DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[Deleted member 9035]

Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.

 

[Knight in Shining Armani]

What subjects did you mostly talk about?

Click to shrink...

Work, family, kids, relationships, marriage (in general, not us two obviously), views on life and what not. Just the general stuff that you talk about when you get to really know someone I guess. I also found out that she likes comicbook movies, which is just icing on the cake. It's a bit scary how well we fit tbh, because it feels like I peaked in that regard lol. I'm just surprised she doesn't like videogames at this point (although she doesn't dislike them as far as I can tell).

She told me that the last date that she had with a guy was just terrible and I think it's safe to say that neither of us are really people people, you know, those types who can just have long ass conversations with anybody. It's just dumb luck really.

 

[Messofanego]

Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.

Click to shrink...

Ah of course the Amazonian wave of feminism! I'm now curious how this same-gender community works in tandem with heterosexual relationships.

 

[Deleted member 9035]

Ah of course the Amazonian wave of feminism! I'm now curious how this same-gender community works in tandem with heterosexual relationships.

Click to shrink...

Basically it doesn't. I guess men give their sperm and women are artificially inseminated. Unless artificial wombs are invented by that time?
It was an intriguing encounter for sure, though! I still don't completely understand why she wanted to meet in the first place. I think perhaps she wasn't planning on steering the conversation in this direction but something I said must have unintentionally triggered her.

 

[jdstorm]

Basically it doesn't. I guess men give their sperm and women are artificially inseminated. Unless artificial wombs are invented by that time?
It was an intriguing encounter for sure, though! I still don't completely understand why she wanted to meet in the first place. I think perhaps she wasn't planning on steering the conversation in this direction but something I said must have unintentionally triggered her.

Click to shrink...

Seems like it. I don't think many people would enjoy having their date night turned into them giving a lecture on a topic like that

 

[Servbot24]

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

Click to shrink...

That's not feminism for the record

 

[Messofanego]

Basically it doesn't. I guess men give their sperm and women are artificially inseminated. Unless artificial wombs are invented by that time?
It was an intriguing encounter for sure, though! I still don't completely understand why she wanted to meet in the first place. I think perhaps she wasn't planning on steering the conversation in this direction but something I said must have unintentionally triggered her.

Click to shrink...

Sperm surrogates, got it. But not just for same-gender couples I guess. Men only needed for procreation. Fascinating if it didn't happen in a date context.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.

Click to shrink...

This is super weird to me and I honestly have no input other than I would've gone to the bathroom in the middle of the date and escaped through the window.

 

[Quantum Leap]

Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.

Click to shrink...

Just because someone sounds confident about what they're talking about doesn't mean they are. Trump is a good example. I would definitely not date anyone who uses the term radical feminism since it's mostly used negatively by conservatives.

 

[Deleted member 9035]

That's not feminism for the record

Click to shrink...

What is it then? I found a book by Shulamith Firestone that seemed to be in line with the ideas we discussed.
Specifically this portion was brought up more than once:

Just as to ensure elimination of economic classes requires the revolt of the underclass (the proletariat) and, in a temporary dictatorship, their seizure of the means of production, so to assure the elimination of sexual classes requires the revolt of the underclass (women) and the seizure of control of reproduction: not only the full restoration to women of ownership of their own bodies, but also their [temporary] seizure of control of human fertility—the new population biology as well as all the social institutions of child-bearing and child-rearing. ... [T]he end goal of feminist revolution must be, unlike that of the first feminist movement, not just the elimination of male privilege but of the sex distinction itself: genital differences between human beings would no longer matter culturally.

Click to shrink...

 

[Deleted member 9035]

This is super weird to me and I honestly have no input other than I would've gone to the bathroom in the middle of the date and escaped through the window.

Click to shrink...

I admittedly have a weird and not necessarily healthy fetish for rabbit-hole conversations such as this. Also like I said I must have freaked her out or something because I doubt this is how she had envisioned the evening.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I admittedly have a weird and not necessarily healthy fetish for rabbit-hole conversations such as this. Also like I said I must have freaked her out or something because I doubt this is how she had envisioned the evening.

Click to shrink...

You think you freaked her out? Cause I was speaking as if I were in your shoes. Were you the one to bring up gender politics?

To me, that just seems like such a bizarre and uncomfortable topic for a first date but I suppose whatever works for you? And to refer to something you said initially:

I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Click to shrink...

