DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,600
Got the date! Going for cocktails on Saturday. Guess I was really worrying over nothing...

Still, first date in like 4 months. Trying not to be nervous.
 

Oni_J

Member
Oct 28, 2017
105
Been a lurker mostly thirsty of others struggles and records of success but now I feel like sharing, oh damn if I like like sharing.

I'm living in the UK atm, close to London but not in the city which once is understood by most of my matches gets me ghosted, and I think "Well, good riddance..."
So when I match with someone that doesn't have a problem with that, we go on a date and it doesn't really matter if is a cafe, restaurant, museum I manage to make it fun and well worth their time, and always get a chance for a follow up since supposedly "I'm not like the others"...Which anyway I did not let happen because by the end of the date I knew I wasn't into them (to their great surprise) and say so as soon as I can, a few times in a messy way because I was victim of my own expectations, but I got better at it so now I even managed to stay friends with some of them.

So, let's go to the point, was going on another date with my new rule of zero expectations, and fuck it, she blows me away with her attitude and character, and I find her insanely hot as well (and that did not happen in a while, according to my friends I'm too picky) and the date goes as expected, great time.
It's been ages since I've been so into someone, I don't even remember the last time.
-TIMESKIP-
(My previous relationship was 3 year with a kind of toxic person but also was super smart, closed in mutual agreement, before that small stuff that doesn't count and a 11 years great relationship with the high school sweetheart that I closed because in the end I learned that wasn't the love I wanted)

We arrange for another as soon as possible (next weekend) and all goes great again, and at the end she kisses me and there is some hugging with me playing on the "so, you do like me..."

Anyway, we plan again for the next weekend, and to my surprise in the middle of the week she actually invites me to stay over and cook something the day after.
I was a little surprised but definitely up for it.

I get there, and after some good time with her and her flatmate we get to bed but she asks me if I did not mind if we did not do anything that night because she had a very rough week and wanted to rest, and I absolutely had no problem with it.
We did not get much sleep anyway, there was a lot of cuddling and a little bit of teasing from her in the morning but at that time her flatmate was awake, the neighbour left something for her and it just did not seem right...

...I couldn't more wrong...

So we spend a great and fun Saturday together, we absolutely smashed the cooking, there was a lot of cuddling and kissing and good vibes as we're both pretty physical, plus her flatmate adored me.
I leave them while they were headed to a party in the evening while I came back to my place, we text for the goodnight and I can tell there is something off already.

We did not text much, but we always went with long texts when we did, she did not that night.
And by today it was less and less and I could tell, so yesterday night I asked if we could speak the evening after she agreed.

Well, I just received the most surreal conversation, as she basically told game me the whole "you're funny, smart, great, sexy, bla bla..." but she also waited me to make a move that night, or anyway to grab the chance!" and she claimed we did not have enough chemistry, and that she made up her mind that we're not meant to stay together.
She gives great deal to the sexual side of things, and her best friend is a sexual consultant that greatly influence her perception.

Now, I don't do stuff like flirting via text or being "pushy" until I'm a little more into a relationship, and yeah I may be a little shy.
But I never ever had this happening to me, if anything I only had nice feedback from by respectful behaviour and once we're at it know my ways around to give pleasure...

And now I feel like a complete idiot, a fool, I even got her a little present (it's a simple cute thing, nothing major) and she kept telling me she likes me but that's it, and I'm not willing to give up, and she agreed to meet we can talk and she gets it even with me being "you know I will go to kiss you?" but her answer was vague, but still firm on the "no future for us" thing.
She has to see when I can fit her schedule as she's super busy as usual, so there is no guarantee about this.

But I feel like a complete fool, kind of robbed, and at the same time I wonder "Is this karma for all the previous girls I shocked after those awesome dates?"

I'm referred as a extremely good looking guy, recognized as smart, fun and by most of my peers and also people who barely know me "one that surely smashes around like he lives in a porn movie"....Who really get to know me see that I'm definitely not.
And I think this whole thing sounds like hot trash from a arrogant guy, but I hope you guys trust me I am not, on the contrary if I may say.

tl;dr
I feel like I'm my own worst enemy, I manage to give great advice to others, even to couples! But I can't manage my own shit.

But I feel better having all of this written down, I know what my friends will say to me but I still did not speak a word to them...I feel ashamed of my expectations again.

On a side note, I'm 34 but everyone thinks I'm like 25, and so far I only dated younger girls (26/30) and she's actually the first one of my own age, and I suppose that's a factor I did not take in account and now I rationalized could be important, needs are definitely different at this age.
 
