DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Chibs

Member
Nov 5, 2017
1,787
Belgium
Was setting up a date before all this went down including one with a really nice girl I used to work with so know pretty well - dead in the water now thanks to all this.

I think COVID-19 is going to kill a lot of relationships before it's all over. Already seen a friend breaking up with his long term girlfriend of 2 years due to the paranoia that's taken ahold and falling out over it.
Yeah, this could be a very difficult relationship test. If you're living together you're gonna be interacting with each other all the damn time and if you're not living together you don't get to interact much at all. Either scenario is difficult to navigate. Best of luck to all couples out there!
 

shoptroll

Member
May 29, 2018
1,226
I think COVID-19 is going to kill a lot of relationships before it's all over. Already seen a friend breaking up with his long term girlfriend of 2 years due to the paranoia that's taken ahold and falling out over it.
I was starting to think that earlier too in relation to the two people who've posted in this thread about their relationships being on the rocks or ending. Stressful situations external to a relationship have a good way of exposing where the cracks are.

Everyone take a year off dating, have a wank and stay safe.
About a year ago is when I started having doubts about my relationship at the time, so this checks out 😆
 

Spence

Member
Oct 27, 2017
712
Sweden
What are some good first date ideas for a pandemic? Bars, restaurants, movies etc are all on lockdown. I gotta seal the deal friends.
Go get yourself tested for Corona together. :D

Was setting up a date before all this went down including one with a really nice girl I used to work with so know pretty well - dead in the water now thanks to all this.

I think COVID-19 is going to kill a lot of relationships before it's all over. Already seen a friend breaking up with his long term girlfriend of 2 years due to the paranoia that's taken ahold and falling out over it.
Well at least that means there will be a lot more activity on the dating market afterwards.
 

Sumio Mondo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,260
United Kingdom
Go get yourself tested for Corona together. :D



Well at least that means there will be a lot more activity on the dating market afterwards.
True that. People are going to be, hopefully, more appreciative of a lot of things, including each other, after all is said and done. It'll be a learning experience for everyone.

I was starting to think that earlier too in relation to the two people who've posted in this thread about their relationships being on the rocks or ending. Stressful situations external to a relationship have a good way of exposing where the cracks are.



About a year ago is when I started having doubts about my relationship at the time, so this checks out 😆
Yeah exactly. Hopefully people grow from this and don't sink into depression (some of the extroverts are going to take this isolation period really hard, I think), that's the fear.
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,772
UK
Funny thing is this actually worked for me. But yeah I can see why it wouldn’t
Most of the girls I met, I was chatting to them for at least a week before the date and some for months but I wonder people who rely on face-to-face to get a thing going and go by physical attraction more might have to rely or improve on conversational skills over the phone.
 

Fury451

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,672
Most of the girls I met, I was chatting to them for at least a week before the date and some for months but I wonder people who rely on face-to-face to get a thing going and go by physical attraction more might have to rely or improve on conversational skills over the phone.
i’m definitely a face-to-face person and usually try to set up a meeting within a week, which several people were keen to do but now they’ve all disappeared entirely. I totally get it, it’s just bad timing but unless someone wants to engage by exchanging phone numbers, which I also found hard to do Because several people told me they wanted to wait till we met in person or via video chat, which several people also turned down, there’s not a lot you can really do.

The best phone skills in the world don’t work if people are just not wanting to go to that level yet for whatever reason. It’s weird though, when I’ve done online dating in the past people were pretty good about exchanging phone numbers quickly and chatting that way, if not out right calling. Recently I’ve just hit wall after wall with that And I don’t tend to bond with people through texting only.
I guess that’s the thing about going online, unless you feel like there’s a genuine strong connection through texting somehow, people are far more prone to just walking away from it then to trying to make something work or commit. I’m generally okay at the initial texts and getting it going but I struggle to keep it going for more than a few days without at least hearing each other’s voices, so this in particular has been bad.
 
