DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Oct 26, 2017
5,725
Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.
 
Oct 30, 2017
6,178
What subjects did you mostly talk about?
Work, family, kids, relationships, marriage (in general, not us two obviously), views on life and what not. Just the general stuff that you talk about when you get to really know someone I guess. I also found out that she likes comicbook movies, which is just icing on the cake. It's a bit scary how well we fit tbh, because it feels like I peaked in that regard lol. I'm just surprised she doesn't like videogames at this point (although she doesn't dislike them as far as I can tell).

She told me that the last date that she had with a guy was just terrible and I think it's safe to say that neither of us are really people people, you know, those types who can just have long ass conversations with anybody. It's just dumb luck really.
 
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Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,342
UK
Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.
Ah of course the Amazonian wave of feminism! I'm now curious how this same-gender community works in tandem with heterosexual relationships.
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,725
Ah of course the Amazonian wave of feminism! I'm now curious how this same-gender community works in tandem with heterosexual relationships.
Basically it doesn't. I guess men give their sperm and women are artificially inseminated. Unless artificial wombs are invented by that time?
It was an intriguing encounter for sure, though! I still don't completely understand why she wanted to meet in the first place. I think perhaps she wasn't planning on steering the conversation in this direction but something I said must have unintentionally triggered her.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
Basically it doesn't. I guess men give their sperm and women are artificially inseminated. Unless artificial wombs are invented by that time?
It was an intriguing encounter for sure, though! I still don't completely understand why she wanted to meet in the first place. I think perhaps she wasn't planning on steering the conversation in this direction but something I said must have unintentionally triggered her.
Seems like it. I don’t think many people would enjoy having their date night turned into them giving a lecture on a topic like that
 

Servbot24

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
21,491
Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.
That's not feminism for the record
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,342
UK
Basically it doesn't. I guess men give their sperm and women are artificially inseminated. Unless artificial wombs are invented by that time?
It was an intriguing encounter for sure, though! I still don't completely understand why she wanted to meet in the first place. I think perhaps she wasn't planning on steering the conversation in this direction but something I said must have unintentionally triggered her.
Sperm surrogates, got it. But not just for same-gender couples I guess. Men only needed for procreation. Fascinating if it didn't happen in a date context.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,552
Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.
This is super weird to me and I honestly have no input other than I would’ve gone to the bathroom in the middle of the date and escaped through the window.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,388
California
Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.

Just because someone sounds confident about what they're talking about doesn't mean they are. Trump is a good example. I would definitely not date anyone who uses the term radical feminism since it's mostly used negatively by conservatives.
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,725
That's not feminism for the record
What is it then? I found a book by Shulamith Firestone that seemed to be in line with the ideas we discussed.
Specifically this portion was brought up more than once:
Just as to ensure elimination of economic classes requires the revolt of the underclass (the proletariat) and, in a temporary dictatorship, their seizure of the means of production, so to assure the elimination of sexual classes requires the revolt of the underclass (women) and the seizure of control of reproduction: not only the full restoration to women of ownership of their own bodies, but also their [temporary] seizure of control of human fertility—the new population biology as well as all the social institutions of child-bearing and child-rearing. ... [T]he end goal of feminist revolution must be, unlike that of the first feminist movement, not just the elimination of male privilege but of the sex distinction itself: genital differences between human beings would no longer matter culturally.
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,725
This is super weird to me and I honestly have no input other than I would’ve gone to the bathroom in the middle of the date and escaped through the window.
I admittedly have a weird and not necessarily healthy fetish for rabbit-hole conversations such as this. Also like I said I must have freaked her out or something because I doubt this is how she had envisioned the evening.
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,552
I admittedly have a weird and not necessarily healthy fetish for rabbit-hole conversations such as this. Also like I said I must have freaked her out or something because I doubt this is how she had envisioned the evening.
You think you freaked her out? Cause I was speaking as if I were in your shoes. Were you the one to bring up gender politics?

