Here's some funny dating profiles I've stumbled upon in the past few weeks. The things people put in their profiles blow my mind sometimes. Lot's of mothers using their kids photo as their main profile photo (didn't screenshot any of those though)
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Ice skating sounds good. She'll love it. Since you have a good rapport if you wanted to try something romantic but only have a few hours try the cinema. It's a great chance to hold hands and potentially make out if both of you are comfortable/interested.
If you are going to a restaurant/coffee shop try and find one with a couch or corner booth. If she's calling them dates and is initiating physical contact (hugs) then she wants you to be in her physical space and probably wants you to make a move. Booths/couches allow that connection, holding hands ect which can be fun and cute.
I feel tempted to report those profiles. I''m like what are you thinking?
Yeah this is usually my move, just not used to doing it as a greeting haha
It's a skill that gets better with practice. If you like them teach them. If you don't dump them
Oh god I went on 8 dates with someone like that and they never got better
YMMV but I once dated a terrible kisser, and after a few dates I gently told her hold on, slow down, and kind of told her to just follow my lead. You can definitely improve like any skill.
Same here, if you haven't kissed, I would probably not do it as a greeting unless the circumstances are right haha
We talkin' about practice. Thanks for the feedback. We've only made out so far in large part due to the kissing being so dry. Taking another crack at it on Saturday.
That kind of situation is one of the reasons that kissing and any intimate contact seems scarier the older you get without any experience. So just from the perspective of someone who is embarrassingly inexperienced, please give them a chance.
Was psyching myself up to ask someone in my Japanese class out and while she was talking to another classmate I heard her mention she had a fiance. *Oof* I really thought our personalities and interests were a good match since we get along really well. Oh well.
There's another person I'm interested in, but not as much and I feel kind of bad that she's definitely my "second pick". It feels like pursuing her would be being dishonest or something, even though before I met the first girl I mentioned I was already thinking I should ask out the second girl (I knew her from last term).
Both girls I've gone on real dates with have ghosted me after so it's hard to keep motivated and sure of myself. And being reminded of how far behind I feel by realizing someone I was interested in is already engaged doesn't help much. *sigh*
Was psyching myself up to ask someone in my Japanese class out and while she was talking to another classmate I heard her mention she had a fiance. *Oof* I really thought our personalities and interests were a good match since we get along really well. Oh well.
There's another person I'm interested in, but not as much and I feel kind of bad that she's definitely my "second pick". It feels like pursuing her would be being dishonest or something, even though before I met the first girl I mentioned I was already thinking I should ask out the second girl (I knew her from last term).
Both girls I've gone on real dates with have ghosted me after so it's hard to keep motivated and sure of myself. And being reminded of how far behind I feel by realizing someone I was interested in is already engaged doesn't help much. *sigh*
So you feel like you are cheating on an unrequited crush (she's engaged and you never had a chance) and that's stopped you from taking a chance on someone you also like?
When you barely know someone it's okay if things don't click straight away. Or if you like another person at the start (but don't tell them that) if there's something there explore it and see what happens
Ghosting sucks but hang in there. Keep meeting people and remember if they ghosted they weren't the right person
First, you have to accept that ghosting has nothing to do with you. You will understand as soon as you end up on the opposite side of the situation. That is to say, rejecting someone is REALLY REALLY HARD. Doubly so for women because of the stereotypical male response to rejection.
Having done that, also realize that dates with two people are a drop in the bucket. I'm sure you have very particular tastes for someone to be your potential partner. So does everyone else. Despite what movies would like you to believe, finding that connection isn't easy. It isn't daunting because there are so. many. people in the world, but you're not getting it on your first or second shot. The best thing to do in this scenario is to make sure you're always taking something away. I'm sure there were traits in those women that probably gave you pause. Or things you flubbed that you thought you could've done better. Take those moments in. Those dates were incredibly, incredibly, incredibly valuable learning experiences. As long as you try to maintain that kind of attitude about it, you'll find yourself more relaxed because the stakes aren't as high and you'll have more fun because the outcome can be positive either way. It can be win-different kind of win instead of win-lose. You say you're already far behind, but following your posts, your trajectory seems great tbh. Don't psyche yourself out.
