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Boddy

User Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,160
That's really horrible and cruel of her.
I kind of know how that feels, my ex once broke up with me over the phone as well out of nowhere.

Later it turned out that her ex bf was treating her, but I don't think it's something like this hear.

In any case, you really deserve better and I'm sure eventually you will find someone.
 

Shy

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
18,520
I appreciate everyone in here a lot right now. I dont really have many people to take to in person since i just moved down here in september. So it means a lot.

Im just so lost right now. She wouldnt even see me in person to try and talk. She told me that she doesnt need to explain why shes breaking up with me and that makes me feel like lower than I've ever felt. How can you do that to someone and not have the respect or heart to at least explain why or in person? This is not how I saw this going. Even this morning she texted and said how excited she was to see me tomorrow. 5 hours later i got the breakup text.
As everyone else said. You dodge a bullet. Not because of the religious aspect. But because sounds like she is a narcissistic, horrible person.
 
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kai3345

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,444
yeah bud you defo dodged a bullet there. it stings now but you'll look back on this in a year a be relieved. she clearly wasn't as invested in the relationship as you were if she was making up fake ultimatums and breaking up over text. she just wanted an easy way out, it was going to come down at one point or another and it's better it happened now as shitty as that sounds
 

I Don't Like

Member
Dec 11, 2017
14,898
Honestly it sounds like this whole thing may have been a cover-up for something else, and/or she thought by announcing this change she could get you to break up with her. When you didn't, she took it upon herself. It might explain the "I heard a sermon and now no sex" nonsense.

Either way, it's good you're out as much as it sucks in the short-term.
 

Resilient

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,418
I appreciate everyone in here a lot right now. I dont really have many people to take to in person since i just moved down here in september. So it means a lot.

Im just so lost right now. She wouldnt even see me in person to try and talk. She told me that she doesnt need to explain why shes breaking up with me and that makes me feel like lower than I've ever felt. How can you do that to someone and not have the respect or heart to at least explain why or in person? This is not how I saw this going. Even this morning she texted and said how excited she was to see me tomorrow. 5 hours later i got the breakup text.

DUDE. As shown by this thread, you are a good person. You actually struggled with her decision after a lot of thought and came to the conclusion that she was worth it. And her response was to treat you like this. You are way way too good for her and she will realise that once you're long gone. It's a shame. But hold your head high because she ultimately did you a favour. Now you'll find someone who loves you back just as hard. Don't change who you are because of this moment.
 
Feb 16, 2018
1,561
Sorry to hear that OP. Unfortunately we don't always get explanations or full closure in these situations. Just focus on your projects and keep yourself distracted. Take some time off before you start to date again too. It's tough but try to use this as a learning experience when it comes to future relationships and understanding what you are looking for in a partner. There are many people on this forum who I'm sure would open for messages or playing games. Hold in there bro.

Edit: also block all contact with her ASAP, the longer you drag this out the more painful it will be.
 

Jie Li

Alt account
Banned
Dec 21, 2018
742
Yeah it's better this way OP. Be thankful she took the quick and least painful way to end it. It was not going to work anyway.
 

Deleted member 1445

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,140
Thank you. I just wish shit worked differently. I know im not very old (almost 26) but ive been in a few relationships (4). It never gets and easier and every time I feel like I lose a piece of myself. One od my biggest flaws is being to emotionally driven.

I appreciate everyone's support, if anyone wants to play any xbox with me sometime, my gamertag is Toler Supreme. Sorry for this rollercoaster of a thread.
No need to apologize, it's great that you shared.

And it's not just a platitude, this situation is really for the better for you. It's a shock of course, but honestly you really don't want to be with someone who's that unstable and can't be there in a relationship like you want them to be. Every past relationship is an experience you can use in order to know better and better who you would be most happy with, who you're really looking for.
 