To me, that just seems like such a bizarre and uncomfortable topic for a first date but I suppose whatever works for you? And to refer to something you said initially:

I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?
Not to be dismissive but to me this doesn't really seem to fall within the realm of dating advice. Based on the fact that you're already looking up books on the subjects, I'd say that's probably the best way to learn more about what you're asking about. Not really sure what people could really do for you here.
 

Servbot24

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
21,491
What is it then? I found a book by Shulamith Firestone that seemed to be in line with the ideas we discussed.
Specifically this portion was brought up more than once:
Feminism means you think that men and women should be treated equally in all aspects, meaning that women will require an improvement from where they are now socially

Saying that men and women should be segregated to separate communities is flat earth insanity
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,725
You think you freaked her out? Cause I was speaking as if I were in your shoes. Were you the one to bring up gender politics?

To me, that just seems like such a bizarre and uncomfortable topic for a first date but I suppose whatever works for you?
I was not the one to bring it up and it was indeed bizarre and uncomfortable. Reading my first post again I think she got in my head and messed with it a bit.
I'll have to figure out why I let that happen...

And to refer to something you said initially:


Not to be dismissive but to me this doesn't really seem to fall within the realm of dating advice. Based on the fact that you're already looking up books on the subjects, I'd say that's probably the best way to learn more about what you're asking about. Not really sure what people could really do for you here.
Don't worry about it, it's not dismissive in the slightest. I searched for a gender politics OT before posting in here.
 
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Oct 27, 2017
1,741
You think you freaked her out? Cause I was speaking as if I were in your shoes. Were you the one to bring up gender politics?

To me, that just seems like such a bizarre and uncomfortable topic for a first date but I suppose whatever works for you? And to refer to something you said initially:


Not to be dismissive but to me this doesn't really seem to fall within the realm of dating advice. Based on the fact that you're already looking up books on the subjects, I'd say that's probably the best way to learn more about what you're asking about. Not really sure what people could really do for you here.
You're weirded out about not kissing or touching by the second date but gender politics are too uncomfortable for you to broach. We need more women in this thread.
 

Servbot24

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
21,491
You're weirded out about not kissing or touching by the second date but gender politics are too uncomfortable for you to broach. We need more women in this thread.
Oh calm down with the accusations. Opening a first date with a speech about how men and women should be separated into isolated communities is weird.

We do need more women in the thread though.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,741
Oh calm down with the accusations. Opening a first date with a speech about how men and women should be separated into isolated communities is weird.

We do need more women in the thread though.
Given the generations of gender disparity, violence, and oppression, I find it entirely okay if not stimulating (as the original poster did) to entertain a feminist utopia with harm reduction as a central aim. The run-for-the-hills response is textbook male chauvinism.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
I was in Thailand. As was she.

I was living in a MMA gym at the time and my Tinder profile made me look like your typical athletic adventurous bro type who likes to drink/party

I said I was up for anything, she asked if I wanted to go to a transgender strip club (It’s a Thailand thing) I said sure.

We had dinner somewhere nice and started talking. In general I’m a light/non drinker who’s a bit nerdy, can pretend to be intelligent long enough to have an intelligent conversation, like nature/kindness. We talked a lot about how we were as kids and how we became the people we were. Then went to a strip club.

It was pleasant overall. Said GN with a hug. She added me on Insta.
 

Servbot24

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
21,491
Given the generations of gender disparity, violence, and oppression, I find it entirely okay if not stimulating (as the original poster did) to entertain a feminist utopia with harm reduction as a central aim. The run-for-the-hills response is textbook male chauvinism.
No it’s not. And frankly I find your not-so-subtle accusation towards myself to be both unwarranted and toxic.
 

Seirith

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,290
Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.
If a guy I was on a date with told me men and women should live seperate I would have ended the date right then and there. That is crazy to me, as a women I would never even think to suggest that or think that would be a good idea.
 
