You lose nothing by trying again, but if she defers again and doesn't at least offer her own alternative, then bounce.
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You lose nothing by trying again, but if she defers again and doesn't at least offer her own alternative, then bounce.
Here's a point that I don't think anyone has brought up yet:
If she's a christian in the commonly accepted sense of the word, then no matter how liberal she is, a core component of her christian faith is that unless you accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your savior, you will burn in hell for eternity. If you've already talked about this and found out that she doesn't believe in damnation for non-believers, there's no issue here. Don't even bother reading further.
But if she does, this could certainly introduce some weirdness into the relationship dynamic. Will you feel weird looking into her eyes over dinner, realising that she expects you to spend your afterlife being tortured in the netherrealm? Not be exited about the prospect, obviously; it would bring her quite some pain if she has feelings for you. But that brings up another issue: Can you really expect someone who loves you to sit idly by and not try to convert you in the long run, if it means saving you from the lake of fire?
Oh exactly. This is absolutely what I've thought about. And also what it means to have God hovering over us and everything we do or whatever. We haven't discussed this yet, but I find this way more easily talked about than some other topics, because at least it's not crass to discuss.
Unfortunately, we've had to reschedule for next week. She has a work trip coming up (which I knew about for over a week now) and she's running late on work. We had a very frank conversation about being into each other and she claims she absolutely is not ghosting me. So I suppose this is tabled for at least a week. I'll update the thread then!
But thanks all for the input. Glad my tricky situation gave some people something to think about!
Having issues with how to handle this situation which is most likely my anxiety eating away at myself. Been on 2 dates with this amazing woman. Last date was monday and ended with a kiss and wanting to meet up again. Yesterday she got bit by a bug that caused her hand to go numb and sent me a pic from urgent care. I asked today if she wanted to get together this weekend and she said just kinda wanted to lay low and veg out due to the hand pain. I totally get that, but the not knowing when we will meet up again is causing my anxiety to go nuts and doubt in myself. I also dont want to badger her endlessly to get a possible answer.
I not great at talking/setting up dates with multiple women at the same time. I much prefer to deal with 1 at a time, which with online dating seems like a losing strategy. At this point I hope I am just way other thinking this and she will want to get together after she feels better.
I not great at talking/setting up dates with multiple women at the same time. I much prefer to deal with 1 at a time, which with online dating seems like a losing strategy. At this point I hope I am just way other thinking this and she will want to get together after she feels better.
She went as far as to send you proof beyond just her words. Let that be enough. Just stay engaged through text or maybe voice chat.
Dude, if she agreed to meet up again, how about you wait until her hand is recovered to find out when you'll be seeing her. You have this anxiety that in a few days if you two don't see each other she'll suddenly get bored of you and dump you? Jumping to conclusions and letting your insecurities get the best of you.
I get this, boy oh boy do I understand this- and get it myself. And this advice is on the money.
Things are going well with the girl im seeing I think. Shes away on holiday for a few days, but has spent a lot of the time texting me, sending pictures etc. I'm not 100% when im seeing her again, I think Sunday, hopefully sooner tbh.
She rang me on a video call a night or two ago, had a great long chat. She said she thinks the world of me already, and although she was embarrassed to say it after 3 dates, she said she was missing me, and wished I was there with her. She's even mentioning us having a getaway of our own next month, and has sent me a few ideas. She text me last night saying she was out with pals, but wished she was with me watching telly with the cat.
Things are going so well, although they are going fast- im happy, because we both seem to feel a connection that ive certainly never felt before, even in a 10 year relationship. She mentioned some fears, saying that she thought I was too good to be true, or that she would let her guard down and once ive won her over completely, it would all be temporary. Thats definitely not how im feeling, at all.
BUT the above post resonates with me. Sometimes I read a text, or shes a bit more curt because shes busy or whatever- and it can trigger an anxiety in me, thinking that its all going to come crumbling down- even though theres no basis for that. Whatsapp is the worst for it too, because you can see when someones been online, or read and not replied etc. My friend told me before that its because I like her so much im feeling insecure and that I require constant reassurance. I dont think im like that, not usually at least. I just think after my last relationship blew up in my face unexpectedly, im a little bit nervous about liking someone so much and dont want it to happen again, and for that hurt to return I guess.
