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DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Kerrick

Member
Oct 28, 2017
48
You guys ever dated single mothers? I met someone amazing a couple of months ago and we hit it off pretty fast. The only problem is that she has a three year old and since I've never liked kids, I completely suck at interacting with them.

Do you guys think this is a deal breaker? I really don't mind the kid but she gets kinda upset when she brings her and I don't play/interact too much.
Yesterday she was pretty upset because her daughter preferred to stay with her grandma than come here with her and told me that her kid will always come first and if she doesn't like me, we're done.
 

Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
3,608
You guys ever dated single mothers? I met someone amazing a couple of months ago and we hit it off pretty fast. The only problem is that she has a three year old and since I've never liked kids, I completely suck at interacting with them.

Do you guys think this is a deal breaker? I really don't mind the kid but she gets kinda upset when she brings her and I don't play/interact too much.
Yesterday she was pretty upset because her daughter preferred to stay with her grandma than come here with her and told me that her kid will always come first and if she doesn't like me, we're done.
I'm 33 and the pressure to procreate in society is enormous, so single mothers are about all that's available to me.

That said, I'm still cautious. Parenthood adds a layer of complexity to a new relationship, especially if the other parent is any way still in the picture.

As for your particular case, I'd be extremely wary. I can't imagine introducing my kid to a new partner. That shit wouldn't happen until waaaaay further down the line, and women who throw their motherhood in a prospective partner's face right off the bat with that "my kid(s) will ALWAYS come first" shit always get the side-eye from me.
 

Thequietone

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,408
I think my coworker is into me. She said I had a great body underneath my clothes (I was fully dressed don't worry.) Think she wanted to say ass or something because she trailed off on her sentence before saying body. Been asking me questions like if I was married, single, or have any kids. Then she just called me baby out of nowhere the other day. It's all so sudden as she only recently started talking to me as we only work roughly 20 minutes together a day and not every day. I know the general advice is never date coworkers but she's my type. I've never heard her call anyone baby before, but then again I'm not around her often. I guess I'm unsure if she actually wants something or if she is just casually flirting with me. I'm real bad at picking up flirtation but even this seems obvious? IDK
 

Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
3,608
I think my coworker is into me. She said I had a great body underneath my clothes (I was fully dressed don't worry.) Think she wanted to say ass or something because she trailed off on her sentence before saying body. Been asking me questions like if I was married, single, or have any kids. Then she just called me baby out of nowhere the other day. It's all so sudden as she only recently started talking to me as we only work roughly 20 minutes together a day and not every day. I know the general advice is never date coworkers but she's my type. I've never heard her call anyone baby before, but then again I'm not around her often. I guess I'm unsure if she actually wants something or if she is just casually flirting with me. I'm real bad at picking up flirtation but even this seems obvious? IDK
I'd still be wary of dating coworkers but otherwise yes bruh, she's hitting on you.
 

Seirith

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,287
You guys ever dated single mothers? I met someone amazing a couple of months ago and we hit it off pretty fast. The only problem is that she has a three year old and since I've never liked kids, I completely suck at interacting with them.

Do you guys think this is a deal breaker? I really don't mind the kid but she gets kinda upset when she brings her and I don't play/interact too much.
Yesterday she was pretty upset because her daughter preferred to stay with her grandma than come here with her and told me that her kid will always come first and if she doesn't like me, we're done.
I would agree with her, if you are not good around children and her child does not like you, that would make it hard to date you and her child should be #1. Her child did not ask to be born nor did they ask to have their mother and father separate and both be dating other people. Also, her child is still young and will be a big focus in her life for many years. If you don't like kids, it sounds like a single mother with a young child might not be the best person for you to date.
 

jvalioli

Member
Oct 27, 2017
278
Someone recognized me on Hinge from the gym. Not really interested in dating her so it might be a little awkward.
 

