I saw that question too and set it to automatically disqualify anyone saying yes
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I mean, I get it if someone's culture was completely different than your own, because there wouldn't be much common ground. But you can be a different race and still have plenty of cultural aspects in common - and saying "skin color" is especially egregious, IMO.
Also, I'm mixed race, so when they say "my own racial background", I have no idea what the fuck they mean. My cousins aren't even the same race as me. Only person I know how is, is my sister. Do they want me to date my sister? Which brings me to another thing - I see tons of couples that could easily pass for brother & sister, and I find this creepy as fuck. Who wants to date someone who looks just like themselves?
/rant
Also, I'm mixed race, so when they say "my own racial background", I have no idea what the fuck they mean. My cousins aren't even the same race as me. Only person I know how is, is my sister. Do they want me to date my sister? Which brings me to another thing - I see tons of couples that could easily pass for brother & sister, and I find this creepy as fuck. Who wants to date someone who looks just like themselves?
/rant
I answered no to that question but I do tend to be attracted to my own ethnicity more (latinas) than anything else.
Ideally no one but genetics make us attracted to people who resemble our parents or ourselves.
To me that looks like an option for people who are racist but are uncomfortable with being called that so this is a softer way of confirming they don't want people of other races without them having to be like "no black people."
"Strongly prefer" in this case is not really any different than saying "It's a preference" when saying you would not date Asian people, for example. I see that phrasing as meaning you would not date a person of another race unless they were an "exceptional" example of said race. So like someone saying they don't find black women attractive with the exception of a few specific black female celebrities. I don't think you're reading into that question too much. I would ignore anyone who answered yes to that. If you see mostly or only white women answering yes to it, it's all too obvious what the deal is.
So I've been dating this girl I met on tinder for about a few months now, I noticed on her phone just by chance that she still has the tinder dating app on her phone. I don't know if I should bring it up with her or not but I don't know any human being who has a dating app on their phone that doesn't at the very least still browse it. I'm not trying to be insecure but at the same time I now have to question everything, am I in the right to worry?
This happened to me. Well sort of. I was dating someone for a few months and I deleted my app but I didnt delete my account. Then her friend came across my profile and screenshotted it and sent it to her. She called me an asshole and took off.
She may not be using it but still has it because shes not 100% commited. I don't think brining it up is a problem. But you run the risk of her thinking you were looking through her phone. I think a few months of exclusivity, if you have even agreed to be exclusive, is enough time that someone shouldnt have the need for the app still. I'd be curious about it myself.
Maybe a good time to have the talk about where you 2 stand in your relationship.
People can't control who they're attracted to. Saying yes or maybe to such a question doesn't mean someone is a racist or bigot.
Me being more and mostly attracted to women my own race is biological. It doesn't mean I'm not attracted to some women of other races or would never date them. Still I'd answer yes to that question.
Me being more and mostly attracted to women my own race is biological. It doesn't mean I'm not attracted to some women of other races or would never date them. Still I'd answer yes to that question.
I have a dating app still on my phone and I have been dating the same person for 2 months now. however she did ask me if I was still seeing anybody else a few weeks ago and I said No, which is true, because I'm not, and I don't want to see anybody else. immediately after we established exclusivity I put my account into inactive mode. haven't deleted the app though
this is it. gotta have some version of The Talk eventually. sounds like it's time
I think I'll bring it up, I personally deleted the app about a month after we started dating, it's been 4 months now. I'm not even negatively judging her but I think I'm going to be frank and if she's still unsure I'll just respectfully end it
I think thats fair. 4 months is long enough to have made up your mind. If you don't feel like waiting around if shes still unsure then thats totally fair.
I deleted the apps but not my profiles. I should have. I was just lazy I guess, and in the back of my mind felt like she would come to and dump me. But it's been 2.5 months.
Now I've only seen her a couple times, but we talk and will be doing something this week.
I'm hoping we'll see each other more soon.