May 21, 2019
71
I forgot I only paused my Hinge profile rather than deleting it so I was surprised when a girl matched with me yesterday. Funny thing is that I must have sent that like 1-2 months ago. I barely even remembered her profile since it was so long. That's like the third time something like it happened this year... is that normal? She also seems to be one of these people that takes a day to respond (was getting a lot of that this year so far) but maybe it's a good thing given the coronavirus thing and all.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,091
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d like to tell you what I‘m avoiding telling myself in my own relationship right now: it’s over. You shouldn’t feel this way and don’t deserve to be treated like this. The sooner you start getting comfortable with that idea, the sooner you can heal. I hope you can find the strength to move on :(

hoping for the best for you bud, but we’ll be okay
Thanks, hoping the best for you too and hopefully you will also find the strength to talk to your partner about it. The current situation makes everything even more challenging, but I am hopeful we will emerge from this and we will be fine in the end.

A slight update - I did get to talk to her. Turns out she had been actively avoiding me and her friends in the US (even deleted her messenger app) cause she didn't know how to break the news to me. She can't come back to the US given the current situation and she had been on the lookout for a more permanent job in order to comply with her visa regulations (she is currently on OPT), and since the world has gone to shit it's very unlikely that she will manage to get a job in time ... meaning she has to abandon her dreams of staying in the US for now and remain in her country, with no immediate plans to return. At which point our relationship will be over cause neither of us wants an LDR literally on the other side of the globe. So it's not technically over yet, but come June or July when it becomes almost certain she can't come back, it probably will be. :/

Her attitude towards dealing with this has been pretty shitty, though on some level I understand cause via a string of bad luck this year her life plans have been severely fucked with. I'll try to stay with her and help her out until the ordeal is over at least, provided she communicates.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,091
That'd be a red flag I think unfortunately
I agree, Im not trying to excuse her. But given the circumstances I don't see a future for us together anyway, and for these past couple of months I've been making steps towards feeling independent and accepting that I am single again. We were friends before this so I'm still there for her as a friend at least, but at this stage I am treating this more as a learning experience for my needs and wants in future relationships.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,704
California
I wasn't planning on it but I actually started talking to someone during this pandemic. My state is on lockdown though so we'll see if we ever end up meeting up after this is all over haha. I'm not going to risk catching this shit.

 
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finalflame

Product Management
Verified
Oct 27, 2017
3,437
I agree, Im not trying to excuse her. But given the circumstances I don't see a future for us together anyway, and for these past couple of months I've been making steps towards feeling independent and accepting that I am single again. We were friends before this so I'm still there for her as a friend at least, but at this stage I am treating this more as a learning experience for my needs and wants in future relationships.
That's big of you. I admire your resolve in being a friend during what cannot be an easy time for either of you.
 

Geist

Community Resettler
Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
3,302
So I've been chatting with two girls I matched on tinder and they both seemed pretty cool. Not talking about meeting up because current events, but three days of solid, enjoyable conversation and honestly the most action I've gotten out of dating apps in months.

A couple hours ago the first one finally admitted she was a camgirl who wanted me to pay her $50 for a private show (which I found out later is pretty cheap but not really the point). I told her I wasn't interested and I'm honestly so confused why she put so much effort chatting me up for days if she was just going to try to sell me something.

An hour later the 2nd girl admitted she was asexual and just looking for platonic friendships. Which is absolutely okay and good for her, but fuuuuuck me.

Dating is so exhausting.
 

