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Dealing with the realization that my wife of ten years was never "in love" with me [READ STAFF POST]

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theotherMittens

theotherMittens

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Jul 20, 2018
2,684
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Big-E said:
Not cooking is bonkers. That is like one of the most important jobs for a stay at home parent. I can't imagine what the ex would feel if after a long day at work, your kids and their father depended on you to cook for them.

What so you do for kids meals when your ex ain't there? You mentioned instapot but had the caveat of needing detailed instructions so that doesn't sound like you do it very often.

All the advice given has been good but cooking needs to be the priority. Start with making real easy stuff like grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese. Stuff kids usually like.
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I can make grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheeae, eggs, and other basic shit like that. I make pasta, heat barbecue ribs and stuff like that in the instant pot. When I say I can't cook I don't mean I literally can't prepare any food. I just don't consider stuff like that really cooking.

She likes making dinner when she gets home from work. She gets home early enough that it isn't a problem for her to do it. I do have to make dinner about twice a week, which is generally when I use the instant pot. I keep instructions saved on my phone even for things I make all the time, and I have to look at them every time.
 
Big-E

Big-E

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Oct 25, 2017
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theotherMittens said:
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I can make grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheeae, eggs, and other basic shit like that. I make pasta, heat barbecue ribs and stuff like that in the instant pot. When I say I can't cook I don't mean I literally can't prepare any food. I just don't consider stuff like that really cooking.

She likes making dinner when she gets home from work. She gets home early enough that it isn't a problem for her to do it. I do have to make dinner about twice a week, which is generally when I use the instant pot. I keep instructions saved on my phone even for things I make all the time, and I have to look at them every time.
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That's better. You should look at expanding to making pasta sauce from scratch and to add some fish or meat dishes.

From all likelihood, you will eventually be living in your own so cooking better meals will have the effect of saving money for you and it would give your kids joy when you cook for them.
 

Deleted member 17402

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What are you going to do when you want to date and have a serious relationship with another person? Have you thought about how your potential partner might feel about all of this or even your ex?
 
gozu

gozu

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Oct 27, 2017
10,315
America
theotherMittens said:
She likes making dinner when she gets home from work. She gets home early enough that it isn't a problem for her to do it.
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What if you did all the food prep for dinner before she gets home? Pick a recipe and then Cut everything and put it in bowls and whatnot. TV show style. That way, she will have only the fun parts of cooking. But perhaps you already do that.

I would also watch youtube lessons on cooking and work on becoming an awesome cook. It's easier to master than most things. It will greatly increase your value as a stay-at-home helper and reduce or delay friction between all of you. Not to mention that, as a parent, making healthy vegetables delicious for your children at this age will have a huge impact on their eating habits and health down the line and is really part of your duties as a parent.

So, two birds with one stone. Maybe three birds if you move out you'll eat delicious, cheap food made by yourself.
 

Kumquat

Member
Jan 23, 2018
781
OrdinaryPrime said:
Anyone using cuck or beta male type language makes me side-eye them almost immediately.
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Agreed, we don't need that type of language. We can get the point across without battering someone who is already feeling like shit. That's how suicides happen. Stop that shit and be just slightly emapthetic.

I sent you a private message OP. I hope it helps.
 
Maven

Maven

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Oct 27, 2017
2,076
Earth
Good luck OP and I've read more of your comments in this thread. I think why you see some of the harsh comments is because you're still planning a future with her in your life. Obviously, she will be there because of the kids. But, you're talking as there's more with a future together.

You need to realize what she says today will not be the same in X months/years from now.
 
Tzarscream

Tzarscream

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Oct 28, 2017
2,945
I'm just glad you're going to a therapist.

Stay in therapy, learn to cook, and start thinking about your options.
 
OP
OP
theotherMittens

theotherMittens

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Jul 20, 2018
2,684
TheFallenSaboteur said:
What are you going to do when you want to date and have a serious relationship with another person? Have you thought about how your potential partner might feel about all of this or even your ex?
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I don't have any intention of getting into a serious relationship any time soon, probably not until we've already moved (getting a new house is an ASAP thing). If everything goes to plan and we live in a duplex, it's not a tough situation IMO.

d9b said:
What happens when they want to snuggle on the sofa and watch a movie after the kids are in bed?
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Wife prefers watching TV and movie in bed to the couch. If they want privacy they'll do that. We've already watched TV and movies together while they snuggled on the couch though.
 
Ash735

Ash735

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Sep 4, 2018
907
Kumquat said:
Agreed, we don't need that type of language.
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Whilst that person's usage of the word was in an insulting manner, reading the ops other comments in this thread has made me think that he does have some cuckolding tendancies, such as the comment where he said it brings him pleasure knowing she's sexually satisfied now, etc.
 
OP
OP
theotherMittens

theotherMittens

Member
Jul 20, 2018
2,684
Ash735 said:
Whilst that person's usage of the word was in an insulting manner, reading the ops other comments in this thread has made me think that he does have some cuckolding tendancies, such as the comment where he said it brings him pleasure knowing she's sexually satisfied now, etc.
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My kink is different from cuckolding because it doesn't involve me feeling humiliated or cut off. Not sure exactly what to call it, but I guess you could say it's cuckolding-adjacent.
 
Soap

Soap

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Oct 27, 2017
15,170
Polygamy doesn't work, especially when you are that deep into a relationship.
 
Quixzlizx

Quixzlizx

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,591
RedMercury said:
I've known people with kids that are in non-traditional relationships/living arrangements and they have very happy households so isn't it hard for us to judge how they are being effected? Like it's not really fair to say kids can't be happy in a polyamorous living situation or that it's going to mess them up. If there's a bunch of seething resentment then yeah they can pick up on it but we don't know what their house is like. Though is does sound like there are 3 unhappy parties here and that's no good, but at least it hasn't been going on for ages so there's till time to fix it by getting yourself in a better place OP.
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This isn't polyamory though.
 
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