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Do you tend to hold grudges?

Do you?

  • Yes

    Votes: 87 35.2%

  • No

    Votes: 59 23.9%

  • Depends on how serious the situation was

    Votes: 101 40.9%
  • Total voters
    247

Deleted member 32374

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 10, 2017
8,460
I hold grudges for petty things. For years. I've literally forgotten the names of people I used to talk to at work or even hang out with at college but I remember the names and faces of people who've crossed me. I'm a serious grudge holder. People from years ago I'd say 'fuck you' to their face if I saw them in person.

I wouldn't say its ruined my life but damn does it make moving on from confrontation/insults difficult to impossible.

So, as I'm waiting for my account closure to go through, just curious how common holding grudges over minor/major things is. If you got past it, how did you manage to overcome the tendency to remember the bad? If anyone has some good tips, I'm going to make an effort to use them, maybe detoxify my interactions with other people a bit.
 
adj_noun

adj_noun

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
17,217
Mostly against the next person that posts in this thread.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

|
|
V
 
lt519

lt519

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,064
Nope, it doesn't do any good to hold onto thoughts like that. If you are going for the disrespectful route if you ever bump into them, forgetting who they even are will do the trick.

edit

::gasp::
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 32374

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 10, 2017
8,460
The bitterness and resentment are difficult because they poison your life ( for example, bitiness toward ex co workers/management when you could use them moving forward in your career) but it also feeds in a cycle of a self righteous anger that feels good in the moment.

Forgiveness is probably what I have trouble with. Do I owe anyone in my past forgiveness? I don't think anyone is owed that. But..... its probably the way to let go.
 
Baphomet

Baphomet

Member
Dec 8, 2018
16,993
Holding grudges is a waste of time , people have wronged me and I don't forget it , but I forgive and move on with my life, no need to keep hostile feelings over petty things.
 
skipgo

skipgo

Member
Dec 28, 2018
2,568
No, i'm extremely chill and don't think one single action or trait should define a person forever.
 
LosDaddie

LosDaddie

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,622
Longwood, FL
Nah. I'll just cut you out of my life going forward.

My life is pretty damn good right now. So it's difficult for me to remain angry & bitter for any extended period of time.
 

Deleted member 6582

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,789
No. I've seen enough objectively stupid ones with dire consequences that it's not something I partake in. Shit happens, move on, and make it better. Failure to do so is a waste of my time and energy and usually makes things even worse. Revenge is garbage.
 
Powdered Egg

Powdered Egg

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
17,070
Years ago, a racist attorney snidely corrected my grammar during a hearing. I'm a catch him on the street though when I see him.
 
HammerOfThor

HammerOfThor

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,860
I used to, but I've realized holding a grudge does nothing but hurt myself at the end of the day. Here I am pissed off at someone who most likely doesn't give a flying fuck. I'm here being all bitter and angry, and their enjoying their life. Not healthy.

Theres a great book I read, the name of which escapes me, but it was about a Navy Seal or Marine who had a hard time adapting to civilian life, and the book was letters his friend wrote him to help him get back on his feet. At one point theres a quote along the lines of "holding a grudge is like getting stabbed, then taking the knife and stabbing yourself".
 
Viewt

Viewt

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,806
Chicago, IL
I definitely have a petty side, but my grudges tend to be short lived. After like a month I don't have any anger left to fuel it and I usually just let it go. At that point, it's like, why give it the mental real estate to fester? Living well and being happy is the best revenge.
 
nullref

nullref

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,055
I don't think I do, though I honestly can't think of any times I felt seriously wronged by another person. I tend to direct all blame for anything negative that happens in my life toward myself and my own failings. So I guess the only grudges I hold are against myself.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 32374

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 10, 2017
8,460
Powdered Egg said:
You can hold a grudge and not be consumed by it.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

This is true. Removing yourself from the situation usually works for me. Then again, I think about it when something will remind me of the past incident.

Oh, I have advice for Era. Don't use the ignore list. Once you put someone on it you don't forget why and what happened.
 
Z-Beat

Z-Beat

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
31,849
I'm generally pretty forgiving but there's a soft cap to how much I'm willing to put up with
 
Dr. Zoidberg

Dr. Zoidberg

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,230
Decapod 10
Mondai said:
Holding grudges is a waste of time , people have wronged me and I don't forget it , but I forgive and move on with my life, no need to keep hostile feelings over petty things.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Same. I don't forget but I try to be fair and civil with that person going forward while being sure to protect myself in any future interactions. Anger and hostility can be poisonous and cloud reasonable judgement. Not to mention it just seems like a lot of wasted effort. Most of the time if I get angry about something I'm over it in an hour and just want to move on.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 32374

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 10, 2017
8,460
One of the other things I forget when thinking about how I'd react/get back at someone is that odds are they've totally forgotten whatever I was pissed about.