Oct 27, 2017
455
Went on a second date with the ex coworker I mentioned before. Date was good but when I walked her to her car at the end, I tried going for a kiss and she kind of did a nervous “well bye!” and hurried into her car.

I took it in stride, didn’t react negatively or anything, but man did it make me realize I’m feeling pretty starved of physical intimacy. It was a deflating feeling. I feel like if you don’t want to kiss someone by the end of the second date that’s a bad sign but she also said she wants to see me again so I don’t know what to make of this anymore.
Since my ex moved out 18 months ago, the most intimacy I've achieved is some kissing with a single person, and it didn't get past 4 dates anyway. Up until a month ago, I wasn't really bothered by it. Now it's manifesting in some really annoying depression-like emotions. This must be what people talk about in terms of partnering up for the winter months because it kind of blows otherwise?
 
Nov 17, 2017
8,552
Since my ex moved out 18 months ago, the most intimacy I've achieved is some kissing with a single person, and it didn't get past 4 dates anyway. Up until a month ago, I wasn't really bothered by it. Now it's manifesting in some really annoying depression-like emotions. This must be what people talk about in terms of partnering up for the winter months because it kind of blows otherwise?
Yeah, I think one of the biggest things I miss after being out of a long term relationship is the physical intimacy. Like not even just the kissing or the sex but also cuddling or even something as simple as prolonged physical contact like shoulders or legs touching when sitting beside each other. I didn't realize how very little I'm touched by another person, like even just simple hugs. I don't know about you but I get seasonal depression so Winter is literally the toughest time for me to be wanting that sort of thing. I think that's what most people talk about when they bring up "cuffing season."
 

shoptroll

Member
May 29, 2018
1,084
Yeah, I think one of the biggest things I miss after being out of a long term relationship is the physical intimacy. Like not even just the kissing or the sex but also cuddling or even something as simple as prolonged physical contact like shoulders or legs touching when sitting beside each other. I didn't realize how very little I'm touched by another person, like even just simple hugs.
You're not alone. That's definitely something I've struggled with since ending my last relationship. The funny thing is that I didn't realize how much that mattered to me until after I was out of the relationship. Don't get me wrong, I've always been one who likes cuddling, hand holding, and being touched in general but I didn't know how important it was to me until a couple months into the breakup. And given how withdrawn my partner and I were getting in the months leading up to the breakup I think it might have been one of the subconscious reasons I wanted out.
 

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,215
Just broke up with the girl I've been dating for 2 months. Nothing cataclysmic, just didn't gel as much as we'd like. Honestly this felt like the adult relationship I've had. The talk was so logical and matter-of-fact. She was an amazingly great human being. I'll probably take a month+ break before trying again, but man, I truly felt good that we did this (and ended it). Feeling pretty sky's the limit atm.
 
Oct 30, 2017
6,178
Spending new year's eve at her place. Gonna order some food, cuddle and watch Netflix. A+

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.
No one's mad at you for bailing now, you know. I know we live in a PC era of understanding but come on, there's limits.
 

esseesse

Member
Oct 27, 2017
452
Hey ERA!

So the new year is coming up and since this the most cliché time to make resolutions I figured I'd cave in and ask advice and opinions on a problem I'm facing.

So I have been dating this girl for 6 months and we agreed on starting a relationship beginning December. Last week we had this difficult serious talk and we both realized that the relationship is unbalanced as in, I like her more than she does me. We started talking the next day and had a very constructive conversation. We want to build something, we both believe there is something very good in us and she wants to be there for me as much as I am there for her. Mind you, she doesn't love me they I do but is willing to make an effort and believes things have a good chance of working and she believes things will change for her in a way that she finds love for me. It takes more time for her.

In sum, I know what I want from a relationship and I want someone that looks upon me they I do for her. It was really frustrating to hear all of that, despite deep down me knowing, and I feel that I had no self-respect for me whatsoever. I want to work on that.