Advc

Member
Nov 3, 2017
2,510
I gave up on tinder for the 493485th time. Only a single match in like a month and is the usual girl with annoying one word answers that takes days to message back. I cancelled the match not before telling her how boring it was trying to talk with her because god damn this is getting ridiculous. 2019 was the worst year to me socially speaking. Didn't met a single girl and didn't go out with anybody cuz I don't have any friends either. And all of this had to hit me today, on Christmas eve... joy. It's weird because I used to get matches on Tinder frequently and having awesome conversations few years ago. Girls are either getting more cold/sassy in general or I'm just getting uglier.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,405
Had a date set up with a girl from Hinge today. It’s supposed to be in less than an hour from now but I haven’t heard from her all day despite sending a text this morning to confirm. So definitely not going out to meet her. I’ve been stood up before. Really don’t know why people do this.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,339
California
Had a date set up with a girl from Hinge today. It’s supposed to be in less than an hour from now but I haven’t heard from her all day despite sending a text this morning to confirm. So definitely not going out to meet her. I’ve been stood up before. Really don’t know why people do this.
They're shitty people. Found this profile the other day, putting up with her shit is not "strong' or survival of the fittest.
 
Last edited:
Nov 17, 2017
8,405
Plot twist, she messages “on my way!” 15 minutes before date and everything goes great..
Lol so this actually happened. Ended up being late since I would’ve had to leave earlier than that but she was running a bit late anyway. Was a good date. The place we were planning to go was closed but we ended up going to Starbucks and then sitting in a park for a little over an hour.
 

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,156
Part of me thinks that I'm actually polyamorous but I cant break my programming. But does that matter when the end result is still me lying in bed with my heart racing at the thought of my partner being with someone else?

Wish she wasnt so amazing.
You know how you're feeling that if you don't pull the trigger on this one, she might go out and date someone else? Imagine feeling that way constantly the rest of your life. Maybe it's worth exploring, but you're not sounding like the poly type imo.

Lol so this actually happened. Ended up being late since I would’ve had to leave earlier than that but she was running a bit late anyway. Was a good date. The place we were planning to go was closed but we ended up going to Starbucks and then sitting in a park for a little over an hour.
Dawww. Nice reminder that not everyone fits into a box and to be careful about becoming jaded to the whole dating thing :)
 

Minamu

Member
Nov 18, 2017
928
Sweden
What's a good answer to the inevitable online dating question "what are you looking for here?"

Got it tonight, I had decided to try Tinder one last time for the year now that I'm back home in my childhood home over xmas. I went with the honest route and said that "since I don't normally live here, I'm not exactly searching for something specific today, I'll take it as it comes, how about you?"

Her response was to delete me. Not sure where/if I did something wrong. She had a blank profile, which usually means nothing serious to me. My profile says I'm only visiting briefly as well. If she didn't bother reading the profile and just thought I looked hot, why this sudden knee jerk reaction? Lol.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,405
Can't remember, I have mine set from 21 to 30 but yea L.A. women on hinge love bragging about how flaky and terrible at texting they are.
I’ve seen a few like that on the east coast. Well, at least they’re honest about it and can easily be avoided haha

What's a good answer to the inevitable online dating question "what are you looking for here?"

Got it tonight, I had decided to try Tinder one last time for the year now that I'm back home in my childhood home over xmas. I went with the honest route and said that "since I don't normally live here, I'm not exactly searching for something specific today, I'll take it as it comes, how about you?"

Her response was to delete me. Not sure where/if I did something wrong. She had a blank profile, which usually means nothing serious to me. My profile says I'm only visiting briefly as well. If she didn't bother reading the profile and just thought I looked hot, why this sudden knee jerk reaction? Lol.
She probably just wasn’t looking for something brief. I don’t think a blank profile for a woman is necessarily saying she wants something brief. It might just mean she doesn’t need to have a bio because guys will match with her anyway. She probably didn’t even read your bio.
 

Scotch

Member
Oct 28, 2017
85
I gave up on tinder for the 493485th time. Only a single match in like a month and is the usual girl with annoying one word answers that takes days to message back. I cancelled the match not before telling her how boring it was trying to talk with her because god damn this is getting ridiculous. 2019 was the worst year to me socially speaking. Didn't met a single girl and didn't go out with anybody cuz I don't have any friends either. And all of this had to hit me today, on Christmas eve... joy. It's weird because I used to get matches on Tinder frequently and having awesome conversations few years ago. Girls are either getting more cold/sassy in general or I'm just getting uglier.
I've had great success on Tinder a few years ago, but my impression lately is that Tinder's audience is skewing more and more towards the "ONS type". It's just a feeling, but as someone who's never had much luck with those kinds of girls (as opposed to girls looking for something more serious), I'm seeing so many of them on Tinder and not getting as many matches as before. Could be all in my head, I don't know.