Just for reference, I went on 8 first dates before I went official with someone, and we broke up 2 months later. Don't regret it one bit because I've learned so much about myself and my dislikes that I thought I could overlook because of the positives.
Nonono, I feel like it's unfair to the "second choice" for her to have been my second choice. Even though obviously she doesn't know that and I wouldn't tell her. I guess it's just down to me letting go of the other person entirely, which I'm sure I can do. For now though I feel a little bad that the second person is "plan b" so to speak.
Thanks for the advice. Yeah I can't stand ghosting so I know that anyone who does it isn't the right person. It's just hard you know? Especially because I've got the biggest work and class load I've had in years on top of trying to take a chance at love on top of it all.
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Thank you for the understanding and advice too, it helps. I'm pretty sure I remember you gave me some advice back around November and I appreciate that too. In some ways I do feel more confident than before because of all of my experiences, including the good and the bad, but augh, in the moment that feeling of loss sucks when I realize it won't work.
I was gonna ask the engaged girl out quicker than I ever had with anyone in person so I do think I'm getting better with time. Intellectually I definitely get everything's a learning experience, but it's good to be reminded of that. This is a dumb analogy, but I guess dating is kind of like a roguelike, random circumstance that requires you to build experience with the general motion of things through many failed attempts but also relies on a bit of luck in the moment lol.
Thank you for your continued advice Lumination. =)
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If you don't mind me asking, how long did you wait to make it official and was it 2 months later that you broke up? I figured by the time things become official, you both know you want to stick around and make things work? Like I know people break up all the time, but I always figured making it official is some sort of a commitment level and to break it after only 2 months?
I have like little to no experience in this, which is why I ask.
In modern dating, there are countless romantic connections starting and stopping or never even starting off at all. When you go on a date with someone, you never know where they're coming from before going out with you. Maybe they had their eyes on someone but got ghosted. Maybe they just had a date with someone they thought was promising but it didn't work out? Maybe they had a crush on someone but they found out they were engaged.
It's doesn't really matter at this stage. It's dating. The opposite extreme would be that the first person anyone chooses to pursue romantically ends in marriage. You're just looking at romantic options. That's normal.
We went official about a month in, and broke up about two months later. Maybe it's different for other people, but for me (or us), being official just meant, "hey, I like you enough to not want to see other people, let's try to make this work". And we did! We doubled the frequency of hangouts and stayed indoors more often instead of constantly meeting up for dinner + activity or whatever. And the extra exposure to each other informed us that maybe we weren't as compatible as we thought (or would have liked). Having acknowledged that, the mature thing to do was to talk about it instead of letting it fester, and the agreement was to break up now while it was still early rather than wait until we became even more attached. So the arrangement worked as intended, I would say.
loool this is quite a cool way of looking at it tbh. Every run should teach you something, and then when you finally hit that run that starts you off with an OP weapon, you'll have the experience to not squander it away.
I'm currently dating someone who when we first met was my second choice #TeamAirplaneGirl, if you haven't even asked her out yet then you are just being overly neurotic. She might reject you too for all you know, nothings a given.
Feelings change over time so try and be less rigid
Edit: also your "first choice" was never a real option, so your "second choice" has likely been your best available option this whole time
Thanks for providing a broader perspective on this. I appreciate it.
I was actually curious about this too, so thanks for elaborating.
Oh you're that guy? I guess that's a fairly famous example of that kind of situation working out on ResetERA. Thanks for advice, I'll do my best to follow it.
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Haha I'm glad you agree! Guess the only difference is there's no real end state, just a reverse difficulty curve.
And to your edit jdstorm that's true enough isn't it? It's a good way to look at the situation.
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My guy, you don't even know if you are plan anything for this girl lol. She could not want to go on a date with you. You're problem is you already have built up this idea that your rankings and ideas matter in practice. It doesn't work like that. You're already too invested. She isn't plan b, she is just another person who you want to ask on a date.
