I'm a guy but I do this all the time. Sometimes dating apps are just a way to kill some time and I don't feel like responding to every match.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
I get where she's coming from of asking to leave so many times and being annoyed that your behaviour doesn't match what you say. So she feels this is quite forced for you to do things and she probably wants something genuine.
The girl I was dating has a Tinder account, god why am I so bad at this dating stuff. She did live like 50 miles away and the drive was annoying though. And none of the girls I've matched with so far have replied yet, if I was seriously looking to date right now i would be pretty hurt haha 💔
Back to OKC I go.
Back to OKC I go.
In a nutshell why I think Valentines day is dumb haha. But honestly, just don't be a grinch or sarcastic about this stuff because you don't know how this shit is going to be taken if it's the first one you are celebrating with someone. It's cool to share that you're not huge on the day just because of all the external pressures and such but beyond that I just suggest in the future you leave it at that. The more you downplay it or state you hate it the more any actions you do for it will seem forced and if you actually put in all this effort why sabotage it by shit talking the day?
The tired thing, well, I think it's just a misunderstanding but its highlighting other issues. All I would personally suggest is, if ya girl says she isn't tired, then just accept it. Let her communicate to you what she is feeling instead of asking repeatedly. But I don't think it is a big issue.
The next evolution of Tinder, I want to get laid button. See hot women in your area that have the sex button lit!
Typed out a whole essay on here about my non relationship with my current Valentine and found after reading this thread for so long I already had all the answers I was looking for so here I am erasing all of it.
Yeah. I usually need to take a step back everytime I start seeing someone, just to check if I'm the only one taking the iniciative. In this case, we were really just acquaintances starting to known each other, but now I can tell he was all talk and no show haha.
While this is generally a good stance, it's worth considering that it can backfire if the other person interprets your backing off as disinterest and therefore assumes you ghosted.
It's pretty foolproof if you do it correctly. It's not about ignoring the person, it's about dialing back a bit on initiation and giving them a chance to initiate instead.
If the person assumes you're ghosting because you haven't started any conversations but they haven't even tried to establish contact with you, then it works as intended as you clearly aren't a priority to them.
Yes, this is exactly what I meant by that. What I mean to say is that, if you're constantly initiating contact with the other person, you should definitely take a step back and see if the other person will initiate contact as well, take action, whatever you call it. If he/she isn't, then it's likely that person isn't as interested as you are, so it's best to leave that as it is and move on.
Correct, it works in real life too. If there's someone you are interested in, you're texting a lot even late at night, personal stuff or whatever guys think is getting closer to a girl stop and look back if you are the one instigating these discussions.
Basically even outside of dating this is a good litmus test. Don't instigate any conversations for even a short time just to see who actually starts conversations with you.
So, I've been single most of my life but 7 months ago I met this amazing woman. We hit it off instantly and are really in love She loves romantic stuff too. I normally work until midnight on the day valentines is on this year so in exchange to get it off I've been working 6 days last week, including all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and all late nights. It's been exhausting!
I've kept it secret and only told her I that might be able to see her on my lunch break so keep the night clear just in case. I'm going to show up at her place once she gets home from work with flowers, a nice bottle of wine, and I'm going to cook some of her favourite foods including Chinese lemon chicken, fried rice, and I'm going to experiment making 3 kinds of chocolate moose(her favourite desert) all from scratch, no packet stuff. If it's a nice day and she isn't home too late I was going to turn it into a picnic and have it at a park near the beach.
I was just worried it might not seem like enough though. Is a surprise dinner with wine and flowers romantic or is it just a nice thing without much romance to it? Or even just very generic? I considered a night at a fancy hotel or a nice restaurant but we've done both of those for our birthdays so I wanted something fresh.
Any advice on my plans?
I've kept it secret and only told her I that might be able to see her on my lunch break so keep the night clear just in case. I'm going to show up at her place once she gets home from work with flowers, a nice bottle of wine, and I'm going to cook some of her favourite foods including Chinese lemon chicken, fried rice, and I'm going to experiment making 3 kinds of chocolate moose(her favourite desert) all from scratch, no packet stuff. If it's a nice day and she isn't home too late I was going to turn it into a picnic and have it at a park near the beach.
I was just worried it might not seem like enough though. Is a surprise dinner with wine and flowers romantic or is it just a nice thing without much romance to it? Or even just very generic? I considered a night at a fancy hotel or a nice restaurant but we've done both of those for our birthdays so I wanted something fresh.
Any advice on my plans?
