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Dealing with the realization that my wife of ten years was never "in love" with me [READ STAFF POST]
- Thread starter theotherMittens
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What's he going to get fleeced for? It doesn't sound like he has anything?
How much free time do you have in the day? 2 months is a decent amount of time to be able to learn some basic stuff to make yourself more independent like learning to cook, etc., and maybe something that could help you get a job further in the future too (e.g. start learning to code or something like that).
I've seen it enough times. It's always weird, everyone thinks they're being weird, they're always bringing it up and how they wished so and so was also poly, and they're involved in the weirdest interpersonal drama that has no business occurring in a healthy relationship.
You kicking the lover out of the house you don't pay any bills in?
Ive seen two successful poly relationships and thus now believe that any and all mono relationships are fundamentally unhealthy and unnatural .
They already got his dignity I'm not sure what else he has now
Uh... yes?
He's confused and hurt and he's smack bang in the middle of it all with no sense of perspective. Obviously we don't know everything but it's pretty clear this isn't a good way of dealing with the situation
And I've seen poly work just beautifully
So like I said your post is bullshit.
Pretty sure it's not based on one of the OP's previous posts.
It's not. OP said it earlier in the thread. Stay at home dad. Her house. Her name on the mortgage.
Your wife is a terrible person. Not for realizing she's gay after marriage and kids, that happens, painful as it is, but for letting you dangle like this as a glorified man servant while openly filling your position(s). If she loved you, "plutonically" as it were, she'd rip the band-aid off and stop using you. She is openly sabotaging your healing and recovery to make things easier on herself. And i can't imagine what damage this will do to the kids long term in establishing relationships, boundaries, etc. Good luck op, I wish you strength.
I'm not sure what to say but there are definitely worse situations to be in than this. Moving out sounds like a luxury reserved for people who have, I don't know, money and a job?
Your ex sounds a bit mean by having her girlfriend move in, but I don't think it sounds like she is treating you like shit outside of that?
Your ex sounds a bit mean by having her girlfriend move in, but I don't think it sounds like she is treating you like shit outside of that?
User Banned (1 Month): Inflammatory commentary surrounding sexual identity
Dude. You are gay.
But you and your wife's sexuality are the least important aspects of this thread. If there is any takeway from here, it's that you need to get a job asap. You must become financially independent. Don't keep telling yourself that you will look for a job after your twins are potty trained. You need to tackle this issue right away.
For those saying they have seen poly work beautifully, have you seen it from couples who went from no kids, to kids to having all their kids leave the nest? Like whenever someone says it works beautifully it is always young people with relatively no responsibility.
The OP made perfect sense as soon as I saw polyamorous mentioned.
You really should look for a new place to live. The damage you're doing to yourself by staying in that house is catastrophic. Plus, consider what happens when you're dating again and bring a woman home. "This is my ex-wife and her girlfriend, let's go to the bedroom" is really not the best sales pitch.
We didn't even get ten posts in before someone posted the "ResetERA special." Impressive.
I mean I'm not going to comment whether or not it can work or not but what's going on here isnt a poly relationship.
So?
Dude you called polyamoury unhealthy and unnatural... that's absurd.
Monogamy also often ends terribly so what.
OP phrased it like it was. It says he said it was ok to explore and look what happens. From his words it sounds like the relationship was already broken from the start really.
User Banned (1 Week): Inflammatory generalizations over a series of posts in this thread.
I've seen a mother leave her young kids behind in another state to enter into a poly relationship, and it's a messed up situation. Yet she feels the poly relationship is working great. The whole thing is awkward and strange for everyone.
Going from 10+ years with kids to a 3rd wheel seems pretty harsh by itself, but OP has no independence. "A bit mean" is underselling it.
Leaving all responsibility doesn't seem to be working out for the kids. When kids enter the picture the relationship focus in on them. A poly relationship puts the emphasis on finding new partners. I just think it is so irresponsible to have when kids are around though shitty parents are monogamous as well.