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Rephil

Member
Nov 16, 2017
36
So basically you respected her request to not escalate the night you stayed over, and then she revealed she really did want to mess around - and now she isn't interested in you anymore because you didn't escalate?

This sounds like a hot mess and you should find someone else who won't dick you around. You'll probably never know if her explanation is the real reason why she doesn't want to move forward with you - but if someone truly likes you, this shouldn't be an issue you have to deal with, especially when you've only hung out with her 3 times. Seems like you just weren't as compatible as you thought you were, based on her needs - whatever those are.

You probably feel like a fool because you got way over-hyped about this girl who ticked all the right boxes. It happens.. You seem to have no trouble getting dates, so just keep looking.
 

Oni_J

Member
Oct 28, 2017
105
So basically you respected her request to not escalate the night you stayed over, and then she revealed she really did want to mess around - and now she isn't interested in you anymore because you didn't escalate?

This sounds like a hot mess and you should find someone else who won't dick you around. You'll probably never know if her explanation is the real reason why she doesn't want to move forward with you - but if someone truly likes you, this shouldn't be an issue you have to deal with, especially when you've only hung out with her 3 times. Seems like you just weren't as compatible as you thought you were, based on her needs - whatever those are.

You probably feel like a fool because you got way over-hyped about this girl who ticked all the right boxes. It happens.. You seem to have no trouble getting dates, so just keep looking.
Yeah, had a chance to discuss this with some of my girl friends and they were shocked, it felt like a reversed gender typical thirsty asshole guy situation.
On her book she was patiently waiting for me to give "signals of attraction", which I struggle to understand how all the physical interaction we had (she was constantly smelling me when hugging for example, while I was kissing her quite often obviously on SFW parts) was not enough to understand I was into her.
This dragged for more than a month of texting, and those few but intense meetings.

And yeah, so far Hinge has revealed to be 100% times better than Tinder, heard about bumble but I think that here in the UK the dating apps thing is not as big as the US so I'll stick to one platform.
But cheers mate, appreciate the positive vibes.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,553
I say there's no harm in accepting the invite and seeing where things go. Like maybe not message her and immediately ask her out but start a conversation and see what happens.
Well funny thing, I messaged her the other day. Not much conversation to see what happens cause she messaged me back and immediately asked if I wanted to grab coffee with her. So, yeah, that’s a thing that’s happening later this week.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,760
Well just had a date with an italian girl and it went great! She said after she gets back from vacation she wants to see a movie or have lunch with me. So, that's a good sign right?
 

Galkinator

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,237
So uhh.. People are weird.

Long story short, a couple years ago, I was dating this girl for about a month. Small background- we talked a long time before we started dating and while I lived abroad we sort of kept in touch and it fels like our minds clicked and we knew once I come back home we'll start dating. So.. after a month she suddenly flipped and started ghosting and I had to pry out of of her that it doesn't feel "right" for her so I said okay bye and cut all ties.

A week ago she suddenly friended me again on FB, and we started talking and she immediately bombarded me with how she still thinks about me, she misses me, she didn't know back then what she's feeling and she was all confused and she felt like I hated her so she couldn't try and reach out to me again and blablablabla. I took the bait and started talking honest but I felt like this is getting way too personal way too fast so I suggested we meet to catch up. (She's just gone through some surgery so it'd take about 3-4 weeks before she's recovered and be able to meet)

And now comes the weird part. Two days ago, during some random shit talk, she messages me something along the likes of "you make me upset" but with a lot of stupid emojis that make it look like blatant sarcasm. I asked why and she never replied back and now I found out she deleted her FB profile. What in the actual fuck?

I still have her number in my WhatsApp chat history but I doubt it's a good idea to try and ask her the hell is going on...
I mean, she could delete her FB profile for many other reasons but the timing makes it look suspicious and I'm getting super fucking annoyed by the thought that maybe she just played with me to make herself feel better? Or am I way too overthinking?

I think about this crap way more than I want to and it's because I feel/felt like we could really make a good couple but damn this girl is all over the place.
 

ckareset

Attempted to circumvent ban with an alt account
Banned
Feb 2, 2018
4,977
So uhh.. People are weird.

Long story short, a couple years ago, I was dating this girl for about a month. Small background- we talked a long time before we started dating and while I lived abroad we sort of kept in touch and it fels like our minds clicked and we knew once I come back home we'll start dating. So.. after a month she suddenly flipped and started ghosting and I had to pry out of of her that it doesn't feel "right" for her so I said okay bye and cut all ties.