Honestly I really like her and I feel there is a good chance if we communicate that things might work but at the same time feel that I might get hurt a lot in process or if things fail to succeeded.

My heart tells to stay but my brain tells me to bail. I feel there is a great connection between us and she likes me. The fact that she acknowledged and really wants to be there for me fills me with joy but also fear. I'm not ready to give up but I can't stop thinking in the negative outcome and that isn't great at all.
 
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Rephil

Member
Nov 16, 2017
36
Personally, I'd bail. I'd be too impatient. 6 months in and you guys aren't really on the same page with different levels of investment, I don't really see it changing despite both of you wanting more. Of course people open up and develop deeper connections at different speeds, but it's difficult when that development isn't in alignment between the two parties.

Did you discuss how things would shift and become more balanced between you two? Is it just going to be a waiting game to see if a deeper love grows? Because I'm not sure how that would even occur. Just saying you think there's a connection/future/potential and that you'd like things to be a certain way doesn't really mean much without action.

It's a tough situation :/ Good luck!
 

Gotdatmoney

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,660
Hey ERA!

So the new year is coming up and since this the most cliché time to make resolutions I figured I'd cave in and ask advice and opinions on a problem I'm facing.

So I have been dating this girl for 6 months and we agreed on starting a relationship beginning December. Last week we had this difficult serious talk and we both realized that the relationship is unbalanced as in, I like her more than she does me. We started talking the next day and had a very constructive conversation. We want to build something, we both believe there is something very good in us and she wants to be there for me as much as I am there for her. Mind you, she doesn't love me they I do but is willing to make an effort and believes things have a good chance of working and she believes things will change for her in a way that she finds love for me. It takes more time for her.

In sum, I know what I want from a relationship and I want someone that looks upon me they I do for her. It was really frustrating to hear all of that, despite deep down me knowing, and I feel that I had no self-respect for me whatsoever. I want to work on that.

Honestly I really like her and I feel there is a good chance if we communicate that things might work but at the same time feel that I might get hurt a lot in process or if things fail to succeeded.

My heart tells to stay but my brain tells me to bail. I feel there is a great connection between us and she likes me. The fact that she acknowledged and really wants to be there for me fills me with joy but also fear. I'm not ready to give up but I can't stop thinking in the negative outcome and that isn't great at all.
The beginning of the relationship is suppose to be the infatuation stage, if she aint feel it now I don't see what more time alone is suppose to do. The way you describe it seems like you really like her a lot and she just sorta enjoys your company.

Not saying you should break up or whatever though, that's a decision you need to make based on what you feel. Just read what you wrote and ask yourself if this is really what you want.
 

esseesse

Member
Oct 27, 2017
452
Personally, I'd bail. I'd be too impatient. 6 months in and you guys aren't really on the same page with different levels of investment, I don't really see it changing despite both of you wanting more. Of course people open up and develop deeper connections at different speeds, but it's difficult when that development isn't in alignment between the two parties.

Did you discuss how things would shift and become more balanced between you two? Is it just going to be a waiting game to see if a deeper love grows? Because I'm not sure how that would even occur. Just saying you think there's a connection/future/potential and that you'd like things to be a certain way doesn't really mean much without action.

It's a tough situation :/ Good luck!
I've always been a very patient person so personally I can deal with a certain level of impatience. Obviously in our very serious conversation I blew up but both saw it coming sooner or later.

She says she will try to be more present and spend more time with me alongside being more communicative and talkative over-time. She says she really means it that she will try. I don't personally believe it yet because they are only words really but I have some faith in it.

So in sum, I totally agree with you. Its still early to see any development other than the serious talk we had. Which hurts but it is positive.

Thanks! It sucks really, I feel terrible.

The beginning of the relationship is suppose to be the infatuation stage, if she aint feel it now I don't see what more time alone is suppose to do. The way you describe it seems like you really like her a lot and she just sorta enjoys your company.