I showed her the apps were gone and let her know my phone password. I delete my texts but it's just habit. I don't like a cluttered messages section or keep that stuff. If asked I would, but we trust each other. I have nothing to hide and am honest.
I get emails from a couple of them advertising matches but I don't open the app or bother. I should just delete it all soon
Now I've only seen her a couple times, but we talk and will be doing something this week.
I'm hoping we'll see each other more soon.
I showed her the apps were gone and let her know my phone password. I delete my texts but it's just habit. I don't like a cluttered messages section or keep that stuff. If asked I would, but we trust each other. I have nothing to hide and am honest.
I get emails from a couple of them advertising matches but I don't open the app or bother. I should just delete it all soon
Have you talked to her about being exclusive? Do you want to be exclusive?
As long as you aren't, there's no issue with her having the app. She may or may not be using it but it doesn't matter. She could not have the app and still meet someone at a bar and date them. So I wouldn't stress it. The real issue here is if you want to be exclusive you need to tell her.
I don't know about that. A lot of what we are attracted to is influenced by society. It's not a coincidence when looking at dating app statistics that black women and asian men tend to be at the bottom of desirability while white men are towards the top.
You can't control who you're attracted to for sure but an entire race? I can't really say I strongly prefer one race because people of one race have so many different physical appearances. I think it's important to look into ourselves and our biases and try to understand where they come from. It's one thing to kind of just date and realize you mostly date people of a certain race just by coincidence or maybe cultural similarities or where you live. But to actually come out and say "I would strongly prefer to only date white people" for example, shows that there is also a strong preference not to date people of other races. That isn't just a simple biological thing, in my opinion. Perhaps I shouldn't jump on the racist/bigot too easily but one can have racist of bigoted thoughts and values without really realizing it. We tend to think racism can only come in extremes. I would not immediately brand someone as a terrible person for being effected by the ways in which society effects our biases.
Okay. But I mostly noticed this because ONLY white women have answered yes to the question.
just curious about you all, how often do you get together when you start dating? I have been seeing my girl pretty much twice a week, generally try to make a night of it on Wednesday and then do something on Saturdays. So, quick and dirty mental math, we've probably seen each other like 10-15 times over the past couple months, with only some work travel and class schedule breaking up the rhythm. asking because it seems like a lot of you are seeing your datee less frequently, just trying to get a sense of pacing
User Banned (permanent): Excusing Racism; History of Severe Infractions
So people being attracted to their own sex — which is fine — is biological and not a choice. Yet being more attracted to your own race isn't and is a choice? No
If you were born and raised in Kingston Jamaica or something and you grew up only being around other black people and culture, you would be more inclined to be attracted towards black women. Nothing wrong with having preferences but excluding solely based on race and not the individuals appearance is... not a biological thing.
And thats fine. But to "strongly prefer" someone from your own race before you even see the other person is a shitty thing to do IMO. You are using race as a qualifier before even seeing the other person just because of their skin colour. You do you but I'm just saying that I am of the opinion that being attracted to specific races is a societal thing and not biological. Thats why people have race fetishes.
This is pedantic. "Strongly preferring" something is so close to requiring it as to be irrelevant. In any case, you should tackle why you think this way and try to get passed it, it's a negative trait.
It's not something you change. It's biological. People have preferences, it doesn't mean it's social or racist.
It's just who I find myself more attracted to. I am attracted to some women from other races. My preference is just strongly towards one race, is all.
It's just who I find myself more attracted to. I am attracted to some women from other races. My preference is just strongly towards one race, is all.
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It's learned behavior, not entirely biological. And it absolutely is something you can change, as I went from having pretty sheltered views (due to minimal exposure to minorities in my youth) to realizing that my benign bigotry caused me to miss out.
Yes, what I find attractive today is different from what kid me found hot—thankfully.
It's literally social. If you were born as your ethnicity in another country with a different ethnic majority, you wouldn't dislike those girls and immediately swoon over the first decent-looking person of your ethnicity that you see.
