angel Alwayscrazybacon lol come on guys...little bit of encouragement is all I wanted :(
Lets see how she responds to my text today
Lets see how she responds to my text today
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Sorry man, hope it works out. Just dont be too dissapointed.
No, that's why I didn't say she only did that. Stop looking to be offended.
It's part of the package, the thrill of the chase. 3 weeks of content, potential, excitement of the unknown. Now he has appeared in reality as a real person, his aura of mystery has gone. The excitement has fizzled, as it always does. Hence her lack of replies now. Such is the online dating cycle.
Contact -> excitement -> endorphins -> sharing of feelings -> potential "the one" -> person becomes reality -> bored -> back online
BeforeU One thing I learned with dating is as the guy, you have to initiate and you have to be quick and decisive if you want success with dating women. So if you want a date with her, ask her quickly. The same day you start messaging, don't wait 3 weeks. Decide the place and the time and let her respond.
Or they texted for 3 weeks while other guys were asking her out and actually going on dates with her.
Or they texted for 3 weeks and she got to know this text version of him and it didn't match who she met in person.
Also it sounds like you're saying she was using him. I know that there are girls who will go on dates for a "free meal" but not everyone is like that. From their post, she didn't even really get anything out of it? Poster said it was a small pizza they shared that was small enough for him to ask her if she had actual dinner afterwards. Sometimes you go on a first date and you're not as into the person as you had hoped.
Edit: just saw your last post so you can disregard that last part
Maybe they just didn't click.
Or they texted for 3 weeks while other guys were asking her out and actually going on dates with her.
Or they texted for 3 weeks and she got to know this text version of him and it didn't match who she met in person.
Also it sounds like you're saying she was using him. I know that there are girls who will go on dates for a "free meal" but not everyone is like that. From their post, she didn't even really get anything out of it? Poster said it was a small pizza they shared that was small enough for him to ask her if she had actual dinner afterwards. Sometimes you go on a first date and you're not as into the person as you had hoped.
Edit: just saw your last post so you can disregard that last part
I'm not looking to be offended, you literally said that she was provided some attention and a free meal, so he then became useless in her eyes. Am I going nuts here?
If this were true, no long term relationships would be born out of online dating. Hell, like half of the dates I've been on have gotten me more excited about the person I'm dating than when I was just messaging them. Just can't put them on a pedestal or assume they'll be your ideal partner before you meet them.
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Agree, they didnt click, or not enough for her.
Im not saying she used him for a meal, thats absurd and incidental. The actual consumption of food and minor payment for it is irrelevant. I'm saying she wanted a first date, because thats exciting. Now shes moving on to first dates with others. It's not a gender based comment, or a slur on women, or any of that nonsense. Some people, men and women, just enjoy going on lots of 1st dates. Thats why its unwise to invest 3 weeks of messaging into it.
Well I just texted her, waiting for her reply now. If i dont get anything then she definitely wasnt worth it. If I get "thanks i will check it out" then I am definitely ghosted. If I get an apology, like sorry i have been busy etc.. (she has actually done that few times, if she could't reply for hours) then we good.
Edit
The reason I waited 3 week was because she wasnt into hook up she told me up front, she is indian and wanted to know each other before we actually meet. Her terms. And it took her 2 week to give me her number. Then I was busy last week for work related things and shitty Toronto weather.
Edit
The reason I waited 3 week was because she wasnt into hook up she told me up front, she is indian and wanted to know each other before we actually meet. Her terms. And it took her 2 week to give me her number. Then I was busy last week for work related things and shitty Toronto weather.
The actual minor purchasing of food is not my point, im not suggesting she was a food gold digger. The food is irrelevant, im sure she can source food herself. He became useless once his online aura changed into real person reality.
re: 3 weeks: Not blaming you, not blaming her either. But next time, dont get so invested, its painful.
I see. I read that you were saying she used him because you said his usefulness had run out after giving a date, a meal and attention hence my initial response but I edited.
She doesn't need to apologize for anything imo. "Thanks i'll check it out" isn't ghosting necessarily. It's just a response to a message. At the early stage of dating, you really should only text to set up the next date.
I can see now that it was her that made the wait 3 weeks. That does change things. Personally I don't like wasting my time with that. Meeting sooner doesn't mean you have to hookup (not telling you just saying).
I also enjoy making irrelevant factors a cornerstone of my point.
Same, that's how I read it too haha
Same, that's how I read it too haha
"Used" is a strong word, he "used" her just as equally for company, chat, taking each other on the date etc. Obviously she seems to be less invested, which is what hurts the OP.
