Do you feel shame about your interests?

Ryutaryi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
478
All the time, but I've come to accept them more as I'm getting close to a place in my life where I can work on my personal projects without feeling too overwhelmed. Games are great until you turn 30 and you feel the pressure of all that wasted time.
 

Robdraggoo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,446
Yes.i was blasting Belinda Carlisle in the car on my way into work. But as soon as i pulled into the parking lot, i turned it down. Through heaven is apparently not a place at work
 

Panzermoon

Member
Oct 25, 2017
812
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
I'm a miniature painter, and when I was married I didn't give a shit. Now that I'm single though, uh... :-/
I think that’s awesome as hell!! But if you’re uncomfortable about it then likely others can definitely sense it as well which only makes it worse :(

You really, genuinely don’t care what others think of you? I have to imagine most people do to some extent.
I don’t believe anyone is 100% perfect at it, but with practice I think most people can get pretty close to not caring most the time. :O Ive become pretty good at not caring , but when it comes to certain old friends or family I met back when I was super insecure I tend to revert back to being a lot more self-conscious. Typically in new groups as well, but it does get a lot better with time imo! Especially once you’re aware of it
 
OP
OP
JB1981

JB1981

Member
Oct 28, 2017
7,533
Another example, let’s say it’s a Fri or Sat night and I send a link or an article to my brothers in a group text, my oldest brother will be like “Dude, it’s Sat night WTF are you doing texting and sending links? Why aren’t you out at a bar looking for girls?”
 

Futureman

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,335
It sounds like you have your life totally together except you desire a committed relationship. Unless you feel the games are getting in the way or reducing your chances of meeting someone, you probably shouldn't care.
 

Aranjah

Member
Oct 27, 2017
828
Sure, I'll be the one who's honest. >.>

Yeah, I do, and I hate it. If someone asks about my hobbies, I'm always embarrassed to admit that I pretty much only play games in my free time. (I'm also learning to play an instrument, but I'm not good enough at it yet to feel like I've "earned" the right to list it as a hobby. And I'm embarrassed about that hobby, too, even though that's completely illogical because playing an instrument isn't really a "maligned" hobby in the way that gaming is/was.) If someone asks me, say, what music I listen to, or my favorite band or whatever, I'm always ashamed to answer because I'm worried about being judged for what I like. Similarly, if another person who's into games asks me what games/genres I play, I get embarrassed about answering that.

Deep down somewhere I realize that it shouldn't matter, so the shame (mostly) doesn't stop me from liking said music or playing games, but if it comes up in conversation, the shame is still there. Wish I knew how to make it go away. Being self-conscious to some degree is background radiation to me at this point. It's constant. :/
 

OrangeNova

Member
Oct 30, 2017
2,735
Canada
You really, genuinely don’t care what others think of you? I have to imagine most people do to some extent.
I care what others think of me, I'm not worried about it though. I present myself well enough that I know it's fine, I'm conscious of what I wear, and where I'm wearing it to, and how I look... But when it comes to interests and hobbies, If someone doesn't like that, I'm not worried about it at all.

Another example, let’s say it’s a Fri or Sat night and I send a link or an article to my brothers in a group text, my oldest brother will be like “Dude, it’s Sat night WTF are you doing texting and sending links? Why aren’t you out at a bar looking for girls?”
It sounds to me like they're more insecure than you are about this, and they're projecting their insecurity on what they perceive as your security in doing something on your own, or sharing your interests.
 

nexus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,083
Not really, I care what people think of me as I don't want people to not like me. But if they don't want to like me because I play video games or whatever then that's not going to bother me. I'm not going to judge someone for something that doesn't really harm themselves or other people.
 

Dyno

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,923
That fact you couldn't already identify that she's the one with a hang up here and not you is telling me you're kinda lacking in confidence or aren't entirely happy within yourself and maybe that's something to work on.

That doesn't mean changing either but learning to love yourself as you are.
 

Aurongel

Member
Oct 28, 2017
2,494
Yes, 100%. I treat my interest in gaming like a scarlet letter among anyone who isn't a close friend or my girlfriend.
 

Torpedo Vegas

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,514
Lexington, KY
Nope. I do what I want to do, so long as I'm doing that I'm happy.

I just turned 36 and I got Legos for my birthday, and I don't care what anyone thought of that.
 

Pau

Self-Appointed Godmother of Bruce Wayne's Children
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
1,943
No, I'm not ashamed of my interests. If anything, I wish people would notice how much of a boring dork I am so they won't want to hang out with me.
 

danlher

Member
Nov 1, 2017
310
When I was younger I felt that way a couple of times.

Now, that I’m 38 yo, I couldn’t care less about what other people think about anything.
 

Deleted member 47843

User Requested Account Closure
Banned
Sep 16, 2018
2,501
I don’t believe anyone is 100% perfect at it, but with practice I think most people can get pretty close to not caring most the time. :O Ive become pretty good at not caring , but when it comes to certain old friends or family I met back when I was super insecure I tend to revert back to being a lot more self-conscious. Typically in new groups as well, but it does get a lot better with time imo! Especially once you’re aware of it
Yep. And it gets way easier the older you get. I'm 40, married and have a fairly busy career that I mostly love. I'm truthfully not interested at all in making new friends and the long-time friendships I maintain are people who know me and all my interests. Given I don't really need to impress people in my career as outlined above, and it's pretty easy to just be myself and do what I want and not worry what others think.
 

Mendrox

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
3,784
I get you OP but dont feel bad about enjoying things and get people out of your life that question your interests like this.
 

