DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[Quantum Leap]

Lads, need some help. Specifically when is the best time to ask this girl out (again)?

Context:
- Her response was "maybe a friend date"
- I want to know if she has feelings for me. Shall I ask her tomorrow when I see her or shall I setup another meetup and ask then...

Click to shrink...

I could see this ending very awkwardly for you. Maybe she still only wants a friend date. Just observe her body language first and if you feel she's interested then you can ask her if she likes you. We have no clue what you guys chat about so we can't really help.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

- Her response was "maybe a friend date"

Click to shrink...

She's not interested that way.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

TheBeardedOne says all sorts of horseshit flatout racist things all the time. He has been ban for it repeatedly. It's all easily searchable as well. I wish I got here earlier so I could have told yall not to waste your time.

The whole "my preference" shit is a joke and I'm glad it's being called out. Rscists just need to accept their racism instead of justifying it. They aren't fooling any minorities.

Click to shrink...

I have shit memory when it comes to this place but yeah, I figure if you say that kind of "my preference" stuff once, you've likely said it many times before. Even without knowing the poster's history I expected that sort of response.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I have shit memory when it comes to this place but yeah, I figure if you say that kind of "my preference" stuff once, you've likely said it many times before. Even without knowing the poster's history I expected that sort of response.

Click to shrink...

https://www.resetera.com/threads/nh...-and-bargainbins.17313/page-236#post-10860379

Just for a glimpse.

I dont have the greatest memory but he posts in Canadian Game Deals which I read all the time.

Just need people to say it with me.

"My preference is rooted in racism"

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Saying "I'm not racist" doesn't make it so.

 

[Ernest]

Saying "I'm not racist" doesn't make it so.

Click to shrink...

 

[Something Creative]

We are going to have to agree to disagree

Click to shrink...

This isn't virtuous btw. It's evasive and willfully ignorant. And you do it all the time.* You put forward some shitty, fallacious argument and then when someone carefully and politely presents their own you just respond with "agree to disagree" as if that means anything more than "I can't/won't dispute what you're saying but I am in-fucking-capable of self-reflection."

(I know he's banned but still hope he reads this)

*if anyone can search his post history, take a gander. It's remarkable

 

[Deleted member 33533]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/nh...-and-bargainbins.17313/page-236#post-10860379

Just for a glimpse.

I dont have the greatest memory but he posts in Canadian Game Deals which I read all the time.

Just need people to say it with me.

"My preference is rooted in racism"

Click to shrink...

I think you see a lot of people deny that their "racial preference" is rooted in racism because they have come to believe that racism is a blatant and aggressive thing. They don't understand that anyone can internalize racist ideas because racism is ingrained in society. Like, "oh I don't wear a klan hood, I didn't vote for Trump, I've never used the N-word or flew the confederate flag so I'm definitely not racist. I even have black friends. I just don't date black women because I'm not attracted to black features. I can't help that; it's just how I am." It's that kind of thinking people have and they think it's totally ok. It's easier to excuse your racial biases as just a normal thing you can help than to actually examine those biases and be critical of yourself. People are terrified of looking in the mirror and finding that blatant racist, seeing that they're some bigoted monster so they adamantly deny the possibility to the point that they end up skipping over the smaller examples of racism. Honestly, I don't think that picking up some racist ideas from society makes you a horrible person - we all are susceptible to them because they permeate everything - what really makes you a bad person is when these racist ideas are pointed out to you and you stubbornly refuse to examine or change them. That poster seems to do that and do it often.

Anyway back to dating.

 

[smisk]

Ok here's what I feel like is a dumb update

After two months now I've friended my girl on social media and now I'm falling hard into social media inspired stress. Looking at her pictures, not entirely unconsciously trying to knit together evidence of past relationships, and getting jealous

Like I know there is a reason she's with me now and not hypothetical other guy, but I cant help getting anxious about it. Like what am I doing right and how I can be the right person for her

There's something really real about being at this age, late 20s her and 30 me, that we have just had lots of life lived already and I have trouble sorting it out

Anyway we're hanging out all day Saturday and it's gonna be great, because she wants to be with me now and that's what I want

Click to shrink...

Oof, I feel this. I tend to get jealous of stuff from the past too, though it's gotten a lot better in the time we've been together. It helped once I learned more about her past relationships and realized my feelings are irrational and there's nothing to worry about. Also started writing down my thoughts in a note app on my phone whenever I'd find myself thinking about that stuff, it seems to help just to get it out of my head.
Sadly I don't think there's any kind of magic bullet for these kind of feelings, try to keep reminding how dumb your thoughts are and that what she did in the past has no bearing on things now.

 

[Deleted member 9035]

Bit of a stupid question but maybe I need to hear the truth:

I'm not happy with the frequency in which I'm able to attract women I find attractive myself..
Either my genuine enthusiasm isn't enough to get them interested or it doesn't come across as genuine. Should I settle for the women who approach me themselves? Which I mostly find less attractive?
Is there a way to figure out why I can't seem to attract the women I want most beyond guessing? Is it possible my standards for attraction are unreasonable and if so can they be changed so I can learn to feel genuine attraction towards women who are already interested in me?

