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Do you like sharing youR bed with your SO?

kaputt

Member
Oct 27, 2017
516
I didn’t like sharing the bed with my wife that much when we only had a smaller bed. But after we got engaged, we bought a Queen Size bed and it’s so much better, it’s basically the same thing as sleeping on a bed alone.

However, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping in separate beds, OP.
 

THErest

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,766
I don't mind, but I definitely sleep better alone. She uses white noise, and on nights when I find it difficult to sleep, I find it maddening.
 
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The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,940
It isn't really arbitrary. I'd assume most people don't go to bed, be silent, and fall asleep immediately (barring circumstances like they're super exhausted or whatever), I'd assume most couples talk or relax in bed together before they sleep. I'd liken it to you both having different meal times throughout the day just because of reasons even though you could spend it together.
Lots of people all over don't even go to bed at the same time so talking sometimes isn't even an option
You can have intimate and deep conversations with your SO outside of just in bed
People relax in different ways, For me it's a glass of whiskey or two and a book which isn't conductive to the sleeping routine of my partner at all since it requires a light

I believe when you link physical day to day activities to symbols of how committed someone is to you you encounter problems. It can create relationship doubt without cause. X didn't do Y so something is clearly wrong.
 

devenger

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
1,133
Im a lifelong insomniac and my wife snores, kicks, steals covers, and falls asleep in literally 2 minutes. We’ve had separate beds for... almost 8 years now. I love it. We meet up for snuggling.
 
Oct 26, 2017
10,542
Lots of people all over don't even go to bed at the same time so talking sometimes isn't even an option
You can have intimate and deep conversations with your SO outside of just in bed
People relax in different ways, For me it's a glass of whiskey or two and a book which isn't conductive to the sleeping routine of my partner at all since it requires a light

I believe when you link physical day to day activities to symbols of how committed someone is to you you encounter problems. It can create relationship doubt without cause. X didn't do Y so something is clearly wrong.
A lot creates relationship doubt. Ignoring potential problems isn't the way to go, though. Like, one must ask the question, then: why are you making this thread? It's a pretty bizzare thing to bring up. Like, if I said to some friends, "Hey, so y'all sleep in separate beds, right? Y'all like your space and stuff, right?" I'd probably get side-eyed not because it's a different way of cohabitation, but that it's being brought up. Ya know?
 

RiPPn

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,976
Phoenix
On a King with my wife and 2 dogs. And sometimes even 1 or both of our kids if they have a bad dream or something. Love every minute of it.
 

Kyuuji

Member
Nov 8, 2017
8,000
It’s nice to wake up next to someone. There’s the occasional nights where she’ll be particularly tired or I want to stay up longer than usual and we’ll go in different beds. For the most part though it’s the same. I’d say I’m probably not as fussed about it as she is though, but that’s likely because I’m always the one that goes to bed or sleep later. Happy either way, both have benefits and neither any real con.
 
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The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,940
A lot creates relationship doubt. Ignoring potential problems isn't the way to go, though. Like, one must ask the question, then: why are you making this thread? It's a pretty bizzare thing to bring up. Like, if I said to some friends, "Hey, so y'all sleep in separate beds, right? Y'all like your space and stuff, right?" I'd probably get side-eyed not because it's a different way of cohabitation, but that it's being brought up. Ya know?
Lol, I'm making the thread because I want to stretch out in bed. It's REALLY not that deep. If you're getting side eyed you got judgemental fucking friends.

It's super clear that you think the only way a relationship can work is if you strictly adhere to legacy values without questioning the logic behind them. By your own admission you would "find it extremely odd if my partner wanted a separate bed." Despite people in here saying it's been a good thing for their sleeping and personal well being.

When I read the quote below It sounded awesome, Having little dates like this in a long term relationship sounds fun as shit

we both like sleeping in the middle of the bed and decided we're happier this way and when she comes to my room it's like we're on a date LOL.
Not sleeping in the same bed as your partner could be for lots of reasons and to assume all of them are bad is silly


Edit: who said anyone HAD problems, you inferring such is judgemental and odd.
 
Oct 26, 2017
10,542
Lol, I'm making the thread because I want to stretch out in bed. It's REALLY not that deep. If you're getting side eyed you got judgemental fucking friends.