Not saying you should break up or whatever though, that's a decision you need to make based on what you feel. Just read what you wrote and ask yourself if this is really what you want.
Before the conversation I would definitely tell you that no, this is something I don't want. However after all the conversation we had I have some faith that mights might change for the better as it was a really honest conversation. Honest conversations is something I really want from a relationship so in that regard I believe we made a step forward.

I just don't really know how I am going to deal with my emotions with the constant belief that things might go wrong. Everything is still fresh in mind so in that regard its only natural that I feel this way but still.

Everything up until now was absolutely amazing. Better than anything I have had with anyone else. Its hard to erase that and move forward.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
Hey ERA!

So the new year is coming up and since this the most cliché time to make resolutions I figured I'd cave in and ask advice and opinions on a problem I'm facing.

So I have been dating this girl for 6 months and we agreed on starting a relationship beginning December. Last week we had this difficult serious talk and we both realized that the relationship is unbalanced as in, I like her more than she does me. We started talking the next day and had a very constructive conversation. We want to build something, we both believe there is something very good in us and she wants to be there for me as much as I am there for her. Mind you, she doesn't love me they I do but is willing to make an effort and believes things have a good chance of working and she believes things will change for her in a way that she finds love for me. It takes more time for her.

In sum, I know what I want from a relationship and I want someone that looks upon me they I do for her. It was really frustrating to hear all of that, despite deep down me knowing, and I feel that I had no self-respect for me whatsoever. I want to work on that.

Honestly I really like her and I feel there is a good chance if we communicate that things might work but at the same time feel that I might get hurt a lot in process or if things fail to succeeded.

My heart tells to stay but my brain tells me to bail. I feel there is a great connection between us and she likes me. The fact that she acknowledged and really wants to be there for me fills me with joy but also fear. I'm not ready to give up but I can't stop thinking in the negative outcome and that isn't great at all.
This sounds pretty normal. Love doesn’t have a schedule and she has told you she loves you by saying that she wants to be good for you. It’s just going to take her longer to say the words.

Give it until March, be generous with your love. And see what happens.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
Uh, no. Preventing women from facing male violence would be the utopian ideal here.
The way that post described it, their definition of a Utopia was the seperation of men and women. Sure you can’t have male perpetrators in a society without men, however that doesn’t fix much since women can be just as cruel as men. Just ask any woman who went to a single gender school.
 

Sunster

The Fallen
Oct 5, 2018
3,988
Just broke up with the girl I've been dating for 2 months. Nothing cataclysmic, just didn't gel as much as we'd like. Honestly this felt like the adult relationship I've had. The talk was so logical and matter-of-fact. She was an amazingly great human being. I'll probably take a month+ break before trying again, but man, I truly felt good that we did this (and ended it). Feeling pretty sky's the limit atm.
good relationships should start and end with that feeling tbh
 

SugarNoodles

Banned
Nov 3, 2017
8,402
Portland, OR
The way that post described it, their definition of a Utopia was the seperation of men and women. Sure you can’t have male perpetrators in a society without men, however that doesn’t fix much since women can be just as cruel as men. Just ask any woman who went to a single gender school.
I’m really not sure why you’re bringing up anecdotes agains the overwhelming statistical evidence of male violence against women.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
I’m really not sure why you’re bringing up anecdotes agains the overwhelming statistical evidence of male violence against women.
🙄🙄🙄

I’m not saying anything that detracts from the point that currently an overwhelming amount of violence against women is perpetrated my men. Finding a solution to this current problem is of paramount importance.

That doesn’t make segregation the answer. We also have case studies of how women act in single gender environments, and that hasn’t proven to eliminate violence against women. It can but won’t always reduce physical violence. But to quote Mean Girls “ It’s Girl World and the fighting is sneaky”
 

SugarNoodles

Banned
Nov 3, 2017
8,402
Portland, OR
🙄🙄🙄

I’m not saying anything that detracts from the point that currently an overwhelming amount of violence against women is perpetrated my men. Finding a solution to this current problem is of paramount importance.