Not to be dismissive but to me this doesn't really seem to fall within the realm of dating advice. Based on the fact that you're already looking up books on the subjects, I'd say that's probably the best way to learn more about what you're asking about. Not really sure what people could really do for you here.

 

[Servbot24]

What is it then? I found a book by Shulamith Firestone that seemed to be in line with the ideas we discussed.
Specifically this portion was brought up more than once:

Click to shrink...

Feminism means you think that men and women should be treated equally in all aspects, meaning that women will require an improvement from where they are now socially

Saying that men and women should be segregated to separate communities is flat earth insanity

 

[Briareos]

What is it then?

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Just some odd fringe stuff, sounds like a melange of radical/separatist/xenofeminism. It'd be like claiming Shakers were Christianity, rather than a very small subset of Christian thought/life.

 

[Deleted member 9035]

You think you freaked her out? Cause I was speaking as if I were in your shoes. Were you the one to bring up gender politics?

To me, that just seems like such a bizarre and uncomfortable topic for a first date but I suppose whatever works for you?

Click to shrink...

I was not the one to bring it up and it was indeed bizarre and uncomfortable. Reading my first post again I think she got in my head and messed with it a bit.
I'll have to figure out why I let that happen...

And to refer to something you said initially:


Not to be dismissive but to me this doesn't really seem to fall within the realm of dating advice. Based on the fact that you're already looking up books on the subjects, I'd say that's probably the best way to learn more about what you're asking about. Not really sure what people could really do for you here.

Click to shrink...

Don't worry about it, it's not dismissive in the slightest. I searched for a gender politics OT before posting in here.

 

[Deleted member 9035]

Saying that men and women should be segregated to separate communities is flat earth insanity

Click to shrink...

The weirdest part is this woman supposedly has a PhD in psychology and is currently training to be a therapist. As in, she has patients.

 

[Quantum Leap]

The weirdest part is this woman supposedly has a PhD in psychology and is currently training to be a therapist. As in, she has patients.

Click to shrink...

She's doing research to see how easily men will change their position on things just so they are liked by their online dates.

 

[jdstorm]

She's doing research to see how easily men will change their position on things just so they are liked by their online dates.

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I had a date like that in May. Psychologist as well. I definitely wasn't the type of person she was expecting to meet

 

[Deleted member 9035]

I had a date like that in May. Psychologist as well. I definitely wasn't the type of person she was expecting to meet

Click to shrink...

What happened?

 

[PassiveObserver]

You think you freaked her out? Cause I was speaking as if I were in your shoes. Were you the one to bring up gender politics?

To me, that just seems like such a bizarre and uncomfortable topic for a first date but I suppose whatever works for you? And to refer to something you said initially:


Not to be dismissive but to me this doesn't really seem to fall within the realm of dating advice. Based on the fact that you're already looking up books on the subjects, I'd say that's probably the best way to learn more about what you're asking about. Not really sure what people could really do for you here.

Click to shrink...

You're weirded out about not kissing or touching by the second date but gender politics are too uncomfortable for you to broach. We need more women in this thread.

 

[Servbot24]

You're weirded out about not kissing or touching by the second date but gender politics are too uncomfortable for you to broach. We need more women in this thread.

Click to shrink...

Oh calm down with the accusations. Opening a first date with a speech about how men and women should be separated into isolated communities is weird.

We do need more women in the thread though.

 

[PassiveObserver]

Oh calm down with the accusations. Opening a first date with a speech about how men and women should be separated into isolated communities is weird.

We do need more women in the thread though.

Click to shrink...

Given the generations of gender disparity, violence, and oppression, I find it entirely okay if not stimulating (as the original poster did) to entertain a feminist utopia with harm reduction as a central aim. The run-for-the-hills response is textbook male chauvinism.

 

[jdstorm]

What happened?

Click to shrink...

I was in Thailand. As was she.

I was living in a MMA gym at the time and my Tinder profile made me look like your typical athletic adventurous bro type who likes to drink/party

I said I was up for anything, she asked if I wanted to go to a transgender strip club (It's a Thailand thing) I said sure.

We had dinner somewhere nice and started talking. In general I'm a light/non drinker who's a bit nerdy, can pretend to be intelligent long enough to have an intelligent conversation, like nature/kindness. We talked a lot about how we were as kids and how we became the people we were. Then went to a strip club.

It was pleasant overall. Said GN with a hug. She added me on Insta.

 

[Servbot24]

Given the generations of gender disparity, violence, and oppression, I find it entirely okay if not stimulating (as the original poster did) to entertain a feminist utopia with harm reduction as a central aim. The run-for-the-hills response is textbook male chauvinism.