Im slowly but surely learning to chill the F out. Theres no reason for things to go south, unless my actions make that happen.
Well, it takes two to make it go right. She can definitely make things go south without your actions.
Just focus on keeping up your end of the relationship and calmly (this is key, it's got to be calmly) assess whether she's doing the same. If she fails to do the same, then you should tell her in a non-accusatory way what sort of communication you need out of someone you're dating. Don't let your own insecurities make you feel anxious - sure. But also don't get with someone who acts in a way that CAUSES you to feel anxious either.
The best advice I could give is never feel so anxious that you can't ask for a bit more attention in a mature and respectful way. If she says no, she says no, and it's up to you to determine whether that works for you. Likewise, if she needs space she should ask for it in a mature and respectful way from you and you should talk it out.
But never be walking on eggshells for the person you're dating. You should be trying to improve yourself in every aspect of life, yes, but at the same time, you want the person to accept you for who you are too. You both should be on the same page about how you communicate and what works so that neither of you are feeling "this is too much" or "this is not enough."
It's early if you only hung out 3 times, but after getting to know her, that anxiety shouldn't be there in a healthy relationship.
But yea, chill the fuck out is my general advice to anyone with relationship issues within the first month. It's always applicable.
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Lol she sent you her hand just ask her from time to time (maybe every other day? Or even just once or twice if her hands doing better but like she's not gonna say yes when she can't feel her hand.
Need some advice here.
I've been dating this girl for nearly four months now. She told her parents early on that we were in a relationship and they didn't like that because our families know each other (she is my cousins wife's sister) and they feel that in the event we break up in the future things might be awkward between our families.
Every time I ask her if she still wants to be in a relationship with me I always get the same answer, "I don't know" or "I'm not sure", but she still goes out with me, she still says she misses me and that she cares about me.
I'm just so confused. She says all these things to me but then isn't sure if she what's to continue the relationship, because she's worried that one day she might just have had enough of her parents not liking our relationship and she might break up with me.
I told her straight up yesterday - I need an answer. If she still wants to be in a relationship or if we should just break things off right now. I feel like I'm being played right now. I really care about this girl. She's amazing, smart, beautiful and a joy to be around, I just hate that she won't commit to telling me if she still wants to be with me.
I've been dating this girl for nearly four months now. She told her parents early on that we were in a relationship and they didn't like that because our families know each other (she is my cousins wife's sister) and they feel that in the event we break up in the future things might be awkward between our families.
Every time I ask her if she still wants to be in a relationship with me I always get the same answer, "I don't know" or "I'm not sure", but she still goes out with me, she still says she misses me and that she cares about me.
I'm just so confused. She says all these things to me but then isn't sure if she what's to continue the relationship, because she's worried that one day she might just have had enough of her parents not liking our relationship and she might break up with me.
I told her straight up yesterday - I need an answer. If she still wants to be in a relationship or if we should just break things off right now. I feel like I'm being played right now. I really care about this girl. She's amazing, smart, beautiful and a joy to be around, I just hate that she won't commit to telling me if she still wants to be with me.
I am going through something kind of similar right now. At least the whole "I'm not sure" type thing. I think I am starting to realize that I have a lot to give to a relationship and I deserve to be with someone who will put in the same amount because I deserve that. "I don't know" is as good as "no" in that sense, I think. If they can't be as certain about you as you are about them, then all the care and love you put into them will just be sucked away and you'll drain yourself.
I think you made a good move telling her in clear terms that she needs to figure out what the hell it is she wants. Honestly a cousin's wife's sister is such a stretch that it really doesn't seem like a real problem and her parents need to get over that cause it's not their relationship. But ultimately she needs to decide what she wants. So I'd give her a little bit of time to figure it out and then ask her again and if she doesn't have a clear answer for you still, then it's probably best for you to break it off so you can be with someone who will say "hell yes" instead of "I'm not sure."
