Whoa when you first meet someone you assume they have no secrets? What age of people are you dating?
He's young, inexperienced and prone to projecting his paranoia.
Whoa when you first meet someone you assume they have no secrets? What age of people are you dating?
How do you mean? Just curious.This is like when people put "hate liars" and "not looking for drama" in their dating profiles.
Whelp, just told her I was going through a divorce over the phone and it went very badly. Geeze I feel terrible. Damn.Interesting. Well good luck man. I don't think it will change anything. Most people have history by the time they are in their 30's. Plus, having the experience should actually make you a more desirable catch.
I just told someone I was going through a divorce after the 2nd date and she felt betrayed. She made me feel like shit.Can someone explain why this is a big deal? She was married before, she isn't now. Did she lie about it? How is this something that qualifies as a "bombshell", and in what way does it impact the current relationship?
I just told someone I was going through a divorce after the 2nd date and she felt betrayed. She made me feel like shit.
Whelp, just told her I was going through a divorce over the phone and it went very badly. Geeze I feel terrible. Damn.
Whelp, just told her I was going through a divorce over the phone and it went very badly. Geeze I feel terrible. Damn.
Change your strategy to ask her on a date after only a few messages. If she acts disinterested she is either not interested in talking or she would rather go on a date. Either way you lose nothing by asking her out.I cannot for the life of me fathom why a woman matches with a guy only to proceed to act too shy/busy/uninterested to actually talk with him.
This happens with probably 3 out of 4 matches I get. Right from the start, they message at a rate of about once every 1.5 days. They give closed answers to open questions, offer up no questions or topics of their own, and generally treat the exchange like they're being cross-examined. They give me piss-all to work with, and it's really frustrating because even someone who's generally pretty good at chit chat can only do so much.
Hmm...for some reason I thought you were already divorced. I'm an idiot. Anyway, if you are separated then that's something you want to disclose upfront. That's what I had done. But now obviously that's past the point. Still, give her a minute to process and tell her you should have lead in with that. It doesn't mean it's over yet.
Change your strategy to ask her on a date after only a few messages. If she acts disinterested she is either not interested in talking or she would rather go on a date. Either way you lose nothing by asking her out.
It seems less like a defense mechanism to me and more like a way to manipulate you into sticking around and being her emotional crutch without getting anything that you want out of the relationship.How do you mean? Just curious.
I already know what she says about being like other guys is a whole load of crap, either just excuses or a defense mechanism for her and I shouldn't really have to "prove myself" anymore, considering I'm still here after all this time.
I cannot for the life of me fathom why a woman matches with a guy only to proceed to act too shy/busy/uninterested to actually talk with him.
This happens with probably 3 out of 4 matches I get. Right from the start, they message at a rate of about once every 1.5 days. They give closed answers to open questions, offer up no questions or topics of their own, and generally treat the exchange like they're being cross-examined. They give me piss-all to work with, and it's really frustrating because even someone who's generally pretty good at chit chat can only do so much without a bit of help from the other party.
In my recent experience "separated" is the kiss of death for a guy on any dating app. So OP should really just lay low and focus on bettering himself until the thing is done, then jump on the apps.
In my case it was usually cause we get bombarded with messages and sometimes I couldn't be bothered replying to everything at once, I barely reply in time to my friends.
They could also just be an ass?
In my case it was usually cause we get bombarded with messages and sometimes I couldn't be bothered replying to everything at once, I barely reply in time to my friends.
They could also just be an ass?
People don't care, they're looking for something and they'll quit swipping. Female friends have showed me their tinder with thousands of matches and with 99+ people that have swiped right on them waiting, they're not speaking or meeting a hundredth of those people. They'll just keep swiping right to who they want to and talk if they want to etc.I don't get obvious ass vibes from any of them. Usually asses aren't very good at nor interested in hiding it. I do wonder if they're just getting too many messages to care, which sucks because if that's the case then why add mine to the pile? There's only so much I can do to stand out with a single message.
Also, why swipe on MORE guys if your inbox is already stuffed?
People don't care, they're looking for something and they'll quit swipping. Female friends have showed me their tinder with thousands of matches and with 99+ people that have swiped right on them waiting, they're not speaking or meeting a hundredth of those people. They'll just keep swiping right to who they want to and talk if they want to etc.
My suggestion is that you take a step back and don't take the matches too seriously, they don't really mean anything other that you get a chance to send a message. Then, try to make it count.
In my recent experience "separated" is the kiss of death for a guy on any dating app. So OP should really just lay low and focus on bettering himself until the thing is done, then jump on the apps.