Click to shrink...

No it's not. And frankly I find your not-so-subtle accusation towards myself to be both unwarranted and toxic.

 

[Seirith]

Hello Era, I had a very enlightening but also difficult meeting with a woman the other day. We had a conversation that revolved around gender politics, an area where she is very clearly much more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

Fortunately she was patient and was able to clearly explain to me certain aspects of radical feminism. The evening ended with many questions remaining on my part.

She in turn was I think exhausted from the effort she had made to get across ideas and ways of thinking that are still foreign to me.

I thanked her sincerely the next day in a message, after spending part of the night digesting the experience, and she was moved by this. I followed up asking her for some more pointers or a recommendation on a good text on gender politics and radical feminism, but have not heard back from her.

Since I have the day off I was hoping to get in some reading on these subjects, so I'm asking for recommendations in this thread as well.

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

So I'd like to understand what role do men play in society according to radical feminism, and also if possible I'd like to know what fundamental concepts in gender politics should I educate myself upon in order to be able to have more encounters like this in the future?

Thank you.

Click to shrink...

If a guy I was on a date with told me men and women should live seperate I would have ended the date right then and there. That is crazy to me, as a women I would never even think to suggest that or think that would be a good idea.

 

[jdstorm]

Given the generations of gender disparity, violence, and oppression, I find it entirely okay if not stimulating (as the original poster did) to entertain a feminist utopia with harm reduction as a central aim. The run-for-the-hills response is textbook male chauvinism.

Click to shrink...

Segregation is a Utopian ideal now?

 

[Deleted member 33533]

You're weirded out about not kissing or touching by the second date but gender politics are too uncomfortable for you to broach. We need more women in this thread.

Click to shrink...

If that's your take on this, you should go back to being a passive observer.

 

[radioactivez0r]

Went on a second date with the ex coworker I mentioned before. Date was good but when I walked her to her car at the end, I tried going for a kiss and she kind of did a nervous "well bye!" and hurried into her car.

I took it in stride, didn't react negatively or anything, but man did it make me realize I'm feeling pretty starved of physical intimacy. It was a deflating feeling. I feel like if you don't want to kiss someone by the end of the second date that's a bad sign but she also said she wants to see me again so I don't know what to make of this anymore.

Click to shrink...

Since my ex moved out 18 months ago, the most intimacy I've achieved is some kissing with a single person, and it didn't get past 4 dates anyway. Up until a month ago, I wasn't really bothered by it. Now it's manifesting in some really annoying depression-like emotions. This must be what people talk about in terms of partnering up for the winter months because it kind of blows otherwise?

 

[Deleted member 33533]

Since my ex moved out 18 months ago, the most intimacy I've achieved is some kissing with a single person, and it didn't get past 4 dates anyway. Up until a month ago, I wasn't really bothered by it. Now it's manifesting in some really annoying depression-like emotions. This must be what people talk about in terms of partnering up for the winter months because it kind of blows otherwise?

Click to shrink...

Yeah, I think one of the biggest things I miss after being out of a long term relationship is the physical intimacy. Like not even just the kissing or the sex but also cuddling or even something as simple as prolonged physical contact like shoulders or legs touching when sitting beside each other. I didn't realize how very little I'm touched by another person, like even just simple hugs. I don't know about you but I get seasonal depression so Winter is literally the toughest time for me to be wanting that sort of thing. I think that's what most people talk about when they bring up "cuffing season."

 

[shoptroll]

Yeah, I think one of the biggest things I miss after being out of a long term relationship is the physical intimacy. Like not even just the kissing or the sex but also cuddling or even something as simple as prolonged physical contact like shoulders or legs touching when sitting beside each other. I didn't realize how very little I'm touched by another person, like even just simple hugs.

Click to shrink...

You're not alone. That's definitely something I've struggled with since ending my last relationship. The funny thing is that I didn't realize how much that mattered to me until after I was out of the relationship. Don't get me wrong, I've always been one who likes cuddling, hand holding, and being touched in general but I didn't know how important it was to me until a couple months into the breakup. And given how withdrawn my partner and I were getting in the months leading up to the breakup I think it might have been one of the subconscious reasons I wanted out.

 

[Lumination]

Just broke up with the girl I've been dating for 2 months. Nothing cataclysmic, just didn't gel as much as we'd like. Honestly this felt like the adult relationship I've had. The talk was so logical and matter-of-fact. She was an amazingly great human being. I'll probably take a month+ break before trying again, but man, I truly felt good that we did this (and ended it). Feeling pretty sky's the limit atm.