In my mid 30s and looking to settle down, fyi.

 

[Juna]

Either my genuine enthusiasm isn't enough to get them interested or it doesn't come across as genuine. Should I settle for the women who approach me themselves? Which I mostly find less attractive?

Click to shrink...

Think about it for a moment. Why do you think woman would react any different to your enthusiasm when approaching them then you do to theirs? Because this has nothing to do with your genuine enthusiasm.
Your dating pool will always be limited to the people who are interested in you. The things you can do is improve how you present yourself to others or working on becoming a more interesting person.
I have no idea if your standards of attraction are unreasonable. Fact is we all live in a society where we are bombarded with messages how the perfect partner has to look like. Working on that requires a lot of introspection and questioning. It also requires you too look at people and try to see things you like in them. We often don't really look at other people because of first second judgements.
That doesn't mean you should date someone you aren't attracted to though. That way just lies heartbreak. But it's not true that what we are attracted to is just static and unchanging. But it requires actual work to change it.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Bit of a stupid question but maybe I need to hear the truth:

I'm not happy with the frequency in which I'm able to attract women I find attractive myself..
Either my genuine enthusiasm isn't enough to get them interested or it doesn't come across as genuine. Should I settle for the women who approach me themselves? Which I mostly find less attractive?
Is there a way to figure out why I can't seem to attract the women I want most beyond guessing? Is it possible my standards for attraction are unreasonable and if so can they be changed so I can learn to feel genuine attraction towards women who are already interested in me?

In my mid 30s and looking to settle down, fyi.

Click to shrink...

Are you punching above your weight?

 

[Deleted member 9035]

Think about it for a moment. Why do you think woman would react any different to your enthusiasm when approaching them then you do to theirs? Because this has nothing to do with your genuine enthusiasm.
Your dating pool will always be limited to the people who are interested in you. The things you can do is improve how you present yourself to others or working on becoming a more interesting person.
I have no idea if your standards of attraction are unreasonable. Fact is we all live in a society where we are bombarded with messages how the perfect partner has to look like. Working on that requires a lot of introspection and questioning. It also requires you too look at people and try to see things you like in them. We often don't really look at other people because of first second judgements.
That doesn't mean you should date someone you aren't attracted to though. That way just lies heartbreak. But it's not true that what we are attracted to is just static and unchanging. But it requires actual work to change it.

Click to shrink...

Trust me, I work on myself immensely! The part about being perceived as genuine or not is actually something a life coach I see weekly suggested to me.

And honestly when a woman approaches me with enthusiasm it's a hell of a turn on and in many cases I do agree to go out with her. So yes I expect it to go both ways to an extent but from experience it doesn't really. Either I'm a total turnoff to a lot a women or I'm more open minded and willing to give others a chance than they are to me.

 

[Juj]

Been seeing this girl for a couple of months off tinder. Great sex, really, really enjoyable, fun, interesting company. But I just don't find any "spark" whatever that is, with regards to the idea of having a serious relationship with her. I don't feel like I have any crush on her, that could evolve into something serious down the path, even though I still very much enjoy just being with her personally also. She is very fun, cute, smart and has a bubbly personality that's really nice to be around.

She told me she deleted tinder and wants to see me only, I told her the aforementioned, that I don't have any sort of evolving feelings but I still enjoy her company, and not only for sex. She said that she still wanted to see me.

I don't have a lot of experience with very long term relationships so basically what I'm trying to come to grips with is for how long do you keep dating until you figure out this is the one? Like is it the absolute nearly falling in love cruch feeling? I'm looking for something serious down the line, but I do very much take it from meet up to meet up, so not rushing with anything.

She brought it up again last time we saw each other, and I recommended us to not have sex after the date, and just be friends; she digressed and said let's hook up and then take a short brake afterwards and then talk about stuff Thursday.

I don't feel that Im completely heartbroken from the lack of contact right at this moment; we've otherwise been writing each and single day since we first met, that's a couple of months, every day.

I feel like I'm trying to convince myself to give it a chance, because it's safe, and it's a hassle sometimes to get into dating and getting to know a new person, maybe.

What do you guys think

 

[Deleted member 9035]

Are you punching above your weight?

Click to shrink...

I hope not but it's possible so maybe? How does one know?

 

[Juna]

Trust me, I work on myself immensely! The part about being perceived as genuine or not is actually something a life coach I see weekly suggested to me.

And honestly when a woman approaches me with enthusiasm it's a hell of a turn on and in many cases I do agree to go out with her. So yes I expect it to go both ways to an extent but from experience it doesn't really. Either I'm a total turnoff to a lot a women or I'm more open minded and willing to give others a chance than they are to me.

Click to shrink...

You just said that you're not attracted to the woman who are interested into you. So it's apparently not a turn on enough.
There is also unfortuantely quite a gender inbalance in getting asked out. It might be special for you that people approach you. But it's way more common for attractive woman.
Which also makes me ask if the fact that they approached you and not you them might be in the end the turn off. Because it means settling with someone who selected you, not someone you selected. It's at least something you should think about.
It's also possible that your way of approaching woman comes across wrong, like your life coach was going on about.
But it's not like anyone here could diagnose that from the internet. You need to talk to people that know you for that.