Part of it is probably an unearned amount of self importance. No way that previous bosses / coworkers even remember my name.
 
shaneo632

shaneo632

Weekend Planner
Member
Oct 29, 2017
29,008
Wrexham, Wales
Definitely not for everyday stuff. I think I'm better at letting go of things than other people.

But I have "cancelled" three people in my personal life for serious infractions - "step-dad" hitting my mum, an old friend for lying to my partner about me, and my brother's partner for being a cunt. They're basically people I couldn't abide being around anymore for the sake of my mental health and pride, so the grudges still feel justified.

I know people who willingly surround themselves with trash family members because tradition, which I find completely inane. You don't owe anyone anything - not even the people who birthed and raised you.
 
sgtnosboss

sgtnosboss

Member
Nov 9, 2017
4,786
jkm23 said:
I hold grudges for petty things. For years. I've literally forgotten the names of people I used to talk to at work or even hang out with at college but I remember the names and faces of people who've crossed me. I'm a serious grudge holder. People from years ago I'd say 'fuck you' to their face if I saw them in person.

I wouldn't say its ruined my life but damn does it make moving on from confrontation/insults difficult to impossible.

So, as I'm waiting for my account closure to go through, just curious how common holding grudges over minor/major things is. If you got past it, how did you manage to overcome the tendency to remember the bad? If anyone has some good tips, I'm going to make an effort to use them, maybe detoxify my interactions with other people a bit.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...


I have no tips, I seriously don't know why I am internally so chill with stuff. I just let shit slide off my shoulders easily. I wont say I NEVER hold a grudge, but most of the time its the opposite, I hold nostalgia of good times in my head with shitty people or people I don't talk to anymore. It would be a lot easier to let bad people go if I didn't do this, so its kind of the opposite problem.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 32374

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 10, 2017
8,460
xxracerxx said:
Why are you closing your account here?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Not a healthy place atm for me ATM but era is still cool. Plus I spend too much time here.

I'll lurk. The news aggregration here is fantastic.

I've got personal work to do and its not something that should keep coming out here over nonsense.

One other thing I just realized about grudges, for the other person, if it was a petty thing, to them "it was a Tuesday."
 
teruterubozu

teruterubozu

Member
Oct 28, 2017
7,896
When I was younger I was consumed with grudges all the time. But grudges become very exhausting the older you get.
 

Deleted member 23850

Oct 28, 2017
8,689
Sadly, yes. It's something I'm trying to get past, though. It really just eats you up.
 
Rahfiki

Rahfiki

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,022
Nah I don't really hold onto stuff that bothers me thankfully. If someone is continually being problematic though I'll get to a point where I just can't be around them without being irritable so I'll actively leave if they show up someplace
 
Vex

Vex

Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,213
There are birds that do this to humans (crows). Nothing wrong with humans holding grudges.

Personally, I don't see value in making the same mistake twice (ex: letting you wrong me again). So yes, I do hold grudges.
 
jaekeem

jaekeem

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,743
nah

I won't forget (so maybe I won't be there for you if you ask for a favor or something similar), but I don't hold animosity

nothing good about holding hate and anger that long
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 32374

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 10, 2017
8,460
Vex said:
There are birds that do this to humans (crows). Nothing wrong with humans holding grudges.

Personally, I don't see value in making the same mistake twice (ex: letting you wrong me again). So yes, I do hold grudges.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Hmmmm.......

So it's natural. Understandable.

I've always been crowlike lol.
 
OmegaX

OmegaX

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,121
Yes, they will pay... eventually. I'm lazy so my revenge plots stay only in my head but I don't forget.
 
Javier

Javier

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,625
Chile
Not much but, for my ex from 14 years ago...

GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!, I'LL NEVER FORGET, NEVEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRDADAGSGGAFADAGSGGSFAFSGWFSGWGGSGW
 
travisbickle

travisbickle

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,953
Nah.

And from experience I stay away from people who do because they're ticking time bombs.

Remember that your experience is subjective and if you don't express your feelings right then you will manipulate in your mind what happened exaggerate the roles.

Also, unless you're a high profile politician or something, no one is really out to get you.
 
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