 

[Knight in Shining Armani]

Spending new year's eve at her place. Gonna order some food, cuddle and watch Netflix. A+

Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

Click to shrink...

No one's mad at you for bailing now, you know. I know we live in a PC era of understanding but come on, there's limits.

 

[esseesse]

Hey ERA!

So the new year is coming up and since this the most cliché time to make resolutions I figured I'd cave in and ask advice and opinions on a problem I'm facing.

So I have been dating this girl for 6 months and we agreed on starting a relationship beginning December. Last week we had this difficult serious talk and we both realized that the relationship is unbalanced as in, I like her more than she does me. We started talking the next day and had a very constructive conversation. We want to build something, we both believe there is something very good in us and she wants to be there for me as much as I am there for her. Mind you, she doesn't love me they I do but is willing to make an effort and believes things have a good chance of working and she believes things will change for her in a way that she finds love for me. It takes more time for her.

In sum, I know what I want from a relationship and I want someone that looks upon me they I do for her. It was really frustrating to hear all of that, despite deep down me knowing, and I feel that I had no self-respect for me whatsoever. I want to work on that.

Honestly I really like her and I feel there is a good chance if we communicate that things might work but at the same time feel that I might get hurt a lot in process or if things fail to succeeded.

My heart tells to stay but my brain tells me to bail. I feel there is a great connection between us and she likes me. The fact that she acknowledged and really wants to be there for me fills me with joy but also fear. I'm not ready to give up but I can't stop thinking in the negative outcome and that isn't great at all.

 

[Rephil]

Personally, I'd bail. I'd be too impatient. 6 months in and you guys aren't really on the same page with different levels of investment, I don't really see it changing despite both of you wanting more. Of course people open up and develop deeper connections at different speeds, but it's difficult when that development isn't in alignment between the two parties.

Did you discuss how things would shift and become more balanced between you two? Is it just going to be a waiting game to see if a deeper love grows? Because I'm not sure how that would even occur. Just saying you think there's a connection/future/potential and that you'd like things to be a certain way doesn't really mean much without action.

It's a tough situation :/ Good luck!

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Hey ERA!

So the new year is coming up and since this the most cliché time to make resolutions I figured I'd cave in and ask advice and opinions on a problem I'm facing.

So I have been dating this girl for 6 months and we agreed on starting a relationship beginning December. Last week we had this difficult serious talk and we both realized that the relationship is unbalanced as in, I like her more than she does me. We started talking the next day and had a very constructive conversation. We want to build something, we both believe there is something very good in us and she wants to be there for me as much as I am there for her. Mind you, she doesn't love me they I do but is willing to make an effort and believes things have a good chance of working and she believes things will change for her in a way that she finds love for me. It takes more time for her.

In sum, I know what I want from a relationship and I want someone that looks upon me they I do for her. It was really frustrating to hear all of that, despite deep down me knowing, and I feel that I had no self-respect for me whatsoever. I want to work on that.

Honestly I really like her and I feel there is a good chance if we communicate that things might work but at the same time feel that I might get hurt a lot in process or if things fail to succeeded.

My heart tells to stay but my brain tells me to bail. I feel there is a great connection between us and she likes me. The fact that she acknowledged and really wants to be there for me fills me with joy but also fear. I'm not ready to give up but I can't stop thinking in the negative outcome and that isn't great at all.

Click to shrink...

The beginning of the relationship is suppose to be the infatuation stage, if she aint feel it now I don't see what more time alone is suppose to do. The way you describe it seems like you really like her a lot and she just sorta enjoys your company.

Not saying you should break up or whatever though, that's a decision you need to make based on what you feel. Just read what you wrote and ask yourself if this is really what you want.

 

[esseesse]

Personally, I'd bail. I'd be too impatient. 6 months in and you guys aren't really on the same page with different levels of investment, I don't really see it changing despite both of you wanting more. Of course people open up and develop deeper connections at different speeds, but it's difficult when that development isn't in alignment between the two parties.

Did you discuss how things would shift and become more balanced between you two? Is it just going to be a waiting game to see if a deeper love grows? Because I'm not sure how that would even occur. Just saying you think there's a connection/future/potential and that you'd like things to be a certain way doesn't really mean much without action.

It's a tough situation :/ Good luck!

Click to shrink...