Not enough? You work long-ass hours, get all her favorite stuff, cook for her, and show up as a surprise. I'd call her a very demanding woman if that isn't enough
Just want to chime in and say, as a victim of emotional abuse, this is accurate. My friends and family were concerned about me, but I couldn't see it until things clicked for me on my own. They'll figure it out (or they won't, I guess), and as others said, they will need support when it ends.
My gf's birthday is in late November and mine is in January so with those plus Christmas, we agreed months ago not to do presents for Valentine's day and just go out for dinner the day after or something. Then this weekend she got the idea to make us dinner and dessert since she works from home Thursday, I was fine with this and offered to buy the steaks and stuff since she's cooking but she said that she'd do it and that I should get her a present.
Don't have a problem buying her something but I'm annoyed that I have to figure something out last minute when I'm already busy with other stuff during the week. Can't do anything edible cause she's really trying to eat healthily right now. Thinking of trying to find a salon that offers gift certificates since she's been wanting to get her hair done professionally but is turned off by the cost. Worst case I'll just pick up some flowers I guess.
Any other suggestions y'all? Thought about lingerie too but no time to order anything.
Don't have a problem buying her something but I'm annoyed that I have to figure something out last minute when I'm already busy with other stuff during the week. Can't do anything edible cause she's really trying to eat healthily right now. Thinking of trying to find a salon that offers gift certificates since she's been wanting to get her hair done professionally but is turned off by the cost. Worst case I'll just pick up some flowers I guess.
Any other suggestions y'all? Thought about lingerie too but no time to order anything.
Hi, everyone.
Hope you're all doing OK. I know this is the dating thread, but I need some advice.
Things are going really, really well between us and everything is on course for what feels like marriage (we've talked about it and we both want the same things as we get older), but today my girlfriend told me she wants her friend to join us all day tomorrow. I don't usually mind, I like all her friends and we tend to get on well, but tomorrow was supposed to our special day and now her friend will be there all day and will eventually come back to our place and have dinner with us.
I don't want to raise a fuss as her friend is currently not doing very well and my girlfriend is worried about her, but I still feel a bit annoyed we can't be alone. Should I say something or just let it go (so to speak) and focus on having a fun day?
Hope you're all doing OK. I know this is the dating thread, but I need some advice.
Things are going really, really well between us and everything is on course for what feels like marriage (we've talked about it and we both want the same things as we get older), but today my girlfriend told me she wants her friend to join us all day tomorrow. I don't usually mind, I like all her friends and we tend to get on well, but tomorrow was supposed to our special day and now her friend will be there all day and will eventually come back to our place and have dinner with us.
I don't want to raise a fuss as her friend is currently not doing very well and my girlfriend is worried about her, but I still feel a bit annoyed we can't be alone. Should I say something or just let it go (so to speak) and focus on having a fun day?
What's significant about this day? You could always do something with just the two of you another day.
Wow, ok it's really early in the morning for me so just forget I said that lol
Uh, yeah that's really weird, Clay Davis . It's not wrong at all for you to want to spend a Valentines Day alone with your SO. I don't get why she wants to have her friend along the whole time. Definitely tell her how you feel about it, I don't think expressing that you want Valentines Day to be just the two of you would qualify as making a fuss.
So I went on a second date with someone I met on Tinder and I think it's the first time I've actually clicked with someone. She said she was recently out of an abusive relationship and will take some time for her to get to trust someone else, so we've been taking it slow, just had drinks and the conversation got pretty deep. Haven't even kissed yet but she's up for a third date when she's back from travelling. Anywho, I know it's not wise to get too hung up over someone at this early stage but maybe there's something there, we'll see.
Eh I would just let it go. Any day can be your special day regardless of when commercial capitalism dictates you have it and I'm guessing your partner's friend not doing well has something to do with her feeling terrible about being alone on Valentine's Day. Maybe do something romantic this weekend instead?
It happened to me last week unfortunately. Great first date, she really wants to see me again but is getting lasik at the end of the week so she'll be bedridden again but took off all week so she'll have plenty of time blah blah. Next thing I know it's the end of the week, she hasn't agreed to another day, and she's leaving for the Poconos for the weekend. I told her to text me when she got back if she wanted to schedule something and deleted the convo. Haven't heard from her since.
Anyone dated a single mom? Like "kid's got no daddy" level single mom?
There's this girl who moved from other side of the country back home with her 2 year old kid, and the father stayed over there.
The girl herself is fine and pretty much everything I'm looking for. I'm not against kids, I like them, but I'm wondering how well it would work with the kid needing a lot of attention, without the possibility to have the father take care of him ever. I guess the grandparents are still in the picture, though.
There's this girl who moved from other side of the country back home with her 2 year old kid, and the father stayed over there.