Kevers

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
8,743
Syracuse, NY
I’ve been friends with a girl since 8th grade, we used to hang out while in school all the time but we’ve drifted into Facebook friend territory. I just stumbled across her bumble profile and was wondering if it’s weird to send a Facebook message asking her out? I definitely swiped right on her profile, I’ve always had a little bit of a thing for her but I didn’t know if circumventing bumble and going straight to the source was normal.
 

jvalioli

Member
Oct 27, 2017
335
I’ve been friends with a girl since 8th grade, we used to hang out while in school all the time but we’ve drifted into Facebook friend territory. I just stumbled across her bumble profile and was wondering if it’s weird to send a Facebook message asking her out? I definitely swiped right on her profile, I’ve always had a little bit of a thing for her but I didn’t know if circumventing bumble and going straight to the source was normal.
Eh, I don't think it would be that weird to ask her on Facebook but if she is interested she will probably match you on Bumble, right?
 

dsosarod

Member
Oct 26, 2017
437
So I've been chatting with two girls I matched on tinder and they both seemed pretty cool. Not talking about meeting up because current events, but three days of solid, enjoyable conversation and honestly the most action I've gotten out of dating apps in months.

A couple hours ago the first one finally admitted she was a camgirl who wanted me to pay her $50 for a private show (which I found out later is pretty cheap but not really the point). I told her I wasn't interested and I'm honestly so confused why she put so much effort chatting me up for days if she was just going to try to sell me something.

An hour later the 2nd girl admitted she was asexual and just looking for platonic friendships. Which is absolutely okay and good for her, but fuuuuuck me.

Dating is so exhausting.
Im sorry to read that. The first girl is very committed to her work, gotta admit that, even though I’m sure it backfires it more than it actually work. But in this specific situation with the lockdown I’m sure she is getting some business her way.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,704
California
I’ve been friends with a girl since 8th grade, we used to hang out while in school all the time but we’ve drifted into Facebook friend territory. I just stumbled across her bumble profile and was wondering if it’s weird to send a Facebook message asking her out? I definitely swiped right on her profile, I’ve always had a little bit of a thing for her but I didn’t know if circumventing bumble and going straight to the source was normal.
This is a tough one. If she has shown signs of attraction towards you in the past, I say yes, message her on Facebook. Otherwise don't do it, you could end up in a really awkward situation and it would be better just to see if she swipes back,
 

Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
4,186
I got more likes on Hinge the past two days than I usually do in a month or more. Women around here are BORED.
 

a916

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,747
Getting really exhausted matching/meeting with people that say they want a serious relationship, but can't bother to ask questions and get to know someone... how does one do it? It's mind numbingly exhausting
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,704
California
Getting really exhausted matching/meeting with people that say they want a serious relationship, but can't bother to ask questions and get to know someone... how does one do it? It's mind numbingly exhausting
You literally just have to keep on waiting, I've always had the same problem but finally met someone that initiates.

You can also buy this game and play it with your dates, it helps break all the ice:

 

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,588
Matched with a few people (I haven't been proactively liking) and I've been chatting with one specific girl every day for the past 4 days. She seems cool enough, we even did a phone call. I'm expecting 0 out of this because who knows how both her and myself will evolve our feelings over potentially weeks without even meeting, but it's been fun at least.

Getting really exhausted matching/meeting with people that say they want a serious relationship, but can't bother to ask questions and get to know someone... how does one do it? It's mind numbingly exhausting
Weed that out early. You should look for her putting in effort to talk too. Being more picky in the chatting phase has saved me so much time, money, and heartache.
 

a916

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,747
Matched with a few people (I haven't been proactively liking) and I've been chatting with one specific girl every day for the past 4 days. She seems cool enough, we even did a phone call. I'm expecting 0 out of this because who knows how both her and myself will evolve our feelings over potentially weeks without even meeting, but it's been fun at least.


Weed that out early. You should look for her putting in effort to talk too. Being more picky in the chatting phase has saved me so much time, money, and heartache.
Can you go into more detail about that? I've gotten to a point now where I'm just pulling back anytime I find myself asking more questions than the other person.
 

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,588
Can you go into more detail about that? I've gotten to a point now where I'm just pulling back anytime I find myself asking more questions than the other person.
I guess the golden rule is: if they are genuinely interested in you, you can tell. They should be just as enthusiastic as you, asking the same amount and contributing the same. Chatting is a bit of give and take, and it's pretty obvious if all they do is take. Yeah, if they don't really jump out to me as someone excited about the match within the first idk, 10-20 messages, I'll probably give it a pass.
 