 

[Deleted member 9035]

You just said that you're not attracted to the woman who are interested into you. So it's apparently not a turn on enough.
There is also unfortuantely quite a gender inbalance in getting asked out. It might be special for you that people approach you. But it's way more common for attractive woman.
Which also makes me ask if the fact that they approached you and not you them might be in the end the turn off. Because it means settling with someone who selected you, not someone you selected. It's at least something you should think about.
It's also possible that your way of approaching woman comes across wrong, like your life coach was going on about.
But it's not like anyone here could diagnose that from the internet. You need to talk to people that know you for that.

Click to shrink...

I had a two year relationship with a woman I liked very much but never felt fireworks with, it was something I knew from the start but hoped would change and it never did. Since then I've been trying to find someone with which to start a relationship - on more passionate terms this time - and have made very little progress over several years.

I am working on expanding the type of person I'm attracted to but progress is slow because ultimately I still get rejected an order of magnitude or more than I reject myself, including by the woman that originally initiated. Yes part of that comes with the gender territory and that's fine. I have no problem making the first move/s.

But at my age still feeling quite clueless when it comes to dating raises a red flag - for me and probably for others as well.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

I hope not but it's possible so maybe? How does one know?

Click to shrink...

Baseline it from previous partners.

 

[Quantum Leap]

Been seeing this girl for a couple of months off tinder. Great sex, really, really enjoyable, fun, interesting company. But I just don't find any "spark" whatever that is, with regards to the idea of having a serious relationship with her. I don't feel like I have any crush on her, that could evolve into something serious down the path, even though I still very much enjoy just being with her personally also. She is very fun, cute, smart and has a bubbly personality that's really nice to be around.

She told me she deleted tinder and wants to see me only, I told her the aforementioned, that I don't have any sort of evolving feelings but I still enjoy her company, and not only for sex. She said that she still wanted to see me.

I don't have a lot of experience with very long term relationships so basically what I'm trying to come to grips with is for how long do you keep dating until you figure out this is the one? Like is it the absolute nearly falling in love cruch feeling? I'm looking for something serious down the line, but I do very much take it from meet up to meet up, so not rushing with anything.

She brought it up again last time we saw each other, and I recommended us to not have sex after the date, and just be friends; she digressed and said let's hook up and then take a short brake afterwards and then talk about stuff Thursday.

I don't feel that Im completely heartbroken from the lack of contact right at this moment; we've otherwise been writing each and single day since we first met, that's a couple of months, every day.

I feel like I'm trying to convince myself to give it a chance, because it's safe, and it's a hassle sometimes to get into dating and getting to know a new person, maybe.

What do you guys think

Click to shrink...

She's not the one broseph. When you know you know.

 

[Deleted member 27995]

I could see this ending very awkwardly for you. Maybe she still only wants a friend date. Just observe her body language first and if you feel she's interested then you can ask her if she likes you. We have no clue what you guys chat about so we can't really help.

Click to shrink...

She's not interested that way.

Click to shrink...

Sure, for the most part, Id agree. But it's been 2 years and there's 5% chance that there might be some interest in return.... And the easiest way to figure that out is just to ask her.

Could it become awkward for me. Sure. But no risk, no reward. Don't think that's a reason not to enquire.

I'm just trying to figure out whether I ask her tomorrow or wait until the next time. Also, fyi, no interest in preserving a relationship here. So no need to account for that risk.

 

[Salamando]

Sure, for the most part, Id agree. But it's been 2 years and there's 5% chance that there might be some interest in return.... And the easiest way to figure that out is just to ask her.

Could it become awkward for me. Sure. But no risk, no reward. Don't think that's a reason not to enquire.

I'm just trying to figure out whether I ask her tomorrow or wait until the next time. Also, fyi, no interest in preserving a relationship here. So no need to account for that risk.

Click to shrink...

If you've already made the decision to ask her out, just ask her out. Drawing out the process - talking more, investing more - only hurts you in the 95% chance she says no.

 

[Scotch]

Sure, for the most part, Id agree. But it's been 2 years and there's 5% chance that there might be some interest in return.... And the easiest way to figure that out is just to ask her.

Could it become awkward for me. Sure. But no risk, no reward. Don't think that's a reason not to enquire.

I'm just trying to figure out whether I ask her tomorrow or wait until the next time. Also, fyi, no interest in preserving a relationship here. So no need to account for that risk.

Click to shrink...

I'd ask her if it's a date, or a friend-date.

 

[Deleted member 27995]

I'd ask her if it's a date, or a friend-date.

Click to shrink...

If you've already made the decision to ask her out, just ask her out. Drawing out the process - talking more, investing more - only hurts you in the 95% chance she says no.

Click to shrink...

Thanks lads. Will let you know how it goes.

 

[Juj]

She's not the one broseph. When you know you know.

Click to shrink...

Very simple, but yeah, you're right. I know. Thanks for that.

 

[Juj]

She's not the one broseph. When you know you know.

Click to shrink...

Okay we just had a talk about what we are, she still wanted to see me, I repeated the no affect thing - and she said that's cool, we should just avoid the more romantic kinda dates and basically be friends with benefits. Told her to keep having an honest talk going forward with regards to any of us catching feelings and if it would be better to just cut sex completely if that happens. She agreed.