A week ago she suddenly friended me again on FB, and we started talking and she immediately bombarded me with how she still thinks about me, she misses me, she didn't know back then what she's feeling and she was all confused and she felt like I hated her so she couldn't try and reach out to me again and blablablabla. I took the bait and started talking honest but I felt like this is getting way too personal way too fast so I suggested we meet to catch up. (She's just gone through some surgery so it'd take about 3-4 weeks before she's recovered and be able to meet)

And now comes the weird part. Two days ago, during some random shit talk, she messages me something along the likes of "you make me upset" but with a lot of stupid emojis that make it look like blatant sarcasm. I asked why and she never replied back and now I found out she deleted her FB profile. What in the actual fuck?

I still have her number in my WhatsApp chat history but I doubt it's a good idea to try and ask her the hell is going on...

I think about this crap way more than I want to and it's because I feel like we could really make a good couple but damn this girl is all over the place.
Hmmm...strange. The part about the surgery recovery scares me though. I might check on her to see if she's okay but avoid dating
 

Galkinator

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,237
Hmmm...strange. The part about the surgery recovery scares me though. I might check on her to see if she's okay but avoid dating
It was a spinal disc surgery so fortunately nothing life threatening (she even sent post-surgery selfies so I know she's okay). During one of our random talks she even suggested we meet up next week so it makes everything even weirder.
 

Rephil

Member
Nov 16, 2017
36
Sounds like a lot of drama and uncertainty for a person who seems more like an online enigma than an actual human being you can physically be around. Even if you were to start a real relationship with her and move past these initial reindeer games, I'd be willing to bet it wouldn't be smooth sailing based on her track record.

I'd suggest not contacting her, and just blocking her number. Focus on meeting new people - people that you can actually build a relationship with! You seem to be well aware that all of this is weird and complicated. Trust your gut and don't look back :D
 

BPHusker

Member
Oct 26, 2017
720
Nebraska
Her exact response when I told her that I'm uncomfortable with the idea of someone who refuses on principal and that I was hoping for something closer to fair or 50/50 was, "I guess im just into chivalry" and she finds it "very unattractive" of me to bring it up.
I'd end it. It's not unreasonable to start splitting meals after 5 dates. My now wife offered to split on the first date.

I'd be interested to hear how it ends up.
 
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Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,600
So the girl who seemed really keen on a date has just completely ghosted when I tried to set a time.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I feel absolutely hopeless. It’s been 4 months and I haven’t been on a single date. I know this is normal, I know I’m overthinking, but damn to constantly get SO close to even having a date then fudging it is just tragic. Fucking hell.
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,343
UK
So uhh.. People are weird.

Long story short, a couple years ago, I was dating this girl for about a month. Small background- we talked a long time before we started dating and while I lived abroad we sort of kept in touch and it fels like our minds clicked and we knew once I come back home we'll start dating. So.. after a month she suddenly flipped and started ghosting and I had to pry out of of her that it doesn't feel "right" for her so I said okay bye and cut all ties.

A week ago she suddenly friended me again on FB, and we started talking and she immediately bombarded me with how she still thinks about me, she misses me, she didn't know back then what she's feeling and she was all confused and she felt like I hated her so she couldn't try and reach out to me again and blablablabla. I took the bait and started talking honest but I felt like this is getting way too personal way too fast so I suggested we meet to catch up. (She's just gone through some surgery so it'd take about 3-4 weeks before she's recovered and be able to meet)

And now comes the weird part. Two days ago, during some random shit talk, she messages me something along the likes of "you make me upset" but with a lot of stupid emojis that make it look like blatant sarcasm. I asked why and she never replied back and now I found out she deleted her FB profile. What in the actual fuck?

I still have her number in my WhatsApp chat history but I doubt it's a good idea to try and ask her the hell is going on...
I mean, she could delete her FB profile for many other reasons but the timing makes it look suspicious and I'm getting super fucking annoyed by the thought that maybe she just played with me to make herself feel better? Or am I way too overthinking?

I think about this crap way more than I want to and it's because I feel/felt like we could really make a good couple but damn this girl is all over the place.
Just to be clear, by dating for a month, do you mean in person? Even so, I would try to forget about her. She doesn't know what she wants, it's not working out with others, so she thinks you can be her backup but you have self-worth so you won't entertain it. Right?
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,553
So the girl who seemed really keen on a date has just completely ghosted when I tried to set a time.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I feel absolutely hopeless. It’s been 4 months and I haven’t been on a single date. I know this is normal, I know I’m overthinking, but damn to constantly get SO close to even having a date then fudging it is just tragic. Fucking hell.
I know how you feel. It really sucks and feels like it’s just impossible to have anything work out. Especially when you see other people going on multiple dates in short amounts of time. Makes you wonder what the hell you’re doing wrong.