The thing you need to understand about ghosting is that people don't want to engage in the whole aspect of rejecting someone they barely know. Someone else said it, it's not fun to reject someone. Especially for women because guys take it poorly. It's not a sign of poor charctter to ghost someone, especially when women do it to men. That is hundreds of social interactions with dudes guiding actions to the path of minimal conflict.
In regards to your work load. If you lead even a semi active social life you aren't going to magically gain more time. School is one of the best places to meet people. Thousands of people get into relationships during University and get stellar grades. It's not a particularly good excuse to not engage with people socially or romantically.
First time I'm posting in this thread, but I'm honestly a little lost here. I met an amazing woman on Tinder, we talked for some time and decided to meet up. It was a great first date for the both of us (lasted about 6 hours), she actually said so as well. During this date we were already thinking of future dates. Hell, she even asked if I'd consider moving to her city at one point (though not because of a potential relationship, just a general question), which totally caught me off guard.
So first date went well, kept talking and set up a second date. Again, it all felt great. Again, ideas were being thrown around for future dates. I offered her a ride home, but she refused so I didn't press it (it's a pretty long drive and she thought it was totally crazy to do that). The topic of movies came up and I figured I'd suggest a movie night at her place. She accepted, after I asked her if she was sure she was comfortable with that and she said she was. All in all, another great date.
So a couple of days later I asked her if we could set a date for said movie night. She then told me she thought it wasn't a good idea after all and that she feels a little pressured. We planned another date during the second one (not the movie night) and she added that she still wants to go through with that, but only as friends and without any expectations. I apoligised for making her feel pressured and putting her on the spot with my suggestion.
I'm honestly bamboozled at this point. Mind you, I'm not an idiot and I know damn well that she thought that night might have lead to me making a move or sex and that she wasn't ready for that, which I totally respect. I don't mind taking it slow and would'nt have written her off if she told me it was too soon. But now, it kinda feels like she has written me off for merely making a suggestion, even if I told her multiple times that it wasn't a problem at all if she wasn't comfortable with that. Depending on who I talk to about it, the conclusion is that either she friendzoned me and it's never going to work OR she's simply telling me to take it slow and we'll see what happens. I agreed on the next date (which she seemed happy about), but that's not for a couple of weeks from now, so I figured it's best to give her some breathing room at this point.
Thoughts?
So first date went well, kept talking and set up a second date. Again, it all felt great. Again, ideas were being thrown around for future dates. I offered her a ride home, but she refused so I didn't press it (it's a pretty long drive and she thought it was totally crazy to do that). The topic of movies came up and I figured I'd suggest a movie night at her place. She accepted, after I asked her if she was sure she was comfortable with that and she said she was. All in all, another great date.
So a couple of days later I asked her if we could set a date for said movie night. She then told me she thought it wasn't a good idea after all and that she feels a little pressured. We planned another date during the second one (not the movie night) and she added that she still wants to go through with that, but only as friends and without any expectations. I apoligised for making her feel pressured and putting her on the spot with my suggestion.
I'm honestly bamboozled at this point. Mind you, I'm not an idiot and I know damn well that she thought that night might have lead to me making a move or sex and that she wasn't ready for that, which I totally respect. I don't mind taking it slow and would'nt have written her off if she told me it was too soon. But now, it kinda feels like she has written me off for merely making a suggestion, even if I told her multiple times that it wasn't a problem at all if she wasn't comfortable with that. Depending on who I talk to about it, the conclusion is that either she friendzoned me and it's never going to work OR she's simply telling me to take it slow and we'll see what happens. I agreed on the next date (which she seemed happy about), but that's not for a couple of weeks from now, so I figured it's best to give her some breathing room at this point.
Thoughts?
I'd be really curious about how people feel about this because whenever I hear this from a potential date, it never bodes well.
Doesn't seem like you did anything majorly wrong here. You liked her, and suggested a movie night so you two could get closer, after two prior fun dates. If she's not into that, then don't beat yourself up about it.
