DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Gotdatmoney · Apr 10, 2019

deftones r cool said:
I do well enough with women where I don't feel the need to self-censor my opinions on things. They're free to disagree, and carry an open dialogue with me. I enjoy hearing alternative perspectives on issues, and we actually had a decent conversation which led to a solid night out overall. Confidence is key in any sort of relationship, and I can't be confident if I'm worrying whatsoever what the other person is thinking of me - especially on a first date.

No one said you have to do anything. But honestly, complaining about how a date didnt go well because you went all cops are bad isn't worth sympathy. The way you are describing the encounter, this is a you problem more than anything. Again, be however you want but dont complain about the obvious end result.

This doesn't change the fact whatsoever that dating is tiresome

Sure it does. You ever think that maybe the way you approach topics contributes to your dating success? Again, you complained the whole encounter was awkward. From your description you made it awkward.

And I'm not exactly enamored with the idea of shacking up with a cop lover.

Neither would I but I dont go full blown all cops are bad and quote statistics on date one lol. If you can't see the obvious issue here then there are bigger issues at play you are openly ignoring.

tellNoel · Apr 10, 2019

Sorithin said:
My bf broke up with me on Sunday so I'm back to the dating game. Hand-to-heart thought he was the one and I was so so excited for the future :(

Soooo this sucks. I hate dating and refuse to download the apps. But I know I need to give myself time before I jump into it again.

I'm sorry to hear that. Give yourself some time to heal a bit before you get back out there. The apps are definitely not the way anyone would ideally like to meet someone, but it is a way to make it a bit easier and more convenient for a lot of people.

I must say (from experience) meeting someone new helps the healing process. Takes your mind off of other things

Siggy-P · Apr 10, 2019

Sorithin said:
My bf broke up with me on Sunday so I'm back to the dating game. Hand-to-heart thought he was the one and I was so so excited for the future :(

Soooo this sucks. I hate dating and refuse to download the apps. But I know I need to give myself time before I jump into it again.

Take as long as you need.

But remember, there's no "one" outside of movies, but rather there are hundreds of thousands of people who can make you happy.

deftones r cool said:
I do well enough with women where I don't feel the need to self-censor my opinions on things. They're free to disagree, and carry an open dialogue with me. I enjoy hearing alternative perspectives on issues, and we actually had a decent conversation which led to a solid night out overall. Confidence is key in any sort of relationship, and I can't be confident if I'm worrying whatsoever what the other person is thinking of me - especially on a first date. This doesn't change the fact whatsoever that dating is tiresome, and I'm not exactly enamored with the idea of shacking up with a cop lover.

It's good that you have principles.

But someone who has cops in their family should probbaly get a pass on the purity test. Unless you conveniently meet someone who also posts on a hard left forum like this one youre unlikely to meet someone irl who has the same political views as you

deftones r cool · Apr 10, 2019

Gotdatmoney said:
No one said you have to do anything. But honestly, complaining about how a date didnt go well because you went all cops are bad isn't worth sympathy. The way you are describing the encounter, this is a you problem more than anything. Again, be however you want but dont complain about the obvious end result.

Sure it does. You ever think that maybe the way you approach topics contributes to your dating success? Again, you complained the whole encounter was awkward. From your description you made it awkward.

Neither would I but I dont go full blown all cops are bad and quote statistics on date one lol. If you can't see the obvious issue here then there are bigger issues at play you are openly ignoring.

It's not that the date didn't go well, my awkward bluntness actually led to a fairly interesting dialogue. We even shared a friendly kiss at the end of the night as I walked her to her car.

I guess what I find most grueling is finding someone I consider "right" for me. My post was intended to be more anecdotal than critical.

deftones r cool · Apr 10, 2019

Siggy-P said:
Take as long as you need.

But remember, there's no "one" outside of movies, but rather there are hundreds of thousands of people who can make you happy.

It's good that you have principles.

But someone who has cops in their family should probbaly get a pass on the purity test. Unless you conveniently meet someone who also posts on a hard left forum like this one youre unlikely to meet someone irl who has the same political views as you

I have an uncle who is a cop, which is something I mentioned to her afterwards. Hes a total prick

Sorithin · Apr 10, 2019

Siggy-P said:
But remember, there's no "one" outside of movies, but rather there are hundreds of thousands of people who can make you happy.