I guess that's that.

 

[Montresor]

I'm never going to give up. I needed to write that.

I've been dating a girl from Okcupid and I was really hoping she'd want a relationship, and this past Sunday it fizzled into nothing. I've learned a lot about myself in the past 14 or so months of dating. I've gotten better. But what I've been doing still isn't good enough to start a meaningful relationship with someone.

Going to have a small break, get a little bit more fit, feel better about myself and try again.

My problem is I repeatedly ignore the "Don't put your eggs in one basket" advice that I read in this thread. I find it mentally exhausting to talk to more than one woman at a time, so when I find someone I like, I zero in on them. But the past 14 months have shown me that this will just lead to heartbreak.

Anyways, I won't give up.

 

[Deleted member 27995]

I'm never going to give up. I needed to write that.

I've been dating a girl from Okcupid and I was really hoping she'd want a relationship, and this past Sunday it fizzled into nothing. I've learned a lot about myself in the past 14 or so months of dating. I've gotten better. But what I've been doing still isn't good enough to start a meaningful relationship with someone.

Going to have a small break, get a little bit more fit, feel better about myself and try again.

My problem is I repeatedly ignore the "Don't put your eggs in one basket" advice that I read in this thread. I find it mentally exhausting to talk to more than one woman at a time, so when I find someone I like, I zero in on them. But the past 14 months have shown me that this will just lead to heartbreak.

Anyways, I won't give up.

Click to shrink...

Same here. Exhausting to talk more than 1 person at a time.

So what I do is try to establish pretty quickly if there's mutual interest and only commit mental resources after that.

 

[Ernest]

And when I have more than one or two going on at a time, I'm far less invested in whoever I'm out with.
But the point is to not be over-invested. So when I have too many balls in the air, the girl can easily sense that and then be checked out as well. Ideally, you want to be present at all times, and be able to move on quickly if need be, rather than overlapping people.

 

[Doober]

Yeah I couldn't really focus on more than one date either. Not that I ever have to worry about it, but apparently women juggle dating multiple dudes all the time. I don't see how it works.

 

[Montresor]

Yeah I couldn't really focus on more than one date either. Not that I ever have to worry about it, but apparently women juggle dating multiple dudes all the time. I don't see how it works.

Click to shrink...

It's something I have to do. I absolutely have to do it the next time I try. Because I keep making the wrong choice and investing myself in people that end up having no interest. And I'm kicking myself now because I've stopped texting/pursuing a bunch of different matches because I was so confident I had finally found someone that wanted a relationship.

Next time I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket.

 

[Ernest]

There's no reason to "invest" after just one or two dates.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I found dating two people at once to be a lot too. This was even with the fact that one of them I saw a lot less frequently. I couldn't imagine dating more people than that.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

It's something I have to do. I absolutely have to do it the next time I try. Because I keep making the wrong choice and investing myself in people that end up having no interest. And I'm kicking myself now because I've stopped texting/pursuing a bunch of different matches because I was so confident I had finally found someone that wanted a relationship.

Next time I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket.

Click to shrink...

You also might be trying to force a relationship to happen, being the reason for the overinvestment.

 

[Soliloquy of a Dogge]

We are still trying to pretend that sexual "preference" that excludes an entire race of people who look different in every conceivable way and aren't monolithic, isn't racist.

My goodness. It disgusts me that this crap is normalized and seen as acceptable. Especially in the LGBTQ community. My brain can't even begin to comprehend myself deciding that I'd preemptively decide to be with someone just because of their race or ethnicity. Or try to equate such a thing to personal likes/dislikes when it comes to body type etc.

 

[Notaskwid]

We are still trying to pretend that sexual "preference" that excludes an entire race of people who look different in every conceivable way and aren't monolithic, isn't racist.

My goodness. It disgusts me that this crap is normalized and seen as acceptable. Especially in the LGBTQ community. My brain can't even begin to comprehend myself deciding that I'd preemptively decide to be with someone just because of their race or ethnicity. Or try to equate such a thing to personal likes/dislikes when it comes to body type etc.

Click to shrink...

I don't know who you're talking to, but in my view, dating is as personal as it gets and there is no good or bad reason to want or not want to date someone.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I don't know who you're talking to, but in my view, dating is as personal as it gets and there is no good or bad reason to want or not want to date someone.

Click to shrink...

They're talking about what happened on the last page. And yeah, I would call that a bad reason.

 

[Montresor]

I need advice. I feel embarrassed even typing all this out because it's going to reveal how immature and inexperienced I am but I still need the advice.

I don't know if you guys remember but I'm the one that talked about how I went on 7 dates with a girl and didn't kiss her or even hold her hand over those 7 dates. FYI I'm not asking for advice for that girl - I already ended things with that person and I have no interest in her.

Anyway, in the very very early stages of dating the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with) I had a first date with a different girl. I liked the other girl but for better or for worse I was at the time mentally incapable of dating more than one person at once. I started to get really strong feelings for the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with). So I told the second girl that I'm pursuing someone else, I told her I'm sorry and I wish her luck.

