DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[Messofanego]

That's what I was thinking but she also said she wanted to be friends. But she blocked me so there was no chance of that happening.



She doesn't really seem like that kind of girl. Maybe I'm just completely wrong about her but I'm usually a good judge of character. She only blocked me after she broke up with me. Not multiple times as far as I know.

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Either way, she's seeing someone else so I think it's healthiest for you to take the steps to move on. Don't contact her anymore, delete her contact, and get to finding someone else who cares about you. Get on with your life. This happens all the time. She wasn't "the one".

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Either way, she's seeing someone else so I think it's healthiest for you to take the steps to move on. Don't contact her anymore, delete her contact, and get to finding someone else who cares about you. Get on with your life. This happens all the time. She wasn't "the one".

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Concurred. Listen to Led Zeppelin and just ramble on.

 

[Sygma]

No I think she sees him as a friend

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So she's asking to a friend to see his private journal in order to write something in it ?

Don't know about you but it's 100% not checking out from here. Dude gotta put some boundaries up

 

[Lulu]

So she's asking to a friend to see his private journal in order to write something in it ?

Don't know about you but it's 100% not checking out from here. Dude gotta put some boundaries up

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How is it a rebound when she's still with someone? Like What? That's actually impossible.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

Find a single girl who you can talk to about hentai.

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The dream fam

 

[Jindrax]

Stop wasting time on her and move on, the time you're spending messaging her could be better spent messaging people who might be or are actually interested in you. Leave the ball in her court.



What do you mean by meet?

Where to meet girls? how to dress or act? how to start a convo? how to ask them out?

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Where to meet them :) sorry wasn't very clear haha

 

[FireSafetyBear]

Where to meet them :) sorry wasn't very clear haha

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Bars, clubs, coffee shop, social events, cooking classes, etc

Just definitely don't try and find one at a gym.

 

[Neoxon]

Checkout the Alphabet Dating thread - https://www.resetera.com/threads/alphabet-dating-era.2041/ . It's fairly London-centric, but you should still get some ideas from it. Which does raise an important aspect of dating - Learn your town! Some of the best dates are things you find in the local paper.

In my city, there's a small pop-up bar serving Christmas themed cocktails, right next to a "Christmas market" and gingerbread house display. At the zoo, colder weather means penguins go on parade. And there's always driving through the fancy neighborhoods looking at christmas lights.

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I'm from Houston, in case you're wondering.

 

[Raine]

Either way, she's seeing someone else so I think it's healthiest for you to take the steps to move on. Don't contact her anymore, delete her contact, and get to finding someone else who cares about you. Get on with your life. This happens all the time. She wasn't "the one".

Click to shrink...

I feel like this should be something I do with a co-worker that I had recently confessed to having a crush on.

Turns out he has been seeing someone, and for a while, but would like for us to continue to talk and hang out.

I should be grateful for how it turned out and how maturely we handled it, but at the same time, I feel like I'm torturing myself by staying in contact.

 

[Quantum Leap]

Where to meet them :) sorry wasn't very clear haha

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Literally everywhere. But yeah not the gym

 

[Messofanego]

I feel like this should be something I do with a co-worker that I had recently confessed to having a crush on.

Turns out he has been seeing someone, and for a while, but would like for us to continue to talk and hang out.

I should be grateful for how it turned out and how maturely we handled it, but at the same time, I feel like I'm torturing myself by staying in contact.

Click to shrink...

He sees you only as a friend and it's unlikely he'll see you in another way if he's given no evidence of flirting. You can always wean him out, slowly talk less, until he's gone. Keep other avenues open. If you can't stay as friends and the contact feels like torture, then you're just wasting your valuable time that could be used for someone more compatible.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Where to meet them :) sorry wasn't very clear haha

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Location and age can change it up, but I generally try to meet girls at house parties, clubs, bars, volunteering events, fitness events, expos, stuff like that. That's being early 20's.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Location and age can change it up, but I generally try to meet girls at house parties, clubs, bars, volunteering events, fitness events, expos, stuff like that. That's being early 20's.

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It does get significantly tougher as you age into late 20s. Though still doable, it's a lot easier to get into a "comfort zone" routine as you get older.

