of people and it’s hurting my chances of trusting people moving forward. Any advice?
One piece of advice I have is to not check her dating apps to see if she's active on them. If you've gotten their number, there's basically zero reason to go back and look at their profile. I think that alone will help you a lot. Don't give yourself reasons to think about who she's dating. Just focus on enjoying dating this person and what's going on between you.

Also you should accept that people date around in the early stages of dating. It's just the norm. There are shitty people out there who will treat you poorly but not everyone is doing it specifically to hurt you. There are many reasons for people to date multiple people at a time and if someone you're dating stops seeing you because they got exclusive with someone else, don't take it personally like they intentionally were keeping you around until something "better" came along. Just like you accept that when you start dating someone new, it might not work out for any number of reasons; accept that someone you're dating might be dating someone else and end up choosing them.

Maybe you can try doing it as well? It might make you think less about who she's dating if you are also dating others. If you don't like doing that sort of thing, I totally get it. You can always just straight up ask to be exclusive. There's nothing wrong with being direct and expressing that you prefer to date one person at a time and would like to do that with her.
 
Also you should accept that people date around in the early stages of dating. It's just the norm. There are shitty people out there who will treat you poorly but not everyone is doing it specifically to hurt you. There are many reasons for people to date multiple people at a time and if someone you're dating stops seeing you because they got exclusive with someone else, don't take it personally like they intentionally were keeping you around until something "better" came along. Just like you accept that when you start dating someone new, it might not work out for any number of reasons; accept that someone you're dating might be dating someone else and end up choosing them.
Solid advice. I matched with someone on Bumble who didn't get this at all. After exchanging only a few introductory messages, she got very upset with me for not replying fast enough. Well, that was because I was messaging other women, going out on dates, working, etc. She would reply almost instantly, whereas my replies tend to be more sporadic (few hours, maybe a day max depending on what's going on in my life). She came at me like, "I don't even understand why you're on this app if you don't want to date." Obviously, she didn't understand I was dating/talking to other people, which is why I couldn't get back to her as quickly as she wanted. She thought I should be focused only on her, I guess, and drop everything when she messaged.

I don't get upset when someone takes a day or two to get back to me. I honestly welcome the break sometimes.
 
Solid advice. I matched with someone on Bumble who didn't get this at all. After exchanging only a few introductory messages, she got very upset with me for not replying fast enough. Well, that was because I was messaging other women, going out on dates, working, etc. She would reply almost instantly, whereas my replies tend to be more sporadic (few hours, maybe a day max depending on what's going on in my life). She came at me like, "I don't even understand why you're on this app if you don't want to date." Obviously, she didn't understand I was dating/talking to other people, which is why I couldn't get back to her as quickly as she wanted. She thought I should be focused only on her, I guess, and drop everything when she messaged.

I don't get upset when someone takes a day or two to get back to me. I honestly welcome the break sometimes.
Bullet dodged.
 
Oct 28, 2017
478
Don't fear the competition. Be a normal guy, follow the procedure of dating be attentive and respectful. Hold the line becuse good odds are that your competition will shoot themselves in the dick.

If she's chooses someone else, hey that's just life. Move on.
One piece of advice I have is to not check her dating apps to see if she's active on them. If you've gotten their number, there's basically zero reason to go back and look at their profile. I think that alone will help you a lot. Don't give yourself reasons to think about who she's dating. Just focus on enjoying dating this person and what's going on between you.

Also you should accept that people date around in the early stages of dating. It's just the norm. There are shitty people out there who will treat you poorly but not everyone is doing it specifically to hurt you. There are many reasons for people to date multiple people at a time and if someone you're dating stops seeing you because they got exclusive with someone else, don't take it personally like they intentionally were keeping you around until something "better" came along. Just like you accept that when you start dating someone new, it might not work out for any number of reasons; accept that someone you're dating might be dating someone else and end up choosing them.

Maybe you can try doing it as well? It might make you think less about who she's dating if you are also dating others. If you don't like doing that sort of thing, I totally get it. You can always just straight up ask to be exclusive. There's nothing wrong with being direct and expressing that you prefer to date one person at a time and would like to do that with her.
Really solid advice all around. I’m not into dating multiple people at once but can’t fault her since as mentioned that seems to be the norm when just starting out. I’ll probably try and bring up the exclusive conversation after a few more dates and go from there.
 
