So I need some advice from people who have experience dating people with mental health issues.
There's this girl who has been friends with me for a good few months (met her half a year ago). We were originally fuck buddies but we got along so well that we have become extremely close friends. We stopped the sex as soon as we started to be more involved in each other's lives which was about 4 months ago in order to not complicate things too much, and we aren't dating atm since her current work situation requires constant travelling (she basically has no permanent address and moves around the country frequently) which makes it so that getting into a relationship is not very ideal. You'll have to trust me on this one when I say that it's not due to lack of interest which she has made clear. But this is only temporary and is to change this year eventually. We hang out whenever possible and talk/share a lot. She is honestly one of the most amazing, supporting, dilligent, and kind person I know and we have terrific chemistry. Plus the sex was the best I've ever had in my life. If anyone's aware of myer's brigg's personality type then we are actually thetype that are usually the ideal match for each other as she's an ENFP and I'm an INTJ. So far so good.
Now we've talked about the possibility of dating in the near future when the situation with her work clears up and becomes more permanent, but there is one issue. As I got to know her more I found out that she has some pretty serious mental health issues related to PTSD, and in general becomes very reclusive and unpredictible when she has to process stuff. She regularly takes therapy and has learned to combat it over time, so right now she's in pretty decent state of mind and fairly stable but it's not totally gone and I doubt these things can ever be totally gone. Plus there's a possibility of relapse. While that's not really an issue as a friend, as a potential partner this scares the shit out of me. The reason for this being I'm a very stable and functional person mentally, with absolutely zero issues and my extent of personal experience with mental health goes only as far as mild depression that I once had several years ago. So it's an area I do not really understand.
However, I have this inkling at the back of my head that what if it's a bad idea and this will end up in a dysfunctional relationship where I end up being drained because I'm so bad at handling it? And would it not be better to see someone who is more similar to me in terms of stability even if it means the chemistry isn't as amazing? I mean I do want this with her, as I like her a lot and she likes me, we feel vulnerable yet comfortable with each other. But these thoughts they come up in my head and I don't really know how to deal with it.
So if someone has any experience dating people with mental health issues, would you be kind enough to share some general pointers in terms of what to expect, the difficulties in it etc?
As someone with mental health issues. It makes things harder, and there are things you will need to learn that are specific to her since there is no one size fits all solution.
Fearing a toxic relationship due to known and acknowledged mental health issues is mostly just misinformation and stigma. Any relationship can be toxic and or healthy based on how the two people inside it act.
Provided she knows her issues and is actively managing them it's not really any different to dating someone with a severe nut allergy
PM me if you want to have a more in-depth conversation
Edit general pointers.
1. For people with serious mental health issues it's a lifelong illness. It doesn't get cured it just gets managed.
2. Ask lots of questions. A person who is ready to date will know their issues and know how they manage them. Discuss what that means for a relationship. For instance typically people lose interest in sex during a depressive episode. Are you okay with that ect?
3. When people are severely depressed their feelings will overtake their reality. Don't tell them to focus on how lucky or fortunate they are and to focus on that. Their feelings may be based on lies but if they feel them to be true then that's what you have to react to.
4. During an episode treat the person as the normal person they are. Plan dates/hangouts and act like nothing is wrong (SERIOUSLY THIS IS BIG). Your depressed partner will appreciate the effort and repay it when they are healthy. This shouldn't be a you give and they take all the time thing. Just sometimes you will need to be more organisational.
5. Avocados and Bananas are high in serotonin (happy drug) Sugar makes you depressed. Eating healthy, sunlight and regular exercise is important. Especially when they don't want to.
6. Let them know you are there. Send regular texts even if you get no reply. Occasionally demand they reply if you are worried. Just sit with them and let them know they aren't alone. Hugs and physical contact are also great