I've been thinking on this a little more today. She's probably being pressured to be in a relationship by her family. You're the "beard" boyfriend she can point too when they ask why she's single.
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I've been thinking on this a little more today. She's probably being pressured to be in a relationship by her family. You're the "beard" boyfriend she can point too when they ask why she's single.
You can afford the place by yourself right? Sounds like she just tagged along or something. End this relationship before she does while she's using you as a safety net while she's looking for another guy. It's in no way a meaningful relationship, you're being used.
Generally, when someone invites you over after a date, there is the implication that they may want to have sex with you. And this for both genders, women can also invite people over to their place. That said you can't just assume that because someone went home with you or invited you over that sex is going to happen. I have a problem with that quote saying "In her mind, if she goes back to your place, you will fuck" because it sets an expectation that you are obligated to sex when a girl agrees to come over. By all means, make your move but back down and don't make a fuss if she doesn't want to have sex.
Alwayscrazybacon is right, this sounds like it was cut out of some PUA reddit or something. I don't even get what it's trying to say exactly. If a girl doesn't go home with you one night, you won't have sex that night? It's written like it's come to some sort of revelation but that is very obvious. Anyway, people are individuals so it's fine to follow general dating cues to an extent, you have to listen to the person. I brought a girl home after a date once because I did want to have sex with her but we made out a bit before she stopped things and said she didn't want to go there yet. I was fine with it because I wasn't following some rule that any girl that would dare step into my home will have sex with me. The next time we went out she actually invited me to her place and I'll just say that her intentions that time were very clear so like, instead of worrying about the accuracy of this quote, just pay attention to what the person wants.
I don't really know what you mean by rowdy texts with a friend. Do you mean like sexting? Or were you flirting? If it wasn't anything that bad, then it's not right to compare that to her sleeping with someone else.
Either way, I guess I asked because I was looking for examples of what the two of you have done to fix the trust issues after cheating but it doesn't seem like you have? Like she went into therapy but you're saying it's for other issues. If she cheated on you, why did the two of you not go into couples' therapy?
The last part of your post really screams to me that you are unhappy in this relationship and are holding on to it because you've invested a lot in it over a period of time. I mean, you're happier when she's gone, you're flirting with other women and feeling really good about it and you feel anxious around her, your sex life has dried up, you have major trust issues with her and it doesn't seem like either of you are really doing the work needed to fix it - only distracting yourself with other things.
I don't want to tell you what to do but I feel like there are only three options here: Stay unhappy in this relationship, do real actual work to fix your trust problems from her cheating or break up.
OP
OP
Be wary of any advice that purports to explain how all women act. Doubly so if they use the phrase "That's just the way her brain is wired to think".
I've experienced plenty of contradictions to the post, both in terms of women who came to my place and didn't want to fuck, and women who didn't want to go to my place but did want to fuck (protip: some women are more comfortable fucking at their place).
I am not ignoring your suggestions people. I am taking notes and answering questions.
It wasn't sexting as in no pictures or kisses or anything intimate was shared. It was just very rowdy flirting.
Like me being "Come over here and let me eat your ass"
And her being like "I am so cold my nipples can break a wall"
It was waaay over the top. Like stuff you would not say to any partner.
It wasn't sexting as in no pictures or kisses or anything intimate was shared. It was just very rowdy flirting.
Like me being "Come over here and let me eat your ass"
And her being like "I am so cold my nipples can break a wall"
It was waaay over the top. Like stuff you would not say to any partner.
Just got someone's number on Tinder and they're in an open relationship. Not sure if I should even go for it.
It would always just be a casual thing right?
It would always just be a casual thing right?
That's sexting. You don't have to send nudes or kissing emojis to sext. But you are obviously aware of what you did wrong and that doesn't justify her cheating on you either so I think it's best to just move beyond that point here.
My conclusion is still the same:
1. Break up.
2. Actually address and work on the issues.
3. Stay unhappy in the relationship.
One of three.
I'm done with her. She actually keeps wanting to date me and is continuing to set up an eighth date with me, but on that date I'm going to tell her I'm done with her.
The reason is, I called her yesterday to talk about physical intimacy and her relationship goals with me. This is what I found out:
* I wanted to know why we haven't kissed or touched each other yet, and she said she's never slept with anyone, never been in a relationship, and never kissed anyone before
*She said she needs time to be ready before she has her first kiss
*She admitted she doesn't know if she would enjoy kissing guys
*She also said that she's afraid of telling her parents about me because I don't have a bachelor's degree.
Why are you even going on this "eighth date?"
From the very beginning, this girl has sounded like a complete waste of your time. Why let her waste more of it?
You don't need an 8th date, just call her and tell her it's not working out. Telling her that on a date would be even harder.