TDLink

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
8,411
Sorry this happened to you OP, but while you may be hurting right now, just know that it WILL get better. Try (I know it will be impossible for at least a couple weeks) to not think about her too hard. Block her on your socials. Do not try to contact her. Do not go back to her if for some reason she reaches out (though she likely won't for 6+ months... at which point you can reevaluate if you even want to have a conversation, but again... based on her actions here, this is NOT someone you want to be with).

I recommend finding a nice big open world game to get lost in and distract yourself with.
 

Lorcain

Member
Oct 27, 2017
509
Honestly it sounds like this whole thing may have been a cover-up for something else, and/or she thought by announcing this change she could get you to break up with her. When you didn't, she took it upon herself. It might explain the "I heard a sermon and now no sex" nonsense.

Either way, it's good you're out as much as it sucks in the short-term.
Unfortunately that was my first thought too. She's using that as a cover for something like seeing someone else :( You'll find someone better for you OP.
 

Deleted member 49482

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 8, 2018
3,302
OP, if it's even a minor consolation, I have a feeling that even if she would've given you an explanation, it probably wouldn't have been the truth.

It sucks big time, but at the end of the day, the "real" reason doesn't really matter because it boils down to the same thing: she decided she doesn't want to be with you. I know how it feels to not get closure because it used to drive me crazy to not know the logic/reasons behind someone's actions. But regardless of what it is, it all points to the same end.

Edit: also block all contact with her ASAP, the longer you drag this out the more painful it will be.

I don't know if this method is for you, OP, but I eventually found that this works wonders, especially with how many mediums are available for modern communication and the immediacy in which you can have it. I'd (temporarily or permanently) unfriend her on any forms of social media you have and delete her phone number from your address book. If you feel like you may want to reach out to her at some point down the road, I recommend writing her phone number down and putting it somewhere relatively inaccessible. That way, you can contact her in the future, but you won't impulsively try to text/call her when you are overcome with emotions.
 
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Christian

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,636
...
Have you ever lived in NW Florida by any chance? Lol. A friend of a friend dated someone like this.

No, Western PA, but I've heard from more than a couple other guys that have been in a similar situation. It's apparently a thing. To paraphrase George Constanza, it was like discovering plutonium by accident.
 
OP
OP
TolerLive

TolerLive

Senior Lighting Artist
Verified
Nov 15, 2017
1,852
Redmond, WA
I can't sleep. I made the mistake of drinking tequila tonight and now my mind is racing. Im in so much pain right now, i know I've been through breakups before but It truly never gets easier. Such a shitty feeling, i wouldnt wish it on anybody.
 

Mona

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
26,151
I can't sleep. I made the mistake of drinking tequila tonight and now my mind is racing. Im in so much pain right now, i know I've been through breakups before but It truly never gets easier. Such a shitty feeling, i wouldnt wish it on anybody.

yep, it sucks

im not very fond of human emotions tbh
 

jaekeem

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,743
I can't sleep. I made the mistake of drinking tequila tonight and now my mind is racing. Im in so much pain right now, i know I've been through breakups before but It truly never gets easier. Such a shitty feeling, i wouldnt wish it on anybody.

Only thing that takes away that initial heartbreak is time

Find a hobby to occupy your mind. Maybe go to the gym if you don't already. Nothing ever made me feel more at peace after my ex than a long workout deep into the night
 
OP
OP
TolerLive

TolerLive

Senior Lighting Artist
Verified
Nov 15, 2017
1,852
Redmond, WA
Only thing that takes away that initial heartbreak is time

Find a hobby to occupy your mind. Maybe go to the gym if you don't already. Nothing ever made me feel more at peace after my ex than a long workout deep into the night
I already go to the gym regularly fortunately. Ive been trying to channel my emotions into music. I made a little folk sounding song a few hours ago... if anyone wants to give it a listen lol.