All I can say is try and take a break. A week, a month, somewhere in between. Dating isn’t really fun, it drains you over time so it’s best to give yourself time to recuperate or it’ll wreck you.
 

TheWorthyEdge

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,198
So the girl who seemed really keen on a date has just completely ghosted when I tried to set a time.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I feel absolutely hopeless. It’s been 4 months and I haven’t been on a single date. I know this is normal, I know I’m overthinking, but damn to constantly get SO close to even having a date then fudging it is just tragic. Fucking hell.
It’s been 3 years. AND. I’m in College. I’m a sociable guy too, I just don’t really know how to engage flirtatiously with women. I’m always thinking about how the people surrounding us are thinking which is stupid...but it happens. Only when I’m tipsy do I not give a shit lol
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,600
I know how you feel. It really sucks and feels like it’s just impossible to have anything work out. Especially when you see other people going on multiple dates in short amounts of time. Makes you wonder what the hell you’re doing wrong.

All I can say is try and take a break. A week, a month, somewhere in between. Dating isn’t really fun, it drains you over time so it’s best to give yourself time to recuperate or it’ll wreck you.
I checked with friends and don’t think I did anything wrong. She just lost interest. And it’s fine, I do it too. The whole process is just so interchangeable and happenstance, it’s crazy.

I’ll be resilient and keep going, have to learn to stop getting so invested and excited about it.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,553
I checked with friends and don’t think I did anything wrong. She just lost interest. And it’s fine, I do it too. The whole process is just so interchangeable and happenstance, it’s crazy.

I’ll be resilient and keep going, have to learn to stop getting so invested and excited about it.
Yeah it’s good to be resilient but it’s also not bad to realize dating can deteriorate your self worth and is just generally a frustrating drain. It’s never a bad idea to just put it out of your mind for a bit before you dive back in.

I’ve kind of done it myself. Deleted Tinder, haven’t been on the other apps. I do have a date tomorrow but it’s not exactly one I was seeking out. I’ll probably start trying again in the new year.
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,600
Yeah it’s good to be resilient but it’s also not bad to realize dating can deteriorate your self worth and is just generally a frustrating drain. It’s never a bad idea to just put it out of your mind for a bit before you dive back in.

I’ve kind of done it myself. Deleted Tinder, haven’t been on the other apps. I do have a date tomorrow but it’s not exactly one I was seeking out. I’ll probably start trying again in the new year.
But then do I do that every time a date goes awry? When will I ever meet anybody?
So it’s crazy this time last week I was so happy and chilled being single, this date was just another thing going on; but to have it dangled and then come to nothing is just so demotivating.
 

Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
3,678
I checked with friends and don’t think I did anything wrong. She just lost interest. And it’s fine, I do it too. The whole process is just so interchangeable and happenstance, it’s crazy.

I’ll be resilient and keep going, have to learn to stop getting so invested and excited about it.
It sucks that you have to be so goddamned dispassionate and uninvested just to protect yourself because everyone being so dispassionate and uninvested is exactly why dating sucks so bad in 2019.
 

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,216
But then do I do that every time a date goes awry? When will I ever meet anybody?
So it’s crazy this time last week I was so happy and chilled being single, this date was just another thing going on; but to have it dangled and then come to nothing is just so demotivating.
Even if you spent 1 week matching with someone and 1 week recharging, that's still 26 dates in a year. You'll have found someone by then lol.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,553
But then do I do that every time a date goes awry? When will I ever meet anybody?
So it’s crazy this time last week I was so happy and chilled being single, this date was just another thing going on; but to have it dangled and then come to nothing is just so demotivating.
No not every time, just when it’s clear that it’s getting to you big time. For me, the frustration builds until I just become cynical and pessimistic about the whole thing. That’s when I know I need to step away for a bit.

Even if you spent 1 week matching with someone and 1 week recharging, that's still 26 dates in a year. You'll have found someone by then lol.
Unfortunately this logic operates on the idea that you can get a date every other week. It doesn’t quite work that way haha
 

Emergency & I

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,394
Yeah, had a chance to discuss this with some of my girl friends and they were shocked, it felt like a reversed gender typical thirsty asshole guy situation.
On her book she was patiently waiting for me to give "signals of attraction", which I struggle to understand how all the physical interaction we had (she was constantly smelling me when hugging for example, while I was kissing her quite often obviously on SFW parts) was not enough to understand I was into her.
This dragged for more than a month of texting, and those few but intense meetings.

And yeah, so far Hinge has revealed to be 100% times better than Tinder, heard about bumble but I think that here in the UK the dating apps thing is not as big as the US so I'll stick to one platform.
But cheers mate, appreciate the positive vibes.