The girl herself is fine and pretty much everything I'm looking for. I'm not against kids, I like them, but I'm wondering how well it would work with the kid needing a lot of attention, without the possibility to have the father take care of him ever. I guess the grandparents are still in the picture, though.
2's a tough age and with her mom just moving into the area you need to keep it in the back of your mind she might be very agreeable right now if she's looking for a new baby daddy. Make sure you keep boundaries in the early stages that you are just dating but are happy to help out with the kid. Time will tell.
Tested this all my life: nobody does. At some point, you have to initiate just to remain a functioning human.
I've tested this as well, multiple times. If he/she is interested, they'll initiate at some point, at least once they notice you're not initiating the conversations. When they don't, and you aren't either (bc you shouldn't, really), just move on.
Ha I meant for friends or acquaintances in general. Dating-wise, I've moved on a lot. Beats being pressed.
Ohh, hm. I know you're not asking for advice, but if your friends aren't initiating contact with you - and it's something that bothers you or affects you- I'd have a talk with them. I'd personally feel very uncomfortable with a situation like that, since with my friends, it's usually 50-50 who's initating contact or reaching out to the others. But I think I get what you mean.
Not an advice question but more I'm just curious about people's views on this:
I have a friend who went on a first date with a guy. She says it was a great date but the guy asked to split the bill at the end, which has turned her off from the whole thing. Personally, I don't think it's a problem at all but I know it's a big dating etiquette thing and that at least a decent amount of women expect the man to foot the bill so what do people here think? Is it a deal breaker or does it not matter?
I have a friend who went on a first date with a guy. She says it was a great date but the guy asked to split the bill at the end, which has turned her off from the whole thing. Personally, I don't think it's a problem at all but I know it's a big dating etiquette thing and that at least a decent amount of women expect the man to foot the bill so what do people here think? Is it a deal breaker or does it not matter?
I usually pay for the first date because it's expected, but some point down the line I do tend to have a conversation that amounts to "hey I'm too poor to bankroll everything." Given my general dating pool (college students) they understand.
In your friend's specific scenario, I will say that for whatever reason, asking to split is different than having someone offer to split. Because there's a societal expectation that the guy will pay, asking to split is a disruption of the norm and can be an offputting thing to just throw out there, especially once the check hits and not before. Right or wrong, she was expecting to not have to pay, so she probably didn't appreciate that appearing out of nowhere. If she wanted to split I'm sure she would have offered, and that would have gone over fine.
In a just world that wouldn't be the case, but that's how it is.
I never expect a guy to get the bill. All three of the first dates I had last month I happily split the bill. When my now boyfriend said he would like to take me out to dinner for our second date, I didn't fight him on it because he explicitly stated he was paying.
But I'm learning I'm a lot more chill than most women, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
I'm also in my mid-30's so that may have something to do with it too.
Definitely a turnoff for some people. My girlfriend's sister went out with a guy but wasn't super into it at least partly because he didn't offer to pay. Personally I'd always pay on the first date but I think it's kinda old fashioned to expect the guy to do it all the time.
I go with the expectation that I will be paying, specifically if I asked them out. It's awkward regardless, but if they don't offer to split I'm not super thrilled. It's just a matter of both parties being considerate.
Hmm, so if a woman asked you out, you would expect her to pay? I hear "whoever sets the date pays" but that's almost universally expected to be the man as well, isn't it?
Yeah, I think that if you're on a first date, you don't know each other and you're equals so why not split? It's nice to pay for the person but it should only be a generous gesture and nothing more.
You being in your mid-30's is interesting because I would assume people in their early 20s would be more likely to split than not. Overall, the whole "man pays for everything" thing is really old fashioned and I don't really understand how it fits in our society today. It feels like a gender norm that just exists because we've had it for a long time. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems like it comes from a time where women weren't expected to work jobs and instead take care of the house so it didn't make sense for them to split.
I admit I do pay for the first date just to be safe even though I don't think it should be a big deal. When I hear stories like this, I don't want what has been a good date to be ruined over what I see as a silly thing. I generally do drinks or coffee for a first date though so it's not like I'm paying for an expensive dinner. It's definitely an awkward moment to bring up wanting to split the bill though. I'm glad my girlfriend offered to split on the second date so we never had that conversation. I still buy her drinks and meals and things every now and then but it's different since I just want to treat her and not because I'm feeling pressured by expectations.
Good point, but I rarely have this particular problem. I guess my point is, if I initiate I assume I'm paying, but appreciate the gesture of offering to split (even though I will pay). Not going to lie, I dislike role type stuff like this, but it exists.
I get that it's annoying, but I would let it go if she is concerned about her friend, it's not like she's inviting people because she doesn't want to be alone with you.