Though you didn't mention if you guys have been physical at all on the previous two dates: have you held hands, kissed, etc? I generally wouldn't invite a girl over to my place or vice versa unless I had already felt there was a physical connection - because yeah, generally those kinds of dates lead to cuddling, hooking up, or whatever - which could put pressure on someone who isn't ready for that.
I'd say go on the next date, and see how she responds. If it feels platonic, or she shies away from you holding hands or putting your arm around her, I'd move on.
Yeah, that seems like the way the go. It kinda feels like she hit the emergency reset button after panicking for whatever reason. But again, I respect that and if it doesn't go anywhere, so be it. What bugs me is this 'limbo' state we're currently in. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.
There has been no kissing at this point, no. There was flirting, getting very close to each other and all that, but nothing more. The mood wasn't right for that and the second date was in a very public setting and that didn't feel right.
It's a red flag to me that they are just not that into you, especially after a few dates. Honestly, if I don't feel someone is at the very least becoming interested in me after the first date, I let it go. I take it to mean a lack of chemistry. There's enough people out there you'll get positive energy from such that it's not worth chasing the ones only kind of sorta picking up what you're putting down.
Every successful relationship I had started with good, tangible, chemistry.
Just my $0.02.
I've heard this before a first date too, the "let's go out as friends, no expectations" and to me that's always been a red flag. Like we're out here trying to date, and if you're already not open to it, that doesn't bode well.
Yah. I think it's different for every individual, but I like to invest in relationships that start out with mutual interest, not "let's see what happens". It sets a tone I'm not comfortable with and makes me feel chemistry might not really be there. Of course, people have different relationship goals and expectations, so YMMV.
I've had girls mention "let's meet and go with the flow" which always made me take pause. But a few of my female friends told me they'll say that regardless because they don't want to come across as needy if they say they're looking for a relationship. It's hard to tell sometimes and like you said, YMMV.
Something I didn't notice before but am starting to realize now is that it's not always a good idea to talk about potential future dates on a first date. I used to think it was a good way to not get ghosted but I think what it can do for a lot of people is put a lot of pressure on things with expectations. The last girl I suggested a date to on a date ended up ghosting me so I assume I put her on the spot.
I think I never really understood it myself because knowing for certain there will be a date two puts me at ease as opposed to stressing me out. It's possible that this girl agreed to your date idea because it's hard to say no to a date proposal on the spot like that (and also easy to make a date proposal on the spot as I'm not saying the date ideas were all yours.) Then after the date when you're at home alone, you think "oh man, I agreed to do this and that and now it's a real thing and I gotta do it." That's why it seems like they suddenly aren't interested. At least, I imagine that's what its like cause I can be like that about non-romantic arrangements sometimes.
Yeah, I think that just means they want to go and see if there's chemistry and then things will naturally go from there. While there's no expectations, it's still clear that they are trying to date you.
If a girl specifically said "let's go out as friends and see what happens", that makes it feel like she isn't even trying to date at all. Personally, I feel like you need to have intent to develop something romantically or sexually in any capacity. If I'm out with someone who sees the whole thing as platonic, I already feel this barrier and it's nothing's going to happen because I've closed myself off to it. You can't capture a platonic to romantic development in a bottle like that.
If someone told me this I'd probably cut my losses and move on. Hell, she might only tell you this to soften the blow and hope you get the hint.
I don't think you did anything particularly wrong. Sometimes people say things during a date but then feel differently about it afterwards. I've had dates myself that lasted for hours and where I had a blast, only to wake up the next day and realize, I'm not into this person as much as I'd hope. Or I'd be totally into someone after the first date, but changed my mind after the second or third.
As for discussing next dates in person on the first few dates, I rarely do this. People find it awkward to decline on the spot so they'll say yes to anything, but it doesn't actually mean they want to.
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Friends are nice but I can see how it can be disappointing to have a potential romantic option turn platonic so quickly. If I'm trying to date, I'm not exactly trying to make friends.