Yeah, don't sweat this.

That said, you seem less assured in escalation. At a certain point, you have to think logically - hey I'm 34, this woman is 34, we are making out in a bed - what happens next? You can't be afraid of taking a step because, well, you know what happens when you don't. You can be respectful and still make a move. Can't be afraid to be foolish in love and lust my friend.
 

Emergency & I

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,394
So the girl who seemed really keen on a date has just completely ghosted when I tried to set a time.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I feel absolutely hopeless. It’s been 4 months and I haven’t been on a single date. I know this is normal, I know I’m overthinking, but damn to constantly get SO close to even having a date then fudging it is just tragic. Fucking hell.

So what happened? You flirted over text for awhile and then tried to set a date and poof?

1) How long did you text?
2) Via what app?
3) What was the nature of the texts?


4 months and no dates suggests you might be need to reassess your profile. If you don't think you can work on that, maybe save yourself the effort and focus on yourself/self-improvement. Join a club. Do new things. Find stuff about yourself and seek validation from within instead of seeking it in people that are not receptive to the awesomeness you have to offer.
 

Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
3,678
Fired up Hinge for about 10 minutes after being off apps for nearly a year and I swear I've never seen so many wine glasses and sun hats.
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,600
So what happened? You flirted over text for awhile and then tried to set a date and poof?

1) How long did you text?
2) Via what app?
3) What was the nature of the texts?


4 months and no dates suggests you might be need to reassess your profile. If you don't think you can work on that, maybe save yourself the effort and focus on yourself/self-improvement. Join a club. Do new things. Find stuff about yourself and seek validation from within instead of seeking it in people that are not receptive to the awesomeness you have to offer.
Tinder, got her number, she was keen and texted lots/wanted to meet. I suggested cocktails in the city, her response was literally “God yes please”. Then when I texted later to set up a time, she just hasn’t replied since then. Ah well.

To be honest it’s been a variety of things; I was seeing someone for about a month, then I just realised I wasn’t ready for dating in general after my ex. I was chatting to people but never really set up anything. I’ve only been trying in earnest I’d say the last month or so.

Working on profile is a good idea, working on myself is better. Back to the gym I think (I’ve been sick the last week or so)
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,741
I've been seeing this girl about once a week for a month and a half but have been struggling with getting that physical intimacy going. We've kissed a couple times but she's not a good kisser. I guess there just haven't been a sexy vibe during our time together which is a bummer because I do like her. I'm also very bad at making a move. It's felt really chaste, the times I've seen her.

An embarrassing moment occurred the last time I went out with her. We were going in to see a movie but I couldn't remember which pocket I put them in. I'm searching my pockets and taking stuff out when I pulled a condom, mistaking it for the tickets. I quickly put them back in my pocket, not sure if she registered that awkward moment but she most likely did. I bring a condom on dates because you never know, it might come in handy. But flashing it to her when we haven't really gone that far, I cringe when I think about it. Felt like a sleazeball the rest of the night so we didn't get close. Left the date thinking this thing might be over.

Anyways, she texted me a couple of days after and we got something set up tomorrow. Gonna load up on some anxiety pills before the date so I don't let my hang-ups get in the way. Planning to invite her home finally but I'm anxious about how things will go. I should embrace her because I really want to. We should be cuddling, I mean we like each other from what I can tell. Not trying to be a creep at all but something physical needs to happen, or else I'm just wasting time.
 

Notaskwid

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,408
Osaka
I've been seeing this girl about once a week for a month and a half but have been struggling with getting that physical intimacy going. We've kissed a couple times but she's not a good kisser. I guess there just haven't been a sexy vibe during our time together which is a bummer because I do like her. I'm also very bad at making a move. It's felt really chaste, the times I've seen her.

An embarrassing moment occurred the last time I went out with her. We were going in to see a movie but I couldn't remember which pocket I put them in. I'm searching my pockets and taking stuff out when I pulled a condom, mistaking it for the tickets. I quickly put them back in my pocket, not sure if she registered that awkward moment but she most likely did. I bring a condom on dates because you never know, it might come in handy. But flashing it to her when we haven't really gone that far, I cringe when I think about it. Felt like a sleazeball the rest of the night so we didn't get close. Left the date thinking this thing might be over.

Anyways, she texted me a couple of days after and we got something set up tomorrow. Gonna load up on some anxiety pills before the date so I don't let my hang-ups get in the way. Planning to invite her home finally but I'm anxious about how things will go. I should embrace her because I really want to. We should be cuddling, I mean we like each other from what I can tell. Not trying to be a creep at all but something physical needs to happen, or else I'm just wasting time.
Hm you said you kissed, have you ever been in a situation with her where things could possibly escalate? If one of you doesn't invite the other home nothing will happen, unless you go to an hotel or do it in cinema or in the street lol
 

Oni_J

Member
Oct 28, 2017
105
Yeah, don't sweat this.