That doesn’t make segregation the answer. We also have case studies of how women act in single gender environments, and that hasn’t proven to eliminate violence against women. It can but won’t always reduce physical violence. But to quote Mean Girls “ It’s Girl World and the fighting is sneaky”
Stop with the whataboutisms. No one is actually trying to enact gender based segregation.
 

Gotdatmoney

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,660
Before the conversation I would definitely tell you that no, this is something I don't want. However after all the conversation we had I have some faith that mights might change for the better as it was a really honest conversation. Honest conversations is something I really want from a relationship so in that regard I believe we made a step forward.

I just don't really know how I am going to deal with my emotions with the constant belief that things might go wrong. Everything is still fresh in mind so in that regard its only natural that I feel this way but still.

Everything up until now was absolutely amazing. Better than anything I have had with anyone else. Its hard to erase that and move forward.
Sounds to me like what you want to do is wait it out a bit more and see what happens. That's cool, just see what transpires and go from there.

In regards to what I bolded specifically, even in the most perfect relationship ever there is always the chance things can go wrong. Something can happen that changes things. You can't live in a perpetual state of fear that things may go wrong. Yes, it's a reality things may go wrong, that just has to be accepted because that's life in general. Things go well, things go poorly, you have unexpected blessings, you have unexpected pitfalls.

What you describe is an insecurity that really isn't relationship related. You simply have to yield that you don't have control over the future. Just enjoy what you have now man. Tomorrow isn't promised.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
Stop with the whataboutisms. No one is actually trying to enact gender based segregation.
Reread the original post. That’s exactly what the person efyu_lemonardo met up with suggested.

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Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.
 

SugarNoodles

Banned
Nov 3, 2017
8,402
Portland, OR
Reread the original post. That’s exactly what the person efyu_lemonardo met up with suggested.
Jesus. They even prefaced it with “in an ideal world” and furthermore we were talking about the following quote. You’re not slick.
Given the generations of gender disparity, violence, and oppression, I find it entirely okay if not stimulating (as the original poster did) to entertain a feminist utopia with harm reduction as a central aim. The run-for-the-hills response is textbook male chauvinism.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
3,718
Jesus. They even prefaced it with “in an ideal world” and furthermore we were talking about the following quote. You’re not slick.
The quote from PassiveObserver was in response to @efyu_lemonardo’s experience. That’s the start of this conversation. If you follow the conversation chain back to its inception. The “feminist Utopia” being referred to is the one being suggested by the self described radical feminist that efyu_lemonardo met up with.
 

shoptroll

Member
May 29, 2018
1,084
Not to be a downer, but it's a little sobering recognizing last night that I'm heading into another decade single again. On the bright side, I feel a lot more confident about my dating prospects going into 2020 than I did going into 2010.

So cheers everyone and wishing you all the best of luck in the new year.

Give it until March, be generous with your love. And see what happens.
esseesse I'm with jdstorm on this one. Definitely see how the next few months play out before bailing. You've at least done the healthy thing and communicated your needs to her at this point. If there's still an enthusiasm gap in a few months I think it's time to have another talk and figure out if she sees a future with you or not. Because I'd say at that point if she's not on your level she's not going to get there and it'd be better for both of you to try and find other people who are as enthusiastic to be with each of you.

Just broke up with the girl I've been dating for 2 months. Nothing cataclysmic, just didn't gel as much as we'd like. Honestly this felt like the adult relationship I've had. The talk was so logical and matter-of-fact. She was an amazingly great human being. I'll probably take a month+ break before trying again, but man, I truly felt good that we did this (and ended it). Feeling pretty sky's the limit atm.
I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. But it sounds like you two did the mature thing and recognized early on it wasn't going to last and decided to cut each other loose now instead of dragging it out. And it's always good when you can walk away with a positive opinion about your ex.