I've always been a very patient person so personally I can deal with a certain level of impatience. Obviously in our very serious conversation I blew up but both saw it coming sooner or later.

She says she will try to be more present and spend more time with me alongside being more communicative and talkative over-time. She says she really means it that she will try. I don't personally believe it yet because they are only words really but I have some faith in it.

So in sum, I totally agree with you. Its still early to see any development other than the serious talk we had. Which hurts but it is positive.

Thanks! It sucks really, I feel terrible.

The beginning of the relationship is suppose to be the infatuation stage, if she aint feel it now I don't see what more time alone is suppose to do. The way you describe it seems like you really like her a lot and she just sorta enjoys your company.

Not saying you should break up or whatever though, that's a decision you need to make based on what you feel. Just read what you wrote and ask yourself if this is really what you want.

Click to shrink...

Before the conversation I would definitely tell you that no, this is something I don't want. However after all the conversation we had I have some faith that mights might change for the better as it was a really honest conversation. Honest conversations is something I really want from a relationship so in that regard I believe we made a step forward.

I just don't really know how I am going to deal with my emotions with the constant belief that things might go wrong. Everything is still fresh in mind so in that regard its only natural that I feel this way but still.

Everything up until now was absolutely amazing. Better than anything I have had with anyone else. Its hard to erase that and move forward.

 

[jdstorm]

Hey ERA!

So the new year is coming up and since this the most cliché time to make resolutions I figured I'd cave in and ask advice and opinions on a problem I'm facing.

So I have been dating this girl for 6 months and we agreed on starting a relationship beginning December. Last week we had this difficult serious talk and we both realized that the relationship is unbalanced as in, I like her more than she does me. We started talking the next day and had a very constructive conversation. We want to build something, we both believe there is something very good in us and she wants to be there for me as much as I am there for her. Mind you, she doesn't love me they I do but is willing to make an effort and believes things have a good chance of working and she believes things will change for her in a way that she finds love for me. It takes more time for her.

In sum, I know what I want from a relationship and I want someone that looks upon me they I do for her. It was really frustrating to hear all of that, despite deep down me knowing, and I feel that I had no self-respect for me whatsoever. I want to work on that.

Honestly I really like her and I feel there is a good chance if we communicate that things might work but at the same time feel that I might get hurt a lot in process or if things fail to succeeded.

My heart tells to stay but my brain tells me to bail. I feel there is a great connection between us and she likes me. The fact that she acknowledged and really wants to be there for me fills me with joy but also fear. I'm not ready to give up but I can't stop thinking in the negative outcome and that isn't great at all.

Click to shrink...

This sounds pretty normal. Love doesn't have a schedule and she has told you she loves you by saying that she wants to be good for you. It's just going to take her longer to say the words.

Give it until March, be generous with your love. And see what happens.

 

[SugarNoodles]

Segregation is a Utopian ideal now?

Click to shrink...

Uh, no. Preventing women from facing male violence would be the utopian ideal here.

 

[LordValhalla]

From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities.

Click to shrink...

This smells TERF-y imo.

 

[jdstorm]

Uh, no. Preventing women from facing male violence would be the utopian ideal here.

Click to shrink...

The way that post described it, their definition of a Utopia was the seperation of men and women. Sure you can't have male perpetrators in a society without men, however that doesn't fix much since women can be just as cruel as men. Just ask any woman who went to a single gender school.

 

[Sunster]

Just broke up with the girl I've been dating for 2 months. Nothing cataclysmic, just didn't gel as much as we'd like. Honestly this felt like the adult relationship I've had. The talk was so logical and matter-of-fact. She was an amazingly great human being. I'll probably take a month+ break before trying again, but man, I truly felt good that we did this (and ended it). Feeling pretty sky's the limit atm.

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good relationships should start and end with that feeling tbh

 

[SugarNoodles]

The way that post described it, their definition of a Utopia was the seperation of men and women. Sure you can't have male perpetrators in a society without men, however that doesn't fix much since women can be just as cruel as men. Just ask any woman who went to a single gender school.

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I'm really not sure why you're bringing up anecdotes agains the overwhelming statistical evidence of male violence against women.

 

[jdstorm]

I'm really not sure why you're bringing up anecdotes agains the overwhelming statistical evidence of male violence against women.

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🙄🙄🙄

I'm not saying anything that detracts from the point that currently an overwhelming amount of violence against women is perpetrated my men. Finding a solution to this current problem is of paramount importance.