 

[Sygma]

How is it a rebound when she's still with someone? Like What? That's actually impossible.

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Someone's a little bit inexperienced heh ? it always begin like that. Girl looks out for close company, don't put any boundary at all, is thrilled by the new dude, eventually cheats emotionally - cheats and that's it. Later on she either change of guy or stay with her bf, but she still cheated to begin with ...

You don't get close with people who have someone, you put a boundary straight up otherwise it gets confusing and hurtful

but at the same time, I feel like I'm torturing myself by staying in contact.

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Yeah that's why you move on instead of hurting yourself for nothing

 

[PepsimanVsJoe]

So I was exchanging voiced messages with someone.
This is something I don't do very often, so I ask her how my voice sounds.

She says: "You sound like an old nerdy white guy. Not a deep voice at all."

Ow.

 

[Notaskwid]

Oh.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

jesus christ that is hilariously brutal

forever thankful for my sexy voice and teeth

 

[Quantum Leap]

She says: "You sound like an old nerdy white guy. Not a deep voice at all."
Ow.

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I mean... was she right?

 

[PepsimanVsJoe]

I mean... was she right?

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Well....

....shit.

 

[NoName999]

*A woman liked my profile on OkCupid*

*I liked hers backed*

*Message her about what she liked like say books and movies*

*She blocks me*

I'm getting tired of this. I'm tired of not getting second dates. Of not getting responses. Of being ghosted and not knowing why? All I want is one woman to love me back. Of all setbacks I could have had, why did it have to be poor luck with women? What I wouldn't sacrifice just to have charisma.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Well....

....shit.

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If Ryan Scott (of GFW/Geekbox fame) can be a happily married man with that voice, so can you!

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

*A woman liked my profile on OkCupid*

*I liked hers backed*

*Message her about what she liked like say books and movies*

*She blocks me*

I'm getting tired of this. I'm tired of not getting second dates. Of not getting responses. Of being ghosted and not knowing why? All I want is one woman to love me back. Of all setbacks I could have had, why did it have to be poor luck with women? What I wouldn't sacrifice just to have charisma.

Click to shrink...

Point one, there are a lot of women that just use dating apps for validation. They have no intention of meeting anyone and are just bored and filling time "Just to see if that guy likes me" and that's it. It's a super common complaint here of match/message/block WTF?! Once you know that then it becomes less frustrating when it happens but you just got to keep going until you get a real match.

If you're not getting 2nd dates that means you ARE getting first dates so you obviously have some appeal. You just have to self reflect on what you're doing wrong during the first date that you need to improve on. I'm going to take a guess that this self pity gets mentioned during the date and that's a HUGE turn off.

You're not going to get responses to messages a lot of the time, no matter how much effort you put into them. Women are swamped with messages and they can't or are not interested in answering all of them. They don't owe you a reply, and for some men even a no thanks from the women just spurs them on to try and win her over. Just like ghosting, some men get incredibly butthurt about rejections so for a woman ghosting is the best option. Again that's just how it is, keep going.

There is no such thing as bad luck in dating, you don't have some curse put on you. Stop that line of thinking right away. Dating is a series of non starters and setbacks, but you've got to be patient keep a positive attitude. Work on self reflection and personal improvement and you will find someone.

 

[Jindrax]

Literally everywhere. But yeah not the gym

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Location and age can change it up, but I generally try to meet girls at house parties, clubs, bars, volunteering events, fitness events, expos, stuff like that. That's being early 20's.

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so you guys just walk up to these girls at these places and say hi whats up?

 

[Notaskwid]

so you guys just walk up to these girls at these places and say hi whats up?

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If you are at a bar or some socializing spot, sure, why not. Especially bars with large tables or counters are ideal to just walk up and say "Hi, nice to meet you" or whatever.

 

[Sygma]

How is it a rebound when she's still with someone? Like What? That's actually impossible.

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I was naive too 13 years ago

 

[Jindrax]

If you are at a bar or some socializing spot, sure, why not. Especially bars with large tables or counters are ideal to just walk up and say "Hi, nice to meet you" or whatever.

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Seems straightforward enough. I will try this tonight

 

[Alek]

I ended up being honest with a girl I was dating about when I split up with my fiance (3 weeks ago) and it kind of freaked her out.