That said, you seem less assured in escalation. At a certain point, you have to think logically - hey I'm 34, this woman is 34, we are making out in a bed - what happens next? You can't be afraid of taking a step because, well, you know what happens when you don't. You can be respectful and still make a move. Can't be afraid to be foolish in love and lust my friend.
Lesson learned, I was playing super safe since from the start I felt like being "benchmarked" and when she admitted so, apparently I was doing good by what her and her friend rulebook says.

Done with the self loathing, and I feel like the whole "good guys always get fucked" mood I have at the moment is not helping.

Maybe I wasn't being genuine, but hey, experience!
 

Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
3,678
Anyone from the Houston area here and can give their advice on which apps seem most active and best for relationship material? Definitely not looking for quick sex here.

Started up Hinge on a whim and am dismayed that it's already pushing paid content on me (don't recall it being so aggressive about that last time) and - there's no kind way to put this - almost every woman it's sending me is obese. Like, it's bizarrely consistent about this to an extreme that I've never seen before on any other app. I thought maybe putting my location in my rural hometown was skewing the results so I moved it to Houston proper but that didn't help one bit.
 
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jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
Hey DatingEra so a bit of an update on the saga that is my dating life.

Hung out with AirplaneGirl a few weekends ago. It was a fun hangout. Had a date scheduled with Marsha a few days later but life (Hers) got in the way. Thought it was a soft no, so left her my number just in case.

Had a date with AirplaneGirl a few weeks later, It went well. She’s definitely a bit different then I thought she’d be. Mostly in good ways. This information ended up accelerating things a bit and led to a DTR conversation. I told her I wasn’t ready to date/be a couple but we’d keep hanging out and I wasn’t going to be available for anyone else. It’s way too early to normally have the conversation but it took all the pressure off. If it works out or not who knows, but at least it has a stable foundation.

Got a call from Marsha a few days ago about meeting up Aka the girl I’d told I wasn’t looking to really date. Turns out she’d been completely genuine and I had to tell her that I didn’t want to meet up because I was interested in someone else.

It felt like shit, mainly because I don’t like confrontation, and because as you know I was #teammarsha at the start of all this.

Still things with APGirl are going good. We are going to keep things going slowly and see where it gets us. Maybe it’s real, maybe it’s a breakup a few months from now. Not sure but I’m going to give it the best chance it can get to be something real
 
May 21, 2019
43
People are weird. I was speaking to a girl at the start of the year practically every day for around 3 months but never actually met. The closest we came was a facetime chat. She worked almost every day of the week and had classes on top of that, which I get, but every time we planned on a certain day it never happened. So I finally gave up. I gave it one last try a couple of months later since I was really interested in her, but after she told me yet again that maybe we could meet up the following week and never followed up after that, I was done. And here we are 6 months later and she messaged me out of the blue. I guess it's because she wants attention or something?
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,553
It's always funny when you see someone you met on one dating app on another dating app. Today Hinge did its "Your most compatible" thing with a Tinder girl that ghosted me after the first date and said it thinks we should meet hahaha. If only you knew Hinge. If only you knew.

Hey DatingEra so a bit of an update on the saga that is my dating life.

Hung out with AirplaneGirl a few weekends ago. It was a fun hangout. Had a date scheduled with Marsha a few days later but life (Hers) got in the way. Thought it was a soft no, so left her my number just in case.

Had a date with AirplaneGirl a few weeks later, It went well. She’s definitely a bit different then I thought she’d be. Mostly in good ways. This information ended up accelerating things a bit and led to a DTR conversation. I told her I wasn’t ready to date/be a couple but we’d keep hanging out and I wasn’t going to be available for anyone else. It’s way too early to normally have the conversation but it took all the pressure off. If it works out or not who knows, but at least it has a stable foundation.

Got a call from Marsha a few days ago about meeting up Aka the girl I’d told I wasn’t looking to really date. Turns out she’d been completely genuine and I had to tell her that I didn’t want to meet up because I was interested in someone else.

It felt like shit, mainly because I don’t like confrontation, and because as you know I was #teammarsha at the start of all this.

Still things with APGirl are going good. We are going to keep things going slowly and see where it gets us. Maybe it’s real, maybe it’s a breakup a few months from now. Not sure but I’m going to give it the best chance it can get to be something real
See? Dating Era was onto something when we all stood in solidarity with #teamairplanegirl

I think this is a prime example why it isn't a bad idea to give more than one person a chance when you're very early into dating. Even if a person may be genuine, it still might just not work out, like with Marsha here. I hope things go well with you and Airplane Girl.