I can recommend Happn, it seems to have a bit more "serious" reputation among the women I've spoken to.
 
Oct 27, 2017
32
Hi, I'd love if you guys could help me sort though my feelings after getting rejected for the first time.

I'm 28 and up until a month ago I had never been on a date. I took up dancing back in January and I met someone through my dance practices in late May/June and become pretty good friends with them. Then in November, with some encouragement from my other friends I manage to muster up enough courage to ask her out and to my surprise she says yes. We go on two dates that I thought were pretty good but towards the end of the second one she tells me that she sees more of a platonic relationship between us. I was disappointed but ultimately OK with it, I can admit that our dates had more of a "two friends hanging out and catching up" vibe than "two people making a genuine romantic connection". Honestly my worst case scenario with asking her out was always that things would get awkward between us and that I would lose a good friend so I'm glad that didn't happen.

I've seen her at some dances a few times since our last date and things have been fine. We talked and danced like we normally do, though I feel a little more awkward that usual. I guess what I'm really asking is how do I get over this feeling that I dropped the ball and let a chance at a good relationship get away from me? When I'm at home or have a slow day at work I'm constantly thinking about what I potentially did wrong, "Did I not ask enough questions", "Should I have initiated more physical contact", "Should I have flirted more?" etc.

I'm happy that I asked her out and enjoyed the time that I did get to spend with her one on one. The reason I started dancing in the first place was to help me work through my social anxiety so that fact that I manged to go on a date at all really shows how far I've come. But I keep beating myself up thinking that my lack of experience is what kept this relationship from progressing even though it most likely just a lack of chemistry on her end.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,405
Is it? Unless the daughter is almost out of the house this is just common sense.
Definitely a red flag in terms of the relationship not working out. The mom wants a specific relationship between the guy and her daughter and it doesn’t seem like that’s gonna happen, especially if she’s already put pressure on it situation. Kind of just seems like a matter of time now.

On a side note, I never understand why some mothers on dating apps use the line “my child will always come first” in their bios. That just seems like a given.
 

SugarNoodles

Banned
Nov 3, 2017
8,402
Portland, OR
Hi, I'd love if you guys could help me sort though my feelings after getting rejected for the first time.

I'm 28 and up until a month ago I had never been on a date. I took up dancing back in January and I met someone through my dance practices in late May/June and become pretty good friends with them. Then in November, with some encouragement from my other friends I manage to muster up enough courage to ask her out and to my surprise she says yes. We go on two dates that I thought were pretty good but towards the end of the second one she tells me that she sees more of a platonic relationship between us. I was disappointed but ultimately OK with it, I can admit that our dates had more of a "two friends hanging out and catching up" vibe than "two people making a genuine romantic connection". Honestly my worst case scenario with asking her out was always that things would get awkward between us and that I would lose a good friend so I'm glad that didn't happen.

I've seen her at some dances a few times since our last date and things have been fine. We talked and danced like we normally do, though I feel a little more awkward that usual. I guess what I'm really asking is how do I get over this feeling that I dropped the ball and let a chance at a good relationship get away from me? When I'm at home or have a slow day at work I'm constantly thinking about what I potentially did wrong, "Did I not ask enough questions", "Should I have initiated more physical contact", "Should I have flirted more?" etc.

I'm happy that I asked her out and enjoyed the time that I did get to spend with her one on one. The reason I started dancing in the first place was to help me work through my social anxiety so that fact that I manged to go on a date at all really shows how far I've come. But I keep beating myself up thinking that my lack of experience is what kept this relationship from progressing even though it most likely just a lack of chemistry on her end.
Good relationships don’t happen between people that see the other person as more of a platonic relationship.

Her not being interested in you romantically is a compatibility issue, not an issue of how you acted or what you did/said. It has nothing to do with whether or not you’re “good enough”
 

SugarNoodles

Banned
Nov 3, 2017
8,402
Portland, OR
Definitely a red flag in terms of the relationship not working out. The mom wants a specific relationship between the guy and her daughter and it doesn’t seem like that’s gonna happen, especially if she’s already put pressure on it situation. Kind of just seems like a matter of time now.
I mean, on the flip side isn’t dating a woman with a 3 year olds when you don’t like kids kind of a red flag?