So I did my thing with the first girl. It became absolutely nothing. It had no chance at becoming a relationship in retrospect. The first girl had never kissed anyone else before. She said she wasn't sure if she'd enjoy kissing guys. She said she was scared of telling her parents about me because I didn't have a bachelor's. I never mentioned this here but she also said she was dating other guys because we never agreed to date each other exclusively. Which is true, we never agreed to date exclusively, but I don't know I was surprised. So yeah, despite all of this she kept arranging to go out on dates with me, and as I've already said in this thread, I cut that off and stopped seeing her.

So after things became nothing with the first girl, I ended up straight up calling the second girl, and asking if she wanted to try another date with me. She said yes but wasn't I pursuing someone else? I gave her the honest answer and said yeah, but it didn't materialize into anything.

She was enthusiastic about it. Our first date way back when, before I told her I was pursuing someone else, was at an awesome bar close to where she works. We both agreed to go to that same bar for our new date, and she had the idea to treat it at it as if it's another first date instead of a second date

It went well. Halfway through the date while walking outside in my head I said "Dude, you have to at least try to hold her hand". I kept thinking how stupid i was going on 7 dates with the previous person I dated without trying to hold her hand. So I reached out for her hand and she liked it. She literally said "I was wondering when you were going to do that". Near the end of that first date I then kissed her too, and she told me she was waiting for me to do that. It was great.

We went on another couple of dates. Saw a movie with each other. We slept with each other. Had a nice time with each other. I asked if she wanted to date exclusively and she said it was a little early for that. So far so good.

But then suddenly she texts me and says she doesn't want to see me anymore. That sucked. But oh well. She keeps texting and says she'd like to be friends and I agree.

So she asks if I want to have dinner with her. I get confused and say I'm getting the vibe in the text that she's treating it like a date. She said no, just friends. I still agree because I genuinely wanted to hang it with her, even as a friend.

She suddenly cancelled that first hang out, without much warning. Couple of days later she asks if she wants me to pick her up and take her to my place to hang out again, and I agree. She cancels without much warning. She asks me a third time and then suddenly she texts and says we shouldn't talk with each other anymore.

I didn't respond because I'm like, okay, this really sucks, but onto the next one. But she keeps texting me and says "You didn't respond". She explains she's depressed and not in a good mental state, which is why she keeps cancelling. I end up saying that's cool. Let's just be friends.

But a couple of weeks later she ends up planning to come to my place again. And she's not explicit but she specifically says she wants to "do the takeout and hangout at your place again" so that told me she she wanted to sleep with me. I agree. And she cancels again. This is like the fourth time.

I know you'll call me stupid. But I agreed to a fifth "attempt" at hanging out with her. This time she didn't outright cancel but I was getting this bad vibe that she just wasn't into me. She told me she won't have time and wanted to reschedule to dinner midweek. And I was so upset at myself for allowing any of this to continue. She didn't officially cancel, but I decided to block her on Facebook, block her on messenger, block her on whatsapp, and block her on pretty much everything.

Fast forward to the today, four days after blocking her. I get drunk at an office party, unblock her, and send her a whatsapp saying that I'm drunk and regretting blocking her. Probably a stupid decision? Anyway, I'm shocked at her response because she's telling me now that she was really hurt, that she liked me, that I wasn't patient enough for her.

I literally don't know how to respond to the above. So there you go. Some proof that I'm really really inexperienced and just don't know how to react. I'm 32 but I didn't actually try dating anyone until last year. Before then I was obese. I'm not thin now but I lost a lot of weight and am way more confident. After the weight loss, last year is when I went out and actually started to date. And I'm starting to really think I fucked everything for myself by waiting so long. If I had 10 years of dating experience maybe I'd know how to react. But I just don't know how to react to her now.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I need advice. I feel embarrassed even typing all this out because it's going to reveal how immature and inexperienced I am but I still need the advice.

I don't know if you guys remember but I'm the one that talked about how I went on 7 dates with a girl and didn't kiss her or even hold her hand over those 7 dates. FYI I'm not asking for advice for that girl - I already ended things with that person and I have no interest in her.

Anyway, in the very very early stages of dating the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with) I had a first date with a different girl. I liked the other girl but for better or for worse I was at the time mentally incapable of dating more than one person at once. I started to get really strong feelings for the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with). So I told the second girl that I'm pursuing someone else, I told her I'm sorry and I wish her luck.

So I did my thing with the first girl. It became absolutely nothing. It had no chance at becoming a relationship in retrospect. The first girl had never kissed anyone else before. She said she wasn't sure if she'd enjoy kissing guys. She said she was scared of telling her parents about me because I didn't have a bachelor's. I never mentioned this here but she also said she was dating other guys because we never agreed to date each other exclusively. Which is true, we never agreed to date exclusively, but I don't know I was surprised. So yeah, despite all of this she kept arranging to go out on dates with me, and as I've already said in this thread, I cut that off and stopped seeing her.

So after things became nothing with the first girl, I ended up straight up calling the second girl, and asking if she wanted to try another date with me. She said yes but wasn't I pursuing someone else? I gave her the honest answer and said yeah, but it didn't materialize into anything.