Think about what the media presents to you, in cartoons, ads, television and other. They strongly reinforce white beauty concepts and traits, making you think that those particular aspects are what you should seek. It's your learned behaviour to chase these things and falling back on "it's my biology" is a lazy excuse.
Why are you equating sex and race?
That is a horrible analogy, because they are not even close to being the same thing.
Just because you don't have control over who you're attracted to.
So, I downloaded Tinder because I've been out of town and I've always wondered how Tinder works.
Wow, girls really like to meet guys when they're just visiting lol. Matched up easy, met the girl for coffee, she came with me to get drinks with my friends and then I hung out at her place after.
Well, now I know when to use Tinder
Wow, girls really like to meet guys when they're just visiting lol. Matched up easy, met the girl for coffee, she came with me to get drinks with my friends and then I hung out at her place after.
Well, now I know when to use Tinder
I work in a university doing IT, basically, doing nothing in the summer. What level of creep would it been if i invite a student (well basically im also a student) that i helped in the past to go out? Im guessing not when she come at the counter needing some help with a software but if I meet her in a hallway?
I haven't specifically talked about being exclusive, I just assumed that being with somebody for four months would be exclusive. But again, I am not negatively judging her if she is still keeping her options open. I just feel that if the app is on the phone you don't just forget it is there it is a subconscious or even conscious decision that you are still available and single
I've been attracted to women of basically all races, everybody is beautiful and charming in different ways. the biggest hurdle really is just culture for me. like if you can't understand sarcasm it's gonna be really hard for me to feel comfortable saying what I want to say with you
It's a tough obstacle to overcome especially if it's vital to understanding your sense of humor.
I am also a fan of all ethnicities. I have gone through almost every spectrum of ethnic attraction throughout my lifetime lol
You aren't exclusive until you both say you are.
And i have all sorts of apps on my phone I forgot I have and haven't opened in years. Don't project what you think you should do with apps.
Seems to me you need to have the exclusivity conversation, rather than a convo about what apps are on her phone
Depends. Do you interact at all outside of the helpdesk? If you've only received access to her contact information because she contacted the helpdesk, I'd consider that a violation of professional boundaries. Otherwise, I'd say contact her only if you come into at least casual contact (like, say, encountering each other regularly in the hallway).
And yes, you should definitely not be trying to hit on her should she come to you for help with the computer.
I'm assuming when you say you're basically also a student that you mean that you're not a graduate tutor or in any other sort of position where you could be in control of her grades, etc.
Well that race topic went as expected. You can't control who your attracted to which is why it's absurd to think you would naturally be only attracted to one race to the point of strongly not preferring to date others before seeing them.
Even from a standpoint of "I'm not excluding all people of X race just most" just imagine telling someone you're dating that.
"Hey you know I strongly prefer not to date ____ but for a ____ person I really am attracted to you!"
Even from a standpoint of "I'm not excluding all people of X race just most" just imagine telling someone you're dating that.
"Hey you know I strongly prefer not to date ____ but for a ____ person I really am attracted to you!"
Definitely never make the mistake to assume exclusivity. Communication is a good thing to have anyway so definitely talk to her about it.
Nah, im in creative writing (in french), third year, but yeah i would never ask someone out if they come for a problem at the counter, or i'll just talk casually at least.
I do meet her a lot in the hallway and we smile at each others. Honestly, we are totally the opposite personality and i have a feeling it might never work but im in a weird mood lately where i just want to expose myself and go out and meet people and see what happen.
Sure, but race and skin color have nothing to do with that. Those are "attractions" or "unattractions" that are learned, just like racism.
You may as well be saying you don't have control over who you hate.
Well in that case, I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to get her attention and, if she responds, asking if she wants to get coffee or something similarly casual.
So huh, I kinda need help... kinda embarrassing but I downloaded tinder and bumble since i kinda want to meet new people but idk if my pictures are good enough, don't know what to put down in the bio etc.