Fright Zone

Member
Dec 17, 2017
1,543
London
OK, so... had a first date 2.5 weeks ago and it was the first time I’d felt a bit of chemistry in ages.
We had a second date arranged for last Monday and literally an hour before, the country was advised to stay away from bars, restaurants etc. So we postponed. We’ve been talking on WhatsApp tons this week and getting on really well, and we want to see each other.
We have a tentative date scheduled for tomorrow night... at first the plan was to go to a park or other open space and keep away from other people, but that would still involve me getting public transport, which I said I’d rather not do.
I could possibly get a cab to where she is, or she said she could drive over to me and we could go for a drive, but a car date might be a bit awkward, and she wouldn’t be able to have a drink.

So I’m not sure what to do, is this a terrible idea? Even if we only have contact with each other and no one else?
I’m trying my best not to be stupid during this (been isolating since last Tuesday) but given that it could be months until things are back to ‘normal’, I’m not sure we could survive having a non physical ‘relationship‘ for that long.
I really feel good about her and feel like this could lead to something serious and don’t want to lose that, but am I being incredibly dumb/selfish meeting up with her?
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,772
UK
OK, so... had a first date 2.5 weeks ago and it was the first time I’d felt a bit of chemistry in ages.
We had a second date arranged for last Monday and literally an hour before, the country was advised to stay away from bars, restaurants etc. So we postponed. We’ve been talking on WhatsApp tons this week and getting on really well, and we want to see each other.
We have a tentative date scheduled for tomorrow night... at first the plan was to go to a park or other open space and keep away from other people, but that would still involve me getting public transport, which I said I’d rather not do.
I could possibly get a cab to where she is, or she said she could drive over to me and we could go for a drive, but a car date might be a bit awkward, and she wouldn’t be able to have a drink.

So I’m not sure what to do, is this a terrible idea? Even if we only have contact with each other and no one else?
I’m trying my best not to be stupid during this (been isolating since last Tuesday) but given that it could be months until things are back to ‘normal’, I’m not sure we could survive having a non physical ‘relationship‘ for that long.
I really feel good about her and feel like this could lead to something serious and don’t want to lose that, but am I being incredibly dumb/selfish meeting up with her?
What's stopping from a car drive to the park date or for a walk around the city/town? It's good that you're avoiding public transport. As long as you're avoiding places with a big gathering, then that's fine. Just don't risk safety for a face-to-face meeting and you'll be good. It's just reality now that people will have to maintain new relationships/dating through phone/video calls and texts, but if this is too hard to handle then have to re-assess whether it's worth pursuing romantic interests atm.
 

Fright Zone

Member
Dec 17, 2017
1,543
London
What's stopping from a car drive to the park date or for a walk around the city/town? It's good that you're avoiding public transport. As long as you're avoiding places with a big gathering, then that's fine. Just don't risk safety for a face-to-face meeting and you'll be good. It's just reality now that people will have to maintain new relationships/dating through phone/video calls and texts, but if this is too hard to handle then have to re-assess whether it's worth pursuing romantic interests atm.
I don’t drive, so my only way of getting to her is public transport.
Due to my living situation and lack of privacy I can’t really do Skype dates or anything like that.
No way should we be walking around town, there’s too many people out there at the moment!
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,772
UK
I don’t drive, so my only way of getting to her is public transport.
Due to my living situation and lack of privacy I can’t really do Skype dates or anything like that.
No way should we be walking around town, there’s too many people out there at the moment!
Might have to stick to chatting on the phone. But if you don't think that's possible, better to cut it off now before it gets serious/feelings involved.
 