Thanks for this! I really needed this reminder today :)

smisk · Apr 10, 2019

Sorithin said:
My bf broke up with me on Sunday so I'm back to the dating game. Hand-to-heart thought he was the one and I was so so excited for the future :(

Soooo this sucks. I hate dating and refuse to download the apps. But I know I need to give myself time before I jump into it again.

What caused the breakup if you don't mind me asking?

Messofanego · Apr 10, 2019

Sorithin said:
My bf broke up with me on Sunday so I'm back to the dating game. Hand-to-heart thought he was the one and I was so so excited for the future :(

Soooo this sucks. I hate dating and refuse to download the apps. But I know I need to give myself time before I jump into it again.

What did you break up over? Sorry to hear, but just know there isn't no "the one" which should be reassuring. There are many people in the world who will be fully compatible. Give yourself time to enjoy yourself, get back into what you used to enjoy the most, meet with friends/fam more, physical exercise/gym to feel good, and then when you're emotionally ready get back into dating.

tellNoel · Apr 10, 2019

Has anyone here ever been catfished? i've never met someone that has and was wondering how it went

Siggy-P · Apr 10, 2019

TearablePuns said:
Has anyone here ever been catfished? i've never met someone that has and was wondering how it went

I knew a guy back in highschool who used to, believe it or not, frequent certain fanbase forums and Facebook pages and catfish other men. He had a ton of these fake accounts on Facebook that he'd pretend to be a girl on, set up a date and then just not turn up.

It was around the time I stopped talking to him and he had some issues but generally it seemed like role playing on his part going way, way too over the line more than planning to scam anyone.

Seirith · Apr 10, 2019

deftones r cool said:
Went on a date today, and ended up going on my "all cops are bastards" spiel. I even cited the statistic of how 40% of cops commit domestic abuse.

A large portion of her family were cops.

So awkward.

Dating is exhaustive.

Yeah, if someone said that to me on a first date, I'd probably end the date right then and there.

Nil'giccas · Apr 10, 2019

deftones r cool said:
Went on a date today, and ended up going on my "all cops are bastards" spiel. I even cited the statistic of how 40% of cops commit domestic abuse.

A large portion of her family were cops.

So awkward.

Dating is exhaustive.

Personally I would have felt more relieved than awkward. Think that you haven't really wasted your time and found out pretty quickly about that incompatibility. When I was dating I would also try to find out their political leanings soon enough to not waste my and their time, the same when meeting new people in social activities. On the other hand, with coworkers, I find that the less you know the better.

It was so comforting when just before the first date with my now girlfriend she said that she was "behind the little piglets" refering to some cops there (I didn't know what she looked like). But she is awesome in all ways anyway.

Quantum Leap · Apr 10, 2019

deftones r cool said:
Went on a date today, and ended up going on my "all cops are bastards" spiel. I even cited the statistic of how 40% of cops commit domestic abuse.

A large portion of her family were cops.

So awkward.

Dating is exhaustive.

You must have felt the coldest chill of awkwardness

Salamando · Apr 10, 2019

Given recent posts in this thread, I want to ask: Would you consider it a dealbreaker if your date was okay with the police? Not in a "blue lives matter" kind of way, they just don't express malice or bias against them and would be put off if you did.

TearablePuns said:
Has anyone here ever been catfished? i've never met someone that has and was wondering how it went

Yes, once. On OKCupid she was a cute redhead who was about 2 years older than me. IRL she was still a redhead, but about 21 years older than me. I didn't even recognize her - she had to flag me down. I talked with her for about an hour, made up an excuse to leave, and blocked her number.

Deleted member 9330 · Apr 10, 2019

Salamando said:
Given recent posts in this thread, I want to ask: Would you consider it a dealbreaker if your date was okay with the police? Not in a "blue lives matter" kind of way, they just don't express malice or bias against them and would be put off if you did.

I wouldn't consider a blasé opinion of the police a dealbreaker, but it would be if they're offput by my decidedly un-blasé opinions

Deleted member 33533 · Apr 10, 2019

Salamando said:
Given recent posts in this thread, I want to ask: Would you consider it a dealbreaker if your date was okay with the police? Not in a "blue lives matter" kind of way, they just don't express malice or bias against them and would be put off if you did.

You can't just be off put by someone disliking the police while also not being "Blue Lives Matter." They kind of go hand in hand.