People are weird. I was speaking to a girl at the start of the year practically every day for around 3 months but never actually met. The closest we came was a facetime chat. She worked almost every day of the week and had classes on top of that, which I get, but every time we planned on a certain day it never happened. So I finally gave up. I gave it one last try a couple of months later since I was really interested in her, but after she told me yet again that maybe we could meet up the following week and never followed up after that, I was done. And here we are 6 months later and she messaged me out of the blue. I guess it's because she wants attention or something?
Could be that she wants attention, could also be that she actually wants to go out with you. I think it depends on what you want? Are you over it or do you want to give it a shot?

If you're over it, it's as easy as ignoring her. If you're still interested, I guess you could just ask her out again. It can't hurt. Just don't allow yourself to get caught up in meaningless back and forth chatting and try and see if she actually wants to go out this time. You should easily be able to tell if she's serious or if she's just doing the same old thing from how she responds to you.
 

AMAGON

Prominent Member
Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,980
NJ
People are weird. I was speaking to a girl at the start of the year practically every day for around 3 months but never actually met. The closest we came was a facetime chat. She worked almost every day of the week and had classes on top of that, which I get, but every time we planned on a certain day it never happened. So I finally gave up. I gave it one last try a couple of months later since I was really interested in her, but after she told me yet again that maybe we could meet up the following week and never followed up after that, I was done. And here we are 6 months later and she messaged me out of the blue. I guess it's because she wants attention or something?
She definitely needs attention, don't give it to her.

Just move on.
 
May 21, 2019
43
Could be that she wants attention, could also be that she actually wants to go out with you. I think it depends on what you want? Are you over it or do you want to give it a shot?

If you're over it, it's as easy as ignoring her. If you're still interested, I guess you could just ask her out again. It can't hurt. Just don't allow yourself to get caught up in meaningless back and forth chatting and try and see if she actually wants to go out this time. You should easily be able to tell if she's serious or if she's just doing the same old thing from how she responds to you.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in to her. It's the most attracted I've been to someone online and I've had some of the best conversations with her compared to other people. But I'd just be worried that I'd get another kind of same response from her where nothing happens after like 5-6 times before. I did respond to her when she messaged me a couple of days ago and it's mostly been a "how've you been kind of thing". I'm not sure if she's waiting for me to ask her out again or what since sometimes I'm oblivious to those kinds of things.

She definitely needs attention, don't give it to her.

Just move on.
Hmmm...
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,553
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in to her. It's the most attracted I've been to someone online and I've had some of the best conversations with her compared to other people. But I'd just be worried that I'd get another kind of same response from her where nothing happens after like 5-6 times before. I did respond to her when she messaged me a couple of days ago and it's mostly been a "how've you been kind of thing". I'm not sure if she's waiting for me to ask her out again or what since sometimes I'm oblivious to those kinds of things.



Hmmm...
Well if you already responded to her I’d say just ask her out. But really if she puts you off again then cut contact completely. Dont message back and forth with her, push for a conclusion.

Like I said, if she wants attention, she’s already got it. Ask her out and by her response you’ll know what to do.
 
Oct 25, 2017
13,241
Sweden
well i chatted a bit with my ex. i thought i was very clear i don't want to get back together. yet after, she still tried to invite me to go out later this week. i feel bad turning her down, because it would be on her birthday. ugh i'm so bad at saying no
 

Rephil

Member
Nov 16, 2017
36
People are weird. I was speaking to a girl at the start of the year practically every day for around 3 months but never actually met. The closest we came was a facetime chat. She worked almost every day of the week and had classes on top of that, which I get, but every time we planned on a certain day it never happened. So I finally gave up. I gave it one last try a couple of months later since I was really interested in her, but after she told me yet again that maybe we could meet up the following week and never followed up after that, I was done. And here we are 6 months later and she messaged me out of the blue. I guess it's because she wants attention or something?
It's time to meet other women. Doesn't matter how busy someone claims to be - if she wanted to see you, she'd find a couple of hours for a date. I wouldn't waste another minute talking to her.
 

Tokyo_Funk

Member
Dec 10, 2018
2,729
I just got rejected by a girl I've known for 6 years that I have a lot in common with and it hurts quite a bit. We've always gone out and done things together and kept in contact and now all I can think of with.