In fact, I'd say that she is the one using the dating system more effectively, taking her time, while not getting overly emotionally involved.
Then you need to check your comprehension skills. It wasnt a cornerstone, the cornerstone was the first date aspect of it. He can only provide one first date.
Now, do please carry on looking for offence elsewhere, our interaction is over.
To be fair, usefulness has the root word of use. Don't blame anyone for reading it that way, no one is "looking for offense." Anyway I won't scrutinize your use (lol) of words anymore. Always ends up in a silly back and forth.
And yeah she is using the dating app more effectively, as a woman at least, since they get many matches and are approached and have to filter through them and maybe feel them out. As a man, quick acting is the most effective way since we are initiating and pursuing and trying to get ahead of the crowd. Interesting how they clash. Someone who's best strategy is to take initiative and the other who's better move is to wait.
Your pretty offensive views on dating, still bitter about being single or something buddy? You come across as condesending in your replirs to others too. Not a good look.
In general cut the small talk non important chit chat. It just isn't a waste of time and means absolutely nothing and makes you seem boring and possessive. Only message someone if you have something interesting to say.
Would you be excited if a girl you met once asked you boring questions via text? Id ghost too, and I've done it plenty of times, to people that waste my time with uninteresting things.
Hope that's not too harsh, but for real, talk about better things. She probably has 20 tinder guys asking her every day " did you sleep well?" And "how as work?" And Random shit like that. Don't be one of those many people, be interesting.
Forgive me, I wasnt looking for offence in your words, I was just meaning to say no one was in the wrong in his dating situation.
I really wish people wouldnt hyper scrutinise every word, or worse, assume the worst of absolutely every sentence. As if I was really accusing this unknown woman of a 3 week long con to scam a pizza from some guy. I think we're reaching the zenith of the over sensitivity, its becoming untenable now. As you say, people end up in silly back and forths.
"an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based."
It was important enough to include in a <20 word post, but whatevs. It's cool, I agree to drop this.
I agree, being quick to organise a date or move the conversation off of apps is almost always the best option.
Honestly, the best thing to do is to date more people. Get out there, go on a bunch of first dates, talk to a plethora of women. Eventually, you'll feel that you're not going into ever first date with potentially "the one", and you won't become so invested.
But your messages, I feel like you're missing something important here... you DO realize that the woman you were talking about wasn't exactly a nice girl, right? Emotional baggage is emotional baggage, and yeah it gets in the way, but she ghosted you on the first date and said some hurtful shit, according to your posts. I feel like you're not looking back and seeing the red flags for what they are, and if you don't realize that this girl didn't actually act 100% perfect in the (to reiterate) two month relationship, I feel like you're bound to make the same mistakes.
Why do you talk like you're a robot? I hope you don't try to pick up women talking like this.
I'll have you know I've interacted with several ladies, and they've all tolerated it.
It's the way you worded it. I get why your post would make people think you were saying she was just using him.
And thats my point, it's boring, nit picking, assuming the worst type thinking. No one in their right mind would waste 3 weeks to long con a pizza from someone. My point was the 1st date is often the high point, some people like to have a lot of 1st dates. Anyway that's been explained ad nauseum. Let's see what she comes back with.
says sexist bullshit, for the second time ITT
"everyone is so sensitive and looking to be offended, you're finding meaning that isn't there"
Stop playin
"everyone is so sensitive and looking to be offended, you're finding meaning that isn't there"
Stop playin
Wasnt being sexist, I said some PEOPLE enjoy 1st dates then go cold. Both sexes do it. Stop stirring.
Hey everyone
Need a little perspective on my situation and some advice if anyone has had this before.
So I'll start with some bullet points
So I send her the info last night and ask her if she'd want to meet or have me pick her up (she doesn't live too far from me, which is nice) and I heard nothing and I'm like alright, she probably went to bed. I got a text from her this morning that she overslept and kept hitting her snooze button and now all the stuff she was going to get done in the morning she has to do after work SO...she wants to reschedule.
Now the issue here is we're both gonna be busy this weekend (it's my birthday Saturday, I'm going to hockey game with my family, she has to work her 2nd job) I opened up the possibility of Thursday but that's one of my best friends birthdays and he might want to get together but if she's available I'll probably tell him I owe him one and go out with her.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is...is it too little too late? Did we hold off the meet so long that we're gonna burn out? We've waited so long, I feel like I blew it. I mean I believe her rescheduling but she would make time for me if she wanted to, right?