She was enthusiastic about it. Our first date way back when, before I told her I was pursuing someone else, was at an awesome bar close to where she works. We both agreed to go to that same bar for our new date, and she had the idea to treat it at it as if it's another first date instead of a second date

It went well. Halfway through the date while walking outside in my head I said "Dude, you have to at least try to hold her hand". I kept thinking how stupid i was going on 7 dates with the previous person I dated without trying to hold her hand. So I reached out for her hand and she liked it. She literally said "I was wondering when you were going to do that". Near the end of that first date I then kissed her too, and she told me she was waiting for me to do that. It was great.

We went on another couple of dates. Saw a movie with each other. We slept with each other. Had a nice time with each other. I asked if she wanted to date exclusively and she said it was a little early for that. So far so good.

But then suddenly she texts me and says she doesn't want to see me anymore. That sucked. But oh well. She keeps texting and says she'd like to be friends and I agree.

So she asks if I want to have dinner with her. I get confused and say I'm getting the vibe in the text that she's treating it like a date. She said no, just friends. I still agree because I genuinely wanted to hang it with her, even as a friend.

She suddenly cancelled that first hang out, without much warning. Couple of days later she asks if she wants me to pick her up and take her to my place to hang out again, and I agree. She cancels without much warning. She asks me a third time and then suddenly she texts and says we shouldn't talk with each other anymore.

I didn't respond because I'm like, okay, this really sucks, but onto the next one. But she keeps texting me and says "You didn't respond". She explains she's depressed and not in a good mental state, which is why she keeps cancelling. I end up saying that's cool. Let's just be friends.

But a couple of weeks later she ends up planning to come to my place again. And she's not explicit but she specifically says she wants to "do the takeout and hangout at your place again" so that told me she she wanted to sleep with me. I agree. And she cancels again. This is like the fourth time.

I know you'll call me stupid. But I agreed to a fifth "attempt" at hanging out with her. This time she didn't outright cancel but I was getting this bad vibe that she just wasn't into me. She told me she won't have time and wanted to reschedule to dinner midweek. And I was so upset at myself for allowing any of this to continue. She didn't officially cancel, but I decided to block her on Facebook, block her on messenger, block her on whatsapp, and block her on pretty much everything.

Fast forward to the today, four days after blocking her. I get drunk at an office party, unblock her, and send her a whatsapp saying that I'm drunk and regretting blocking her. Probably a stupid decision? Anyway, I'm shocked at her response because she's telling me now that she was really hurt, that she liked me, that I wasn't patient enough for her.

I literally don't know how to respond to the above. So there you go. Some proof that I'm really really inexperienced and just don't know how to react. I'm 32 but I didn't actually try dating anyone until last year. Before then I was obese. I'm not thin now but I lost a lot of weight and am way more confident. After the weight loss, last year is when I went out and actually started to date. And I'm starting to really think I fucked everything for myself by waiting so long. If I had 10 years of dating experience maybe I'd know how to react. But I just don't know how to react to her now.

Click to shrink...

I think you did the right thing by blocking her and it was a mistake to start talking to her again. She tried to meet up with you 5 times and cancelled on you 5 times. You were patient enough. Clearly she doesn't know what she wants and that's a huge waste of your time and energy. Invest that in someone who will actually give the same back.

 

[Soliloquy of a Dogge]

I don't know who you're talking to, but in my view, dating is as personal as it gets and there is no good or bad reason to want or not want to date someone.

Click to shrink...

If you're refusing to date someone on the basis of what they look like, then yes, that is a bad reason. It stems from bigotry.

They're talking about what happened on the last page. And yeah, I would call that a bad reason.

Click to shrink...

Amazes me how many people don't and think it's justifiable.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

I literally don't know how to respond to the above.

Click to shrink...

You block her again and move on with your life. Also block her again in a way that you can't do the drunk contact with an ex again (That we've all done!). You've just got to keep looking for more women to date and you'll get the hang of it. We also have a discord if you don't want to post everything so publicly.

 

[Notaskwid]

If you're refusing to date someone on the basis of what they look like, then yes, that is a bad reason. It stems from bigotry.

Click to shrink...

How is not dating someone because you don't find them physically attractive a bad? Should you just force yourself and lie to them?

 

[Deleted member 9330]

How is not dating someone because you don't find them physically attractive a bad? Should you just force yourself and lie to them?

Click to shrink...

How is finding an entire race of people not attractive okay?

 

[Deleted member 33533]

How is not dating someone because you don't find them physically attractive a bad? Should you just force yourself and lie to them?

Click to shrink...

I believe the idea is that you aren't attracted to them because of their race. That is bigoted and not a good reason not to date someone.

And no you shouldn't be forced to date anyone. You don't need to date anyone. Doesn't mean the reasons you decide not to date someone can't be bad reasons, like someone being a certain race.

 

[Messofanego]

I need advice. I feel embarrassed even typing all this out because it's going to reveal how immature and inexperienced I am but I still need the advice.

I don't know if you guys remember but I'm the one that talked about how I went on 7 dates with a girl and didn't kiss her or even hold her hand over those 7 dates. FYI I'm not asking for advice for that girl - I already ended things with that person and I have no interest in her.