Is this Tinder? How did you reset your profile? I thought they kind of prevented you from doing this these days?
Tinder yea. I just deleted and gave "not getting any matches" as reason. Used same Facebook and phone number. Last times I have deleted I've definitely gotten a boost but this is in another scale
It's been almost two years since I had tinder so I may be wrong but I think if you just delete the app versus going into the settings and completely erasing everything, that results in two different things?
Not that I ever post here or anything anymore (so long ago), haha, but make sure you don't do anything you regret!
I met ~a boy~ on a train between Cordoba and Sevilla a week ago, and I deeply regret not even getting his name or giving him my number. Sigh. Good bye, intensely hot Spanish man who spoke with me the entire train ride :( I'm so sad.
I met ~a boy~ on a train between Cordoba and Sevilla a week ago, and I deeply regret not even getting his name or giving him my number. Sigh. Good bye, intensely hot Spanish man who spoke with me the entire train ride :( I'm so sad.
Welp we broke up. I fucking ruined it. I hate my life right now. What's the point. How can I go from constantly talking to someone, telling each other how much we miss one another, saying good night and good morning etc. All of that and now I'm supposed to pretend they don't exist? What the fuck kind of shit is this?
I was hesitant on saying I want to get married in the future. I said I don't see my self getting married. I don't fucking know why I said it but she couldn't get over that and didn't want to keep going. I don't know why I said it. I don't know. I felt like she was the type of girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? Why couldn't I tell her I wanted to get married in the future? I tired to explain all of this too her but it was too late.
Her parents never wanted us to date too, and it slowly got to her that they couldn't accept me. I fucking hate to use this term but I'm a nice guy. I'm caring, loyal, tusthworthy and a loving person. And they didn't want us to be together because they were worried about what our friends and family would think of we would break up. That is so fucking selfish. I'm so fucking mad, upset, depressed, sad... I'm everything right now.
I don't understand how I can just wake up tomorrow and go on with life? She was the one person I always talked to. I shared memes with her, we talked about our days, about our struggles. And now I have no one to do that with. I'm all alone. And I feel mostly to blame.
That's what hurts the most. That it's my fault. If it wasn't for my hesitation in the beginning maybe things would be different? Maybe we'd still be together? Maybe id be seeing her tomorrow on a Saturday night. But I don't know. Shits fucked up. I hate my life. Someone come shoot me in the face
I was hesitant on saying I want to get married in the future. I said I don't see my self getting married. I don't fucking know why I said it but she couldn't get over that and didn't want to keep going. I don't know why I said it. I don't know. I felt like she was the type of girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? Why couldn't I tell her I wanted to get married in the future? I tired to explain all of this too her but it was too late.
Her parents never wanted us to date too, and it slowly got to her that they couldn't accept me. I fucking hate to use this term but I'm a nice guy. I'm caring, loyal, tusthworthy and a loving person. And they didn't want us to be together because they were worried about what our friends and family would think of we would break up. That is so fucking selfish. I'm so fucking mad, upset, depressed, sad... I'm everything right now.
I don't understand how I can just wake up tomorrow and go on with life? She was the one person I always talked to. I shared memes with her, we talked about our days, about our struggles. And now I have no one to do that with. I'm all alone. And I feel mostly to blame.
That's what hurts the most. That it's my fault. If it wasn't for my hesitation in the beginning maybe things would be different? Maybe we'd still be together? Maybe id be seeing her tomorrow on a Saturday night. But I don't know. Shits fucked up. I hate my life. Someone come shoot me in the face
I mean you did fuck up pretty bad but this part tells me she didn't want to be with you bad enough
Someone canceled on a supposed rain check this week because she says she's too busy and also because she doesn't like that I bleached my hair. That it doesn't do anything for her.
Even if she's lying, that's a weird thing to bring up. I didn't know that was a thing that could happen.
People are weird.