Fulminator

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,618
asked a girl on a date today and got rejected. feels bad man :( . will probably bounce back in the morning though, not like i had any feelings invested yet. still, a big step for me to even ask.

this whole covid thing is making me realize how lonely i actually am :/ ... shit sucks. i'll need to try harder when this is all over...if i can work up the courage.
 

Tagg

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,434
asked a girl on a date today and got rejected. feels bad man :( . will probably bounce back in the morning though, not like i had any feelings invested yet. still, a big step for me to even ask.

this whole covid thing is making me realize how lonely i actually am :/ ... shit sucks. i'll need to try harder when this is all over...if i can work up the courage.
Rejection hurts but good for you for taking the plunge and asking her! It's better than not knowing.
 

Valkerion

Member
Oct 29, 2017
3,668
Haven't been able to go out again with the girl I went on an impromptu date with earlier in March which I'm worried about. She wants to hangout again but all this coronoa nonsense is making us both agree to put it off. Hope we'll both be interested when we actually can lol.

Also met a lady for the first time last weekend at a group picnic I usually hangout with. (yes yes I know crowds/social distancing isn't being taken very seriously here so I only go out with them every few weeks now) She doesn't go to the normal group get together but is friends with the organizers and some members. Fun to talk to and we kinda hit it off so hope she shows up again at some point. Wasn't sure if she was with one of the guys there so didn't press it or anything which a little bit regret but meh.

Been less interested in dating in the entirety of last year but now that I was getting out more its at least been easy to get things started at least. Just hope I can stay motivated while I got nothing to do at work and home haha.
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
6,598
I recently ended a relationship before lockdown so we weren’t long distance for three months (and I wasn’t feeling it anyway).

I think honestly I’m becoming far too picky, and I can’t figure out whether that’s a good thing or not. I basically said when I got out of my last big relationship a year ago that I wouldn’t compromise for anybody anymore. I know compromise is important within a relationship itself, but I don’t want to settle for something I’m not really excited about basically.
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,473
I recently ended a relationship before lockdown so we weren’t long distance for three months (and I wasn’t feeling it anyway).

I think honestly I’m becoming far too picky, and I can’t figure out whether that’s a good thing or not. I basically said when I got out of my last big relationship a year ago that I wouldn’t compromise for anybody anymore. I know compromise is important within a relationship itself, but I don’t want to settle for something I’m not really excited about basically.
Pickiness is a very fine line, it can go from ensuring that you maintain high standards (good thing), to coming off as a having a self-fulfilling prophecy centered on sabotaging your own chances (bad thing) or slamming the door on potential mates that were right for you before you've even given them a chance. Just be sure that "not compromising for anyone" doesn't fall into the latter half (ex. ONLY listing out their faults as a way to rationalize why you two aren't right rather than focusing on a balanced approach in acknowledging both the good and the bad). I had that same mindset and because of that, I locked myself out of giving anyone a chance because I was sick and tired of not being given a chance. And you can see how that quickly turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
6,598
Pickiness is a very fine line, it can go from ensuring that you maintain high standards (good thing), to coming off as a having a self-fulfilling prophecy centered on sabotaging your own chances (bad thing) or slamming the door on potential mates that were right for you before you've even given them a chance. Just be sure that "not compromising for anyone" doesn't fall into the latter half (ex. ONLY listing out their faults as a way to rationalize why you two aren't right rather than focusing on a balanced approach in acknowledging both the good and the bad). I had that same mindset and because of that, I locked myself out of giving anyone a chance because I was sick and tired of not being given a chance. And you can see how that quickly turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I get the thing about the faults, and I was trying really hard to rationalise it, but at the same time you’ve got to miss who you’re with right? I don’t know, I also think there’s trying to force something to fit when it was just... not.

To be honest this girl was great on paper, but there just wasn’t that ineffable connection for me. And Id given it a couple of months, which for me is the cutoff point personally. I didn’t want to lead her on.