Anyway, in the very very early stages of dating the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with) I had a first date with a different girl. I liked the other girl but for better or for worse I was at the time mentally incapable of dating more than one person at once. I started to get really strong feelings for the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with). So I told the second girl that I'm pursuing someone else, I told her I'm sorry and I wish her luck.

So I did my thing with the first girl. It became absolutely nothing. It had no chance at becoming a relationship in retrospect. The first girl had never kissed anyone else before. She said she wasn't sure if she'd enjoy kissing guys. She said she was scared of telling her parents about me because I didn't have a bachelor's. I never mentioned this here but she also said she was dating other guys because we never agreed to date each other exclusively. Which is true, we never agreed to date exclusively, but I don't know I was surprised. So yeah, despite all of this she kept arranging to go out on dates with me, and as I've already said in this thread, I cut that off and stopped seeing her.

So after things became nothing with the first girl, I ended up straight up calling the second girl, and asking if she wanted to try another date with me. She said yes but wasn't I pursuing someone else? I gave her the honest answer and said yeah, but it didn't materialize into anything.

She was enthusiastic about it. Our first date way back when, before I told her I was pursuing someone else, was at an awesome bar close to where she works. We both agreed to go to that same bar for our new date, and she had the idea to treat it at it as if it's another first date instead of a second date

It went well. Halfway through the date while walking outside in my head I said "Dude, you have to at least try to hold her hand". I kept thinking how stupid i was going on 7 dates with the previous person I dated without trying to hold her hand. So I reached out for her hand and she liked it. She literally said "I was wondering when you were going to do that". Near the end of that first date I then kissed her too, and she told me she was waiting for me to do that. It was great.

We went on another couple of dates. Saw a movie with each other. We slept with each other. Had a nice time with each other. I asked if she wanted to date exclusively and she said it was a little early for that. So far so good.

But then suddenly she texts me and says she doesn't want to see me anymore. That sucked. But oh well. She keeps texting and says she'd like to be friends and I agree.

So she asks if I want to have dinner with her. I get confused and say I'm getting the vibe in the text that she's treating it like a date. She said no, just friends. I still agree because I genuinely wanted to hang it with her, even as a friend.

She suddenly cancelled that first hang out, without much warning. Couple of days later she asks if she wants me to pick her up and take her to my place to hang out again, and I agree. She cancels without much warning. She asks me a third time and then suddenly she texts and says we shouldn't talk with each other anymore.

I didn't respond because I'm like, okay, this really sucks, but onto the next one. But she keeps texting me and says "You didn't respond". She explains she's depressed and not in a good mental state, which is why she keeps cancelling. I end up saying that's cool. Let's just be friends.

But a couple of weeks later she ends up planning to come to my place again. And she's not explicit but she specifically says she wants to "do the takeout and hangout at your place again" so that told me she she wanted to sleep with me. I agree. And she cancels again. This is like the fourth time.

I know you'll call me stupid. But I agreed to a fifth "attempt" at hanging out with her. This time she didn't outright cancel but I was getting this bad vibe that she just wasn't into me. She told me she won't have time and wanted to reschedule to dinner midweek. And I was so upset at myself for allowing any of this to continue. She didn't officially cancel, but I decided to block her on Facebook, block her on messenger, block her on whatsapp, and block her on pretty much everything.

Fast forward to the today, four days after blocking her. I get drunk at an office party, unblock her, and send her a whatsapp saying that I'm drunk and regretting blocking her. Probably a stupid decision? Anyway, I'm shocked at her response because she's telling me now that she was really hurt, that she liked me, that I wasn't patient enough for her.

I literally don't know how to respond to the above. So there you go. Some proof that I'm really really inexperienced and just don't know how to react. I'm 32 but I didn't actually try dating anyone until last year. Before then I was obese. I'm not thin now but I lost a lot of weight and am way more confident. After the weight loss, last year is when I went out and actually started to date. And I'm starting to really think I fucked everything for myself by waiting so long. If I had 10 years of dating experience maybe I'd know how to react. But I just don't know how to react to her now.

Click to shrink...

You have some rotten luck, sorry to hear you being strung around. If she is depressed and cancels a date for five times and just wants to be friends with benefits, it's good that you blocked her because you're not her therapist and she needs to sort herself out first. She's too unreliable and you were very patient. Move on to a third girl!

 

[Subpar Scrub]

How is not dating someone because you don't find them physically attractive a bad? Should you just force yourself and lie to them?

Click to shrink...

If you find a whole race of people unattractive then you're a racist. It's not hard to comprehend.

 

[Notaskwid]

How is finding an entire race of people not attractive okay?

Click to shrink...

I believe the idea is that you aren't attracted to them because of their race. That is bigoted and not a good reason not to date someone.

And no you shouldn't be forced to date anyone. You don't need to date anyone. Doesn't mean the reasons you decide not to date someone can't be bad reasons, like someone being a certain race.

Click to shrink...

If you find a whole race of people unattractive then you're a racist. It's not hard to comprehend.

Click to shrink...

I get it. But again, dating in particular is such a personal experience, that I don't think that there's a good or bad reason to want to date or not date someone, only your reason. Maybe I'm wrong, but judging someone based on who they choose to date or not is not something Id do.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

I get it. Maybe I'm wrong

Click to shrink...