I kind of fucked up a lot on that date to be honest, ended up being a bit of an ass on occasion, for instance, while I had had a few drinks, I remember being very dismissive her thoughts on Freudian psychology and dream theory - I don't agree with what she was talking about, at all, but by being dismissive I think it made her more defensive and less comfortable. Either way, she still made me 'pinkie promise' to see her over the weekend so we'll see how that goes.

 

[Emergency & I]

It would be beneficial to this thread if there was a way to establish the 'first post' in your relevant saga. Something like:

***FIRST***
***OH SHIT***
***ROMANCE***


Something to quickly clue people into folks with new stories. Thank you.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Went out to the clubs with some fellow students to celebrate my graduation last night, met someone and vaguely remember being told at 3am "Hey, I have a hotel room across the street with two beds, come stay with me!" And thought the lass was being pretty generous. There wasn't a second bed lmao

16 hours on, she just hit me up on Facebook, so that's a thing maybe.

so you guys just walk up to these girls at these places and say hi whats up?

Click to shrink...

Depends. In a volunteering event, expo etc, you're naturally going to come across people you'll be working with, watching a panel with, waiting in line with etc, so that's always a nice, casual time to say hi or ask what interests them about the event they're at.

Bars and clubs are just free. Go say hi or dance with girls, unless they're obviously with a partner, it's fair game and can hardly be called creepy for you to do so. That's why a lot of people go there, anyway, not many are just looking to dance by themselves with no interruptions at 2am in "Instinkt" nightclub.

What I wouldn't sacrifice just to have charisma.

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Would you sacrifice the time it takes to get comfortable talking with new people and being confident in developing your personality and style? This isn't an RPG, charisma isn't a preset stat that you're stuck with, it's something you develop.

 

[afroguy10]

Went out to the clubs with some fellow students to celebrate my graduation last night, met someone and vaguely remember being told at 3am "Hey, I have a hotel room across the street with two beds, come stay with me!" And thought the lass was being pretty generous. There wasn't a second bed lmao

16 hours on, she just hit me up on Facebook, so that's a thing maybe.

Click to shrink...

 

[Deleted member 9986]

So I need some advice when it comes to social circle dating. Sorry for all the text.

Back in HS I got burned by pursuing a girl from my social circle and it was then that I started to shield myself away from that.

8 years and a period of fun hedonism (going out picking up girls) but also times of depression later and I'm 23 and finally feel mentally and financially ready for something serious. As in that I can now genuinely say that I would be able to be in a relationship not for only selfish reasons but also be able to give value back to a potential SO.

To the practical part: Started final year at uni this year, meet cute girl from class, wasn't sure about her but she grew on me. Hanged around with her some more. Actively persued doing stuff together (which already was a big hurdle for me mentally) and she stayed at my place a couple of times. I'm like 99% sure she likes me from all the experience I got in the past and hints from people we both hang out with.

Problem is the step from friendly interaction to romantic interaction. I've never done that since HS, all other experiences I had were with 'throwaway girls', with which I could take a chance and screw up without it impacting anything, you'd just move on.
We've been mostly friendly/flirty physical and build phyisical trust (holded hands and so on) but I just can't or won't set the 'it's time to make out/go at it' frame. She did say that I was quite romantic when I told her I usually am not. Honestly I'm surprised someone would stay interested in me for this long, that also motivates me to keep going and make this actually happen. Time is ticking tho.

I'm not sure if it's another mental hurdle I have to overcome (I'm avoidant so I have to consciously get myself to be intimate sometimes) or that I need practical advice. How do you guys or gals go about jumping from friendly to romantic?

 

[Subpar Scrub]

How do I wingman well in bars and clubs?

 

[vegohead]

If Ryan Scott (of GFW/Geekbox fame) can be a happily married man with that voice, so can you!

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It's thanks to all those twizzler pops he always has on hand to share with his partner. He's a real gentleman.


Still have a long way to go before I could follow someone's advice like subpar scrubs offered. Maybe if I just get a friend who's picked up women in the 10+ ways he has then I could get an idea of what's holding me back. The self pity shit is second nature when I'm triggered by a topic so I gotta work on that at least.