Hey I really want to say thanks for sharing this, it's kind of exactly what I needed right now.
Good looking out.
Yeah... bail, like others said don't even set up another date.
Update on my friend possibly getting back together with his emotionally abusive ex-girlfriend: he texted me today giving me a heads up that she's over at our apartment. Cool, now I guess I get to have the "she's not welcome here, so if you want to hang out do it somewhere else or find a new place to live" talk. And it's going to tank the friendship.
He's going to avoid talking about this at all costs, but I'm going to have to force it.
He's going to avoid talking about this at all costs, but I'm going to have to force it.
yeah, you've got to do it. I had to cut off a friend as he had a drama queen girlfriend who wanted to be the center of attention all the time. My life is much better for it.
2, 4, 6, 7 and 9
I wouldn't do the group shot at all, I always swipe left on them, especially if it's the first photo haha
2, 8, 7, 9, 10 in that order
Group shots have their place, it's just important it's not the first one. Throw 3 in there as well if there's space (I forget how many slots Tinder provides)
Group shots are good. Shows that you have a social life and people like you. I don't know about that specific shot but as long as it's not the first photo and you don't gave super model friends that make you look ugly, why not?
Met a friend of a friend the other day. She is really cute, and super smart, we seemed to have a good vibe. But there was also no doubt that she's a bit of a flirt.
Few days later we all got high and watched Interstellar, friend fell asleep, me and her ended up talking about space and science and shit for hours, we were under the same blanket, not fully cuddling, but definitely more and more contact as the night went on that she wasn't shying away from (but no big enough hint for my timid ass to make a full on move). She turned me onto a new band that I'm loving, and she seems to be 'into' texting, snapchatting etc. We've been talking quite a bit. When I mention something like, 'we'll have to get coffee sometime this week' she seems really into it, and lays out her entire five day schedule for me so we can plan it.
But she is definitely a flirt and by her own admission, the first night we met, loves the 'game'. And I am complete trash at the game, and only recently started pursuing people romantically and feel like I have some inkling what I'm doing. I'm just trying to be myself and honest, and definitely not too eager, which I've been known to do.
I think I'm doing okay for now. But if any experts in here want to analyze this from an experienced 3rd party perspective, I'd be very interested.
Few days later we all got high and watched Interstellar, friend fell asleep, me and her ended up talking about space and science and shit for hours, we were under the same blanket, not fully cuddling, but definitely more and more contact as the night went on that she wasn't shying away from (but no big enough hint for my timid ass to make a full on move). She turned me onto a new band that I'm loving, and she seems to be 'into' texting, snapchatting etc. We've been talking quite a bit. When I mention something like, 'we'll have to get coffee sometime this week' she seems really into it, and lays out her entire five day schedule for me so we can plan it.
But she is definitely a flirt and by her own admission, the first night we met, loves the 'game'. And I am complete trash at the game, and only recently started pursuing people romantically and feel like I have some inkling what I'm doing. I'm just trying to be myself and honest, and definitely not too eager, which I've been known to do.
I think I'm doing okay for now. But if any experts in here want to analyze this from an experienced 3rd party perspective, I'd be very interested.
This isn't what some people want though, and that will come back to bite you. Some people appreciate the small things, some people don't even notice/take it for granted.
It sounds like everything is pretty clear cut here and the only real challenge is self-doubt and anxiety. Just be you and do what feels right.
Also, just because she loves 'the game' doesn't mean that you have to play it. Don't pressure yourself and morph your personality just to accommodate hers. Respect what you're comfortable with and do what feels natural, not what you think you need to do for her to like you.
Cool, much appreciated.
Yea, I'm not going to try to play a game I'm crap at. I'm comfortable with who I am, and if they aren't into it that's totally fine. Guess we will see how it goes.
I can't account for a potential minority of "some people". Lots of personality types out there, if one thing does not work try a different approach.
Forget the kissing, she's not even flirting or touching. I'm just amazed this has gone to seven dates. When I was dating (and this is through a muslim dating app), if there was chemistry we would be touching on the very first date. Just tell her on the phone that you don't see this working out and wish her good luck in her search. With that last meritocratic detail, this was never going to work so just end it today.
The girl I've been on three dates with doesn't respond to my query for a fourth one, so that's that. It's probably for the best, I had some serious doubts about compatibility myself after the last date. Prettiest girl I've ever dated, though.
Just last week I had dates with three different girls and felt on top of the world, and now I'm empty-handed. I should really learn to space these things out better. It doesn't help that I barely get any responses from my matches lately, which makes me question my pictures and profile again. I might ask you guys for feedback if it persists.
I did install Happn which seems to have a very healthy userbase around here (Netherlands). I think I like the women on there a little more than Tinder, actually. Still waiting to try out Hinge but they haven't released their Android app over here yet. I installed the .apk manually but they've locked it down in-app, unfortunately.