I guess... this just seems like a weird sentiment to me. If you have a good rapport with someone, why wouldn't you want to continue talking with them and enjoying yourself while also continuing to go on dates with others?
I've had plenty of very close platonic friendships start out as romantic interest (either from them or me), it's dumb to throw out a connection just because someone doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings.
I don't find it weird at all, and I don't really think it's "dumb" either. I understand your view point, but sometimes it isn't so easy to just immediately view someone platonically when you believe its heading in a romantic direction. Maybe in a perfect world, but feelings aren't so cut and dry. Some people also just need the space to move on, and that's okay.
I personally don't really approach romantic relationships the same way I do friendships, as I have different goals when building these two types of relationships. They aren't always interchangeable to me at a whim.
Not saying I wouldn't be friends with a woman I got along with but didn't feel a romantic connection with after a few dates, but from my anecdotal experience, nearly every time this has happened and I offer to be friends instead, they aren't interested. I'm sure there are plenty of cases people can share where both outcomes have occurred.
It's not as if I don't understand your perspective. I have friends that I was once interested in. One of them I actually asked out once and she turned me down. So like sometimes it happens but most times it doesn't. Like Rephil said, romantic connections don't always translated perfectly into friendships. I look for different things in a romantic interest than a friend. I can't always flip the friend switch if there isn't mutual interest.
Also, I'm not trying to make friends every single time I go on a date. It's counterproductive. Like, I only have so much time for the friends I already have and potential dates. I'm not going to waste time talking and hanging out with someone I'm interested in who has made it clear they aren't into me. I go on dates with a purpose.
So, a girl I was close with hasn't talked to me in 6 months after a falling out (like, straight up blocked number and socials) messaged me on Monday about getting our stuff back to each other, then she pivoted away from our stuff (just, "How have you been?" nothing major), and we ended up talking for four hours over a couple of days. Then, she says that she has no idea when we can get everything to each other, laughed at a few things I said, and dipped out mid conversation. Hasn't said a word in four days. Mind you, in those six months she started and is in a "serious relationship" (not quoting it to sound dismissive, just that those were her words).
I assume that she just figured while we were talking she would catch up as well, but everyone is telling me that it was never about the stuff given how 95% of the conversation didn't revolve around it, that she is the one that initiated other conversations, and the length of time we talked. Oh, and she didn't reblock my number at the end of the conversation. However, given the nature of how close we were, as much as I want to start talking to her like we used to and just text her right now, I don't want to potentially get in the way of this new relationship because that would be a prick thing to do, even if she was the one that (may have? inadvertently?) put me in a position to do so.
Reading too far into it? She's not actually just playing games, right? I'm just so confused by all of it.
I assume that she just figured while we were talking she would catch up as well, but everyone is telling me that it was never about the stuff given how 95% of the conversation didn't revolve around it, that she is the one that initiated other conversations, and the length of time we talked. Oh, and she didn't reblock my number at the end of the conversation. However, given the nature of how close we were, as much as I want to start talking to her like we used to and just text her right now, I don't want to potentially get in the way of this new relationship because that would be a prick thing to do, even if she was the one that (may have? inadvertently?) put me in a position to do so.
Reading too far into it? She's not actually just playing games, right? I'm just so confused by all of it.
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I'm a bit confused by your phrasing. Were you two in a relationship before?
We spent A LOT of time together, but never were actually in a relationship. It's complicated is probably the easiest way I could describe it.
You're reading too far into it. Regardless of why she reached out, why did she block you in the first place? That's usually a bad sign. These kinds of complicated situations where people talk forever and never actually date with various levels of drama and mild romantic undertones rarely ever manifest themselves into functional, healthy relationships. If you're looking to simply reconnect with her as a friend, maybe just see how it goes as you two continue to talk, with zero expectations. However, I'd never bank on this turning into a romantic relationship worth pursuing if that's what you're hoping for. I'd suggest trying not to get too caught up by it.
There are so many people out there to meet and connect with. Find someone who isn't this difficult.