On a side note, I never understand why some mothers on dating apps use the line “my child will always come first” in their bios. That just seems like a given.
I’m guessing they get some pretty bizarre expectations from people who either have no concept of what it takes to raise a child or are just shitty parents.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,405
I mean, on the flip side isn’t dating a woman with a 3 year olds when you don’t like kids kind of a red flag?
The way it's phrased in that original post, it doesn't look like they actually outright dislike kids but just suck at interacting with them. Obviously they could explain better than I but I got more of the impression that they met and hit it off and the kid scenario came into play later. Maybe they thought it would play out differently - it doesn't seem like they have experience dating single parents since they're here asking about it.


That's right fellas you heard it here first. You know who to ask for profile tips now 😉
And you're not even gonna show us your profile. SMH.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,339
California
If you were to go on a date with someone you dated before but haven't seen in a year would you personally greet them with a kiss in the lips?
 

DoradoWinston

Member
Apr 9, 2019
1,974
Do you guys think this is a deal breaker
instantly if the other parent is still in the picture if im being honest, shit can just get so uncomfortable otherwise.

Other than that it honestly depends on the kid if they are what ends up making it a deal breaker, if you are going to enter the mothers life you are also entering the kids so I would only feel completely comfortable if me and the kid could also get along. Kinda tricky but i feel like it wouldnt be fair to me, the mom or the kid if one of us were kinda out of sync you know
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,287
UK
If you were to go on a date with someone you dated before but haven't seen in a year would you personally greet them with a kiss in the lips?
No, that's quite intimate for a greeting and I would think kissing on the lips is only reserved for someone you're currently in a relationship with. Maybe at the end of the date if you were getting a romantic vibe from her.
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,526
Hope everybody had a Merry Christmas! Wow, couples sure like to post sentiment pictures together this time of year huh? Makes you feel pretty lonely if you let it.
 
Oct 30, 2017
6,167
I just got off a five hour phone call with an amazing woman that I was texting with for three days prior. It was already going great, we were talking about life, work, Harry Potter and other things. But then four hours into the call she drops the fact that she's into cosplay and anime on me...that's when I knew she's the one.

On a serious note, it's insane how depressed I was for the past couple of weeks after I didn't get with someone else and kept being on that one track mind. Now it turns out that that might've been the best thing to ever happen to me.

It's gonna be a great fucking year.
 

phonicjoy

Member
Jun 19, 2018
2,364
You know how you're feeling that if you don't pull the trigger on this one, she might go out and date someone else? Imagine feeling that way constantly the rest of your life. Maybe it's worth exploring, but you're not sounding like the poly type imo.
surprise twist, she’s probably not actually polyamorous, just promiscuous like I am. We met on Christmas Eve, had Chinese in a incredibly horrible place, I was tired af, she came home with me, we did some stuff and talked. We’ve had the same issues in relationships, she just came to the conclusion that being monogamous isn’t for her. She just broke up with her girlfriend so things are still very unstable, but I haven’t connected with anyone like this for so fucking long... told her every relationship mistake I made, every flaw I have, as did she. it was fucking liberating. We met the day after Christmas again, and there was just so much tension. Honestly if I never see her again, it’s worth it knowing someone made the same mistakes I did. Every horrible thing that happened is just a part of your personality if you have someone who can relate.
 

WorldofMiku

Member
Oct 27, 2017
746
I just got off a five hour phone call with an amazing woman that I was texting with for three days prior. It was already going great, we were talking about life, work, Harry Potter and other things. But then four hours into the call she drops the fact that she's into cosplay and anime on me...that's when I knew she's the one.

On a serious note, it's insane how depressed I was for the past couple of weeks after I didn't get with someone else and kept being on that one track mind. Now it turns out that that might've been the best thing to ever happen to me.

It's gonna be a great fucking year.
Have you even met the woman in person?
 
Oct 27, 2017
32
Good relationships don’t happen between people that see the other person as more of a platonic relationship.

Her not being interested in you romantically is a compatibility issue, not an issue of how you acted or what you did/said. It has nothing to do with whether or not you’re “good enough”
Yeah, I understand. While it sucks that she wasn't into me in the same way were probably both better off finding someone that we're more compatible with.

If I keep focusing on my self and meeting new people I'll find my match eventually. And at the end of the day I still have a really good friend.