I like her personality, she's cute, we were vibing through most of the conversations but we haven't met face to face and it's irking me but at the same time I get it. Dating takes time and commitment and sometimes busy people just can't get that to pan out right away.
Sorry for the mini novel, wanted to vent.
I'll let you know what ends up going down.
Need a little perspective on my situation and some advice if anyone has had this before.
So I'll start with some bullet points
- Right swiped on New Years Eve
- Talked on Tinder on New Years Day
- Got her number by the 2nd day
- Snapchat and text exchanges through the month
- She was sick when we first started talking, couldn't hang
- I got sick the following week so I couldn't hang
- Now we're both feeling better (17th day), tried to set up date
So I send her the info last night and ask her if she'd want to meet or have me pick her up (she doesn't live too far from me, which is nice) and I heard nothing and I'm like alright, she probably went to bed. I got a text from her this morning that she overslept and kept hitting her snooze button and now all the stuff she was going to get done in the morning she has to do after work SO...she wants to reschedule.
Now the issue here is we're both gonna be busy this weekend (it's my birthday Saturday, I'm going to hockey game with my family, she has to work her 2nd job) I opened up the possibility of Thursday but that's one of my best friends birthdays and he might want to get together but if she's available I'll probably tell him I owe him one and go out with her.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is...is it too little too late? Did we hold off the meet so long that we're gonna burn out? We've waited so long, I feel like I blew it. I mean I believe her rescheduling but she would make time for me if she wanted to, right?
I like her personality, she's cute, we were vibing through most of the conversations but we haven't met face to face and it's irking me but at the same time I get it. Dating takes time and commitment and sometimes busy people just can't get that to pan out right away.
Sorry for the mini novel, wanted to vent.
I'll let you know what ends up going down.
You said Saturday you're both busy but what about Sunday?
The further you don't plan your date, the further it's not going to workout.
But still it's a bit hard to tell. Set a new date first with her on Thursday. Let's see what her response is.
The further you don't plan your date, the further it's not going to workout.
But still it's a bit hard to tell. Set a new date first with her on Thursday. Let's see what her response is.
Sounds like she dropped the ball on this one. Seems like she doesn't value your time and, for her part, sounds incredibly busy. Her schedule might be a continued issue for you both.
Hey Hi! So Im new to this thread, and also in general to the whole idea of meeting women through apps like Tinder. But lack of time due to work, and a collection of friends having their own family makes it hard to get out clubbing and whatnot. So I plunged myself into the world of Tinder and got matches ranging from all kinds of ages. Kinda weird and fun at the same time. I decided to meet up with a lovely girl and just take a stroll around my neighbourhood, the date went well and she is adorable and she's up for a second date.
So here's my question. We spoke about a lot of things, but I realized that I did'nt actually learn a lot of the things she enjoys in life. Normally I would setup a second date based on what she likes, but in this case I have ne no idea! Haha! I mean I know she don't like to drink alcohol, so hitting a cool bar or even go clubbing feels wrong.
You guys have any good ideas as a setup besides museum or shooting pool/bowling perhaps? Im personally thinking of taking her for brunch.
So here's my question. We spoke about a lot of things, but I realized that I did'nt actually learn a lot of the things she enjoys in life. Normally I would setup a second date based on what she likes, but in this case I have ne no idea! Haha! I mean I know she don't like to drink alcohol, so hitting a cool bar or even go clubbing feels wrong.
You guys have any good ideas as a setup besides museum or shooting pool/bowling perhaps? Im personally thinking of taking her for brunch.
She has to work the 2nd job Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'm not sure what time she gets out but I'm sure it's late.
I work weekends (in the morning) but maybe we could get coffee in the afternoon depending on her start time.
Yeah, I'm a bit worried about it. I have Monday and Wednesday off but she's works Mon-Fri and has the 2nd job on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She's extremely busy, and I've been
optimistic about it but maybe it's gonna be too big of a hurdle for us both.
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I'll just be real with y'all: I haven't been on a date in over two years, I am slightly nervous but also want to get back out there. I don't talk to girls on the phone which is mostly due to social awkwardness and anxiety but I have a pretty good text game. idk I'm turning 27 and I would like to find a companion to grow old with but at the same time, maybe I was just meant to be single. Be the fun single guy everyone likes having around.
Just speaking out loud here.
Just propose Thursday and see what she says. Other than that you didn't really do anything wrong. People get sick. It happens.
Tip: Shut the fuck up.