It's super clear that you think the only way a relationship can work is if you strictly adhere to legacy values without questioning the logic behind them. By your own admission you would "find it extremely odd if my partner wanted a separate bed." Despite people in here saying it's been a good thing for their sleeping and personal well being.

When I read the quote below It sounded awesome, Having little dates like this in a long term relationship sounds fun as shit



Not sleeping in the same bed as your partner could be for lots of reasons and to assume all of them are bad is silly


Edit: who said anyone HAD problems, you inferring such is judgemental and odd.
"super clear" because I think being more together is beneficial long term? You really deduced that from this one specific example? Yeah, I'd find it odd if my partner wanted their own bed. I believe the majority of people will because intimacy is pretty important for most couples.
 
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The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,940
"super clear" because I think being more together is beneficial long term? You really deduced that from this one specific example? Yeah, I'd find it odd if my partner wanted their own bed. I believe the majority of people will because intimacy is pretty important for most couples.
Again Intimacy and being asleep are different
 

ty_hot

Member
Dec 14, 2017
3,566
You clearly use way more than half of the bed and thinks you are entitled to more. I feel for your SO, they must be like me, every night trying to find some space to sleep almost comfortably, but failing and giving up with 30% of the bed (and a leg or arm hanging outside of it...).
 

Stuart444

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,974
I'd assume most couples talk or relax in bed together before they sleep.
Can still talk in bed before sleeping. At least in my case.

We have often talked for hours after going 'to bed' and once, we talked until like 5/6am from 12am.

Just because we don't share a bed doesn't mean we don't love each other nor does it mean we aren't intimate with each other.
 
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The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,940
Can still talk in bed before sleeping. At least in my case.

We have often talked for hours after going 'to bed' and once, we talked until like 5/6am from 12am.

Just because we don't share a bed doesn't mean we don't love each other nor does it mean we aren't intimate with each other.
IT DOES IT DOES

YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS PROBLEMS

WHY ARE YOU SUBJECTING YOURSELF TO THIS

/s
 
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The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,940
I like how when we're having a conversation you will go silent but the moment someone reinforces your beliefs, you'll respond instantly.
Believe it or not I'm doing other things too.

No one went silent your point wasn't a point. sorry. There's so many reasons that people share beds.

Space
Money
They like it
Outdated relationship values

But none of those are absolutes or the only way and to infer that something is wrong because people don't have those same values is stupid.
 
Oct 26, 2017
10,542
Believe it or not I'm doing other things too.

No one went silent your point wasn't a point. sorry. There's so many reasons that people share beds.

Space
Money
They like it
Outdated relationship values

But none of those are absolutes or the only way and to infer that something is wrong because people don't have those same values is stupid.
Well, I'm glad you made this thread to have a discussion just so you can say, "Nope. None of that matters." You literally made a thread asking about whether or not people like sleeping in the same bed as their partner. Now any opposing idea is actually wrong?

What did you expect?
 

Notaskwid

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,292
Osaka
Believe it or not I'm doing other things too.

No one went silent your point wasn't a point. sorry. There's so many reasons that people share beds.

Space
Money
They like it
Outdated relationship values

But none of those are absolutes or the only way and to infer that something is wrong because people don't have those same values is stupid.
What does the mother of your unborn child thinks about it?
 
OP
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Stalker

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,940
Well, I'm glad you made this thread to have a discussion just so you can say, "Nope. None of that matters." You literally made a thread asking about whether or not people like sleeping in the same bed as their partner. Now any opposing idea is actually wrong?

What did you expect?
You're welcome

that's not what I said. You can have those values that's fine you do yih but to suggest anything opposite is wrong like you have is uncool
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,644
I love it and to be honest I’d be kind of emotionally devastated if we couldn’t for some reason. Don’t need to cuddle all night or whatever, just knowing they’re there is good.
 

Servbot24

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
20,475
I love it. Sleeping alone is lonely. Most of the night I'm sleeping on my side of the bed, but having the option to turn over and snuggle is great.
 

Seirith

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,092
No, I want my space and I need my bed just right in order to sleep. My husband and I sleep in different beds and in different rooms, we never slept good when we tried to sleep in the same bed. Also, when I'm asleep I don't know he is next to me or not because I'm asleep.
 