Thanks!
 

shoptroll

Member
May 29, 2018
1,067
I just got off a five hour phone call with an amazing woman that I was texting with for three days prior. It was already going great, we were talking about life, work, Harry Potter and other things. But then four hours into the call she drops the fact that she's into cosplay and anime on me...that's when I knew she's the one.
That's always a good feeling. Best of luck to you!
 

Wikzo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
167
Denmark
Hi, I am trying to decide what pictures to use for my dating profile (and in what order). Any help would be much appreciated, thanks! :)

 
Oct 30, 2017
6,167
I just got off a five hour phone call with an amazing woman that I was texting with for three days prior. It was already going great, we were talking about life, work, Harry Potter and other things. But then four hours into the call she drops the fact that she's into cosplay and anime on me...that's when I knew she's the one.

On a serious note, it's insane how depressed I was for the past couple of weeks after I didn't get with someone else and kept being on that one track mind. Now it turns out that that might've been the best thing to ever happen to me.

It's gonna be a great fucking year.

I was at her place today. We snuggled, made out and talked for about six hours. Feeling really good about this one. Most likely gonna spend new years' eve with her.
 
Oct 30, 2017
6,167
Jesus how do people talk for so long? I'm so boring and hate small talk so much that I'm out of shit to say after like 1 hour.
I'm the same actually and that's a big fear that I have in dating. I'm usually a very quiet guy cause my life is boring as shit, lol. No one's more surprised about that long phone call and today than myself.

We didn't exactly talk for six hours. I just spent six hours at her place and talking was a large portion of what we did, among the other two things.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,405
Went on a second date with the ex coworker I mentioned before. Date was good but when I walked her to her car at the end, I tried going for a kiss and she kind of did a nervous “well bye!” and hurried into her car.

I took it in stride, didn’t react negatively or anything, but man did it make me realize I’m feeling pretty starved of physical intimacy. It was a deflating feeling. I feel like if you don’t want to kiss someone by the end of the second date that’s a bad sign but she also said she wants to see me again so I don’t know what to make of this anymore.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,339
California
Went on a second date with the ex coworker I mentioned before. Date was good but when I walked her to her car at the end, I tried going for a kiss and she kind of did a nervous “well bye!” and hurried into her car.

I took it in stride, didn’t react negatively or anything, but man did it make me realize I’m feeling pretty starved of physical intimacy. It was a deflating feeling. I feel like if you don’t want to kiss someone by the end of the second date that’s a bad sign but she also said she wants to see me again so I don’t know what to make of this anymore.
She either wants to take things super slow or she just said that just in case you're a psycho man that would react negatively to rejection. That would hurt me too, that's why I always ask if I can kiss them on the first time, I like getting the consent first.

I'm the same actually and that's a big fear that I have in dating. I'm usually a very quiet guy cause my life is boring as shit, lol. No one's more surprised about that long phone call and today than myself.

We didn't exactly talk for six hours. I just spent six hours at her place and talking was a large portion of what we did, among the other two things.
What subjects did you mostly talk about?
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,405
She either wants to take things super slow or she just said that just in case you're a psycho man that would react negatively to rejection. That would hurt me too, that's why I always ask if I can kiss them on the first time, I like getting the consent
I guess she might want to take it slow because she did just before that say she wanted to go to a specific place we talked about later. I’m certainly not used to that though. I’m fine taking it slow to get into a relationship but I want to see if there’s physical compatibility before investing a bunch of time. I don’t mean sex but just like if it feels weird to touch each other or kiss there’s a problem.

I’ve never asked for a kiss. It always seemed kind of weak and desperate. No offense, it obviously works for you, I just doubt I could pull it off without being really awkward.
 

CatAssTrophy

Member
Dec 4, 2017
1,638
Texas
Jesus how do people talk for so long? I'm so boring and hate small talk so much that I'm out of shit to say after like 1 hour.
Sometimes when you really click with someone it just happens.

Me and the last person I dated were like that a lot in the beginning. Our first date we talked so long that before we knew it the bar was closing, and the date started at 7pm. (so 7 hours!)

Then we went to my place and talked (and kissed) for another hour. After that, the next handful of dates we went on was just packed with us talking about stuff, asking about each other's lives, and always having this sense of wanting to know more about the other person. The discussion was just easy and came naturally.

I really hope it's like that with the next person I find. :(