I might have ruined Valentine's Day. I've never been big on Valentine's Day, especially because I've always been single during it. I made this clear to my girlfriend. I don't hate it but I don't care much for it. I don't think there's any need to spend a ton on gifts for each other. That's better left for other occasions. Of course, I still wanna go out with her and give her a great day, especially since it's our first Valentine's Day. So for a couple of weeks now I've been wondering wtf I should even do since I've never celebrated it before. Whenever my friends asked me all I had was "I don't know." A couple of nights ago, two friends gave me some suggestions I actually really liked. They suggested taking her to a restaurant by the water so we have a nice view and can do walk around the beach at night after our meal. That sounded awesome to me. So the next day I made reservations at some Italian place by the beach, Italian because we've been trying to eat at different types of restaurants once a month and next was Italian. We kinda put a halt on that for a bit so I thought this would be a good time to bring it back.
That same day I order some chocolate dipped strawberries that come in a nice box because she loves those and I thought we could eat them in bed together once we got home from the restaurant. I'm picking them up on Wednesday along with a balloon. Thursday morning I was planning on picking up some flowers for her and my mom at a flower stand right by my house. Everything is set and I felt kinda proud of myself. I've never been a very romantic person. My friends would be shocked and would probably laugh if I told them everything I planned. For all the shit I talked about Valentine's to her, I was excited for this and felt good about it. I wanted to see her face at the end of it all. However, yesterday I go to her house pretty late because I was with some friends. I had initially made plans with her first but she urged me to go with them because one of them is leaving the state soon to go back home. She told me I could come over afterwards. So it's almost 1 and I'm heading to her house which isn't very far and when I'm almost there she tells me she's tired but that I can come in for a little bit. I felt bad for getting there so late but since I was already close I figured I'd at least see her for a little while. I start telling her that I already have everything planned for us but not going into detail and she's excited. Then I jokingly tell her that next year we're not doing anything extravagant, we're ordering heart shaped pizza or something. I made the joke because it was something a friend suggested to which I told her she was crazy. But the point of her suggestion was that I could try cooking us something next year. I don't know how to cook very well but I was definitely open to improve because I liked the suggestion. Anyway, she looks tired so I tell her I can leave if she wants to go to sleep. She says it's fine. A few minutes later she still looks tired so I ask her again and she tells me that I can go if I want, that I don't need to ask her. I realize that she thinks I'm asking her because I'm the one that wants to go so I tell her that that's not it. She doesn't buy it and just tells me I can go and gets up to lead me out the door. She's not exactly mad while she's doing this, she's still smiling, but I can tell it's not genuine. She was upset. I reluctantly leave.
When I get home I start texting her, apologizing for any misunderstanding we might have had. She tells me that I clearly didn't wanna come over since I kept asking her if she wanted me to leave. She was also upset when I said we're not doing anything extravagant next Valentine's because of what I mentioned that morning and the day before about how I don't care much for Valentine's. She said she didn't want me to go somewhere or do something I didn't wanna do just because it's something she wants. That I shouldn't have to force myself to go on a Valentine's date with her. So she said we should just order pizza and stay home. I think based on what I said in this post, I definitely WANT to do this. I'm not forcing myself. A date has been on my mind for two weeks and I'm glad I was finally able to come up with something. I explained this all to her and all my feelings behind it. I told her that I know sometimes my behavior doesn't match my feelings, which is true. I'm a fucking grinch. I complain about shit all the time and am sometimes a jerk just for fun. Not with her usually but with my friends. But despite how I act, I can be genuinely happy am excited about something or someone. I thought that by now she already knew this. But she wouldn't buy any of it. She just didn't believe me. I urged her to please trust me and go on this date with me because I'm sure she'll love it, but she says she doesn't wanna do anything. She wouldn't feel comfortable. She cried and then told me she was going to bed.
She hasn't texted me much today. We argued around New Year's too because long story short, she thought I didn't really care to do anything with her on New Year's because I kept telling her I wasn't sure if I was spending it with her or my family. In the end I decided to spend it with her since I didn't get to spend Christmas with her but she didn't buy it. She thought I was forcing myself to do something I didn't wanna do. In the end, we spent New Years with her family and it was great. I'm hoping the same happens now but idk. Idk what to do. Was I wrong? Am I an inconsiderate asshole?