 

Baron Von Beans

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,176
When I was 15 or so, I started dating an incredibly beautiful and intelligent Hawaiian/Japanese Mormon. She seemed pretty in to me, but she was also very devoted to her religion. I had a pretty indifferent attitude towards any religion at the time, and I deemed her to be "too much to handle and deal with". I didn't tell her that specifically, but I did tell her that I didn't want to pursue anything with her. To this day I greatly regret not even attempting any long term relationship with her. I think we lasted 2 weeks before my jerkolantern turned on. Regardless of how incredibly beautiful she was, I regret not taking the time to learn anything about her religion from a first hand experience, or even trying to get to know her more. Sure I can look it all up now, but that's different. These are the things you think of well after the fact, past the point of no return. But I feel no matter what OP, you should be open to anything, and be very vocal with your partner. It's the best and only way.

Edit - except when the significant other seems to be taking direction from outside forces, seemingly going against her own decisions. That's a whole new can of worms that requires a conversation with the SO, but I honestly don't know what the best course of action would be after that.
 
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Oct 27, 2017
6,736
When I was 15 or so, I started dating an incredibly beautiful and intelligent Hawaiian/Japanese Mormon. She seemed pretty in to me, but she was also very devoted to her religion. I had a pretty indifferent attitude towards any religion at the time, and I deemed her to be "too much to handle and deal with". I didn't tell her that specifically, but I did tell her that I didn't want to pursue anything with her. To this day I greatly regret not even attempting any long term relationship with her. I think we lasted 2 weeks before my jerkolantern turned on. Regardless of how incredibly beautiful she was, I regret not taking the time to learn anything about her religion from a first hand experience, or even trying to get to know her more. Sure I can look it all up now, but that's different. These are the things you think of well after the fact, past the point of no return. But I feel no matter what OP, you should be open to anything, and be very vocal with your partner. It's the best and only way.
Pssst read the room (i.e. last two pages) =/
 

TaterTots

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,963
Dating almost a year and she broke up via text? Dodged a bullet my friend. As you know the only thing to help you is time. Just stay busy.
 

That Guy

Member
Nov 13, 2017
580
Breaking up over text and not even giving a reason is just downright shitty. That's not the sort of person you want to marry and have a long-term future with.
 

Deleted member 25606

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 29, 2017
8,973
I'm glad I checked up on this thread even though I had decided not to click here again (and won't focus on that, not going to be petty with this happening to you) since it's good to get an update although it's bad news. We are here for you, sorry it went this way, and sorry that whether it was really a religion thing or even if that was just an excuse she won't even tell you, not providing closure especially after you tried to see things her way and work with it is a pretty shitty dirtbag move.

Just try not to focus on it, it's going to hurt regardless but keeping your mind off it can help. Sucks I only got PS4 or I would add you. And I don't want this to sound like a feeling sorry post, and don't feel sorry for yourself. As cliche as it is, and as much as it hurts you got the band aid solution ( rip it off quick instead of picking and peeling) which may be agony now but should heal quicker and hurt less in the long run.

I'd also suggest staying single at least long enough to do a comprehensive inventory of what you do/do not find compatible/acceptable in a relationship so when you do get involved again you have a better idea on what needs to be laid out on the table with your prospective new partner when things start getting serious so you have a better idea of what does and doesn't work for you and your partner to try and avoid a repeat of this sort of situation.

But again most important thing is take care of yourself, start healing and make sure you stay emotionally healthy and know you have worth and are a person that deserves a 100% open and honest relationship (which you seemed to be doing on your end, at least as much as I can believe based on only hearing your side from you) and this is just a temporary setback and we all face them. What's important is how you grow.

But again I am there for you for as much support as an anonymous poster on a hobbyist website can be, and I am rooting for you that things go up from here.

Stay strong.
 
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Deleted member 25606

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 29, 2017
8,973
Also, The song is pretty good, I liked it a bit and music is a great way to work on feelings and it sounds great so that may be both a useful and healthy way to deal while also depending on confidence and your network could not only provide entertainment even if only to a small group, but who knows could also be what someone else needs to hear to help work out their own stuff. Keep on keeping on you'll make it through.
 
Oct 30, 2017
707
The idea of backpeddaling on premarital sex after you've been having it for a year is cracking me up

It's like something straight out of 100 Years of Solitude
 

Akira86

Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,585
yeah the quicker that you move on and find someone else, the better off you'll be.
may you never hear from this woman again. she's confused and is only going to slow you down.
 