 

[GamerJM]

*A woman liked my profile on OkCupid*

*I liked hers backed*

*Message her about what she liked like say books and movies*

*She blocks me*

I'm getting tired of this. I'm tired of not getting second dates. Of not getting responses. Of being ghosted and not knowing why? All I want is one woman to love me back. Of all setbacks I could have had, why did it have to be poor luck with women? What I wouldn't sacrifice just to have charisma.

Click to shrink...

How did you know that someone liked your profile, do you have A-list or whatever? I very rarely get likes but it happened yesterday and the fact that I couldn't see who did it annoyed me. Before I used to be able to kind of guess because they had that thing where you could look at people who viewed your profile but they got rid of that.

 

[speedwagen]

So there is a girl I'm into, the caveat is that she just broke up with her boyfriend the minute I asked if I could join her for a drink, she said yes. This happened a week ago.

She works at a local pub that I visit after work, I normally go with colleagues and sometimes I chat with her. I planned on going tonight but my colleagues have other plans, should I go and should I ask if she wants to go for a drink after work?

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

So there is a girl I'm into, the caveat is that she just broke up with her boyfriend the minute I asked if I could join her for a drink, she said yes. This happened a week ago.

She works at a local pub that I visit after work, I normally go with colleagues and sometimes I chat with her. I planned on going tonight but my colleagues have other plans, should I go and should I ask if she wants to go for a drink after work?

Click to shrink...

Wait. You want to ask a girl that works In a pub for a drink after work?

 

[Ray Wonder]

So I need some advice when it comes to social circle dating. Sorry for all the text.

Back in HS I got burned by pursuing a girl from my social circle and it was then that I started to shield myself away from that.

8 years and a period of fun hedonism (going out picking up girls) but also times of depression later and I'm 23 and finally feel mentally and financially ready for something serious. As in that I can now genuinely say that I would be able to be in a relationship not for only selfish reasons but also be able to give value back to a potential SO.

To the practical part: Started final year at uni this year, meet cute girl from class, wasn't sure about her but she grew on me. Hanged around with her some more. Actively persued doing stuff together (which already was a big hurdle for me mentally) and she stayed at my place a couple of times. I'm like 99% sure she likes me from all the experience I got in the past and hints from people we both hang out with.

Problem is the step from friendly interaction to romantic interaction. I've never done that since HS, all other experiences I had were with 'throwaway girls', with which I could take a chance and screw up without it impacting anything, you'd just move on.
We've been mostly friendly/flirty physical and build phyisical trust (holded hands and so on) but I just can't or won't set the 'it's time to make out/go at it' frame. She did say that I was quite romantic when I told her I usually am not. Honestly I'm surprised someone would stay interested in me for this long, that also motivates me to keep going and make this actually happen. Time is ticking tho.

I'm not sure if it's another mental hurdle I have to overcome (I'm avoidant so I have to consciously get myself to be intimate sometimes) or that I need practical advice. How do you guys or gals go about jumping from friendly to romantic?

Click to shrink...

Just ask her out in a way that she knows it's a date

 

[Ray Wonder]

Wait. You want to ask a girl that works In a pub for a drink after work?

Click to shrink...

From my experience, bar tenders love to drink. haha

 

[Lulu]

Someone's a little bit inexperienced heh ? it always begin like that. Girl looks out for close company, don't put any boundary at all, is thrilled by the new dude, eventually cheats emotionally - cheats and that's it. Later on she either change of guy or stay with her bf, but she still cheated to begin with ...

You don't get close with people who have someone, you put a boundary straight up otherwise it gets confusing and hurtful



Yeah that's why you move on instead of hurting yourself for nothing

Click to shrink...

Lol I'm inexperienced? Come on son, I probably kill it more than anyone in this thread tbqh. I have no idea what you're talking about. There is no rebound because there's still a relationship and we know nothing about the status of that relationship. We do know that poster was looking a little too hard into seemingly friendly gestures and maybe a little into deep since he felt the need to have us analyse nothing. This best thing is to move on tho, he seems a little to invested and is likely making him imagine things that aren't there.