Pomerlaw

Member
Feb 25, 2018
2,297
If you are not hurting yourself or anybody, what's the matter?

That you are asking questions and feeling a bit of doubt is normal and sane though.
 

Kurdel

Member
Nov 7, 2017
8,215
I used to back in high school, but now? God no.

I don’t give a shit what people think of my passtimes, especially when other people’s are so fucking braindead.

Like, a collegue judging me for video games and she is taking a 2000$ course on how to become a psychic.
 

RumbleHumble

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,617
OP, you do you. If you feel like making a change for yourself, go for it, but don't do it because of Debra from accounting.
 

Slappy White

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,899
As long as you aren’t hurting any one else and it’s not interfering with your daily responsibilities then you should never feel guilty for doing something you enjoy. I’m 38 too.
 

Faiz

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,403
To a certain very small degree. Taunting, name calling, and other forms of bullying at a younger age will ensure it’s never gone completely. Mostly I own it, tho. Most situations I’ll openly discuss of it comes up, but more self conscious about certain things around certain work acquaintances.
 

Z-Beat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,370
ASMR from time to time because it's something that is either relaxing or insanely uncomfortable
 

skipgo

Member
Dec 28, 2018
1,607
Nah, I don't care what others think. If someone is gonna be an idiot and judge me negatively for something I personally enjoy they aren't worth a second of my time.
 

johnsmith

Member
Oct 26, 2017
86
I spend most weekends playing in Pokémon card tournaments, and usually spend 2-3 nights a week playing. I’m in my 30s and have no regrets
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,556
Yeah I tend not to share how much time I spend online or on my phone even though I don't consider those my hobbies I do them a lot more than some of my hobbies.
 

HammerOfThor

Member
Oct 26, 2017
818
I collect toys. If anyone is going to judge me for that, it says a lot more about them than it does me.

I love metal(music). Again, if anyone is going to judge me, it says a lot more about them than it does me.
 

Xe4

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,526
Depends on the hobby I guess. I try not to talk about animation too much cause like it or not there is a negative stigma attached to it, and often times it's hard to converse with people about. Something like video games or hiking are more mainstream and easy to bring up I find.

Dunno if that's because of shame though. In general I'm more of a reserved person anyhow.
 

SliceSabre

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,404
I don't give a shit that people think my interests childish because I'm not living my life to make them happy. I used to care when I was in my early 20s then I got the fuck over that.

Yes I love video games, anime, touhou remixes, future funk and various other things. I don't wear them as a badge of honor or outwardly act nerdy about them, but deeply love all these things the same.
 

Jeronimo

Member
Nov 16, 2017
1,182
I like playing games but I feel the stigma/guilt that consistently spending a couple hours at a time playing games compared to other leisure activities is sometimes hard to shake.

I've concluded that the feeling is mostly because it's a solitary activity since my wife and I don't play together often and we are still working on balancing our separate interests.
 
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RetroMG

Community Resettler
Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
1,391
Nah man. I don't play it up if I don't think the person I'm talking to isn't going to be into it, though. I have a co-worker who goes on at length to customers and other employees about anime and video games as though the other person is intimately familiar with what he's talking about.
I don't do that, but I'm also not afraid to say, "This weekend a video game I'm excited about comes out, so I'm going to stay home and play that."
 

Omegasquash

Member
Oct 31, 2017
2,553
Sure, I'll be the one who's honest. >.>

Yeah, I do, and I hate it. If someone asks about my hobbies, I'm always embarrassed to admit that I pretty much only play games in my free time. (I'm also learning to play an instrument, but I'm not good enough at it yet to feel like I've "earned" the right to list it as a hobby. And I'm embarrassed about that hobby, too, even though that's completely illogical because playing an instrument isn't really a "maligned" hobby in the way that gaming is/was.) If someone asks me, say, what music I listen to, or my favorite band or whatever, I'm always ashamed to answer because I'm worried about being judged for what I like. Similarly, if another person who's into games asks me what games/genres I play, I get embarrassed about answering that.

Deep down somewhere I realize that it shouldn't matter, so the shame (mostly) doesn't stop me from liking said music or playing games, but if it comes up in conversation, the shame is still there. Wish I knew how to make it go away. Being self-conscious to some degree is background radiation to me at this point. It's constant. :/
Likewise, even with my family.

I like Lego projects and gaming and am trying to get into soldering so I can do some mods. Most people know this about me, but I always feel like I'm doing the "wrong" thing when I'm doing it.

Hell, I remember a recent time where the car picked up my phone and started playing gaming music, and I swiftly turned it off. The kids like it (absolutely no filters with them on who I am), but it's like I didn't want my wife to know I do that EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS I DO THAT AND FINDS IN ENDEARING.
 

DRULYBXA

Member
Oct 25, 2017
79
Zero fucks - give them out like sweets!

People that look down at gaming soon shut up when you point out that they watch box sets, passively consuming what's served up to them.
 

msdstc

Member
Nov 6, 2017
1,179
I was very into fishing and still miss it. I felt like it was unethical of me despite justifying it to myself. I was strictly catch and release and was very careful with the fish. On top of that I did a lot of pick up of ponds, which was a benefit for sure, but overall I think I feel guilty about it.
 

MrLuchador

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,442
The Internet
I did for the longest time to the point of censoring myself and my opinions to 'fit in' to the point that I became boring. I took me a decade to realise this, and it's a long process to undo. My interests didn't really align with the rest of the people I worked with coaching sports. Fuck that now though. My interests are my interests, and if that doesn't interest others who cares.
 

Avis

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
1,648
What even are "normal/non-shameful" interests and hobbies for men outside of sports/working out/music.