Like, as a black man, I obviously have many criticisms of the police and if someone is put off by the fact that I kind of don't like to be disproportionally targeted by racial profiling and police brutality and have to worry about police seeing me as an immediate threat to execute where they wouldn't see that in a white man, then I don't want anything to do with them. Like you can't just be "ok" with that in my eyes. Doesn't mean I expect you to sneer and shout at every cop you see. I don't need someone to hate the police. But if you're put off by the fact that I do have a problem with them, then you obviously don't care about black lives and I'm wasting my time.

I'm American for perspective here though that much is obvious.

Vincent Grayson · Apr 10, 2019

Salamando said:
Given recent posts in this thread, I want to ask: Would you consider it a dealbreaker if your date was okay with the police? Not in a "blue lives matter" kind of way, they just don't express malice or bias against them and would be put off if you did.

I mean, I guess it would depend a lot on their overall tone and demeanor? For me, I don't "hate" the police, but I don't trust them and think there's a pretty gross bias towards non-white people and covering up/excusing those behaviors. I also don't really gibe with the entire concept of allowing some citizens to carry guns and kill other citizens. Like, the entire concept of gun-armed law enforcement rubs me the wrong way. But I probably wouldn't rant about hating the police on a first date, and would probably be a little turned off by someone who did.

Not like, out of decorum or nothing, but I prefer to talk about positive things in general at the outset, even if they're rooted in difficulty. Opinions about what things you hate aren't going to interest me much until we've gotten to know what positive things we bring to each other's lives.

Quantum Leap · Apr 10, 2019

TearablePuns said:
Has anyone here ever been catfished? i've never met someone that has and was wondering how it went

Hell no, I go into full on computer forensics mode with any potential date

Sayers · Apr 10, 2019

TearablePuns said:
Has anyone here ever been catfished? i've never met someone that has and was wondering how it went

Is catfishing strictly about a guy posing as a girl or a girl claiming to be in her 20's when she's really well over 40? Because I've had some dates where she showed up and it was obvious that the pictures had been taken when she was . . . well let's say . . . in better physical shape than she currently was.

Not sure if that is considered catfishing.

the_wart · Apr 10, 2019

Salamando said:
Given recent posts in this thread, I want to ask: Would you consider it a dealbreaker if your date was okay with the police? Not in a "blue lives matter" kind of way, they just don't express malice or bias against them and would be put off if you did.

"okay with the police" is a pretty poorly defined category. I wouldn't be okay with someone who believed that Philado Castile et al had it coming and that law enforcement in this country doesn't have deep, systemic problems. On the other hand, I would be put off by someone who felt and expressed personal malice* towards another person exclusively on the basis of them being a police officer, and I don't think abolishing the police across the nation is a good idea. Does that make me "okay with the police"?

*wariness and suspicion are cool though.

Siggy-P · Apr 10, 2019

Sayers said:
Is catfishing strictly about a guy posing as a girl or a girl claiming to be in her 20's when she's really well over 40? Because I've had some dates where she showed up and it was obvious that the pictures had been taken when she was . . . well let's say . . . in better physical shape than she currently was.

Not sure if that is considered catfishing.

It's generally anyone pretending to be someone that they're not.

BeforeU · Apr 10, 2019

So i just found out that the girl I am dating likes to gamble. Not too excess but she sometimes goes by herself too. i just found this shocking, may be because i have never gambled more than $20 on my rare casino visit.

She is educated and seems responsible person but like to gamble once in a month or two.

Is this a red flag? or i am just over reacting?

deftones r cool · Apr 10, 2019

Salamando said:
Given recent posts in this thread, I want to ask: Would you consider it a dealbreaker if your date was okay with the police? Not in a "blue lives matter" kind of way, they just don't express malice or bias against them and would be put off if you did.

Since I kinda started this...

It wasn't even necessarily a dealbreaker for either of us, tbh. I absolutely understand the theoretical point of law enforcement, and she wasn't necessarily a blue lives matter type of person. What happened moreso was her being surprised by my strong distaste for cops which led to awkwardness which I diffused by further explaining my position. I wasn't calling her grandfather or uncles bastards per se, but I also strongly inferred that it very much takes a certain type of person to go down that career path.

Would I date a Republican though? Yikes, idk. It would depend if we had enough common ground on other philosophical issues, tastes in the arts, etc. Also, if I'm being entirely honest... depends how physically attractive I found them.