To be fair, I as a man am generally less inclined to contact a woman in a app if it says in her profile that she is divorced in her profile (not because there is inherently anything wrong with being divorced, maybe because at may age bracket, mid to late 20s there are many people who were never married still)You're not wrong here, separated/divorced in you're profile automatically makes women think YOU did something wrong in that last relationship. I knew it would be like that so my status was set to single, becuse that's what I was. No longer in a relationship is single. Why the fuck you you badge yourself as being out of a failed relationship like an anchor round your neck?
When it came up in discussions with women about my past relationships it was either no problem or a barrage of questions trying to get to "the truth". SMH.
On the plus side I found divorced women to be cool with it and understanding.
Anyway, in my experience, the less said about past relationships at the start of a potential new one, the better.
YES!!! she wanted me to open with that on the first date (we only went on two dates). She was sooo pissed and literally talked down to me.Did she want you to open with that or something on the first date? I'm confused as to how she expected that conversation would go
Probably, but if it was the same reaction but in person it would have killed me.Would have been better to do that face to face IMO. I mean on a technicality you're still married. Anyway, it does not mean it's game over she just needs time to process.
Like I said my Wife was my first real relationship and i never dated before that. I had no idea, and i never thought the date(s) would go so well. I have a date with someone else tonight. I dunno that not the wind out of my sails. I afraid of the same reaction now.Hmm...for some reason I thought you were already divorced. I'm an idiot. Anyway, if you are separated then that's something you want to disclose upfront. That's what I had done. But now obviously that's past the point. Still, give her a minute to process and tell her you should have lead in with that. It doesn't mean it's over yet.
Damn i hope this is not the case. Divorce take a while. Damn this is depressing.In my recent experience "separated" is the kiss of death for a guy on any dating app. So OP should really just lay low and focus on bettering himself until the thing is done, then jump on the apps.
Im in my mid 30's Most married people i know are getting a divorced. Seems weird to expect someone at this age to be completely un tethered from there past or have no pastTo be fair, I as a man am generally less inclined to contact a woman in a app if it says in her profile that she is divorced in her profile (not because there is inherently anything wrong with being divorced, maybe because at may age bracket, mid to late 20s there are many people who were never married still)
and I doubt Im alone in that.
Anyway, in my experience, the less said about past relationships at the start of a potential new one, the better.
Yea I was defending myself after I told her, like it was my fault.You're not wrong here, separated/divorced in you're profile automatically makes women think YOU did something wrong in that last relationship. I knew it would be like that so my status was set to single, becuse that's what I was. No longer in a relationship is single. Why the fuck you you badge yourself as being out of a failed relationship like an anchor round your neck?
When it came up in discussions with women about my past relationships it was either no problem or a barrage of questions trying to get to "the truth". SMH.
On the plus side I found divorced women to be cool with it and understanding.
YES!!! she wanted me to open with that on the first date (we only went on two dates). She was sooo pissed and literally talked down to me.
Probably, but if it was the same reaction but in person it would have killed me.
Like I said my Wife was my first real relationship and i never dated before that. I had no idea, and i never thought the date(s) would go so well. I have a date with someone else tonight. I dunno that not the wind out of my sails. I afraid of the same reaction now.
Damn i hope this is not the case. Divorce take a while. Damn this is depressing.
Should I just bail on this date tonight? Like I said the berating phone call complete knocked me off my game. Literally scared to go for the same reaction. Should I tell them when were chatting? Should i just become a celibate monk?
No this date tonight is with someone else. i haven't went on a date with them yet. This is the first. The lawyer is done with me for what I can tellI wouldn't cancel if you like her. If she hasn't cancelled yet then that means it's probably not a real big deal to her because otherwise, why would she still go out on another date? Ultimately, in the end, if it doesn't work out, just think of it as practice in dealing with rough conversations.
In my experience, if you are upfront with the fact you are separated, a usually you'll know right away what their feelings are about it. It's not all doom and gloom. Some women will be understanding and others will not but it's definitely not all doom and gloom.
No this date tonight is with someone else. i haven't went on a date with them yet. This is the first. The lawyer is done with me for what I can tell
Everything builds your dating XP. Don't be one of the many guys that gives up becuse of minor setbacks or failures.Ultimately, in the end, if it doesn't work out, just think of it as practice in dealing with rough conversations.
It's not a big deal in the sense that it affects how I feel about her. It's more of just a "woah" moment to find out about.Can someone explain why this is a big deal? She was married before, she isn't now. Did she lie about it? How is this something that qualifies as a "bombshell", and in what way does it impact the current relationship?