 

[speedwagen]

yea, her shift ends at like 7:30, so I was going to ask her if she wants to go for a drink or eat somewhere. I am just worried that I am rushing things since she said that she needs some time.

 

[Sygma]

yea, her shift ends at like 7:30, so I was going to ask her if she wants to go for a drink or eat somewhere. I am just worried that I am rushing things since she said that she needs some time.

Click to shrink...

Why don't you wait for her contacting you, then you'll offer a date. It's that simple

 

[Sygma]

So I need some advice when it comes to social circle dating. Sorry for all the text.

Back in HS I got burned by pursuing a girl from my social circle and it was then that I started to shield myself away from that.

8 years and a period of fun hedonism (going out picking up girls) but also times of depression later and I'm 23 and finally feel mentally and financially ready for something serious. As in that I can now genuinely say that I would be able to be in a relationship not for only selfish reasons but also be able to give value back to a potential SO.

To the practical part: Started final year at uni this year, meet cute girl from class, wasn't sure about her but she grew on me. Hanged around with her some more. Actively persued doing stuff together (which already was a big hurdle for me mentally) and she stayed at my place a couple of times. I'm like 99% sure she likes me from all the experience I got in the past and hints from people we both hang out with.

Problem is the step from friendly interaction to romantic interaction. I've never done that since HS, all other experiences I had were with 'throwaway girls', with which I could take a chance and screw up without it impacting anything, you'd just move on.
We've been mostly friendly/flirty physical and build phyisical trust (holded hands and so on) but I just can't or won't set the 'it's time to make out/go at it' frame. She did say that I was quite romantic when I told her I usually am not. Honestly I'm surprised someone would stay interested in me for this long, that also motivates me to keep going and make this actually happen. Time is ticking tho.

I'm not sure if it's another mental hurdle I have to overcome (I'm avoidant so I have to consciously get myself to be intimate sometimes) or that I need practical advice. How do you guys or gals go about jumping from friendly to romantic?

Click to shrink...

I would like to take you out on a date. When are you free?

That's all. Straight to the point

 

[speedwagen]

Yea, ok. I will do that

 

[gaiages]

Lol I'm inexperienced? Come on son, I probably kill it more than anyone in this thread tbqh. I have no idea what you're talking about. There is no rebound because there's still a relationship and we know nothing about the status of that relationship. We do know that poster was looking a little too hard into seemingly friendly gestures and maybe a little into deep since he felt the need to have us analyse nothing. This best thing is to move on tho, he seems a little to invested and is likely making him imagine things that aren't there.

Click to shrink...

If we're starting dick measuring contests in here I'm going to have to say vern is probably the one that kills it the most.

I would have said Zackie as well but I believe he's steady now?

 

[Lulu]

Oh for sure, but if someone is gonna call me out I'm not gonna be modest about it. This thread got killers, ones who are actually much better at giving advice than I.

 

[Sygma]

I mean its kinda weird looking at people bragging about getting ass yet not understanding how it goes down. A satisfied, conscious woman will never get too close with a dude when in a relationship, because it's precisely the kind of attention she's craving for that one guy she's offering herself to. There are cases where people are still very close to their exes, and one needs to gauge if his / her current partner actually is completely honest as far as communication goes, otherwise the notion of relationship itself is a failure to begin with. There's also the best friend, and that's all good.

So yeah, it's definitely rebound prospecting / poor boundaries issues. I'd stay clear from any closeness with her

 

[EchoChamber]

i'ts considered wierd going to see a movie alone? i was going to see justice league with a girl but she is flaky and canceled the date, but i still want to go to see justice league.

 

[Sygma]

i'ts considered wierd going to see a movie alone? i was going to see justice league with a girl but she is flaky and canceled the date, but i still want to go to see justice league.

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There's nothing weird in doing anything alone. Dating yourself is a thing

 

[Addie]

There's nothing weird in doing anything alone. Dating yourself is a thing

Click to shrink...

If you date yourself, you're also guaranteed to get laid.

 

[gaiages]

i'ts considered wierd going to see a movie alone? i was going to see justice league with a girl but she is flaky and canceled the date, but i still want to go to see justice league.

Click to shrink...

People wanna think it's weird but honestly who cares? I mean you're in a darkened room with strangers, they can't judge ;p