Edit: I'm currently using the first 3
I know that but it's hard, it's hard to say something interesting about myself, and my type of humor is kinda weird idk. Also, it seems like most tinder user hardly have bios
Edit: I'm currently using the first 3
I know that but it's hard, it's hard to say something interesting about myself, and my type of humor is kinda weird idk. Also, it seems like most tinder user hardly have bios
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Loool I've made the same mistake before. These days exclusive doesn't mean exclusive until you verbally talk about the status of the relationship
Your best bet is to put something funny or interesting.
TheBeardedOne says all sorts of horseshit flatout racist things all the time. He has been ban for it repeatedly. It's all easily searchable as well. I wish I got here earlier so I could have told yall not to waste your time.
The whole "my preference" shit is a joke and I'm glad it's being called out. Rscists just need to accept their racism instead of justifying it. They aren't fooling any minorities.
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Hold the phone higher when your taking selfies. Ideally you need, full body shot, group shot where it's clear who you are in the group and an activity shot (NOT the arcade one). It also helps if you ask someone to help take your pictures so that they are not all selfies.
It's what, once a month at this point? I swear, you can set your watch to it
Have you ever done an unconscious bias test (Implicit Association Task) and if not, do one and tell me the result. It will tell you on what level of preference you have for either European Americans or African Americans.
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/Study?tid=-1
I'll disagree with you in your assertion that it's biological just because you haven't provided any scientific evidence for that claim. I've read research to say it's more societal or conditioned.
EDIT: Don't know what ban number this is for TheBeardedOne when it came to race.
Well if it was a repeated, ongoing thing, I doubt he had any intention of trying to learn anything.
I swear it's the fifth in almost as many months. Don't know why he keeps getting let back in
Second picture as your main, second last photo as second pic, and last pic as third, arcade pic maybe as last but you need to cut down on car selfies. No full body pic that someone took of you? When you go out, what are your usual activities/hobbies? Have someone tag along and ask them to take pics when you're hiking, at a museum, cinema, bowling, whatever is your hobby so it shows your adventurous side.
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No offense but those pictures make it seem like you're kinda boring like me. What I did was go out and take photos at visually pleasing and exciting locations. I went to a couple museums and the desert. Right now your photos are saying "this guy doesn't go out much". You're a decent looking dude though so at least you're not ugly. Oh and women seem to hate selfies of guys.
Lol thats me. Boring as fuck photos. Ill get around to taking better ones soon
Lads, need some help. Specifically when is the best time to ask this girl out (again)?
Context:
- Met at a conference 2 years ago.
- 2 years ago she lived in NYC and I lived in California. (6 hour flight away) Her family is from California and she was planning to move back after finishing school in 9 months.
- After 1.5 weeks of chatting, felt we had good chemistry and asked her out on a date (for when she next returned to California).
- Her response was "maybe a friend date"
- I decided this meant she wasn't interested and Comms became infrequent as I had no interest in investing time into this
- 3 months later, she reached out to let me know she was going to be in Japan, when I was. Told her I was going to be in a different city...
- Eventually, long story short, she's moved back to California, we've begun speaking frequently (she ironically ended up being one of the few people I could chat with...) And will be seeing her for the first time since the conference soon. Her idea to meetup, not mine.
- I want to know if she has feelings for me. Shall I ask her tomorrow when I see her or shall I setup another meetup and ask then...
Context:
- Met at a conference 2 years ago.
- 2 years ago she lived in NYC and I lived in California. (6 hour flight away) Her family is from California and she was planning to move back after finishing school in 9 months.
- After 1.5 weeks of chatting, felt we had good chemistry and asked her out on a date (for when she next returned to California).
- Her response was "maybe a friend date"
- I decided this meant she wasn't interested and Comms became infrequent as I had no interest in investing time into this
- 3 months later, she reached out to let me know she was going to be in Japan, when I was. Told her I was going to be in a different city...
- Eventually, long story short, she's moved back to California, we've begun speaking frequently (she ironically ended up being one of the few people I could chat with...) And will be seeing her for the first time since the conference soon. Her idea to meetup, not mine.
- I want to know if she has feelings for me. Shall I ask her tomorrow when I see her or shall I setup another meetup and ask then...