Seirith

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,092
I'd kind of find it extremely odd if my partner wanted a separate bed.
Why? I am going to bed to sleep, not talk cuddle or have sex. Those things can be done before going to bed. My husband and I have never slept well in the same bed and so we sleep in different beds and in different rooms. We both want and like it that way. Also, he is a night owl and I am not. I go to bed at 9pm and he goes to bed between 11-12 or later even though he has to get up at 6:30 for work.

We have been together 21 years and this is what works for us. I don't need to use going to sleep time to talk, we are together and talk all evening.
 
Oct 26, 2017
10,542
Why? I am going to bed to sleep, not talk cuddle or have sex. Those things can be done before going to bed. My husband and I have never slept well in the same bed and so we sleep in different beds and in different rooms. We both want and like it that way. Also, he is a night owl and I am not. I go to bed at 9pm and he goes to bed between 11-12 or later even though he has to get up at 6:30 for work.

We have been together 21 years and this is what works for us. I don't need to use going to sleep time to talk, we are together and talk all evening.
Do you believe you are the majority or even a small minority of couples? I don't believe you are. Like, y'all taking extremely personal offence to a broad topic. Of course there will be couples who are 100% OK with and the longevity of their relationship will reinforce that, however, you still got to take in mind that for a lot of couples this will be a red flag. It's not something that you can just do and it'll be fine as it's more complicated than that. There's nothing wrong with going, "I would find it odd if someone wouldn't want to share the same bed with me" because the grand majority of partners would want to. It's hard to shake the reason why they wouldn't because it's not something people will commonly come across.
 
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The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,940
Your thread is literally titled, "Do you like sharing youR bed with you SO?"

You invited the conversation.
Yes I invited the "conversation" not the condescension and inferring of relationship problems and the adamancy of your "right way"

This was literally just discussion before you implied I was seeking personal space because there's relationship issues or that wanting personal space and!/or a better night's sleeps means a relationship lacks intermacy.
 

Seirith

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,092
Do you believe you are the majority or even a small minority of couples? I don't believe you are. Like, y'all taking extremely personal offence to a broad topic. Of course there will be couples who are 100% OK with and the longevity of their relationship will reinforce that, however, you still got to take in mind that for a lot of couples this will be a red flag. It's not something that you can just do and it'll be fine as it's more complicated than that. There's nothing wrong with going, "I would find it odd if someone wouldn't want to share the same bed with me" because the grand majority of partners would want to. It's hard to shake the reason why they wouldn't because it's not something people will commonly come across.
I actually know quite a few couples who sleep in different rooms and in different beds, because it works better for them. I am not taking personal offense to anything, I was simply stating that not all couples who don't sleep together are doomed or falling apart and that not sleeping in the same bed is not "odd".

Heck I know a LONG term couple together 20+ years who live in separate HOUSES and go visit each other. I am not sure why they do this but they always have and they are happy. There is not one right way to have a relationship.
 

Azriell

Member
Oct 27, 2017
434
It's nice to sleep in your own bed for a change every so often. But the enjoyment wears off after about a week for me.

It's nice laying next to my wife at night. We get to have a little private one on one time to talk (we have kids, so privacy isn't really a thing for most of the day). The ritual of going to bed together is also nice, even though I usually stay up for a few hours reading or playing Switch and she goes to sleep within about 30 minutes.

I might consider having two beds we slide together for sex, but I like being able to reach over and touch my wife in the middle of the night. Or sometimes in the middle of the night one of the two of us will hold the other for a little while (we're not sleeping cuddlers usually, but again it's nice sometimes).

There have been times when I wanted my own room. But not too long ago I threw my back out and had to sleep in the recliner for about a month. It was enough for me to learn that I want to sleep in the same room and bed as my wife.
 

srsly?

Member
Feb 24, 2018
2,994
Love it, as long as he didn't overeat at dinner or spend the evening around cats. Because then the buzzsaw comes out.

But barring that, he smells great, he keeps me toasty, and makes me feel protected. Sleeping alone can suck it.
 

Lobster Roll

Member
Sep 24, 2019
575
Chicago, IL
We share a bed together, but eventually I get kicked to the couch if it’s the dead of summer or if my snoring is too bad. I honestly don’t mind, though. Between the two of us, I could fall asleep on a concrete floor, so to the couch I go.