No, you don't get it. Also, there's no 'maybe' about it. You're definitely wrong.

Are you a foreigner in Japan?

 

[Deleted member 9330]

Maybe I'm wrong, but judging someone based on who they choose to date or not is not something Id do.

Click to shrink...

If someone tells me "Yeah I just don't date black girls" you best believe I'm judging the shit out of them, and you should too!

 

[nopressure]

I need advice. I feel embarrassed even typing all this out because it's going to reveal how immature and inexperienced I am but I still need the advice.

I don't know if you guys remember but I'm the one that talked about how I went on 7 dates with a girl and didn't kiss her or even hold her hand over those 7 dates. FYI I'm not asking for advice for that girl - I already ended things with that person and I have no interest in her.

Anyway, in the very very early stages of dating the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with) I had a first date with a different girl. I liked the other girl but for better or for worse I was at the time mentally incapable of dating more than one person at once. I started to get really strong feelings for the first girl (the one I went on 7 dates with). So I told the second girl that I'm pursuing someone else, I told her I'm sorry and I wish her luck.

So I did my thing with the first girl. It became absolutely nothing. It had no chance at becoming a relationship in retrospect. The first girl had never kissed anyone else before. She said she wasn't sure if she'd enjoy kissing guys. She said she was scared of telling her parents about me because I didn't have a bachelor's. I never mentioned this here but she also said she was dating other guys because we never agreed to date each other exclusively. Which is true, we never agreed to date exclusively, but I don't know I was surprised. So yeah, despite all of this she kept arranging to go out on dates with me, and as I've already said in this thread, I cut that off and stopped seeing her.

So after things became nothing with the first girl, I ended up straight up calling the second girl, and asking if she wanted to try another date with me. She said yes but wasn't I pursuing someone else? I gave her the honest answer and said yeah, but it didn't materialize into anything.

She was enthusiastic about it. Our first date way back when, before I told her I was pursuing someone else, was at an awesome bar close to where she works. We both agreed to go to that same bar for our new date, and she had the idea to treat it at it as if it's another first date instead of a second date

It went well. Halfway through the date while walking outside in my head I said "Dude, you have to at least try to hold her hand". I kept thinking how stupid i was going on 7 dates with the previous person I dated without trying to hold her hand. So I reached out for her hand and she liked it. She literally said "I was wondering when you were going to do that". Near the end of that first date I then kissed her too, and she told me she was waiting for me to do that. It was great.

We went on another couple of dates. Saw a movie with each other. We slept with each other. Had a nice time with each other. I asked if she wanted to date exclusively and she said it was a little early for that. So far so good.

But then suddenly she texts me and says she doesn't want to see me anymore. That sucked. But oh well. She keeps texting and says she'd like to be friends and I agree.

So she asks if I want to have dinner with her. I get confused and say I'm getting the vibe in the text that she's treating it like a date. She said no, just friends. I still agree because I genuinely wanted to hang it with her, even as a friend.

She suddenly cancelled that first hang out, without much warning. Couple of days later she asks if she wants me to pick her up and take her to my place to hang out again, and I agree. She cancels without much warning. She asks me a third time and then suddenly she texts and says we shouldn't talk with each other anymore.

I didn't respond because I'm like, okay, this really sucks, but onto the next one. But she keeps texting me and says "You didn't respond". She explains she's depressed and not in a good mental state, which is why she keeps cancelling. I end up saying that's cool. Let's just be friends.

But a couple of weeks later she ends up planning to come to my place again. And she's not explicit but she specifically says she wants to "do the takeout and hangout at your place again" so that told me she she wanted to sleep with me. I agree. And she cancels again. This is like the fourth time.

I know you'll call me stupid. But I agreed to a fifth "attempt" at hanging out with her. This time she didn't outright cancel but I was getting this bad vibe that she just wasn't into me. She told me she won't have time and wanted to reschedule to dinner midweek. And I was so upset at myself for allowing any of this to continue. She didn't officially cancel, but I decided to block her on Facebook, block her on messenger, block her on whatsapp, and block her on pretty much everything.

Fast forward to the today, four days after blocking her. I get drunk at an office party, unblock her, and send her a whatsapp saying that I'm drunk and regretting blocking her. Probably a stupid decision? Anyway, I'm shocked at her response because she's telling me now that she was really hurt, that she liked me, that I wasn't patient enough for her.

I literally don't know how to respond to the above. So there you go. Some proof that I'm really really inexperienced and just don't know how to react. I'm 32 but I didn't actually try dating anyone until last year. Before then I was obese. I'm not thin now but I lost a lot of weight and am way more confident. After the weight loss, last year is when I went out and actually started to date. And I'm starting to really think I fucked everything for myself by waiting so long. If I had 10 years of dating experience maybe I'd know how to react. But I just don't know how to react to her now.

Click to shrink...

There's better people out there and you're setting yourself up for disappointment with continuing with this person. She's cancelled on you five times. That's not okay.

 

[Fevaweva]

Brehs I need some advice with my Tinder profile. Would this be an appropriate place to post some screenshots?