SebTheCat · Apr 10, 2019

Sorithin said:
My bf broke up with me on Sunday so I'm back to the dating game. Hand-to-heart thought he was the one and I was so so excited for the future :(

Soooo this sucks. I hate dating and refuse to download the apps. But I know I need to give myself time before I jump into it again.

So sorry to hear that.

I broke up with my first serious girlfriend of 6 months around 8 months ago now (who like you I thought was the one) after she started being abusive and manipulative towards me.

Definitely don't jump straight back into dating, it took me about 6 months to even consider dating again, you need to take the time to heal.

theme park joe · Apr 10, 2019

Sorithin said:
My bf broke up with me on Sunday so I'm back to the dating game. Hand-to-heart thought he was the one and I was so so excited for the future :(

Soooo this sucks. I hate dating and refuse to download the apps. But I know I need to give myself time before I jump into it again.

My condolences. It does suck. Give yourself as much time as you need.

Deleted member 4090 · Apr 10, 2019

TearablePuns said:
Has anyone here ever been catfished? i've never met someone that has and was wondering how it went

First date I ever went on through an app. The photos were just old, and she had clearly let herself go over the last few years. I was a desperate grad student so still went on with the date with a good attitude.

The worst that happened since then was somebody still being technically married, having a different name, or being a single mother. All of those require full disclosure prior to meeting, IMO, but only the fake name one went on to also be a bad date.

Quantum Leap · Apr 10, 2019

Sorithin said:
My bf broke up with me on Sunday so I'm back to the dating game. Hand-to-heart thought he was the one and I was so so excited for the future :(

Soooo this sucks. I hate dating and refuse to download the apps. But I know I need to give myself time before I jump into it again.

Yeaaa definitely don't date yet. You're going to be thinking about him even when you're on dates with other people which is not fair for them.

Sorithin · Apr 10, 2019

Messofanego said:
What did you break up over? Sorry to hear, but just know there isn't no "the one" which should be reassuring. There are many people in the world who will be fully compatible. Give yourself time to enjoy yourself, get back into what you used to enjoy the most, meet with friends/fam more, physical exercise/gym to feel good, and then when you're emotionally ready get back into dating.

smisk said:
What caused the breakup if you don't mind me asking?

He said he just "didn't feel a spark anymore." I had talked about what I wanted in the future quite a bit (I'm 27) and he said he wasn't ready to think big picture and wanted to live in the moment (he's 30). And that by now, he should be wanting to shout from the rooftops how much he likes me, but he doesn't (though I really don't think you have to feel like that after 3 months, but to each their own). I said I love you last Monday and I really thought he felt the same way, but apparently that really freaked him out.

Cheddahz · Apr 10, 2019

Tinder and Bumble are the best "free" options for dating apps on mobile still, right?

Deleted member 4090 · Apr 10, 2019

Cheddahz said:
Tinder and Bumble are the best "free" options for dating apps on mobile still, right?

Coffee Meets Bagel was by far the best for me over the last few years. Hinge might have the momentum right now, though.

It depends a lot on city and demographics.

Messofanego · Apr 11, 2019

Sorithin said:
He said he just "didn't feel a spark anymore." I had talked about what I wanted in the future quite a bit (I'm 27) and he said he wasn't ready to think big picture and wanted to live in the moment (he's 30). And that by now, he should be wanting to shout from the rooftops how much he likes me, but he doesn't (though I really don't think you have to feel like that after 3 months, but to each their own). I said I love you last Monday and I really thought he felt the same way, but apparently that really freaked him out.

You two just seemed at different stages of life, you were more mature and he wasn't ready for the next step. I'm sure you'll be able to find a person who's more ready 😀

Jintor · Apr 11, 2019

i just read this absolutely wild twitter dating story and i have to share

Deleted member 24907 · Apr 11, 2019

Jintor said:
i just read this absolutely wild twitter dating story and i have to share

Good Lord

Dremorak · Apr 11, 2019

Jintor said:
i just read this absolutely wild twitter dating story and i have to share

lol wtf

Quantum Leap · Apr 11, 2019

Jintor said:
i just read this absolutely wild twitter dating story and i have to share

I must be on the internet too much because this felt tame as far as first dates go.