Seriously. This viewpoint will do you no favours. Ever. When you feel your brain going that way, tell it to "Shut the Fuck up."
(internally only please, do not shout it out loud to strangers on the bus to the date)
This thought: Own it, control it & end it.
Regarding meeting; people do have lives and thing do get messy. I met my Gf on tinder and It was nearly a month until we met, as we both went on short holidays, she had 2 holidays actually when I think about it.
Still though lock a time down with her, and if you really feel it, inconvenience yourself for it. Eventually if you don't meet, the window will close.
After you meet her and it goes well, expect it to be a lot easier to schedule a second date.
I dont fuck around. I got mad jobs man. I aint got time for formalities.
OP
OP
You only need one hour for the first meet to get coffee. Propose at least two days where you think you could find such an hour. If she declines both - and doesn't offer any counters - end it. This doesn't reflect badly on you, she's just too busy to date.
Don't lean on the "meant to be single" thoughts. They're poison. Not all tinder experiences are like this.
What I've learned in the past...taking things slow before the first date doesn't work. Like, never.
So no, taking things slow is terrible advice to give to anybody before the first actual date. It's a waste of time, don't make the relationship stronger, risk of being friendzoned...and at risk of other guys asking her out first.
it was a joke based on the fact that proposing sometimes is used to mean "ask for someone to marry them"
OP
OP
There is no answer here. Every person you meet will have a different typical. EVERY person. I've dated women where we only texted to set up dates, I've dated women where we texted multiple times an hour. A lot of dating involves figuring out what your partner likes and whether you like (or tolerate) it too.
Yup I am definitely ghosted. Almost half a day and no response. And i now know her for 4 weeks so i can safely say this is very unusual for her.
Such a shame man, i thought we had a good connection and lot in common :( she even talked about taking me to her fav restaurant lmao why would someone do that? I mean its okay that she didn't like me but come on. Have courtesy to at least respond yo.
Such a shame man, i thought we had a good connection and lot in common :( she even talked about taking me to her fav restaurant lmao why would someone do that? I mean its okay that she didn't like me but come on. Have courtesy to at least respond yo.
Unfortunately that means nothing. She was playing nice. She did that so you'll feel better at the time. She doesn't want any confrontation etc.
Here's the thing. Don't listen to anything your date says about "Let's go there sometime!" or "It was a great date!" until you two actually meet on the second date.
Agreed on this. It's not that hard to send a message saying you weren't feeling it.
Honestly sounds like a really weak excuse to me even though ultimately it's ok for her to have any reason at all to cancel. If I was really excited to meet someone though, I wouldn't cancel over something like that or if it was that important I would make damn sure I didn't oversleep. Think about it, you're thinking about going out with her instead of your good friend on their birthday. Is she putting that much effort into seeing you? I think what you have to do now is acknowledge that this is going to be a trend with this girl even if you do eventually go out and adjust your expectations accordingly. I would say that since you set up a date and she cancelled, it's up to her to take the initiative on the next date. Let her know when you're available but don't inconvenience yourself just to see her.
Sorry to hear that. It's her loss.
No.
This has been rehashed, and I'll summon gaiages if needed, but: she doesn't know how you'll react. You may send a text that says, "Thanks for being up front. Good luck!" Someone else may relentlessly stalk and harass her or otherwise make her life a living hell.
No one owes you anything after a date or two with a pseudorandom person from the internet. Nor do you owe them anything either.
OP
OP
You'd be surprised. There's plenty of jerkasses out there who'd make it hard. Their ego can't handle any rejection, so that simple "I'm not feeling it" gets met with vitriol, poison, and negative energy. It's not a slight on you - you're paying for the sins of other men.
I saw nothing that refers or even implies it has to do with marriage. But yeah, nevermind whatevs.
EDIT: Oh, I get it now. Hydrophilic explained it earlier. How did I miss that, lol.
I wouldn't worry too much about doing something based off her interests, just pick something you like to show her what youre interested in and maybe ask if she's cool with it and if not you can pick something else. As for things to do there's ice skating if thats possible where you live, go to a live show (nothing too large or popular, small venues only) even if its at a bar you don't have to drink. I did that this past summer and it was one of the best dates I've ever been on. Going for coffee seems like a popular alternative to a bar, and I suppose brunch could work but i've never done that. The same girl I went to the live show with, for our second date we walked around all day taking pictures, she was a photographer so that was her thing but I like taking pictures too. Bars and museums kind of rule out the more popular early stage dating activities.