My entire relationship history has been fucked up beyond a joke from girls who left me for guys who bashed them to girls dropping me for Mr Moneybags to a girl outright acusing me of premeditated rape and putting a restraining order on me for buying her a nice present for Xmas. So it is super difficult to go back.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
I just got rejected by a girl I've known for 6 years that I have a lot in common with and it hurts quite a bit. We've always gone out and done things together and kept in contact and now all I can think of with.

My entire relationship history has been fucked up beyond a joke from girls who left me for guys who bashed them to girls dropping me for Mr Moneybags to a girl outright acusing me of premeditated rape and putting a restraining order on me for buying her a nice present for Xmas. So it is super difficult to go back.
So What’s wrong with you?

Not to be rude, but you are the common thread in all these experiences/situations. It probably time to reassess your choices and how you find yourself in these negative situations
 

Tokyo_Funk

Member
Dec 10, 2018
2,729
So What’s wrong with you?

Not to be rude, but you are the common thread in all these experiences/situations. It probably time to reassess your choices and how you find yourself in these negative situations
Let's see, I have 2 bachelor degrees, 3 diplomas, a qualified chef, I am fit, I do martial arts, I get told I am kind and funny, but I do have an awkward side due to Aspergers. I am not blaming any of the girls in any of the cases, I am just frustrated that I always get weird outcomes. It's never "We don't get along, let's break up" it is " I'm going to go get beaten up by a dude and then come back crying on your door with his name carved in my back with a knife and then explain to you how you were right but you don't understand" kind of shit.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
Let's see, I have 2 bachelor degrees, 3 diplomas, a qualified chef, I am fit, I do martial arts, I get told I am kind and funny, but I do have an awkward side due to Aspergers. I am not blaming any of the girls in any of the cases, I am just frustrated that I always get weird outcomes. It's never "We don't get along, let's break up" it is " I'm going to go get beaten up by a dude and then come back crying on your door with his name carved in my back with a knife and then explain to you how you were right but you don't understand" kind of shit.
So at the very least it seems like you let the wrong type of people into your life. Do you normally meet people IRL or online? What qualities do you look for in a person?
 

phonicjoy

Member
Jun 19, 2018
2,373
I met this girl and we get along really really well. We have a date planned for christmas eve, and I was looking forward to it. She told me yesterday she's polyamorous, but hasnt had a relationship like that yet. She was married when she was younger, divorced, tried living with someone two times in the span of six years, and decided the monogamous thing wasnt for her.
The thing is, I dont think non-monogamous is for me. I'm way too jealous, but I know its something I have to work on and I want to work on it. So the question is do I pursue this thing that could leave me in shatters or keep at it and get to grips that every relationship ends eventually and we might just make the best of the time we have. We've only had a coffee date, she went to my side of town, through the rain, with a 30 min notice, because I was expecting a delivery and couldn't get too far away from my house. She's smart, funny, has style, and we kissed right there in the coffee shop. I haven't felt a connection like this in years and I'm welling up talking about it.
 

BobbeMalle

Member
Dec 5, 2017
705
I met this girl and we get along really really well. We have a date planned for christmas eve, and I was looking forward to it. She told me yesterday she's polyamorous, but hasnt had a relationship like that yet. She was married when she was younger, divorced, tried living with someone two times in the span of six years, and decided the monogamous thing wasnt for her.
The thing is, I dont think non-monogamous is for me. I'm way too jealous, but I know its something I have to work on and I want to work on it. So the question is do I pursue this thing that could leave me in shatters or keep at it and get to grips that every relationship ends eventually and we might just make the best of the time we have. We've only had a coffee date, she went to my side of town, through the rain, with a 30 min notice, because I was expecting a delivery and couldn't get too far away from my house. She's smart, funny, has style, and we kissed right there in the coffee shop. I haven't felt a connection like this in years and I'm welling up talking about it.
Working on your jealous side has nothing to do with being ok with polyamory. If you're not ok with it, it's really hard to make it work, and i don't blame you. I wouldn't go for it.
 

phonicjoy

Member
Jun 19, 2018
2,373
Working on your jealous side has nothing to do with being ok with polyamory. If you're not ok with it, it's really hard to make it work, and i don't blame you. I wouldn't go for it.
Its also that I've been thinking about polyamorie myself. I've had issues in relationships developing feelingsfor other people while still being totally in love with my partner. But the idea that my partner would go through the same thing is still really hard.

Part of me thinks that I'm actually polyamorous but I cant break my programming. But does that matter when the end result is still me lying in bed with my heart racing at the thought of my partner being with someone else?

And i have a few poly friends who all when through so much heartbreak, with husbands suddenly realizing they'd rather live with someone else, boyfriends not being honest about going on dates, and a total lack of communication and attention leading to depression.

Wish she wasnt so amazing.