Just last week I had dates with three different girls and felt on top of the world, and now I'm empty-handed. I should really learn to space these things out better. It doesn't help that I barely get any responses from my matches lately, which makes me question my pictures and profile again. I might ask you guys for feedback if it persists.
I did install Happn which seems to have a very healthy userbase around here (Netherlands). I think I like the women on there a little more than Tinder, actually. Still waiting to try out Hinge but they haven't released their Android app over here yet. I installed the .apk manually but they've locked it down in-app, unfortunately.
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Take note of this.
That's pretty normal for people that are high TBH
If you're not asking for a DATE, this is just a hangout with a friend. Tell her you want to take her on a DATE for a coffee and you'll find out if she actually has any interest in you before you get over-invested.
In all likelihood think this through if this is really someone you want to be in a serious relationship with or something casual. Experience has taught me to swerve these young flirts, as they get older they become "danger flirts". Picture a future where you're a couple and she's still flirting with guys, and guys just like you are now think they are in with a chance regardless of whether they know she is dating you. How's that going to make you feel? Do you address that with her to be met with a reply "Oh, you know I'm a flirt it doesn't mean anything".
Whatever the 'game' is. You best be believing in games, because you're in one. I would not pursue anything serious with this girl, if you do I expect you to learn some valuable life lessons.
I appreciate the brutal honesty that you provide in the thread. And will definitely take what you say under consideration.
We had plans to get coffee tonight, but the planning was going a bit slow, and I felt tired so I postponed. Told her I owe her a coffee 'date', so we'll see how she takes it.
Had a walk on the bayou scheduled for Saturday and now she wants to also go to the rodeo on Monday. Lots of stuff in 3 days but im fine with it lol. Not gonna try and make any moves outside of holding hands again for a bit since she wants to take it slow and not kiss yet. Hopefully I'll be able to take a hint when she's ready but I'm terrible at body language.
I got a match on Bumble with a girl that looks cute, but I don't know how to start a conversation with her to break the ice.
Normally on tinder I end up gathering more information on their profiles to start talking with someone, but here I found it harder, even though I feel that people put more information in there
Normally on tinder I end up gathering more information on their profiles to start talking with someone, but here I found it harder, even though I feel that people put more information in there
Wow, didn't realized that. I always thought that it was more a suggestion than a real requirement
Was this to prevent online harassment?
Shot my shot with a tinder match I'm pretty sure I was aiming too high for. Thought I was doing well when she said she said she'd love to grab a bite and drink, and when I suggested a place tonight or the weekend I'm pretty sure I got shot down. And a girl friend of mine pretty much said that's the case. Threw the ball back into her court, and if that's the end of that I ain't got the time to sweat or care more than that. No idea if it's my own anxiety, but this is mentally exhausting more than anything.
The good news is, I got plans with someone else next weekend who thinks I'm awesome. 👏🏻 So far. Hahaha
The good news is, I got plans with someone else next weekend who thinks I'm awesome. 👏🏻 So far. Hahaha
OP
OP
No such thing as aiming too high. From what you wrote there, you're playing the game the right way, you just didn't get the win this time. Happens to the best of us. Just remember to respect your time and respect your effort...don't invest too much of either until a woman gives you a reason to.
Long story short, I became a single dad around a year back, my two kids live with me. I need to get back into the dating game, any advices, apps etc.? Its been so long since the last time I had to do the game, that I basically may start from Level 1.
Edit: Fuck Level 1, I'll have that tutorial please.
Edit: Fuck Level 1, I'll have that tutorial please.
I'm 26 and divorced.
I've never dated anybody but my wife
I'm probably fucked and not in the good way fam.
I've never dated anybody but my wife
I'm probably fucked and not in the good way fam.
OP
OP
Nah man, dating gets easier the older you get. Everyone has a stronger idea of what they want and ain't got time to play games.
I feel like i gotta couple years before people around my age are like that. Turns out being a single dad means you have to spend a lot of nights in which most peeps aren't into in a tourist / college town.
Experience will help most so best i can do for now is try.
I was 40 when I got back in the game and Ernest about the same age. We didn't have any problems with dating and it was easier. Your online dating profile photos are everything, so make the. Good and even take pictures specifically for them.
Your status is single, not divorced becuse that what you are single. A man having divorced I and other people here on Era have found it makes some women think YOU must be the cause of the divorce and will start probing you on it. So just avoid that. Mentioning having kids on your profile it's a 50/50 thing, I personally didn't but I would not hide that when we came to talking with each other. Definetly don't have pictures of your kids in profile pictures, just seems like a scummy way using your kids get attention from women, have pics with a dog.
Great,now you're free to move on and you've got some dating experience.