Solid advice. I matched with someone on Bumble who didn't get this at all. After exchanging only a few introductory messages, she got very upset with me for not replying fast enough. Well, that was because I was messaging other women, going out on dates, working, etc. She would reply almost instantly, whereas my replies tend to be more sporadic (few hours, maybe a day max depending on what's going on in my life). She came at me like, "I don't even understand why you're on this app if you don't want to date." Obviously, she didn't understand I was dating/talking to other people, which is why I couldn't get back to her as quickly as she wanted. She thought I should be focused only on her, I guess, and drop everything when she messaged.

I don't get upset when someone takes a day or two to get back to me. I honestly welcome the break sometimes.
Good lord, bullet dodged indeed. Even if you weren't talking/dating other people, you just matched with someone on a dating app, it ain't that serious. Didn't realize you have to give up your entire life to give them constant attention right off the bat.


Really solid advice all around. I’m not into dating multiple people at once but can’t fault her since as mentioned that seems to be the norm when just starting out. I’ll probably try and bring up the exclusive conversation after a few more dates and go from there.
Yeah and not being into dating multiple people at once is totally fine too. I know plenty of people who do it this way too. I did it until the last time I was dating where I ended up dating two people at the same time and so there are reasons for both ways. And I think it's definitely a good idea to have the exclusivity conversation after a few more dates. You have the right idea there.
 
Solid advice. I matched with someone on Bumble who didn't get this at all. After exchanging only a few introductory messages, she got very upset with me for not replying fast enough. Well, that was because I was messaging other women, going out on dates, working, etc. She would reply almost instantly, whereas my replies tend to be more sporadic (few hours, maybe a day max depending on what's going on in my life). She came at me like, "I don't even understand why you're on this app if you don't want to date." Obviously, she didn't understand I was dating/talking to other people, which is why I couldn't get back to her as quickly as she wanted. She thought I should be focused only on her, I guess, and drop everything when she messaged.

I don't get upset when someone takes a day or two to get back to me. I honestly welcome the break sometimes.
I once was seeing a girl and on our third date, she asked if I was dating other people. I was honest and said that I went on a couple in between our dates. I have never seen anyone go from hot to cold so fast mid-conversation. Definitely got lucky with dodging that one!
 
I once was seeing a girl and on our third date, she asked if I was dating other people. I was honest and said that I went on a couple in between our dates. I have never seen anyone go from hot to cold so fast mid-conversation. Definitely got lucky with dodging that one!
Seems like a situation where you probably shouldn't ask if you aren't going to like the answer.

That said, that girl doesn't really seem like she was a "bullet." She was probably just upset because she thought you were only dating her though I'm sure there are lots of details I'm missing. There can be a clash when two dating norms come head to head; a person who only dates one person at at time and expects that from the other vs a person who dates multiple people and expects that from the other. I don't think there is particularly anything wrong with either side. The issue comes out when both don't communicate their expectations.

There was a point where my girlfriend asked me if I was dating anyone when we were dating and not exclusive yet. I told her I was and she got really upset. She wasn't upset at me (and she told me this as she knew we weren't exclusive), she was just upset because to her she had looked back on that time as special moments for both of us as she was only dating me and only thinking of me so finding that out made it seem less special to her. I told her just because I was dating someone else doesn't mean I thought any less of her or that the moments we had together were any less special. I was simply dating someone else and they had nothing to do with her or us. She agreed and I came to the understanding that it's not always that people are mad at you for dating others but that it just hurts regardless if you have strong feelings for the person. So I think if I was ever dating again, I would just put it out there early on that we're not exclusive and I might date others.
 
Oct 27, 2017
396
Ey Era!

First time posting here and wanted some ideas and opinions.
So I have been going out with an ex co-worker of mine. We've gone through two coffees and a football game (her invitation) through the last month. They went super great, lots of verbal interaction and I started to get interested in her but keeping my expectations in check. I met her last summer where we worked for 2 months and then never talked agian up until now.

Since I have no idea at what level is she interested at (friend or more) and haven't given her any cue whatsoever (I think) how should I flip the coin? I spent too much time talking with her last time so I kind ran out of conversation. It will become quite boring if the next meeting drags out for too long. Also she is terrible at texting.

I was thinking doing something fun like bowling for a change but I am not sure how to turn the ship around without being way too upfront.

As ever, I am probably overthinking.
 
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Just ended my 5 year relationship, things weren't going really smooth for the last few months.. Anyway things din't went really well last 2 days HOWEVER ever since yesterday it felt like things went back to normal for me in my head at least.

I'm hanging out with friends, continuing my fit life style as usual /w gaming and whatever else... It's just weird it took me 2 days to overcome this.. last time it was 6 months.