That doesn't make segregation the answer. We also have case studies of how women act in single gender environments, and that hasn't proven to eliminate violence against women. It can but won't always reduce physical violence. But to quote Mean Girls " It's Girl World and the fighting is sneaky"

 

[SugarNoodles]

🙄🙄🙄

I'm not saying anything that detracts from the point that currently an overwhelming amount of violence against women is perpetrated my men. Finding a solution to this current problem is of paramount importance.

That doesn't make segregation the answer. We also have case studies of how women act in single gender environments, and that hasn't proven to eliminate violence against women. It can but won't always reduce physical violence. But to quote Mean Girls " It's Girl World and the fighting is sneaky"

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Stop with the whataboutisms. No one is actually trying to enact gender based segregation.

 

[Lumination]

good relationships should start and end with that feeling tbh

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Ya. Definitely starting to feel the heartbreak, but that just means it was real!

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Before the conversation I would definitely tell you that no, this is something I don't want. However after all the conversation we had I have some faith that mights might change for the better as it was a really honest conversation. Honest conversations is something I really want from a relationship so in that regard I believe we made a step forward.

I just don't really know how I am going to deal with my emotions with the constant belief that things might go wrong. Everything is still fresh in mind so in that regard its only natural that I feel this way but still.

Everything up until now was absolutely amazing. Better than anything I have had with anyone else. Its hard to erase that and move forward.

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Sounds to me like what you want to do is wait it out a bit more and see what happens. That's cool, just see what transpires and go from there.

In regards to what I bolded specifically, even in the most perfect relationship ever there is always the chance things can go wrong. Something can happen that changes things. You can't live in a perpetual state of fear that things may go wrong. Yes, it's a reality things may go wrong, that just has to be accepted because that's life in general. Things go well, things go poorly, you have unexpected blessings, you have unexpected pitfalls.

What you describe is an insecurity that really isn't relationship related. You simply have to yield that you don't have control over the future. Just enjoy what you have now man. Tomorrow isn't promised.

 

[jdstorm]

Stop with the whataboutisms. No one is actually trying to enact gender based segregation.

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Reread the original post. That's exactly what the person efyu_lemonardo met up with suggested.

.
Specifically, the part I had the greatest difficulty relating to was her attitude towards romantic partnerships between men and women. From her point of view, in an ideal world, men and women should live almost entirely separately, in same-gender or mostly same-gender communities. She seemed very confident of this, which confused me, as we had met on a dating site and she wanted to meet in real life almost right away.

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[SugarNoodles]

Reread the original post. That's exactly what the person efyu_lemonardo met up with suggested.

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Jesus. They even prefaced it with "in an ideal world" and furthermore we were talking about the following quote. You're not slick.

Given the generations of gender disparity, violence, and oppression, I find it entirely okay if not stimulating (as the original poster did) to entertain a feminist utopia with harm reduction as a central aim. The run-for-the-hills response is textbook male chauvinism.

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[jdstorm]

Jesus. They even prefaced it with "in an ideal world" and furthermore we were talking about the following quote. You're not slick.

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The quote from PassiveObserver was in response to @efyu_lemonardo's experience. That's the start of this conversation. If you follow the conversation chain back to its inception. The "feminist Utopia" being referred to is the one being suggested by the self described radical feminist that efyu_lemonardo met up with.

 

[shoptroll]

Not to be a downer, but it's a little sobering recognizing last night that I'm heading into another decade single again. On the bright side, I feel a lot more confident about my dating prospects going into 2020 than I did going into 2010.

So cheers everyone and wishing you all the best of luck in the new year.

Give it until March, be generous with your love. And see what happens.

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esseesse I'm with jdstorm on this one. Definitely see how the next few months play out before bailing. You've at least done the healthy thing and communicated your needs to her at this point. If there's still an enthusiasm gap in a few months I think it's time to have another talk and figure out if she sees a future with you or not. Because I'd say at that point if she's not on your level she's not going to get there and it'd be better for both of you to try and find other people who are as enthusiastic to be with each of you.

Just broke up with the girl I've been dating for 2 months. Nothing cataclysmic, just didn't gel as much as we'd like. Honestly this felt like the adult relationship I've had. The talk was so logical and matter-of-fact. She was an amazingly great human being. I'll probably take a month+ break before trying again, but man, I truly felt good that we did this (and ended it). Feeling pretty sky's the limit atm.

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I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. But it sounds like you two did the mature thing and recognized early on it wasn't going to last and decided to cut each other loose now instead of dragging it out. And it's always good when you can walk away with a positive opinion about your ex.