Sure, it's valentine's day, but you can celebrate it any other day. I do it all the time.
Yeah it's never been a thing for me regarding a first date. Usually as the guy you have to initiate or nothing will happen. That said if it did happen, I would still probably worry about paying just to make a good impression.
That said, where I differ is if I try to pay and the girl offers to split, I won't insist and will split.
Hmm, I didn't really consider this viewpoint. It really isn't a big deal to do V Day stuff another day. I don't care that much.
That said it probably depends on how important it is to Clay Davis and if he and his girlfriend actually talked about this or if she just decided on her own that her friend was going to tag along all day.
I think it's super outdated and obnoxious tbh. So much so that if I get there before the other person (which I usually do because I'm always on time/early) and we're getting drinks or coffee, I'll buy my drink before they even show up.
Also, regarding what you said to the other poster above - I definitely took my bf out to dinner last week! It's really hilarious because the waitstaff always get confused when I grab the bill from them as they're handing it to the dude at the table. I can pay for dinner too, thank you very much 😂. I like spoiling my significant other!
I'm kinda disappointed to hear of other women being pissy because the guy doesn't pay on the first date. I hate all these unwritten dating rules/expectations. It so totally depends on the person and the situation, you know?
I'm most disappointed when I hear people state that it's what "men" do. Like there's a guideline of specific things men must do to be considered real men. That just irks me. I don't really like that some women place such importance on it but I should be fair because I've seen men do it to. With men, it's more like they're super possessive over the bill as if the woman offering to pay or split is a challenge to their masculinity. It's generally why I don't like don't like gendered rules of dating either.
The dinner story with your bf is funny, I actually had that happen to me but I was just getting lunch with a female friend so it wasn't even a date haha
Shit, I was hitting on a girl who has a boyfriend. She didn't give any signs, we were having good interactions, she seemed into me, got her phone number, invited her to a coffee and all that.
I then confirmed the coffee today, she was like, ok. Then I said something like "it's gonna be packed tomorrow since it is Valentine's Day. One minute later she drops the bomb, "we are gonna have to reschedule, my boyfriend bla bla bla". I'm like "What? Ok". I really don't know what to make out of it, since she agreed before. To make matters worse I'm in an open relationship and didn't have the opportunity to tell it to this girl.
Guess I shouldn't have expected much...
I then confirmed the coffee today, she was like, ok. Then I said something like "it's gonna be packed tomorrow since it is Valentine's Day. One minute later she drops the bomb, "we are gonna have to reschedule, my boyfriend bla bla bla". I'm like "What? Ok". I really don't know what to make out of it, since she agreed before. To make matters worse I'm in an open relationship and didn't have the opportunity to tell it to this girl.
Guess I shouldn't have expected much...
This exact thing happened to me like 5 or 6 years ago. When I suggested the time we meet up, she was like "Can we do it a little earlier? I'm meeting up with my boyfriend around then." It was on Valentines Day too. I was so confused.
Need help guys.
I was set up by a friend, we haven't actually met yet but I have seen her on few occasions and I always had a crush on her. I don't think she even knows me.
Anyways, so my friend set us up as in not a date but we exchanged numbers and the date part was something we had to figure out after talking. So we exchanged about 5-6 messages over the weekend. It was late at night so her last message was "i am going to bed, we can continue later"
I msged her once on monday, no reply. its been 3 days. Am i just ghosted? what should I msg without sounding too desperate?
Would it be weird if I dm her in Instagram directly? indirectly showing my profile? Since I added her in my contact, her Instagram acct is coming as a suggested.
help help i really don't want to screw this up
I was set up by a friend, we haven't actually met yet but I have seen her on few occasions and I always had a crush on her. I don't think she even knows me.
Anyways, so my friend set us up as in not a date but we exchanged numbers and the date part was something we had to figure out after talking. So we exchanged about 5-6 messages over the weekend. It was late at night so her last message was "i am going to bed, we can continue later"
I msged her once on monday, no reply. its been 3 days. Am i just ghosted? what should I msg without sounding too desperate?
Would it be weird if I dm her in Instagram directly? indirectly showing my profile? Since I added her in my contact, her Instagram acct is coming as a suggested.
help help i really don't want to screw this up
Sounds like your friend never actually set you up. You exchanged numbers and tried to figure out a date but didn't.
She doesn't seem interested.
You have her number - why would you DM her Instagram?
Just ask her out for a specific thing at a specific time, put the ball in her court to respond and offer alternative times, and expect that she won't reply based on what you've said already. Don't overcomplicate it. Just go out for drinks.
You do not need to message back and forth.