Also it solidified for me how much I really don’t mind being on my own, which is huge because I’ve always been someone who’s wanted and needed a relationship. The last year of living on my own has made me realise, without getting too cheesy that “I am enough.”
 

shoptroll

Member
May 29, 2018
1,226
Also it solidified for me how much I really don’t mind being on my own, which is huge because I’ve always been someone who’s wanted and needed a relationship. The last year of living on my own has made me realise, without getting too cheesy that “I am enough.”
Cheers to you man. It's a good feeling / realization isn't it?
 

NIN90

Member
Nov 6, 2017
398
Weird question maybe but y'all know any sites for resources about sex? I don't mean porn but more about teaching techniques for oral and stuff or sex positions. I'm still pretty inexperienced so I'd like to catch up.
I've been perusing this Bad Girls Bible site lately but maybe you guys know any other useful sites.
 

a916

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,747
Matched with a girl that was messaging back and forth for a few days, asked for her number because I wanted to weed out those that were interested, vs those that were just looking for an ego boost... she unmatched after I asked for her number.

What is wrong with people?
 

Tagg

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,434
Do y'all reckon it's still safe to meet in places like parks? I was talking on the phone with a girl for a few hours last weekend, and we've been texting nonstop all this week but I just can't figure out how we can actually physically meet up.
 

a916

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,747
Do y'all reckon it's still safe to meet in places like parks? I was talking on the phone with a girl for a few hours last weekend, and we've been texting nonstop all this week but I just can't figure out how we can actually physically meet up.
I mean I hate to be the one to say it... but that's not social distancing unless you two plan on being 6 feet apart.
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
6,598
Matched with a girl that was messaging back and forth for a few days, asked for her number because I wanted to weed out those that were interested, vs those that were just looking for an ego boost... she unmatched after I asked for her number.

What is wrong with people?
Describes 50% of online dating conversations, it's something you get used to. It literally is weeding out as you say, and definitely an ego boost.
Do y'all reckon it's still safe to meet in places like parks? I was talking on the phone with a girl for a few hours last weekend, and we've been texting nonstop all this week but I just can't figure out how we can actually physically meet up.
Don't be this guy. Social distancing means social distancing. If I'm waving at my Dad through a window on my birthday y'all shouldn't be meeting up with somebody you want to bone.
 

The Namekian

Member
Nov 5, 2017
2,363
New York City
I have a uptick on matches because a lot more people are on dating apps due to quarantine.
Flip of that is I am at a point where Jane Austin style texting and phone calls seems pointless if we can’t meet.
 

Benzychenz

Member
Nov 1, 2017
4,620
Australia
Welp, girlfriend said last night that she thinks we should take a break.

She started back on anti depression meds a bit over a month ago and she hasn't been herself since, and has had almost no affection for me. She basically didn't want to be touched, so no cuddles, kissing, or sex for a month basically. We were pretty perfect before that, so I'm 99% sure it's the meds fault.

We hadn't been seeing each other anyway due to her being a nurse and high risk, but she said she doesn't want to string me along if she doesn't feel fully committed anymore.

I dunno, I feel like once this whole situation winds down she might reconsider. She said she still loves me and considers me her best friend.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,704
California
Welp, girlfriend said last night that she thinks we should take a break.

She started back on anti depression meds a bit over a month ago and she hasn't been herself since, and has had almost no affection for me. She basically didn't want to be touched, so no cuddles, kissing, or sex for a month basically. We were pretty perfect before that, so I'm 99% sure it's the meds fault.

We hadn't been seeing each other anyway due to her being a nurse and high risk, but she said she doesn't want to string me along if she doesn't feel fully committed anymore.

I dunno, I feel like once this whole situation winds down she might reconsider. She said she still loves me and considers me her best friend.
Yeah the only thing you can do is give her some space.
 
Oct 30, 2017
6,342
Okay guys, so how bad is it to tell a woman that you're scared that she's pregnant three months into a relationship? Because my GF might just break things off with me because I did that last night.