If you're not actively attempting to pursue a degree or gain some type of skill and eventually find a job, then that's really irresponsible and foolish. You should always prepare to be able to take care of yourself should you come up on hard times. Being dependent on others for your survival is not okay. This situation is very precarious, if you ask me. Any moment it can go south and you can find yourself in an unimaginable predicament. You need to be taking measures to either deliberately leave the situation in which you find comfort or expect to unwillingly have to leave. In any scenario you need to be self-sustaining and at this point you don't sound like you are.
I'd go, that way you have at least the option to somehow move on or you'll stick in that limbo forever. Move out, move on, see your kids as often as possible.
Another reason to move out. Though it's not your job not to be a burden because you two lived together and she brought her with her. So before you really become a burden she either throws you out (her house, at the end of the day) and I guess at one point your ex will just that because right now they are probably all that understandable but sooner or later they probably want their privacy. Not saying such weird triangle is not possible at all, but very unlikely. Or you could just leave voluntarily.
If you're happy to stay, though, and I think I've read that along the lines of a couple of posts, then I don't know what to tell you. In any case, best of luck and all the best for the kids.
That's not necessarily true, but it's also irrelevant since OP's situation is a monogamous one that he's now excluded from.
Best way to deal with feeling down would be to focus on getting yourself set up with a new career. Even taking a part-time job will build up your confidence a bit and it'd be a toe into the water of independence. Your landlord will probably appreciate being able to financially contribute and that'll help stabilise your situation and get something on your CV.
Is she having sex with the door open?
Are there screaming orgasms?
Is he sleeping in the same bed as them?
I can think of a lot of ways where it is actually belligerently mean. Of course it isn't ideal, who lives in an ideal situation ever?
You said yourself childcare is so expensive you had to leave your job. Seems to me that's why your being allowed to stay around then you'll no longer be needed as a stay at home parent. For the sake of your kids you better sort your future independence out starting now.
That's a gross misinterpretation of all the things the OP has said. He's not happy. It's not "working for them" because it hasn't even happened yet. There are enough red flags that people with some life experience are able to see which way things are likely to go.
And maybe they don't go that way, and they end up happy and everything is roses. The problem is if that doesn't happen, and things do go south, the OP is in such bad shape to handle it that shrugging and saying "Hey OP, you'll be fine" is doing such a disservice to him that I can't believe people are even capable of posting it.
Move out...polyamory isn't always a meme but it was here. She wanted a new relationship, got it and you broke up. It's gonna be a fucked up living situation dude
She's keeping you on her health insurance "until you can get your own"? She's already working on phasing you out man, she just doesn't want to want to leave you destitute, take a hint and prepare
Because it's clearly that he's in the now and want something that will no longer be a thing.
Bruh don't die on this tiny little clump of grass you've found what the hell lmao
This is where your focus should be OP who cares if she's gay, bi, whatever. You need to deal in the now and get yourself prepared. You will be kicked out one day. It's inevitable so be ready and prepared to go forward.
And continue hitting the gym hard
You're going to get shown the door at some point, might as well decide when and how. Respect yourself and find a way to leave while ending up in an ok situation. I can't really understand as to how you can be fine being a burden OP.
The deck is so fucking stacked against polyamory.
Monogamous relationships end all the time but no one blames monogamy, especially when someone cheats. Polyamorous or people trying out polyamory who may not actually be and suddenly it's polyamory's fault.
Most of your relationships will end in your life, until one doesn't.
Polyamory being an option or not it's clear the OP may have ended up in the same fucking situation because the relationship lacked something it seems from the beginning. And that sucks. I've been there. It's hard to reconcile what you think are "lost years." It's hard to get back out there. It's hard to put things together again. It's hard to figure out if this non-traditional current arrangement is sustainable and if so for how long.
If I would have encountered a healthy poly relationship, I wouldn't have said anything.
This is a very sad thread. You need to let her take care of the kids while you get your life together. Or, you're gonna look bad in front of a judge.
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