What is it you're afraid of ruining? Being in a relationship with someone 20 minutes away who can't find the time to meet once a month? That's not a healthy relationship, and should need ruining. This situation is making you miserable and rightly so, so time to bring it up.
Exactly this. The relationship is already "ruined" because of what she's doing. You really have to consider what you're doing to yourself if someone hurts you in a relationship and you think you're ruining things by bringing it up.
Best case scenario is that
TheBeardedOne brings it up and they fix the issue together. Worst case is that he does nothing and remains in a relationship that makes him unhappy. Yes, in this scenario TBO, the relationship ending would be a better thing for you than sticking it out but suffering silently. You need to talk to her if you want to fix things.
Heyoo ^^
I am looking for some advice on what to do and I hope this is the right place to ask.
Anywho I am in a long distance relationship with someone and...I am not sure if they love me or have feelings for me anymore. I have litteraly outright asked and the answer is always "I don't know" I feel like that in itself is an obvious red sign but like...idk.
I've never been in a relationship before so she is my first girlfriend (same for her) and I am just feeling really depressed about all of this. Everything was going great but ever since she came back to visit in February she has been acting different. I feel embarrassed talking about this but she never wants to kiss and stuff so I feel rejected physically. Last time we did anything was 7 weeks ago. Heck's I know what is normal. Also, she won't say "I love you" anymore.
It is strange. We get along really well and for the 10 months we have known each other we haven't fought once. Anyway, we both are in our early 20s and we both still live at home. She has been visiting mine now for 2 months and all she wants to do is play hearthstone, Xbox or work on her project. She never wants to do stuff together. Even though she is next to me I feel more alone then when we were apart. I will just sit there and watch her play through Sekiro while talking to her. We do watch movies together at night so I guess there is that but I am the one who always buys the movie. She never wants to use her money.
Anyway, I've been very open with my feelings but she never has an answer except a shrug and "I don't know" She has told me that she puts up a mental or emotional wall to protect herself from these types of questions. Whatever that means. I don't get it though. I feel like it is obvious to me she doesn't have feelings for me anymore so I don't get why she won't admit it.
I still love her so I myself probably won't end the relationship until she says yes to that question but I don't think she ever will. This whole situation is so bizarre.
Well, she is leaving back to Wisconsin in a few days (I live in California) and I have no idea what is going to happen. Will she stop texting or calling me? Heck's I know. She doesn't even like her home yet she willingly bought a plane ticket to leave and go back to her misery. Even though things have been strange lately I am still going to miss her greatly. She is not just my girlfriend but my friend...my only friend. I am just feeling so hurt and I don't know what to do.
Any advice would be great! 😊
If she doesn't know if she loves you, she doesn't love you. You want and need physical and emotional intimacy and affection in a relationship and she isn't willing to give it. She makes you feel alone and rejected when she's around and makes you sit there and watch her play video games instead of doing things together. What is good about this relationship besides the fact that it's the only one you have?
I think it's very clear that you need to break up with her. Your logic that you won't end it yourself because you love her is damaging. You're only making yourself suffer in this relationship where your partner doesn't care for your own needs. You need to take care of yourself because no one else will.
The fact that this is your first relationship is pretty clear. You think this struggle is all worth it and you think this is all normal and ok but really, you don't. You know you're hurting and you know it's because of her. You just either don't know any better or you're afraid of being alone. It looks like both, to be honest. Both are some of the worst reasons to be in a relationship, you're placing so much value on the fact that she's all you have and in terms of a relationship, all you've ever had.
Realize that you are young and there are SO many people out there that you can and will meet that are much better for you, that live closer to you, that want to give you physical and emotional affection. First relationships aren't always meant to be the perfect ones. Sometimes you need to stumble through mismatches to learn what you need in a relationship and what you're not willing to tolerate.
Break up with her, work on yourself and your life instead of staying stagnant in a relationship that makes you feel lonely and rejected.