Notaskwid · Apr 11, 2019

Net dating is the worst

Deleted member 9330 · Apr 11, 2019

Jintor said:
i just read this absolutely wild twitter dating story and i have to share

"totally not a pickup artist convention"

If you gotta say it like that...

Alwayscrazybacon · Apr 11, 2019

Jzeero said:
I must be on the internet too much because this felt tame as far as first dates go.

We've had worse stories posted here even.

Salamando · Apr 11, 2019

Alwayscrazybacon said:
We've had worse stories posted here even.

Yup. I mean, I had a girl get pissed at me because I wouldn't let her friend give me a haircut, even though I had gotten a haircut three days before this conversation.

Lafiel · Apr 11, 2019

deftones r cool said:
Went on a date today, and ended up going on my "all cops are bastards" spiel. I even cited the statistic of how 40% of cops commit domestic abuse.

A large portion of her family were cops.

So awkward.

Dating is exhaustive.

That reminds me of that time I was texting a woman I met on Tinder (hadn't asked her out at this point) she was asking me what I was up to and I said "I was at a refugee protest" and commented that "there's a shit load of cops" she responded with some defense of cops that "cops are necessary to protect and keep people safe at protests" and at that same protest I literally saw a protester get smashed in the face by cops to the point where he bleed everywhere.. and the next day the emotion of that particular moment meant I couldn't even give a response to that and didn't ask her out in the end.

Jintor · Apr 11, 2019

yes but laf you're a dirty communist

Sorithin · Apr 11, 2019

Messofanego said:
You two just seemed at different stages of life, you were more mature and he wasn't ready for the next step. I'm sure you'll be able to find a person who's more ready 😀

I hope so! It doesn't help that he had proposed to his gf of 6 years and got turned down, so I imagine he wasn't ready to think about that again.

Sorithin · Apr 11, 2019

Cheddahz said:
Tinder and Bumble are the best "free" options for dating apps on mobile still, right?

I don't even think I can call Tinder a dating app. I don't think anyone on there is actually looking for a lasting relationship.

Alwayscrazybacon · Apr 11, 2019

Sorithin said:
I don't even think I can call Tinder a dating app. I don't think anyone on there is actually looking for a lasting relationship.

And yet, there are many people that have.

jdstorm · Apr 11, 2019

Sorithin said:
I don't even think I can call Tinder a dating app. I don't think anyone on there is actually looking for a lasting relationship.

It definitely is.

People are looking for all sorts of things, and if a casual hookup works out you never know. If it's the right person things work out

Deleted member 33533 · Apr 11, 2019

Jintor said:
i just read this absolutely wild twitter dating story and i have to share

I find this hard to believe. It took her 15 minutes to realize the guy looked nothing like his pictures?

Sorithin said:
I don't even think I can call Tinder a dating app. I don't think anyone on there is actually looking for a lasting relationship.

"Tinder is a hookup app" is pretty outdated. Plenty of people find long term relationships or at least people looking to seriously date on it. I met my girlfriend of over a year on it.

Cheddahz · Apr 11, 2019

Sorithin said:
I don't even think I can call Tinder a dating app. I don't think anyone on there is actually looking for a lasting relationship.

I've met my last few serious partners on Tinder, but I have had more casual dates on there than anything!

I created CMB and Hinge accounts as well and I have to say, I'm really liking Hinge's approach so far

thespire · Apr 11, 2019

Sorithin said:
I hope so! It doesn't help that he had proposed to his gf of 6 years and got turned down, so I imagine he wasn't ready to think about that again.

How long were you together?

Scotch · Apr 11, 2019

Most people I've met on Tinder were on there looking for a serious relationship. Mostly because that's what *I* have been looking for on there. You get what you swipe for, and how you present yourself in your profile.

People who keep thinking it's only for hookups are either using it wrong, or the userbase might be vastly different in other countries than mine.

Quantum Leap · Apr 11, 2019

SuperiorTrashTalk said:
"Tinder is a hookup app" is pretty outdated. Plenty of people find long term relationships or at least people looking to seriously date on it. I met my girlfriend of over a year on it.

I think it's still accurate. I've been on OKCupid, Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, etc and Tinder was most definitely the most obviously promiscuous of all of them.

DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

User requested account closure

Banned for use of alt account

Saw the truth behind the copied door

User requested account closure

Saw the truth behind the copied door