You're right! I'll do this date tonight, But i'll try something different. I'll tell here at the end of the date if it looks like we're having a good time. I guess i gotta figure out the best timing on this (if such a thing exist).Everything builds your dating XP. Don't be one of the many guys that gives up becuse of minor setbacks or failures.
Timing matters a lot. I' like your strategy too. If it was me and I if I felt like it we were clicking, then I'd say something like, "I'm having a great time with you. But I want to be open and upfront about where I'm at." Then I'd tell her the situation. I'd wait for a good moment where maybe after the both of you shared a good laugh about something.You're right! I'll do this date tonight, But i'll try something different. I'll tell here at the end of the date if it looks like we're having a good time. I guess i gotta figure out the best timing on this (if such a thing exist).
Damn i hope this is not the case. Divorce take a while. Damn this is depressing.
Should I just bail on this date tonight? Like I said the berating phone call complete knocked me off my game. Literally scared to go for the same reaction. Should I tell them when were chatting? Should i just become a celibate monk?
I cannot for the life of me fathom why a woman matches with a guy only to proceed to act too shy/busy/uninterested to actually talk with him.
This happens with probably 3 out of 4 matches I get. Right from the start, they message at a rate of about once every 1.5 days. They give closed answers to open questions, offer up no questions or topics of their own, and generally treat the exchange like they're being cross-examined. They give me piss-all to work with, and it's really frustrating because even someone who's generally pretty good at chit chat can only do so much without a bit of help from the other party.
Girl I went on 2 dates with has had a family emergency (dad in cardiac arrest) I found out as we were planning our 3rd date. It's my time to just step back right? Obviously I like her and she likes me but still very early. Me doing something crazy like visiting her in the hospital to give her some emotional support would be wayy too early right?
Would it come off as me seemingly being more into her than I am? What if she's not as into me? I feel like it could set expectations that I don't really want yet, 2 dates in.I don't think anything negative would come from you offering to.
I don't think you should. Maybe offer for her to call you if she needs to talk but other than that I think would be too early.Would it come off as me seemingly being more into her than I am? What if she's not as into me? I feel like it could set expectations that I don't really want yet, 2 dates in.
I don't think you should. Maybe offer for her to call you if she needs to talk but other than that I think would be too early.
Yeah that's way too early. That would be inserting yourself into a situation that has nothing to do with you and stepping out of bounds even by simply asking to go to the hospital.Girl I went on 2 dates with has had a family emergency (dad in cardiac arrest) I found out as we were planning our 3rd date. It's my time to just step back right? Obviously I like her and she likes me but still very early. Me doing something crazy like visiting her in the hospital to give her some emotional support would be wayy too early right?
Would it come off as me seemingly being more into her than I am? What if she's not as into me? I feel like it could set expectations that I don't really want yet, 2 dates in.
Don't go to the hospital, wait until she contacts you. In the mean time find other people to date. It might be a while until she's ready/able to date again.Girl I went on 2 dates with has had a family emergency (dad in cardiac arrest) I found out as we were planning our 3rd date. It's my time to just step back right? Obviously I like her and she likes me but still very early. Me doing something crazy like visiting her in the hospital to give her some emotional support would be wayy too early right?
Went better than expected. I kept way more eye contact than normal and I went out of my way to touch her gently, and she reciprocated. She just now left my place, the next afternoon, after we made pancakes and watched TV.First date tonight. I'm going to try to be more engaged this time if it feels right. More and longer moments of eye-contact, maybe sitting a bit closer if possible etc.
Went better than expected. I kept way more eye contact than normal and I went out of my way to touch her gently, and she reciprocated. She just now left my place, the next afternoon, after we made pancakes and watched TV.
Go ahead just don't sound way too desperate/invested, that scares women awaySo, I was wondering if you guys think it would be okay for me to wait for a good moment to tell her i think she's amazing (beautiful, smart). Or would that be too fast for a third date? I feel like i havent been complimenting her enough for the past couple ones
This is weird. You don't need to issue compliments like you're attempting to score points.So, I was wondering if you guys think it would be okay for me to wait for a good moment to tell her i think she's amazing (beautiful, smart). Or would that be too fast for a third date? I feel like i havent been complimenting her enough for the past couple ones
Don't do this, firstly you're putting her on a pedesal (and people fall off those). Secondly, you're not being honest or spontanious by planning in advance to say it.So, I was wondering if you guys think it would be okay for me to wait for a good moment to tell her i think she's amazing (beautiful, smart). Or would that be too fast for a third date? I feel like i havent been complimenting her enough for the past couple ones