CatAssTrophy

Member
Dec 4, 2017
7,611
Texas
The idea of backpeddaling on premarital sex after you've been having it for a year is cracking me up

It's like something straight out of 100 Years of Solitude

Check the last page. :(

Really sorry to hear about your pain OP but keep your chin up and keep moving forward. This will eventually be in the rear view mirror and you'll be in a better place.

I'd be down to add you if I had an Xbox.
 
Oct 27, 2017
7,461
I can't sleep. I made the mistake of drinking tequila tonight and now my mind is racing. Im in so much pain right now, i know I've been through breakups before but It truly never gets easier. Such a shitty feeling, i wouldnt wish it on anybody.

I know the feeling mate, my first relationship of 2 years ended last year (September) and am only just starting to get over it. When I look back on it, I just think of the reasons why it ended and that always helps me move forward.
 

Lorcain

Member
Oct 27, 2017
509

jviggy43

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
18,184
Honestly everyone is saying it but seriously OP major bullet dodged. A year lost sucks but she didnt even have the respect for you to be honest, or talk to you or give you any reason about what she wanted. Thats fucked up and you deserve better. When and if she tries coming back to you, or tries to explain what she was going through, ignore it and move on. Because whatever it was she could have had the decency to be honest and at least give you a phone call. Post break ups really do suck emotionally but if you can use that to motivate yourself and keep yourself busy youll move on in no time. Also you already go to the gym regularly so props for having the gym bod already down. Go mingle with some singles.

I already go to the gym regularly fortunately. Ive been trying to channel my emotions into music. I made a little folk sounding song a few hours ago... if anyone wants to give it a listen lol.

Op you have a super awesome voice. Nice work.
 

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,932
She just broke up over text. Im having a breakdown. She wont see me
Wow. That's a shitty and cowardly thing to do.
What to say..... I think she's so confused and i think she will be for life. I see that a lot. But that's not your fault nor your responsibility.
Maybe try to find a slightly more free-thinking rational woman next time dude.

Liked your song, by the way. You can play and sing my man!
 

MilesQ

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,490
You probably don't want to hear this right now, but the chain of events suggests she probably met someone else.

She changed her approach to sex hoping you'd bail, you didn't, so she did what most people who've met someone else do, we need to talk, etc, etc, etc, followed by a quick n dirty breakup text because they can't deal with a face to face because of the guilt.
 

Rayven_king

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
322
I appreciate everyone in here a lot right now. I dont really have many people to take to in person since i just moved down here in september. So it means a lot.

I'm just so lost right now. She wouldn't even see me in person to try and talk. She told me that she doesn't need to explain why shes breaking up with me and that makes me feel like lower than I've ever felt. How can you do that to someone and not have the respect or heart to at least explain why or in person? This is not how I saw this going. Even this morning she texted and said how excited she was to see me tomorrow. 5 hours later i got the breakup text.

Sorry to hear that op my best advise would be give yourself time to feel sad it totally fine to feel like this, after a while you have to start taking positive steps to move on, find an outlet (join a gym, do martial arts), get rid of all reminders of your ex, pictures,videos, clothes etc you don't need anything to trigger your desire to have them back. Lastly cut off all contact no calls, no texting, block all social media (her friends too), you cant avoid going where they go buy you sure as fuck can ignore them. Take care of yourself get some new clothes, get a new hobby and please DON'T GO BACK EVER!
 
OP
OP
TolerLive

TolerLive

Senior Lighting Artist
Verified
Nov 15, 2017
1,852
Redmond, WA
So this morning i did some snooping (i know how unhealthy that is but i needed closure). Found her ex on instagram and shes in his profile picture with him...

At least now i know.
 

Shy

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
18,520
So this morning i did some snooping (i know how unhealthy that is but i needed closure). Found her ex on instagram and shes in his profile picture with him...

At least now i know.
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