There are so many people out there to meet and connect with. Find someone who isn't this difficult.
I'm actually the one that is just looking at it as just her wanting to get our stuff back to each other. My friends are all the one's telling me otherwise (literally not a single one has agreed with me on this).
Don't stress out about it. Let her continue taking the lead. She's the one that blocked you right? But definitely ask yourself, "if this is more than getting stuff back to each other what do I want?". Because it's not entirely clear what you want right now.
Hmm, I hadn't really thought about the whole 'talking about future dates during the date' in that way. There might be something to that.
Going to get coffee in the morning with someone from tinder who is non-monogamous, polyamorous and in a open relationship. Never really dealt with this type of stuff but she seems cool. Curious to see if this is something I can deal with.
I had a person I have been seeing for a few weeks bail on me 5 minutes before meeting up for a date we agreed to. Hell we were texting minutes earlier telling her about where I am. As I'm walking over she bails citing a family emergency. I was pretty pissed and annoyed, why do people pull this garbage. She told me after she felt really bad and wants to make it up to me and it was something she couldn't get out of so I didn't really lead on how pissed I was so I just went that's fine, family comes first and just agreed to let her make it up to me.
That was on Friday, we kept texting throughout the weekend and I asked her this morning when I would get to see her next, she read it, and didn't respond. She sounded really geniune when she was explaining herself about the bailing, and it's not something she's done before, but now it's starting to raise red flags. Am I being paranoid?
That was on Friday, we kept texting throughout the weekend and I asked her this morning when I would get to see her next, she read it, and didn't respond. She sounded really geniune when she was explaining herself about the bailing, and it's not something she's done before, but now it's starting to raise red flags. Am I being paranoid?
Doesn't sound like paranoia. It could be anxiety or something on her end and she's self-sabotaging. Or she genuinely has Some life circumstances caving in right now, which happens.
I had a relative hospitalized right before a date once. That actually does happen.
Hey everyone.. so uhh, I'm in a pretty shitty situation right now.
My wife, the woman I've been with for over 8 years, the woman I married last August, cheated on me with one of her colleagues a few weeks ago. I was devastated, but I'm a lot better now and decided to stop giving a fuck about someone who obviously doesn't care for me (reading Mark Manson helped a lot). She has basically already moved out of our place and moved in with him (temporarily, she claims) and I will check out a new apartment on Thursday. If things go well I'll be in the new place by April and I'm 100% ready to start a new life then. This is a clean cut. I'm 32, no house, no kids, no obligations.
This means I'll go out more to meet new people and hopefully find someone who gives a fuck about me. I started reading this thread a few days ago (which inspired me to read Mark Manson's books) and I can't wait to get more involved with y'all!
My wife, the woman I've been with for over 8 years, the woman I married last August, cheated on me with one of her colleagues a few weeks ago. I was devastated, but I'm a lot better now and decided to stop giving a fuck about someone who obviously doesn't care for me (reading Mark Manson helped a lot). She has basically already moved out of our place and moved in with him (temporarily, she claims) and I will check out a new apartment on Thursday. If things go well I'll be in the new place by April and I'm 100% ready to start a new life then. This is a clean cut. I'm 32, no house, no kids, no obligations.
This means I'll go out more to meet new people and hopefully find someone who gives a fuck about me. I started reading this thread a few days ago (which inspired me to read Mark Manson's books) and I can't wait to get more involved with y'all!
I suggest you read "opening up" by Tristan taormino if you decide you want to give it a go. I'm reading through it right now. The ethical slut is also a oft recommended read, but it has more of a sex focus. I've been dealing with something similar and it's been quite a journey. For myself I decided I need a monogamish set of rules at least in the beginning stages.
good luck, if your lucky you will at least gain some valuable communication skills and self-knowledge.
these are a-ma-zing. Honestly I will never buy a storebrand again. Really easy to put on. I see they're not available in the US outside of international webshops though.
Hmm there's an online NZ store that ships to AU... certainly looks interesting.
Why do you find them so much better if you don't mind me asking?