Even if she's lying, that's a weird thing to bring up. I didn't know that was a thing that could happen.
People are weird.
I don't get it.
Whoever this is, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
✊ How it goes.
If any y'all know an insanely handsome man from Madrid who works at organizing running races in Madrid and Sevilla, hit me up.
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Seven year old relationship just ended, wife decided to end things because she doesn't see me as a romantic partner anymore. I'll probably have to learn a lot of shit again, get my heart broken a few times and all that, we'll see
We just moved this year to Toronto (we are from Brazil) and I'm sorta devastated, wish I had a few friends instead of school acquaintances
We just moved this year to Toronto (we are from Brazil) and I'm sorta devastated, wish I had a few friends instead of school acquaintances
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That's rough. She just suddenly stopped seeing you romantically? I think something like that is happening in my relationship at the moment and it's a devastating feeling. I'm 80% going to be pulling the plug on it tomorrow.
Self-improvement is so fkn exhausting. Teaching yourself IT/programming, waking up at 4am to get a quick half-hour at the gym before the commute to work, then working till 5pm leaves me drained. No desire to go out and socialize at the bar, live music scene, or meetups--I'm hitting bed by 8pm lol. Don't wanna approach women in person since I don't wanna risk making them uncomfortable with an unwanted advance; and I'm still chubby and not suave enough for dating app success. XD Ah man.
Jesus. Words fail me, please stay strong and keep your head up.
Not so suddenly, she gave me signs this whole year. Like we barely had sex, every time I was the one who initiated and all. We have been open about dating other people and got involved with another girl together too, but it was clear for me that she was really into the girl more than me, so I decided to say that I wasn't interested in a three-person relationship anymore and she came with all this talk that we have been more friends than lovers, that she loves me, but I depended too much on her, that kind of stuff. I feel like it was all my fault.
write a book about your experience on the train and then do a book signing in Madrid 9 years from now. Perfect way to run into them.
I understand how easy it is to feel like it's all your fault but it really sounds like it was all her. It doesn't even really seem like she was willing to work things out.
It's been awhile since I've stopped by. My dating life is on hiatus atm. Just got a new job and I'm also going to school full time as this is my last semester before I graduate. I imagine I'll stop by here more often once 2020 commences.
Good luck to all my heart broken warriors I've seen on this page. Life can really throw a wrench at you sometimes but just pick up the wrench and use it to fix other aspects of your life to get your mind off of the heartbreak. Stay strong, my friends
Good luck to all my heart broken warriors I've seen on this page. Life can really throw a wrench at you sometimes but just pick up the wrench and use it to fix other aspects of your life to get your mind off of the heartbreak. Stay strong, my friends
Lmao, I was JUST watching Before Sunrise and Sunset on the way back home.
Dealing with my first breakup. I feel really awful. So many thoughts. How it was my fault it ended and how it will be hard to find someone I would like as much. Lots of anxiety of how it will be hard to find another partner that will be as sexually compatible, inviting, and forgiving. It took me years to find someone and the idea of having to do wait and go through this again is so scary.
Yup, it sucks. I'm the one that dumped my ex a year ago because of compatibility issues and I still think of our good times to this day.
Having these thoughts is not helping, focus on yourself for a little while and try to learn something from this relationship, that's pretty much all you can do.
Nobody knows what life has in store for us and you never know who you're gonna meet.
Asked her and she said she was thinking the same thing :D Gonna move together in January
Feeling awfully lost. Been on dating apps for a year since my breakup. Therapist has helped me grow immensely. To the point of feeling very comfortable rather than anxious in most situations. Only met 4 women in the past year for a first date. Was never interested in a second date until the most recent one. She's beautiful, smart, mature, we can have a conversation and make each other laugh. But we both ended the second date feeling like we could be friends but not partners. We decided to take the weekend to mull it over before deciding what we want, but facing my own answer has really bummed me out. It's really rare that I find someone like her and I feel completely discouraged that we're not interested. I feel lost with my own feelings. I really don't feel like going through the work of meeting people anymore and I'm thinking of taking a break.